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Ohhhhhhhhh shit just got real! swiftor.com/attachments/f2/9765d1327018453t-anonymous-launches-largest-attack-ever-yo-dawg-shit-just-got-real.jpg
I think I have a case of the MOAR. Damn you and your brilliant story
Hell yeah! Shi* is about to go down!
I did not expect Diamond Dogs to be doing the raping, or that Trixie was trying to save someone. Kudos author, you have succeded in the twisting of the plot.
Raping mares when they go into heat...? sounds like a stallion I could get along with...
1366340 I don't necessarily think that its the diamond dogs doing that but the head unicorn. That would explain the foals that are down there, but I don't know. Its already disturbing to me to think about someone raping the mares and having their children work after they're born, so I hope that the dogs aren't apart of it as well. As for the head kidnapper, I hope the author makes his punishment be castration, wheel chair, then beaten to death.
1366807 I would prefer them letting the mares free, giving them dildos and telling them to go wild on the diamond dogs. Beating them and tape. 2 times the payback!!
1366739 And yeah, I think he meant when the diamond dogs are in heat, and the foals... Either the head unicorn got them pregnant or they were already pregnant.
Sigh... morons. The diamond dogs are not fucking the mares. There is a stallion fucking them.
Author please put in the next one soon you've got me all worked up.
1367048
Haha, now-now Admiral. Be nice to the other ponies. It rather amuses me to see what conclusions ponies draw from a chapter. It helps me decide if I was too vague or too obvious.
At least now you readers know where the missing mares have been going.
So Scoots gives up what is the next best thing to a wedding ring. (Yes I know they're not married. I'm referring to both items being declarations of affection and symbols of the relationship.) I still think it was a stupid thing to do. This is Luna, after all. Plus, being an immortal goddess, her feathers are quite likely so much more than just a feather. But then, that's what makes the decision so deliciously dramatic - damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I'm sure any person would understand the need to give up a wedding ring if it'll save numerous lives, and I expect Luna will as well. However, you don't go extorting someone out of their wedding ring without upsetting the one who gave it. Like I said earlier: StarStep has plenty of justification to start large scale legal action against Steelhooves. Now that he's messing with Luna, she should be willing to help. If Luna's unhappy, then Celestia's unhappy, so she'll probably help as well. I suspect the entire legal archive dating back thousands of years will be used to bury him so deep that even he won't be able to dig himself out, despite his claims that nobody can hold him.
Poor Scoots emotional whiplash doesn't sound very fun, at least I can't see Luna being upset at the giving away of her feather as it resulted them discovering such a terrible crime.
And wow poor Trixie having to go around helping the evil guy in the hopes that he'd free her son and then him refusing and sending Trixie and her son back into the mines.
It's a good thing Steelhoof gave them the information they needed to find this place. Now they can get Shining and the other guards and shut this place down, and then head back to Ponyville and ask the local police some pointed questions about how a situation like this could occur without them noticing or acting.
time for the big guns
1367194
You're right. They are still morons...
Also if you use tirek I will be disappointed.
Not that it counts for much.
A
And now it's time to kill them all! KILL THEM ALL!!
*Alondro goes into full-on Diamond Dog slaughtering! He laughs and sings as he slays, dancing a waltz of death as his shining sword slices through his foes. With the speed of Death himself, the mad stallion leaps and sways. The death count rises higher than any action movie ever made!* I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!! HA HA HA HA!!
They try to flee, but not one dog escapes his lethal dance, a whirlwind of blood and gore.
And through it all, Twilight finds herself strangely attracted to Alondro, "He's sooo dreamy!"
And after all is said and done, they get married!
1367674
If you write that fic, I will read it. Just because.
first time reading this story, and I was not disappointed at all! You have written a very powerful tale so far, and at a very good pace of progression too. Everything that has happened has been most excellent, and I really enjoyed the pace of the relationship building here as well as the progression of Star's character as he grows from his experiences. I love the character building and everything you have going in this story.
