Bold Heart: My OC Story

by Buckeye49

Chapter 16: The coming Storm(of Emotions)

Author's Note:

*This actually happened to me. **Song of personal nostalgia(I know what it is meant for, but I feel fits this). ***My actual true fear.

~I was dreaming again...I was sure of it....I was back on the battlefield I last fought over....but all there was, was a low ghostly wind blowing across the field and over...corpses...hundreds and hundreds by the score lying everywhere I looked...so lonely...so eerie...and in a twisted sense...calming...I could almost stay here and listen to it as it howled softly...I just....wandered...aimlessly around and through the bodies where they lay, I have no idea why it was so inviting...but it was...I was both disturbed and yet amused....and yet...I kept walking....the occasional crunch as I stepped on dry grass and some leaves....and by accident....a deceased soldier's hand.....showing pity for them though they were no one...and yet...they were someone....I just did not really know them....this disturbed me.....of the ghastly scene the fact about the dead and what they meant to me was more frightening than all the carnage and destruction that lay around me.....I am disturbed....I was....but for the wrong reason....but despite this....I could...dare I say it?

Despite this....I did not care....I wandered for a while...the wind still moaning and whistling, but all the while I felt like I was in no danger, like I could not be safer despite what was in the back of my mind saying "you should not be so calm" yet I ignore that sense of danger and kept wandering on. I wandered for what seemed like hours maybe and I just wondered where was it I was going? Where is it that I want to be? I was lost and yet....I just....knew where I wanted to be.....suddenly a voice sounds....the gender is....unknown, but it sounds familiar to me, it calls my name....."Jesse"......then it says...."Bold Heart".....I was confused, then the voice returned yelling, "Who are you??"......

I am unsure how to answer, I do not know why but I am unable to respond, "Do you not know right from wrong?" the voice shouts again, "WHERE is your heart?" it asks in addition.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know what I means...." the voice said snidely.

"I know where it is" I said.

"Do you?" the voice teased, "It is not in the correct place....it is jealous, you are jealous....are you?" it said in addition.

"Why are you asking?" I asked angrily.

"Oooo! Temper temper~....Watch yourself you..." it taunted.

"ENOUGH GAMES!!" I roared, "Who are you?!" I asked.

"What does it matter to you who I am?" it said in retort.

"So I know who is talking" I said calmly, I turn around and there standing was.....me....my Pony form....

"Heloo~.....Jesse...."

"What...are you?" I asked frightened.

"I am you Jesse...." the pony me said with a smirk.

"No...." "Yes~...." the pony me cooed.

"You are not just me" I said firmly.

"*sigh* Damn....I thought I had you....." he said disappointedly.

"I thought you were me..." I remarked slyly.

"I am..." he said slightly angered.

"Really? Then why did you think I would believe that you are just me and not some whatever you are of me?" I asked, "Unless....you arenot me... or at least my other me...." I said in addition.

"SILENCE!" he roared, "I am you!!" he roared in addition, "I....AM....YOUR....JEALOUSY!!..." he revealed roaring.

"I had a feeling..." I said calmly.

"YOU....insulate worm!!!" Jealousy roared.

"How am I a worm?" I asked.

"YOU....you are ignoring me!!" Jealousy hissed,

"Because you got me in trouble!!" I yelled back.

"I MERELY BROUGHT OUT WHAT YOU COULD NOT SAY!!"

"You know Luna is not mine to have....she never was!!" I roared.

"SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!" Jealousy shrieked.

"I know this! I know that I felt she should have been!! But she in NOT so GET OVER IT!!"

"NEVER!!!!!!" Jealousy roared deafeningly, soon the dead soldiers rose to their feet and began to slowly advance on me.

"You have no power Jealousy!!" I yelled.

"THE HELL I DO NOT!!" he yelled again, the soldiers trudged on.

"No....no you do not...you are not my master...you are....NOTHING!!!" I roared and then a shock-wave blasted the undead troops away from me.

"I AM...NOT...NOTHING!!!" Jealousy retorted back.

"YES...YOU...ARE!!!" I shouted back now sending him flying, I advanced on him now that the zombie soldiers were gone, when I approached me, I found myself on my back and he standing over me....

"*panting* You.....may have...beaten me...but...you...will not...destroy me!!" Jealousy said rearing up to stamp on me, I however....did not cringe, I simply laid there and waited to have his hooves smash me....but nothing happened, I open my eyes, Jealousy was on his side...50 yards to my right....

