Thomas, a human, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.
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Gods above, I love Talon.
6436483 She and Moonlight seem the most popular.
I think you could explore more then mare care. What if Luna wants a griffon? You could break down some difference between them but mare wise. Besides wings for pegasi why not more culture care? You could do a "pegasi" mating dance as one of talon's jokes before the lesson. As for say a unicorn maybe talon takes him to the spa for a lesson that some mare's trust there stallions to file the magical byproducts of magic of? Just a little food for thought.
I gotta say I didn't expected Talon to resort to the help of a former concubine like Dusty to help Thomas with his mare issues and it seems Celestia is the only one that has deduced Thomas' condition regarding his feelings for Luna. Also, Talon seems to be a wise gal despite her forward behavior as it's evident that her lesson helped Thomas out. Hope to see Blueblood's punishment.
Also, just like Thomas, I'm surprised Attentive Eye has a herd. As for your question, maybe you could have Thomas learn how to file horns or do horn jobs to please Luna.
6436483 As do I, She is an amazing Character!
6436655 I like these Ideas, I would really like to see Talon teasing him some more with a mating dance or something and having Moonlight just stunned by it all LOL!
I like how he is progressing... Someday I hope to see him somewhat more aggressive... That wont be for a time to come though but when it dose finily hit I'm going to squeel! lol!
On the hole Days off thing...... Not really sure what to do about that honestly... I would just say write them in as you see fit I would not mind at all... Or go back and edit that chapter if you want to, to say that he gets days off just not when he gets days off, then you can take the story at your leasure.....
It would be hilarious if the 'cute' human were foalnapped, imagine the mares who see him daily and how he reacts around them as being 'adorable' or 'could eat him up' sort.. Though there could be another meaning for that if he was used then returned as a power play against the princess.
Good Lord, every bit of dialogue in this entire chapter is the most pedantic, patronizing, humiliating animal-talk someone could take. He's received almost nothing but insults and orders through it all.
Call him cute like an animal, insult his strength and size, mock his habits, tell him he's a scandal-opportunity and disgrace to court.
I don't understand why he hasn't killed himself, given his depression.
What sort of token do the earth ponies give their herd? Feather tokens and horn rings are common tokens in fanfiction and I've seen flowers used for everyone but I've not seen anything specific to the earth ponies. Maybe a semiprecious stone that matches their coat colors? I'm just not sure what could be used.
As for the "day off and stuff needing to happen at other times" problem you kinda just solved it. "On duty" does not have to mean the same as "always present" and there is the phrase "on call". Thomas is "on call" at all times but for his night off. Up until now he's just also always been with Luna.
Now that he's got his magical pager installed the story is free to have him go hither and thither but still might restrict just all he can do, such as by not leaving the castle grounds or by not getting too deep into something that he can't immediately quit out of to go attend to Luna when called upon.
6436655 I like the mating dance, but what did you mean by filing magical byproducts?
6436665 Dusty isn't a former concubine. She's more like an old swinging/drinking buddy.
Glad everyone's liking this idea.
Horn care is already written.
6437126 Maybe.
6437146 Kidnapping and raping a concubine is not a power play unless you have an army to back you up.
6437364 Huh. I hadn't even realized that, but you're right. Damn. Guess I'm gonna have to address that later.
6437579 just some thoughts hehe
6437433 Fair enough
This is mildy embarassing for me to admit buy my wife absolutely adores it when I brush her hair for her( it's rather long and can be unruly) she says that most women she talks to enjoy it when their significant other does it for them. She says it's very relaxing and intimate without being overtly sexual.
6437549 Well magic covers the horn when casting. So who says some of the magic is left behind sitting there on the horn itself. So after a while it could make it harder to cast magic with the regains or byproducts still there. So a filing of the horn could me used as mare care or in this case unicorn and alicorn care. It would give more context to why rarity has the spa sisters do it for her instead of her doing it for herself. I hope this explains my idea for mare care.
6437596 Oh man... I could see a chapter where he wakes up one day and he is just completely depressed because Luna has not really taken note of his needs and the things that are happening around him... That could bring a lot of development somehow....