In regards to this chapter, I have to ask if the stuff Scoots experiences after yielding the feather to the "Shadow Broker" as I have come to think of him has some sort of semi magical source, as a breakdown of that sort wouldn't typically happen until later once the reality of a situation sinks in. Plus, Luna mentioned a connection of sorts when Star was attacked in the bathroom by Trixie, and she used magic in the construction of the necklaces, so it leads me to believe that there is a deeper root behind it all. And then the slavery issue, just wow. To date, you had kept stuff that occurred mostly lighthearted, and comedic driven with the mix of romance. While the burning of Star with the house burning down and the issues with Slate were somewhat darker in nature, this kinda caught me off guard for sure. However, I think the resolution of this will bring about some events that I will merely speculate in my head about for now. Also, the potential conflict with the unknown party killing griffins and ponykind alike will also provide some potential fodder for the story.
Anyways, a most excellent story, and shame you ended on such a cliffhanger, I would love to see Shinning Armor and the guards just swarm and beat the everliving piss out of the ones responsible for the slavery. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Hmmmm.....well that whole thing with scoots freaking out was a little weird. Sense Luna/Star/Scoots were linked by those things (I guess) I wonder if Luna had a bit of an episode in the castle because of that, then again, Star seemed to be just fine, so I guess not. I supposed now Star and Light hoof are about to do a pony version of the movie The Raid: Redemption here, except with a bunch of night guards, can't think of any other reason they could be going to Canterlot. But back to the feather, now that i just thought of it. Steelhoof...uhh...really likes that feather, n stuff. That's kind of odd for him to just, start rubbing it all on his face and what not like immediately after receiving it. That just gives me a number of thoughts in my head, that i think i'll just keep to myself until this whole shindig is over. (and NO, I do not think hes the foal-napper. that would be just silly, he has entirely different color hair for god sakes. just making that clear. ) I hope his strange obsession with that feather has to actually do with something, and isn't just him being a weirdo , Indigo. (no rhyme intended)
generatememes.com/media/created/mc75ph.jpg
IT IS ON!
Moar.
1367559
What is a "Tirek" and why would I use one?
1369500
It's probably best that you don't know
Another great chapter, just one thing that's really nagging at me.
A Scone is a tasty british pastry.
A Sconce is a fixture used to hold torches.
Can't wait for the next chapter
1370089
HEY, maybe Diamond Dogs use Pastries to hold torches. I mean, hell, baguettes could be used as clubs.
Yeah, just a case of thinking one thing and fingers typing another. Derp.
But seriously, what is this Tirek thing? I tried googling but all I found was some old MLP character. A minotaur or something.
1370128
You've found Tirek. He was the villain in the G1 movie "Rescue at Midnight Castle". His sole motivation was to turn ponies into monsters with the Rainbow of Darkness so that they could pull his chariot.
1370178
Oooook. So...why am I being asked not to use him? I mean, every villain has a hobby. That villain just likes chariot races.
Well, that took a sudden turn into unexpectedville. Wouldn't have expected Diamond Dogs to be part of it. As M Night Shyamalamalamalan (yes, that was on purpose) would say, "What a twist!"
Gonna keep this comment PG here....as much as it twists the plot, why diamond dogs...and trixie having a kid? do i truly want to know where you came up with that?
and as for not letting StarSteps wings heal before this...he could of easily taken them all out on his own...but alas that would lead to a total massacare and prehaps a potential murder from the lady of the night herself?
Y U NO SAVE APPLE BLOOM!?!?
*ahem*
All in all... plot thickens like quick-dry cement this chapter.
My suguestion: Let Shinning Star let loose the ponies of war right after a mass rescue mission WITHOUT the usual delay.
Off-Topic: I smell an Arrow to the Knee Joke sometime soon...soon...
1370223
because, everyone is using him in a slave scenario
1372217
Why Diamond Dogs? Because we are familiar with the species from the show and it easily worked with how I was setting up the villain's motives/desires. It was a simple usage of tools to create a desired effect. Honestly, not much deeper than that. As for Trixie's kid...well...more of that will be revealed soon. Keep in mind this story is years past the present-show. Good characters don't stay in a vacum. Evolution and change must exist. You don't have to like it, as long as you accept it's role in the story.
StarStep's wings not healing is simply a time-line thing. As a story-teller, it presents a weakness to the hero and makes him seem more vulnerable. This heightens the tension as the climax to this arc approaches. Too many stories fall into what I call the 'Superman' trap. I HATE Superman-type characters. God-like powers do not allow me to feel he is ever truly threatened. Now Batman, he's just a normal guy with cool gear. We feel for Batman when the chips are down. Besides, StarStep is just one pegasus. Light and Star and Twilight might have been able to kick some flank together, but they had no idea how many Dogs are down there and if the captured ponies would survive the attack.