"NO! You shalt not harm him!!"~ I am laying there and after a bit I looked to my left and just before I blacked out, I saw her...."We shall meet again..." she said smoothly.

I awake panting, I was also sweating profusely...looking around my room I tried to calm down, eventually I did....and I was unsure what to think....but I eventually went back to sleep which had no dreams for the rest of the night. I awake again the next day and upon arriving where the girls Twilight and Rarity, and Spike were eating breakfast Twilight noticed me.

"Hello Heart, I hope you slept at least well last night" she said warmly.

"I tried...got an unexpected dream out of it...." I said.

"Was Luna there?" Twilight asked.

"Yes...and she saved me..." I said.

"What??" all three said.

"I will explain" I said, and I did...after my story everypony sat in surprise.

"Whoa dude...that is trippy...." Spike said in awe.

"That was quite the dream Heart...terrifying as well..." Rarity said looking startled.

"More than that....Luna was there...and she saved you from your jealousy....and she said 'We shall meet again'?" Twilight said.

"I wonder when that will be...."

"I have a feeling that despite Celestia seeing you this Thursday, Luna may have a meeting of her own with you this evening" Twilight said.

"I wonder what it could be for" I thought aloud.

"I would think that she is wanting to meet you, so she could forgive you for the anger toward her you displayed" Rarity guessed.

"I could hope that would be it..." I said nervously.

"I would think so...since Celestia is showing kindness to you through the letter we got, I feel Luna may show kindness as well in this meeting"Twilight reasoned.

"I would hope so still....but I guess" I said.

"Well we better wrap this up because Heart has somewhere he needs to be am I right?" Rarity observed.

"Oh yes, Apple Acres; I have to get to work...." I said.

"Well when you go have a great day Heart"

"Thank you Rarity" I said warmly.

"Of course" Rarity chimed back; soon I left for work and upon arriving, felt in a much better mood...more so than I have in a while.

"Howdy Heart!" the cow-mare said warmly.

"Heloo Aj" I said cheerfully.

"You look well today, sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes I have...better even"

"Really? Well that's good!" she beamed happily.

"Thank you Applejack..."

"Sure thing Sugarcube...now, let us get to werk!" Aj said with a smile.

"Yes mam....but I have to inform you about something....something that if not now then later I have to be in Canterlot yes Thursday but not for starting my first day as a Royal Guard but to have a talk with Celestia" I said while following behind her.

"Oh, uh...okay Heart, sure thing" Aj said not skipping a beat.

"Thank you...." I said warmly; I soon began to work and things again went smoothly, getting things done at a efficient and productive rate, and soon it was lunch and we took that break for the amount of time we did while I told her some things...not much really but something, then we were at work again. Time went on and my day was done, I was paid up front and off I went, I then headed to the spa again and met Aloe instead because Lotus was off today on a date with her coltfriend, I cleaned up and was on my way back home; at Twilight's I was greeted by Spike who said Rarity had left and it was Twilight, him, and I again, I went inside and met with Twilight as soon as I found her.

We just had a light conversation and then we went through our routine and then had dinner, dinner went smoothly with little said during it; soon dinner was over and we went to read before we were off to our beds, but this time during reading Twilight and I read the same book together while sitting next to each other, I asked Twilight if I could for the anxiety I had for tomorrow and this evening and she agreed with a warm, caring, and inviting smile; soon after reading together we headed off to bed, and to be honest....reading with Twilight made me feel a lot better, she does create an air of ease around her...despite her moments where she can be less than calm...she is a gem, a beautiful, kind, and smart gem. Once in bed I felt sleep come easier than before....I actually invited the drowsiness this night, but at the same time was unsure what will happen....if Luna does hold her own meeting tonight.

~I am in the open field again....the air slightly cold....the wind less menacing this time....The wind was soft and gentle, relaxing despite the sky being blacked out be lingering musket smoke which still had the pungent scent of sulfur, the carnage of battle were gone this time...it was just an empty field....then....I saw a red velvet couch?...

"What is this?" I asked out loud...

"It is for you" a female voice sounded, "Please...sit" it asked kindly, I did as it asked.

