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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh snap. What a cliffhanger.
NO!! have him kill steelhoof
Mistakes:
"Star add a little sugar and creamer to his, stirring it with a spoon."
"Young ponies today, so impatience."
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DONT BUCKING DO IT STARSTEP PLEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEE.
You sir, have written another wonderful chapter, and as always I wait with bated breath for the next one.
um how about fuck no
954457 Not just a feather! It's Luna's feather! THat feather is more important to him than life itself! If he loses that feather, he loses LUNA! WTF Bookworm! WTF! Go buck yourself!
954331
Fixed, thanks for the catches. Even though I'll proof-read it through at least three times, I'll miss things.
954457
Not really. It was a personal gift from Luna as a token of her affection. There's deeper implications if you get into the fact it comes from one of the immortal sisters, and a pony who works in the underworld trading racket, wants it.
Sorry for the delay on this chapter ponies. I've balancing other projects at the same time. So I have to spread it out. Plus, these days the chapters are hitting 4k words average.
954615
Now now, play nice with the other ponies. Luna is watching.
I think a better question to ask is what Luna would expect him to do. He's faced with a choice. Trade the feather to help a friend in dire need of his assistance, thus losing the feather but following his heart, or refusing the offer and keeping the piece of plumage, which was indeed a token of affection, and leave his friend hanging on a slowly tightening noose.
Catch 22? Perhaps.
Anyhow.
Aside from the few mistakes mate, this is coming along really, really nicely. It's very engaging and enjoyable and Starstep plays a believable character. Well done, I look forward to reading more.
Just watch spelling and sentences that have incorrect wording and you'll be fine.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.If you accept his deal i will scower the far reaches of the universe for you and make your life a living hell.!
954664 I don't care! My sheer energy will cause anyone trying to cast a spell on me get majorly shocked! WHY IS SHE WATCHING! STALKER! YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I SHALL SLAY STEELHOOF IN SHEER BLOODLUST, AND FLEE TO THE ONE PLACE WHERE NO PONY WILL EVER FIND ME! THERE I WILL WORK AS AN ASSASSIN AND SLAY ALL THE MOTHERBUCKERS THAT OPPOSE THE RIGHT OF ALL LIVING BEINGS!
954628 *USES PLASMA CANNON X 2.0 TO BLAST YOU TO THE FAR REACHES OF THE UNIVERSE* HOW DOES THAT FEEL! MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT MORE BE FOR YOU OPEN YOUR... comment?
Update.
Was awesome.
Cliffhanger.
update soon!
He better say no.
Hell to the no we don't have a deal.
955020>>955488>>955422
Wow, you ponies are so heartless. What about poor Sweetie Belle?
Luna would certainly understand for such a noble cause...wouldn't she?
955851 ...........You're asking...if Princess LUNA.....will easily for give giving up her symbol of courtship......what is wrong with your mind?
955865
Lunacy...
955896 Don't forget Lunatic and Lunaroid.
Ooooooooooo such a juicy and entertaining chapter.
Poor Sweetie Belle never pictured her being unable to get her career off the ground.
And such a weighty choice at the end for Star, not too sure what I'd be able to do in the same situation. I'm sure Luna would understand the reasoning but theres the tiny matter of the underground mob scene that must be factored in. Oh well, guess all i can do is wait with baited breath for the next thrilling installment!
Now we come to the first major challenge for Star Step since he began courting Luna, does he sacrifice his priceless token for Sweetie Belle's sake, or does he try and come up with another solution?
Now as for Steel Hoof, after what he lackey did and almost did to Dinky last chapter I was expecting him to be a real bad dude, but now I'm left after this chapter unsure. I mean sure he's shady and not the most trustworthy guy, and his wanting the feather pretty odd but he wasn't the violent, sadistic mafia boss I was expecting, of course like Star I'm left wondering if his information on Cheerilee was a threat or just a display of how well informed he is (which seems to be very well informed). I guess we'll just have to wait to see where this goes.
955851 Sweetie showed have known what she was getting into. This is asking Star to personally give up something of his own (of extremely high sentimental value, at that) to save Sweetie from her own incompetence. Yes, the situation she is in is unfortunate, but it's hard to sympathize with her when she willingly got involved with criminals.
No, Star should not give anything to this crook (given, he actually does seem like kinda an alright guy, but his business is still crooked as hell). Star should continue to help any way he can, but he is under no obligation to make such a unreasonable sacrifice.
956364
There isn't any room in Canterlot for violent mafia bosses. If he has people regularly beaten up/killed, he'll have guards in their official capacities showing up by the dozen. That wouldn't be good. So he's go to mostly play by the rules. As for sadistic...is there something not sadistic about the choice he's offering Star? Steelhoof has to know what he's asking, he just doesn't know Star himself all that well. Putting him in a situation and seeing how he squirms will show how he ticks. That, in turn, will tell the don just what he has to do to use Luna's paramour to his advantage.
NOOOOOOO
NO
NOOOO
NO DEAL
Hmmm, tough decision. Either sacrifice Luna's token of affection and acceptance of his life time dream of courtship with her; orrrrrrrr give it up to this douche for a problem sweetie was too proud/ashamed to get herself out of. Annnnnnd I suppose also giving him the feather could also, in some ways (I guess), mess with Luna's Reputation, depending on who gets it and how its passed around. I mean I doubt Luna herself would be angry, more so proud of Star for being all selfless and what not, but eh.
