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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Or so they thought
yay
Doth Mine Eyes Decieve ME! 38 Chapters and Incomplete so far! Ohhh boy... Whelp, let's add to read later for now.
Huzzah!
Yay new chapter
It was awesome. Great to see some more past stuff from Celestia and Luna
Commence Read!
Huzzah.
I did notice something
Isn't it supposed to be star in the sentence? not light?
keep up the good work on this story
1640225
Woops, yeah, derped. Lemmie fix that.
1640169
It's only 157 thousand words. No big deal.
This is why I love this story. It's so versatile that I find it hard to believe that it's all written so well. You've got action, sadness, clop and grimdark, and it's stirring up emotions left and right. This chapter added yet another emotion to the list, which is cringing for lack of a better word. Don't think that's a bad thing, though. And I learned some new things about the princesses! Luna is a control-freak and Celestia likes to be submissive.
Loved this chapter.
One thing you should watch out for are the walls of texts. The longest paragraph was 19 lines long, which is too much.
1640257
Yeah, there's a fine line between too small and too long paragraphs. I generally go with my gut and break it when there's a minor transition of action. Something like that. I'll reread and take a look.
Sooo...cringing? What exactly are you cringing about?
He did it, he finally did it. After all those chapters, FINALLY a true show of intimacy from Luna and a true sign of love
And I must truly compliment you for dealing with all questions that the cliffhanger had to offer in the last chapter
I can feel how glad starstep must be at this point.
But Indigo I've just got my mental image of Starstep right, and you throw THAT at my mind. ohh well it was kind of sweet and he sort of did ask for it
This is a really good chapter. CAN'T wait for the next one
1640278 It's just what certain types of fetish-clop does to me. Any kind of watersports will make my hair rise and my spine shake. I might even occasionally punch a wall if it's exceptionally freaky. And to reiterate, it's not (necessarily) a bad thing.
:1640278
Either THAT or the bitter sweet feel this chapter gives. The urge to beam in happiness while also wanting to cry
1640299
Haha, understandable. Hence the Foreword about it. It's not for everypony, so I try to keep it light and moving along while still touching on it as a means to portray a character's hidden side. It's also a bit of a hint at Luna's preferred way of doing things. Besides, at least Starstep finally got some from Luna...sort of.
Holds up the riding crop. "All hail the New Lunar Republic!"
I have never seen that side of celestia, well, she is still being a very misterious mare. The clop scene with Luna and Star was an extreme WTF, I felt I was reading "Inside royal chambers" once again
Excelent chapter as always.
1640355
I can't say I've ever read that story. Still, glad you enjoyed the chapter overall despite your reservations of the Luna x Star scene.
I feel bad for Luna. The hurt in her past is obvious, as is her feelings for Star. But she's being so calculating about it. We know she loves him, she's just afraid to fully embrace it.
Another amazing chapter!
Huh, well a 'mistress' luna was implied in their relation ship from the start i suppose, and he certinly dident seem to mind. Personally was hoping for more of a switch luna, dominate somtimes, but also submissive when she, or her stallion, wanted. Celestia wanting a filly? Yeah that makes sense, being so old after all im sure such thoughts would not only appear but weigh heavly upon the alicorn sisters.... imma just stop myself before i start rambeling to much. bluh bluh bluh.. Good chapter, favourate story. kissy dash
HAZZAH!
1640464
*rolls about with kissy Dash* Oh, silly lobo pony. Who's to say what other things Luna likes? Story isn't over yet.
1640492
As long as it isn't golden showers I think we'll live through it
What...the...actual...buck
did i miss something?
since when does luna ever let starstep have his way?
the image of luna working at a sex-based version of burger king comes to mind when i finished this
YES FINALLY! A LUNAXSTARSTEP CLOP!
They're cute.
In a very strange way.
Lactation fetish i didnt really mind too much, as you pointed out it made a lot of sense when you consider Lighthoof's past. The only part that made me a tad uneasy was Star tasting himself to clean Luna, just not my thing i suppose. All in all this was a very good chapter, some important insight into both Luna and Celestia as well as a tad bit more intimacy between Luna and Star that was a long time coming. As always I'll eagerly await the next chapter, keep up the good work.