"Could you perhaps remove that smell also please?" it asked in addition, I thought hard then the smell was gone....but the cloud above remained, "Thank you..." she replied before through the smoke a bluish purple winged unicorn descended from the sky passing and disturbing the musket smoke as she punched through, she finally landed in front of me gracefully before walking the few feet between us before sitting in front of me just within touching range.~

"Did you expect me?" Luna asked.

"Not this evening" I said avoiding her eyes.

"Would you please look at me?" Luna asked kindly, I did so and saw when I met her face she had the look of an expression saying 'I know why you are avoiding looking at me'.

"Thank you Jesse" Luna said with a smile, I was still uncomfortable and she looked like she knew so she with her body, face, and eyes tried to make me comfortable.

"I know you are uneasy around me..." she said looking down and off to the side with a guilty look coupled with her ears splayed back and wings drooped.

"Especially after our last meeting" Luna said now looking at me again but her ears were still down and wings the same.

"Yes...I want to-..." I was interrupted when Luna held up her hoof.

"Sorry to interrupt but....you may not believe me....but you do not have to apologize...I do....the reason being me not being very tactful or as understanding as I should have been...I have that habit too often rear itself and I intend to break it, forgive me Jesse...Bold Heart..." Luna said tenderly.

"I suppose..." I said slumping in my seat.

"Now your sister is going to talk with me tomorrow..." I said in a low tone.

"Yes...I heard her say this....so I came here..." Luna said.

"Meaning?" I asked perplexed.

"No meaning...other than wanting to make sure there is no bad blood between us...that is the last thing I want...especially you thinking I have something against you because of what you said" Luna rattled off.

"Thank you for your kindness...though I do not think I earned it..." I said looking saddened.

"How so?" Luna said softly putting her hoof on my knee while looking at me caringly.

"I am acting childish....about not being able to love you...." I said tearing up, Luna then rubs my knee compassionately catching me off guard.

"Not fully....reason being I shall safely guess you did not have fair luck with love back home?" Luna asked now getting up and to my surprise sitting next to me, she had a saddened look but also I could guess an understanding expression.

"Yes...yes I did...well sort of..." I said then having Luna wrap her left front leg around me and say.

"Tell me..." she asked politely.

"Alright...this is what happened" I said sitting more comfortably.

"*During my younger years...between 13 and 15, I had what I would perhaps call my first girlfriend....I do not remember how long we were together but it was not very long...one day she started to avoid me...after a while of avoiding me she finally tells me why she was avoiding me...." I said before I starting tearing a little, Luna pets me to comfort and asks.

"Why was she avoiding you? Did thou do something?....Say something?....Was it your fault?" she asked like a parent would to a child knowing it was hiding something.

"No...*It was a rumor...a silly one...said by somebody...she got embarrassed by it and to perhaps end the teasing...she left me....and did not even tell me she dumped me....*end*" I finished...beginning to lose my composure.

"Oh dear....that is terrible...I'm sorry Heart.....truly" Luna said genuinely, I am all but in tears though and after pushing away to lay down partially could not reply but Luna tried to comfort me by petting me again by rubbing my leg with her hoof....

"I when I came here thought....even though I did not plan coming here I could perhaps plan to set up my life...and put my life in gear and move forward and make a living and find love while perhaps waiting til I could go home...then when I found out you were not single....all hope died....or rather was mortally wounded and was dying slowing and painfully as the days passed...." I said losing my calm further....

"***My deepest fear was and is not financial instability or lack of success...but having no one to share in my success and greet me at the end of each day after a productive day....***" I said the last line crumbling and tears fell more freely, I swear I nearly croaked my last sentence...I was nearly weeping when I felt myself being pulled...soon I was again being hugged by Luna...she herself in tears....again.....Luna then said.

"I while in here found a **song that you apparently loved...I feel there is good advice found with in it" Luna said then began to sing it beautifully; when finished boy howdy....memories flooded and feelings rampant....

"Please take this to heart Jesse....I believe it's lyrics....you should as well..." Luna said now getting up, I was a little zoned out when she did and she almost left until she looked back then said.

"Bold Heart?" she called back snapping me out of my zoning out.

"Yes?" I croaked.

"Come with me..." she said.

"What?..." I asked stunned.

"Come with me..." she repeated warmly.

"O-okay..." I said getting up and walking after her, she then placed me on her back and off we went.

We soon were in the realm that I remembered from the show...it served as where Twilight became an Alicorn, and as the Dream World.