Personally I wouldn't give it to em . She may be a friend and all but that's messin with homie's dreams and goals and all that noise, ya heard:?coolphoto: If I were Star, I would simply just help her out with my own personal income(after all hes a ROYAL guard . I get that hes not a millionaire or anything but I mean c'mon ), and let AB and Scoots in on this as well. Wouldn't care if Sweetie objected to it. She'd just have to sit her flanks down and shut it, or be left to suffer in the fallout of her own destructive decisions.
You good sir, have led me on a wonderful adventure through the eyes of a pony I have dreamt to be. Never have I seen a story here that made me feel so lovey dovey just to hit me in the face with the harsh reality of what the consequences of his actions would really be. You balance the levels of romance and realism so well that I don't know what to expect next! Even when it seems almost obvious what event will occur I always go through every possible outcome before moving on.
Bottom line, this is one of my most favorite stories in this community now and I wait somewhat patiently for your next chapter. I will cry true tears at the end of this tale...
On another note...
STAR YOU BETTER NOT DO IT OR I WILL PERSONALLY DESTROY YOUR VERY BEING.
958100
Huzzah. Indeed. The point of this story was to show that, even in Equestria, actions have consequences. To help create a version of their world that's more tangible and looks at how they deal with real-life drama. Sure, most of the ponies are very friendly and their society is so much more open-minded than our own, but even in the brightest light there are dark shadows. It's also a story about Luna and the curse of immortality. And why we should love the Princesses for all the pain they suffer. I do hope my story event's aren't too obvious. I do try to keep you all guessing.
Needless to say, Star's life is about to become incredibly complex...
958256 I swear to the All Powerful Luna that I will obliterate Star from the face of the earth if he makes that deal...
I think you have done a very good job of keeping guessing so just keep up what you're doing! I was actually a little surprised you added a type of organized crime to Canterlot. Well surprised in a good way. I can't wait for your next chapter!
Dude, Star, just pull out that Glock-18 we all know you have stuffed in your coat!!!
965725
No, not exactly. It was a rough estimate of a 'week' I assure you the spell was on him during his time with Cheerilee.
966517
Well dont stop on my account! Please, continue to enjoy the story.
I say we do a vote!
A = Yes
B = No
Cast your vote NOW!
Steelhoof is a bastard, and I have never wanted to kill another pony more than I do him.
Well, I caught up with you, writer. All it took was two days.
Now um... carry on, if you don't mind...
"Caves are a no-no, too. Chasms? Maybe, but not lairs."
okay no offense or anything but you are a real ^%$# i decided last night that i would finish this chapter before doing my school work and then you hit me with that cliffy, now but i will say that after thinking about it I thought about his promise to put his duty as a guard above his affections could this be one of those instances
1205309
Now now, no need for insults. I try to keep my chapters in bite sized segments. That way, you can always knock out the next and satisfy your cliff-hanger withdrawal. But then, that chapter might have a cliff-hanger too...
Fuck. That is all I can say.
Of course he asks for the feather. It wouldn't have gotten noticed so much if it wasn't going to be important.
Star blinked at his friend, “Huh...the Princess wasn't kidding, you have a knack for this logistics stuff. He folded his map back up and stuffed it in his little black armor pouch.”
Minor grammar error.
Other than that, 3rd read through, since your latest update made me notice that I missed some parts in the earlier chapters.
This could end wonderfully or horribly
1.On one hand if he gives the feather sweetie belle will no longer be in debt and Luna will probably understand what he did for his friend
2.But on the other hand if he doesn't give the feather Sweetie belle will work her self to death and Luna may dump him for not sticking to his friends
Now which one do you think is right 1. Or 2.
2890056 Imagine you just getting engaged to somebody, and then pawning off the ring they gave you for money. That'd probably hurt all the parties involved.
I thought Star was at least somewhat intelligent until this chapter. He gets information from one pony without checking with the general guards to see if THEY have any information or investigations into this guy. He has a legitimate reason to do this based on the attack. He then stupidly gets a meeting wit the guy without informing anyone where he's going or having any backup present. Also, does Equestria not have loan sharking laws because he has straight up admitted he charges excessive interest.
3686556
Well, the file he read basically would tell Star that Steelhoof is an information broker and has no physical violence on his record, and yeah, Star is pretty damn impulsive in the early part of this story, thinking that he knows best and that he can handle it on his own. But, I'll be honest, when I was writing this part of the story, I didn't clean up as much of the grey area as I shoulda. But hindsight and all that.
As for loan-sharking, well, the payments were very reasonable, unless you start missing some, then it compounds badly. It's one of those situations where the parties made an agreement and signed a contract. He wasn't trying to hide the fee-rates, it's all there in black and white. At the worst case, the courts would ask him to lower the payments and extend the time-frame to pay. Even so, it'd give him leverage for the thing he values most, information and knowledge. Have the right ponies in your pocket and you can find out anything.
FUUUUCKKK dude. It's like, it's for the greater good, and for Sweetie Belle, but Luna is all oldschool so she might be offended. DAYYYUUUUMMM. Dat Plot!
2890056 wait, don't you mean:
global3.memecdn.com/Tactical-Facepalm_o_93742.jpg
........
I predict a very pissed-off mare in the future, some heated words...
And maybe a bitch slap!
3737079
I say there's not enough morality in the world. 'Old school' is good because secularism wasn't an issue back then.
Just remember, folks...
Bankruptcy is an option. Don't ask me how I know.