As for AB, they already explained. Twi couldn't get them all out. And taking AB would have let the villain know his hideout had been discovered. Sometimes you have to make hard choices for the good of all.
Amazing story, and I am most defiantly adding this to my watchlist, however I have one small, probably brought up before criticism...
Whyyyy does "StarStep" have a captial 'S' in the middle of it!?! *Smashes head on table* Nopony else, like Applejack, or even Lighthoof have this oddity in their name, but whyy is the main character a sufferer of this uncanny capitalization!? ARGHHH!! *continutes to smash cranium around*
... Okay, that was my objection :x ~ Otherwise, great story, hope to see more :D
1373518
You know, I'm not even sure why that even started. I think a part of me was afraid people would start trying to use it as Stars. I wanted to ensure the name was always considered separate words. Eh, I can always go back and edit.
Or maybe the real answer is "You mad bro?"
Equestria may never know.
One problem I see with this is that dogs and horses are not compatible. But that's just me using science to nitpick again, feel free to ignore it.
Also, Indiana Jones?
And to be honest, StarStep seems like a rather Mary-Sue-ish character, but I've seen way worse.
1374625
No dogs and horses are not compatible. The foals are not from the Diamond Dogs.
Indiana Jones, what?
As for Star being Mary-Sue-ish, I've tried to avoid that. He has weaknesses, flaws, and screws up time to time. But he's honest and has a big heart, handling the drama that's handed to him as best he can. Short of making him a hopeless cause, I'm not sure what else I could do to cut out Mary-sue'ing completely. I mean, it is a Ship-fic at it's core, despite all the surrounding story.
1374873
This led me to believe otherwise. Sorry about the mix-up, I guess.
This whole thing just reminded me of the slavery scene in the Temple of Doom. Here's to hoping the Diamond Dogs don't rip out someone's heart.
Maybe I'm nitpicking about the Mary-Sueism, but he comes off to me as a sacrificial hero who's bravery levels are off the scale. Here are a few examples just from this chapter.
This has honesty, heroism and bravery, all in one.
1374973
Ah, as a clarification, it's not a Diamond Dog Trixie is talking to. I suppose I can put a blurb stating it's another pony's voice. I thought his speech pattern would define him as a 'Not a dog'.
No, most certainly not Temple of Doom. Slavery scenes and mines are common enough. Saying it's Indiana Jones is like saying Game of thrones is LOTR. This isn't a "OMG, lets dig up a magic artifact." which they are not doing. This is more, Greed, Lust, and Power.
I like to think of Star's bravery as youthful naivety. Young blood telling him to charge head first for those he cares about. Lighthoof has often been the voice of reason to his impulsiveness. I like to think of Star's blind heroism as Don Quixote-like. Attacking griffons and NMM, but force to suffer the results of his brash actions. Odysseus could be considered mary-sue-ish by some. I could go into deeper reasoning why, but the point is; I think people throw around the term 'Mary-sue' a bit too freely now-a-days. Just an opinion.
1375504
I was going to today, but then someone told me I was writing 'Mary-sue' so...yeah...not feeling like writing now. Maybe tomorrow.
1375759 well, sir, they can go fuck right the hell off, because the rest of us enjoy it. Can't let haters get you down, its what they wantz
1376167
I don't think it was a effort to be hateful. However, the comment makes me wonder how they got that impression? Starstep has not had a easy life since the story started. Screw-ups, injuries, surprise father-hood, hard choices. Sure, he's brave to a fault, but how does a character who's not afraid to 'pony-up' and do what needs to be done, a 'Mary-Sue'? If the problem is how well he gets along with the fillies, well, he is a nice colt and in a socitey with a very high female population. I'm sure most of the colts get flirted with. Besides, Star has evolved over the course of the story from a complete rash screw-up, to one who's starting to get the idea of Duty over Passion. Which is what Luna has been trying to beat into his head from day one.
I don't think I'm being hated on, I'm just frustrated because I thought I had worked hard enough to avoid the Mary-Sue label. bleh...whatever, buck it.
1374289 ...shit.
