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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Love it! I'm really happy at how fast you got it out, too
Glad they made it out. Also happy they released Dawn and Nightmare. (I'm a Nightmare sympathizer sue me) Awesome chapter and dying for the next one. Keep up the good work!
Oh, barf.
3729488
Not sure I understand that comment.
What do you mean?
3729567
This story is barf, that's what it means.
3729579
Seriously, it's ok not to like a fic, but at least give some sort of specifics to your dislike. It's called constructive criticism.
Star and Light were actually traumatized by that? My happy dreams are so dark and twisted they make the scariest, goriest horror films look like G rated Disney movies.
You would not know how the pain of waiting for more chapters is like. It a little unbearable.
Wow... just, WOW! I loved this chapter! I would really like to hear more about the story of the Sisters, but I also want to see the Empress dealt with. Hope you have more coming soon!
out of!
That was perfect! They way that you handled Nightmares introduction and the resolution to that problem was stupendous! I can't wait for the next chapter. I wish i could pour some more caffeine in your coffee to make you write faster. I am so ready for the next chapter!
3729612
haha. Well, keep in mind what kind of ponies Star and Light are. Along with the fact that they live in a generally positive society. Sure, there are some dark and evil citizens in Equestria, but most of them are pleasant and cheerful. Comes from a herd mentality I suppose. So for two guards who work for the Princesses to dream about doing some pretty fucked-up shit, well, it messes with their whole world perception.
I liked this chapter. It's good they got out of there and while the fear was portrayed well in StarStep and Lighthoof, I just didn't feel it when it turned out the presence was the Nightmare. She just isn't that scary to me. Personal opinions aside, I loved this chapter and now it seems the ruins have some relavance to the war being waged around their ears. Can't wait for more.
I'm going to go with She.
Love this story by the way.
3729958
derp, always the stray letter that escapes. I'll fix that.
I'm happy to see lieutenant Dazzle made it back at least. Poor thing needs a good hug
I like how this story is shaping up. Lots of interesting things going on and hopefully the ponies don't get too destroyed in this attack. Still, Star has some explaining to do and it doesn't sound like its going to go well.
i love you for the chapter hugs
3729952
I suppose if this was a true horror fic, I would have stuck with the whole 'mystery thing in the dark'. But in the relevance of this fic, it was a set-up to show a bit of continuity between her powers, her history and how messed up she's become. I have always planned for NMM to be in this fic and this was the best possible way I could think of to really paint the head-cannon I have for her. The NMM in my head is angry and twisted, for good reasons of course, but she'll happily root in your head for your worst fears and bring them to life if necessary.
3729828 I'm pretty fucked up in my head. Everything Nightmare showed Star about killing all those ponies? I could very easily do all those things with a smile on my face and laughing at them the entire time.
3730010
This is one of those occasions where perhaps it's best not to say anything.
The ponies of Spurlin have a long road ahead of them.
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My point. Notice that Steelhoof seemed rather unaffected? Because he accepted long ago that he could and would do bad things. Villains are rarely afraid of other villains. Good guys however, hold onto their morals and 'goodness' like a life-line.
3730040 People cling to morals a little too tightly. Sometimes you have to choose:throw the morals out the window and live or cling to them and die.
I'm really interested about where you might take that whole "Nightmare and Dawn" thing.
Congrats on being on the featured list again.
Wait this chapter has no comments yet except for mine? Interesting. I'm sure there is something I could say right now that would be infinity infuriating to many people, but I shant. Instead, I would like to say how much I enjoy this story, and love how you have many intertwined plots, yet they still remain con-substantial. Bravo and please keep writing.
3730223 annnnd then I refresh the page and notice it has comments. lol whoopsie
Normally I'll comment little things but I'm noticing a lot of things you could tweak (spellings/grammar), and don't want to spam up your comments. Would you be interested in me sending messages, or not bothering? I found a good 5 or 7 things in the second chapter alone...oy. I could either keep track, or give up.
3730509
Oh, you mean the early chapters. Yeah, I didn't have a proof-reader/editor until recently. Ch. 49/50.
I'm afraid the editing back then was me going through it 4-5 times and hoping I caught it all. Or fixing bits that a reader caught and put in the comments.
I think I'm gonna ask my new PR/Editor to go back through the early chapters and help me clean them up. Guess I'll have to give em something awesome for the help.
3730571 I noticed, heh. I may try that, though I have no idea how google docs work, and I gave up pulling out little things I noticed a bit ago and am not big on the idea of re-reading what I read 15 minutes ago xD
It'd be so much easier if I didn't spot little errors so well. It'd be good if I were a proof-reader but I'm just a reader.
3730583
Fair enough. If you ever feel like becoming a proof-reader, there are a LOT of stories that come though this site. You'll never be short on supply.
Still, I really hope you enjoy the story and the errors don't bug you too much.
3730605 Nah, it's not that bad, they're more of errors everyone makes, as opposed to mistakes that could have been avoided easily.
I do have a question though. Scootaloo...how could she carry a sleep-spelled Hydra? Was it a baby Hydra? Those things are too massive for even a Pegasus with wings the size of trees to carry o.0
3730621
yeah, it was a little one.
The early chapters were written over a year ago. I really need to clarify bits like that.
3730614
What part are you talking about in terms of jumping shark/Illusion-tricks?