6437669 I've heard that too, but thank you for reminding me.
6437780 Me likes.
6437820
I'm waiting for the breakdown to be honest, I really didn't like Talon this chapter.
I loved it was sweet how it was his first kiss with a mear other then Luna.How about Talon uses outher mears to teach him how to pleasure Luna and future mears in the herd like all four kinds of mears.
I'm confused. Why did Celestia give Luna a disappointed look? Is she going to need to have a talk with her sister?
6437364 You know, I didn't even notice. Wow. I guess things are worse for Thomas than I thought.
6439727 Yeah. I'll admit this story started rather sloppily. I honestly didn't expect to go into as much depth as I have.
6439728 I think you mean sexy tall.
Also, it's preferred if you compile all your thoughts on a chapter into one comment rather than listing out every single sentence.
I think I am a little lost here, why was scandalous what Luna said? And Why is Celestia dissapointed with her?
It appears that Thomas is strong in the cutteness apartment, maibe he can use it for his advantage in the future XD
6440145 It's been a long day and I honestly don't remember what I intended there.
Him already use it much.
6441372 He has been cute, but so far he didn't take advantage of it.
Maybe something like this.
Thomas: Can we skip the gym today?
Talon: No, you are going to improve that body.
Thomas: Please.
Talon: No.
Thomas: Pleeeeeease.
Talon: I said no!
Thomas: Pwweeeeease (with a pout, and puppy dog eyes)
Talon: Ugh.... Fine.
6440915
Indeed and the only reason why I ever made a playthrough as Male Shephard.
*Reads addition to chapter*
Wow. I like it.
Question: Who else knows about Blueblood's job? I'm sure Celestia does. I don't think Luna knows.
7263794 Luna is well aware, as are Celestia's concubines and a few other of their trusted staff. Everyone's just instructed to play along when in public or he's doing some testing.
Finally blue blood is used properly. I am so tired of blue blatenly being used as a general asshole. When as a prince he holds a much more subtle role of manipulating the population in ways that benefit the citizens of equestria.
7377133 This was actually done as a retcon, and generally considered rather clumsily written, but yes. Even I'm tired of this trope. Thankfully there are a few others out there that do this a lot better than I.
Thank you for writing Blueblood as the Royal Fall-Guy. I like when he's in on the whole thing.
7786037 Glad you're enjoying yourself. I'm also impressed by your power read.
7896511 You are quite the binger.
I am so LOVING this story !!!!! Thomas' awkwardness is SO palpable !!!
8175098 It does seem to be his trademark quality. Thank you.
i remember when ya said ya was gonna redo blueballs all that time ago. by the gods ya done it good. the kind of guy you wanna punch in the neck, but you still wanna hang around
8297892
That perfectly encapsulates what I was going for. Glad it worked. Thank you.
Noooooo! Now I can't hate Blueblood anymore. Why?!?!?!
8426881
Because I agreed that the trope was over used. You can still hate him if you like. Just know that he'll take satisfaction if you do so.
You have done what only 2 other writers i know could do, and that's make blueblood a good guy.
I must give you the marching band applause! (You can't hear it but I have done it)
8807106
The magic of revisions and retcons. Also, check out the works of https://www.fimfiction.net/user/81457/Tatsurou and https://www.fimfiction.net/user/176111/kudzuhaiku Their Blue Bloods can be pretty cool, too.
Im starting to dislike Attentive Eye more , Im so curious as to why Thomas is not angry at all instead of being a bitch? like the guys got to have some anger about it all the bull hes been through :(
9005757
Part of autism involves a bit of emotional disconnect with the rest of the world, leading to - in my experience - a higher tolerance for bull shit. I've failed to notice poor behavior in my own stories and needed others to point it out because it really didn't seem that bad to me.
Why is it when Blue Blood is actually a master actor instead of an actual villain so to speak it makes a mlp story so much better?
9116678
Because, as a general rule, one dimensional villains are boring. Also, evil Blue is just a cliche that's been done to death.