1376519 Well dude, lets sit back and take a look at something. in literary criticism a sue is a character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. It is generally accepted as a character whose positive aspects overwhelm their other traits until they become one-dimensional. Star DOES NOT succeed at everything, can do dumb things, isn't overpowered, and doesn't have an answer to every problem. In fact his obvious flaws eventually lead him to almost losing Luna at that party or whatever( i can't remember what it was called, a gathering maybe?) Hes also not THE MOST BEAUTIFUL and HANSOM PONY IN ALL THE LAND or anything like that. I'm pretty sure who ever told you that he was a mary-sue has no idea what their talking about. The fact that your character even fails at stuff, pushes him far from that. If you want to think of a way to register yourself, imagine Batman(the corny version). I know it sounds silly, but just do it. I know we all love him and etc, but hes so played up to be the GREATEST detective in the world, has a vast knowledge of martial arts, always comes out on top, and has a fucking utility belt that has a solution ALL of his problems. I mean, for fucks sake star isn't even all that flashy, or bolstering with confidence yet, hes just now beginning to grow into that. Trust me man, I've seen a lot of mary-sue, read a lot of sue, and seen people write up some sue, and you are not doing that. Another thing is the fact that Starstep even has to GROW and DEVELOPE as a character, basically makes him not a sue, imo, or any of your guys for that matter.
This is one of my absolute favorite stories, and im always thinking about it when narratives come to mind. always giving myself diff ideas and just all around enjoying it(going willy nilly etc) and I will be DAMNED if I'm just going to sit by and let you, the author, be discouraged by some ignorant douche bag. So there......(sigh)..phew
P.S my Pegasus isn't too pleased with the matter either, just look at how unamused he is, dawwwww. haven't decieded whether hes average or tall....hmmm.. I'm thinkin tall, yeah he definitely looks tall. (just uhh, just trying give a light mood lift here, at the end of this excessive comment)
1377947
I thank you for the vote of confidence and the constructive analysis. I'm perfectly fine with constructive criticism. Keyword being 'constructive'. Anyone can say, "Character is bad" but the great critics/reviewers give examples and sometimes offers solutions to fix it.
At this point, all I will say is, at the end of this next chapter (35). Y'all might not look at Starstep in quite the same light. Guess I'll just have to wait and see how yall receive it. Hold on tight.
1378375 Eh we'll see. And if hes all heroic and stuff, then i feel that he deserves it. So there's that, anyway, I'll let you hop too it.
P.S, always here for a pep talk.
1365933
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/16734658.jpg
Still, regardless of the improper presentation, I agree with the content.
WAIT! What do you mean by we wont see starstep in the same light.
I don't want to see him in a different light I've found his complicated relationship with Luna the most interesting thing ever
Luna is so puzzling and mystical and it just draws me in and makes me want to read more to try and understand what's she is feeling
Then you lead away from that and go to the diamond dogs which was cool but I really want to read more about Luna and the anticipation is killing me which is what your wanting to hear but still I love how Luna posses a challenge and wants you to know how she feels about something without out hinting you what-so-ever
Idk why I'm rambling on about this but I'm in love with your attitude and I can't wait to figure out how luna reacts to scootaloo taking off the feather so please HURRY UP!
1393233
Soon, friend, soon. And no worries, Luna shall return soon enough. The Foal-napper arc needed to be concluded first. And from a story-teller's stand point, letting alicorns deal with it reduces the climatic tension. Kinda why Celestia sends the mane 6 to do jobs for her. Anyhoof, the Foal-napper arc was necessary for character growth and bonding. You'll see.
1395586
Don't worry friend, you can have your cake and eat it too. Just be patient. Luna can be rather reserved. In the mean time, looks like you have 24 more chapters of awesome to catch up on.
Your right, Twilight. Sorry. Who do we get?
HERESY AGAINST THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ! YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL !
Awesome story though.
Oh look, you correctly predicted what happens to ponies under slavery (see Crystal Ponies).
You, sir, are a clairvoyant, omniscient bastard!
Spectacular story so far and you have me wondering how the unicorn behind it all is. Also considering how stuff is going pretty decent chance of Applebloom and Seetie Belle joining Scoots and Luna's group of females unless I've read it wrong so far.
"She smirk and jangled her bridle." " She smirk" You gone done did broked you're grammars.
1830888
Meh, fixed. Sometimes late-night typing doesn't help things.