1641426
Star cleaning Luna like that is not really my cup O' tea either. But I felt it an important glimpse into just how willing he is to do uncomfortable things for his Princess. From never having been with a mare to stepping a bit out of his comfort zone, Star has come a long way. I guess you could say, Luna is starting to push him to find his boundaries. I try to keep the uncomfortable scenes short and to the point. I feel it gets across the message and I can move on. Assuming ponies are 'getting' the message behind it all and not just clop.
Every time I hear about another fetish I die a little inside from my inability to forget such things. I can handle the ideas fine as long as they don't go into things like 'golden showers' and the like.
Good chapter though. I love it when a story is so detailed and still has a good pace. Can't wait for more.
1641494 I have to say. I always knew she had to be lonely, but I like the way this was, how should I say this, planned out? And she even cried, etc etc. Good things good things....well ya know what i mean, good plot and character structure for her. On another note....hmmm, so Luna starts with a blow-job eh? I don't blame him for finishing early either....at least I think that's what happened, unless I misread. I mean, you can only admire something you want for so long until your...uhh.....control..begins to dwindle. And its probably only because he loves her so much. If this were any other mare, for something like a fling; that's the times when it wants to last an absurd amount of time. Damn you science.
1641680 1640523
Go ahead and tell you now, "Golden Showers" is not happening. Celestia's little fetish is probably as extreme as I'll go and it served it's purpose. That's not to say there wont be more interesting, more main-stream fetishes, like light-bondage and a little pain/pleasure, but y'all have already seen bits of that earlier in the story. It may get a little heavier but not by much and not all the way into 'gimp-suit' territory.
Next up, the city of Spurlin and the Griffons.
alchohol with luna in griffon territory why do i feel that this won't end well
FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC
An interesting turn for Lighthoof and Celestia. It always leaves me wondering what will happen next.
Oh, and I happen to share that lactation and femdom fetish.
FINISH IT!!!
1641725
To be honest i had no problem with celestias bit, it was kind of cute with her being all vulnerable and made sense, a mother without children.
No im thinking about Starstep licking his own "ewww" from her neck.
I mean i thought he got enough mistress from her when they're casually together. I mean the next time the mistress thing escalated it could be her transforming into nightmare moon while dribbling ever so slowly some hot candle wax on his back... Im not giving ideas this was an example
you rock woo hoo
For the longest time, I could never figure out the little hints in the dialogue that would justify Tia's actions. Now it makes sense. Then again, was never really good at taking a hint :-)
Hope things are working out and you keep cranking out these chapters. Things are getting better.
To be honest, when the end of the story finally arrives, I will be saddened by the fact that I won't be waiting for updates on this awesome story. Keep at it.
My drama senses are tingling!
deviantart.com/download/271124170/your_friendly_neighborhood_spider_mare_by_hazamaitsuru-d4hf4qy.png
Poor Tia, she really is just like any other pony in the end.
Why so far 38 chapters and yet nothing has really happened between Star and Luna besides what happened in this chapter. I have been reading this for the past 3 days and finally caught up now then I will wait for the next chapter now.
1646586
Because Luna has a lot of baggage and is a very...reserved pony when it comes to intimacy. Tia was always the more popular one back before the NMM banishment. There was a lot of build-up to this relationship so that the pay-off is Oh so much sweeter. Patience, my friend.
Huzzah! The fun has been doubled!
You taunt me endlessly with your hints of intimacy between your main character and Luna.
Good. You've made me wait anxiously for your updates. While this may not be the most exciting, adventurous, or technically masterful work of fiction it still captures my attention. If nothing else you have shown that you can tantalize your readers wonderfully.
The romance, by the way, is charmingly wonderful. In this facet, I think your story does very well.
1647885
*Wingbows* My thanks for the compliment. I know it may not be full of adventure or danger, but social and romantic drama can be just as thrilling. My goal was two fold. First, to show that not all Princess characters need rescuing. Luna is quite capable of doing the rescuing. And second, to show that even a fic with clop can be well thought out and more than a cheap thrill. Part of what makes relationships are the things that go on behind closed doors. In some ways, I'm ashamed that our society here in the states is so afraid to talk about intimacy and sex in general.
Anyhoof, I do hope you'll continue to enjoy the story.
1648568
I would say you have certainly achieved those goals. I hadn't even really gotten the hint about the "Princesses don't get rescuing." I simply enjoyed Luna's strong and interesting character. I like the direction you have expanded her character, and I greatly admire that you stick to canon while doing so.