3730635 Mmk xD I understand. Thanks for answering me; back to reading I shall go.
3730793 Think you meant to reply to the author? I could be wrong but what you said makes no sense to me xD
Well... racist ghosts are racist... and murderous!
Check it out peeps. Chapter 50! crazy. but 50 chapters of awesome story.
And not short chapters either. oh no! long chapters baby!
It was good to see how Nightmare moon could effect them, ie: fuck with their heads.
It gives much more credence to her terror to see what she does to others.
THIS IS WHY SOMBRA WAS AN INEFFECTIVE VILLAIN!
Woah, where'd that come from? umm, right. Nightmare is a scary mo-fo and now We are finally out of the scary underground ruins of death and ghosties. Time for wartime drama and shenanigans?
3730827 they were indeed. Souls of long dead unicorns. So how is ghosts jumping the shark? Was there a scene or something?
3730874 uh so by 'real' do you mean 'alive'? Cause they were real ghosts and NMM was a real angry spirit.
I like how you handled the "Twins in the Deep" as I call them. It adds character to the Nightmare that sorta explains her madness, in a way.
One thing I noticed though: you called Lightstep "Consort" in his introduction. While he did go with Celestia to the feast, and they talked about going to the 3G together before, I thought they were keeping that part secret, at least from the general public.
Last chapter I was wondering how Star thought listening to the mysterious ghost in the haunted catacombs and destroying the ancient pillar with corpses chained to it, which at the time they knew little to nothing about, was a good idea.
This chapter, I'm wondering where did Star's nerve go? In the early chapters he tried to attack Luna when he thought she reverted back to NMM, but in this chapter he's reduced to a whimpering puddle at just the sight of NMM. I get that he's afraid, but that never stopped him before the catacombs. The fear after they start getting assaulted by nightmares is understandable, but before that happens, it feels out of place to me.
As always, can't wait for the next chapter.
I think that he was more scared now since it is the unknown to him and this really is NMM and there is no questioning it. And he was also reluctant from the start going back in there because again he know nothing about the spirit that attacked him all he knew was that it ment harm to him and others initially. The fact that it was NMM was basically the thing that made all this make more since based on the situation since it wasn't just a molevolent spirit. Plus he can't fight a spirit.
Another wonderful chapter..
Out of the Frying pan, into the Deep Fryer, into the the explosive fire
Time for some "constructive" criticism:
I find the lack of Nightmare Mooning highly disturbing!
Ok.
I must agree with others that the back and forth was a little grating but it can easily be explained considering that it was an important decision and people do not like to make them lightly. I would have probably more expected them to simply play with Dawn until NMM returns to confront here there because Star knew that they could not escape in the first place and NiMM proved that realy well.
This chapter also delivers a lot of long term potential next to the short term everybody can expect. Realy want to see Light/Star having some serious night time issues and not simply get over that encounter just like that.
But seriously. More Nightmare Mooning! :P
3731490
I guess I"ll start with the fear-factor. When Luna pranked Star as NMM. yes, he did attack her but out of desperation and fear for Luna. Of course this was a physical form of NMM and he promptly broke down crying there-after.
Because we as readers are on the outside looking in, it can sometimes be difficult for us to experience the character's situation. So I'll break it down simply. There is a thing in the dark that's been harassing Star all day. Giving off an aura of fear and darkness. He's seen real ghosts of ponies, crying out in horror. He gets chased all night by griffons, almost succumbs to hypothermia, falls into a dark hole becoming lost in the depths of a place that radiates despair and fear, and meets the REAL NMM who gives off a natural aura of terror. Not to mention surrounded by the bones of hundreds of dead ponies.
Equestia may have it's dark underbelly, but this much death, hate and fear is alien to normal guys like Star and Light. It soaks into them and rattles their confidence.
IF he met the real NMM back home, I think he would've been in much better shape to put up a fight. But by this point, poor Star is exhausted, lost with the bones of terror bound ghosts and facing an angry spirit older than Luna. He has every right to just break-down.
As for the pillar. It was the only option he could think of to give them any chance to get away. NMM would have never let them go. Even with Dawn giving them a guide, she would have dragged them back, kicking and screaming.
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The guards have all been briefed that Light is currently a consort. The Griffons all think he's a consort too, it's just politically easier to explain why he should be allowed to hang around the meetings. The general public knows nothing.
3732170
Good news, you'll get some of what you're wanting.
Bad news, you'll get some of what you're wanting.
Congrats on 50 chapters and 1/4 of a million words! Let's hope the next chapter comes soon, I neeeeeds it.
Stars.
Holy crap, a deal with the Devil! I gotta say, I'm loving the backstory here. The unicorn tribe tortured, mistreated, and killed the Alicorns. So sad. Also, if that King was Sombra, shit's gonna get crazy here in a bit.
Another fantastic chapter, brother.
3732476
Well, the alicorns killed each other. Rules of immortality and all. We'll get into that before long.
The King was the one in the Hearth Warming Eve. Princess Platinum mentioned her daddy the King. So my head-cannon is that the unicorn tribe split during the Windigo problem. Platinum took some of the tribe to find a new home while the King refused to leave and just went underground with those who supported his solution.
Since Sombra is related to the Crystal Empire, eh... I donno. It certainly would be interesting, but sounds like it'd be a story in it's own right.
I get ten bits if Dawn gets reincarnated as Cheerilee's daughter.