"You alright? You have been quiet..." Luna said as we flew before landing.

"It is just....I could be not going through all this...if I was not so childish inside you would not be doing all this...I would not be in trouble, Celestia would not being talking with me tomorrow...." I said walking a few paces from her, Luna said nothing til asking me to walk with her then spoke.

"There is no weakness here Heart...you think yourself weak?"

"I do not think this, Jesse....not in the slightest" Luna said.

"How so? I feel down right stupid, childish, and as pathetic as one could be...." I said in a defeated tone.

"I feel and see an individual who yes is child-like, but while you could have handled things differently, I would not expect less than what you have from someone who had their hopes and dreams dashed by the reality of a situation" Luna said walking along side me.

"Is that so?...." I said looking at her then forward.

"Yes...you are a sensitive, emotional individual who albeit sounds like a Changeling *chuckle*, is just desperate for love....a kind voice to greet them each day, morning, afternoon, and evening....a presence to comfort him through his worries..." Luna said stopping me to put her hoof on my cheek.

"Someone or Somepony rather to give near unconditional love to her....to make her in return feel as wanted as you would for him to feel...."Luna said soothingly, "...and that...is the most beautiful thing, I have ever seen and heard somepony ask for..." Luna said tearing up again, she then to my surprise...kissed me....she kissed me!! I stood there dumbfounded for a minute before Luna's chuckling snapped me out of it.

"Was that your first kiss?..." Luna teased kindly, I did not reply though I felt like I did not need to.

"Oh my it is!!" Luna said giggling a little in surprise.

"Forgive me but I find it...cute...albeit sad slightly but adorable!!" Luna said with her eyes twinkling.

"Yeah yeah yuck it up...." I said souring.

"P-Please..." Luna said calming from her laughter.

"I did not mean to offend you..." Luna said laughter still a little present in her voice.

"*sigh* I know you did not...." I said lessening my sour expression.

"Well....I am sorry to have done that...had I known..." Luna said looking a little guilty.

"Better than never knowing...now I know what Cielo is enjoying..." I said with an honestly unintentional bitterness to it.

"I see..." Luna said her ears flattening out in guilt.

"Sorry about that..." Luna said.

"It was an experience...one I will debate if I should cherish or forget...." I said with a dry chuckle.

"I see....well I hope I am not the last mare you will kiss...." Luna said with a small smile.

"I could hope so...." I said pausing.

"Are you staying around?" I asked in addition.

"If you want...."

"Really? Do you not have others to visit?" I asked.

"One thing this ability has that is unique is it gives me God's power of omnipresence....I am in multiple dreams at once" Luna said sagely.

"However the Luna you see before you...." Luna said allowing for a sentence filler.

"You are the real one..." I said slightly hesitant.

"You are correct, I chose to be present for yours" Luna said warmly.

"Does that make me feel special.." I said near sarcastically.

"It was for reason Jesse....for your well being I needed to intervene..." Luna said seriously.

"By the way....thank you for saving me from my Jealousy..." I said genuinely.

"You are welcome...I heard what you two said, about me..." Luna said pausing for any answer from me.

"All of it?" I asked.

"Yes....if not most...." Luna said showing a window of that very dream, ("I MERELY BROUGHT OUT WHAT YOU COULD NOT SAY!!" "You know Luna is not mine to have....she never was!!" I roared, "SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!" Jealousy shrieked, "I know this! I know that I felt she should have been!! But she in NOT so GET OVER IT!!" "NEVER!!!!!!" Jealousy roared deafeningly)

"I wish to correct something here..." Luna said in addition.

"Like what?" I asked.

"A statement you made..."

"A statement I made or Jealousy?" I asked confused.

"You...." Luna said.

"Which was?" I asked perplexed.

"You said the I was never meant to be yours...How did you know?" Luna asked kindly.

"If I was, I would be where Cielo is...since I am not...I never was meant to be...." I said downtrodden.

"Perhaps....but I may have loved you if I met you.." Luna said soothingly.

"Sure you would....out of what?...pity?" I said in retort.

"No...sympathy, compassion, and understanding for your plight...did you forget about Nightmare Moon?" Luna said calmly.

"I know what it is like to be denied love from those I loved as well..." Luna said in addition.

"It is not the same yes but it is similar" Luna added atop.

"I see....funny you say that, the reason is because that was my reason for seeking you out..." I said.