In the efforts of a clopfic about romance, character development and plot (not that kind, either) I commend you greatly. This is one of the things I try to do with my stories as well.
I think sexual elements can add to a work of fiction immensely. The emotions one can elicit whilst using them are unlike anything else. I think the ways you use them in your fiction do that fairly well, yet I feel as if many of the sexual scenes you add are more for character development and inner exploration. Simply a different paradigm in the same vein, however.
I have a soft spot for Luna in particular, which drew me to this fic initially. Which goes to say... when scenes happen between the two of them...
Well, lets just say my expectations will be high. But I know you can make it awesome!
Also, if you're looking for editors to preread your stuff, I'd be more than happy to offer my eye. I might have suggestions about scenes or paragraphs but mostly I just have a watchful eye for grammar and sentence structure.
Thanks for the reply!
An interesting fanfic, the story has multiple threads that tie together into a fascinating knot The OCs are as interesting as the main six of the series, if not more so, and as a result their absence is barely felt, a true achievement for any fanfic writer who wishes to write about the world away from a series main characters.
While I am not a fan of clop fics (I will stress here that have nothing against them and those who enjoy them) the clop scenes are well constructed and tie into character development perfectly, so kudos on that front. Furthermore I would like to say this; in almost all cases of such written encounters between fictional characters the point is purely gratification, the characters are sacrificed to create written pornography. In this case you have managed to make something I usually skip over an expression of the characters, and their bonds, rather than having characters pushed together for the sake of quick amusement it used to show Starstep and co in an intimate light not merely on their more private areas but in their personalities.
The real draw for me is the character development, not merely that of the OCs, which is excellent, but of that of Luna, normally the character is given the qualities of an uncertain teenager trying to fit in a world that she has little in common with. Here she is easily the most powerful character in any scene she graces, even Celestia comes second to her, truth tell there are times which one wishes that someone would put her down a peg, but at the same time I would imagine that that someone would have a difficult time in doing so. This Luna is harsh at times, but for good reason, and she fits the role of Dirach well.
Finally; the keyword I would use for this fic would be 'consequences'. Normally when a character makes a mistake of morally questionable decisions, or even when they must sacrifice something in exchange for something else the impact of such things undone by something to lessen the consequences for those actions. In this fic the characters feel the, and are defined by, the pain of their loss. The drama is not undone by lucky chance or divine intervention, in order to gain something precious they must also lose something precious, and that is something that adds to a story in a way not many professional writers are capable of.
Thank you for writing this fic, it has been an enjoyable experience. I await the next installment with Patience and anticipation.
BlackWinter
1650267
*wingbows* My thanks for your compliments and literary analysis. While I'm not blind to think my writing is perfect, it's always nice to hear people catch the intentions of the story. I may suffer from questionable use of punctuation at times, at least I seem to be able to tell an engaging story. As for bringing Luna down a peg. I don't think that's psychically possible without Mary Sue'ing to hell and back. Psychologically, however, she's as vulnerable as her sister. There was also the fire she couldn't handle on her own, which suggests the sisters are not all powerful.
Looked up the word Dirach, as I'm not familiar with it. But all I found were listings involving particles. Can you elaborate? I love new words.
1650304
You are very welcome, I fear that I may have brought up your hopes somewhat though; 'Dirach' was merely a mistyped Diarch, a Diarchy is kind of government where there are two heads of state as opposed to a Monarchy with one. I believe that Luna is well suited to the role of Diarch due to her personality, the idea being that she is more akin to what a fair medieval absolute monarch would have been, and like the Night Guard, capable of doing what must be done where Celestia would be perhaps too willing to turn the other cheek.
As for the sisters, I very much get the impression that in this story they posses immense powers, however there are certain rules of magic that they are still bound to. Ie; Lunas powers' are derived from the night, therefore she is stronger with things associated with the night, however with things that could be perceived as belonging to the 'day', like what amounts to the essence of fire, she is weaker with.
Lectures aside, I do enjoy your work, and thank you once again for providing an interesting and engaging story.
BlackWinter
1640111 though?
"Though I'm certain the evening will pass without life-threatening dangers."
That's asking for it almost as bad as if she had asked "What could possibly go wrong?"