"Really?..." Luna replied slightly surprised.

"Yes...so maybe you are right about me being wrong....but only 1/2 wrong...." I said.

"Be as it may....at least you know you had a chance..." Luna said sagely.

"Key word....'had'...." I said dryly.

"Must you be negative on things?" Luna said chuckling

"How can I be positive about failing at finding love?" I said.

"By being hopeful for your future...to be positive that you will find love and to not quit because things seem to be going wrong..." Luna said soothingly putting her hoof on me.

"*sigh* I can try but...how long til my patience and hope have reached their limits?" I asked glumly.

"You have Twilight and her friends to help you...did you forget them as well?" Luna said seriously.

"*sigh*...." I replied only to groan and near yell in frustration as well as pull my hair as well with my rifle barely staying slung on my shoulder.

"I understand Jesse....believe me!" Luna said in a pleading tone.

"I have been where you are! Do not make the same mistakes as I, fight it! Fight your feelings and remember there are others who love you, and care for you! Those who do anything for you! We may not have known you for years but we feel like we have! You have made that great an impact and impression with us!" Luna said emotionally,

"Do not throw it so carelessly away! Please!" Luna begged.

"Tell me Luna....have you talked with somepony suicidal?" I asked in a grave tone.

"I have...I have saved them too; you are not suicidal" Luna said bluntly.

"How can you tell?"

"I know....I can tell if you were...my experience is great enough" Luna said.

"And if I prove you wrong?" I said.

"Then I hope God shows you the mourning we would be showing for your death..." Luna said solemnly.

"Anyways....I learned something from all this and is a progressive measure" I said.

"What is that?" Luna asked slightly concerned.

"Princesses should not be courted....it is brings more pain than it is worth..." I said in a hurt tone looking at Luna; Luna did a double-take before asking.

"And how is that progressive?"

"It takes all over-ambitious confidence, unrealistic goals, and over-sized egos.....and kills them..." I said darkly, Luna's eyes widened at the remark, she paused then spoke.

"How is this beneficial to you?" Luna asked with a saddened expression, I said nothing which urged another question.

"How is it a benefit to forsake dreams and goals? To consider courting a princess more pain than it is worth?" Luna asked as if begging for an answer.

"It prevents more heart-break from coming and further disappointment...." I said bluntly.

"Besides...after thinking about it...How would I do in a leading position?" I asked.

"You would have help...." Luna countered.

"Regardless...this topic is over...I am done...the issue is dead...." I said in a finalizing tone.

"So there is nothing then? Nothing I can say to change your mind?" Luna asked sounding slightly defeated.

"Yes...no more Princess flirts...." I said stated, Luna stood there a moment, conflicted on what to say as she looked in thought; a few seconds passed then she spoke.

"Very well...may you find happiness one day...may you find the peace you so desired...I am sorry for you...and your conflicted heart & mind...I tried my best..." Luna said turning to leave but not before turning her head to look at me as if wait for me to ask her to stay, when I failed to act Luna turned again and walked a few paces then stopping, still waiting for me to tell her not to go....still nothing.

"Goodnight Jesse...dream well as you can...and have a pleasant meeting with my sister tomorrow..." Luna said softly with a caring tone, she kept walking....but still I did not stop her...soon to her disappointment...I did nothing as she finally left.

I awoke suddenly but in a gradual way...tears were streaming down my cheeks...I was in my room again, and my heart felt heavy, it hurt within my rib-cage...like it had been punched hard and left to pick itself up, I was just staring up at my ceiling...the hurt was unbearable and overwhelming....as the song from my past sang in Luna's voice rang in my ears it made it worse....I then began to weep softly, thinking about what happened, I was torn asunder inside as I thought about what she said...oh it hurt to think about....but part of me wanted to believe her...think positive, but it was so hard....so difficult...and painful...heartbreaking.....but I felt like I wanted to believe Luna...needed to believe her....but it felt like a challenge too great for me to tackle...and it drove me mad!! As time passed drowsiness took hold and with a shudder I fell back into slumbering stillness...awaiting the coming dawn....

TO BE CONTINUED....

Comments

[HolyCross9]

Well, that was just as saddening as before, but I'm hoping that it will become better over time.

[Buckeye49]

6331102 It will soon....

[Buckeye49]

6337937 Thank you kindly.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that quote.