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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Damn...Well I guess it's true what they say "Can't Win them All".
9161666
Probably...
9162204
Indeed.
Ouch.
Why didn’t she use second wind?
9164674 She didn't think she needed it initially, and surprises can make you forget things sometimes. Also, nobody's perfect.
So... I am having some mixed feelings. I understand that the point of this game is for Yang to be able to train up her fighting skills without the moral issues she has about hurting someone, but. But.
It is extremely disjointed. This is a different story tacked onto this one. The story you were writing had two elements:
The slice of life that Yang wanted to live,
and the action that the world forced upon her.
I don't even know what this is. There was a much more elegant solution that could have been used instead of this VR thing. Even if you were married to the idea (which you were, clearly) the amount of pointless detail that has gone into it is... well...
It is all very "real worldy." I live a life that is filled with internet culture and games (among other things,) so it is strange and not entirely welcome when those things intrude upon the media I was using to escape it. Know what I mean? I get that you really want to build this "game" up, it is clear you thought about it a lot from the descriptions you give, but I can't help but feel like it would all be better fit in a story that could focus on it, rather than hijack the spotlight of this story. The restaurant thing was one matter, as it was a background element, but this has taken the front of the stage.
The key difference here, since I may be called crazy for calling the restaurant a background piece, is the level of detail and purpose served. The restaurant element provided a setting, an anchor and drive for the protagonist, and was an all around gateway for characters. The game has two people in it, one of whom is completely non sequitur. It doesn't provide a real setting, and serves a single function, rather than being an open door.
So I understand why it's here, and that this story, as with many others, is just a place for an aspiring writer or particularly bored normal person to write out their fantasies, with occasional attempts at something serious happening every once in a while. This is your story, so do what you like, but just know that not everyone has the same interests as you, and the more you stray away from writing a cohesive story in favor of including some random thing you like, the more readers you will lose along the way.
I'm sorry if I come off as rude, or just generally dickish, because I don't mean to. My friends tell me that it happens a lot, and all I am trying to do is help by adding my own perspective into someone's thought process to give them more angles to think from. If you have questions, my inbox is fairly empty, and I wish you the best of luck.
I hate making accounts but I just had too much to say about this so expect long rambling.
I was bit sad about lack of customisation for humans since that means no eerie similarities to certain people who are know for beating original Yang (AKA the iceream lady and certain faunus extermist).
I am now expexting Yang to face of or at least mention facing one of her numerous fans who actually plays this game and is determined to recreate real life her in the game (by pure coincience having picked exact same stats). Even more so I am lookin foward for fans reaction to realizing that she battled the real one regardless of the figths conclusion. Maybe even have Yang as her coach (as unlikely as that is to actually happen in this story).
Then comes the charater you want. Moment you revealed there are rare items I was thinking about Collector who true to her/his name is driven to collect at least piece of everything in the game. Strategy in the battle would hve been to lose first match to learn opponents figthing style and equipment and on rematch have changed out to counter opponents style of play with armor and tactics.
With visual effects I thougth of having somethig of money related as wink to microtransactions that are generally easiest way to gather exotic and hard to get items but posibility of having them see though to the point of not revealing what their defensive stats and rarity bonuses are (in case someone actualy tries to memorice equipment bonuses). Stat point spending, race and look are proplematic.
Thinking fighting strategy over I setled for balanced alicorn since equipment was supposed to change style from speed and agility agaist hard hitters to just tanking it against spesialized speedsters with weak punches. That was until I thought of having all the visual effects randomised which made me realize the perfect solution to make it all work.
After all... Every popular game has cheaters and who better to already act on the phrase "Instead of breaking the rules, why dont we just bend them?" than DisCRd? He has the easiest time finding information on his opponens, likely only one who can switch around stat points and even switch armor in the middle of figth!
Yes that makes my plan with collector pointless, BUT this sounds just too much like what discord would do in a game! Checking out opponents playstyle, then switching his points and equipment to pit players agains loadouts they have most trouble with but to still keep figths fair he would always be on the same level as his opponent and If they do beat him he has ensured they are guaranteed to get one rare item from beating him. (Even then there are likely lot of complaints that developers can't do anything about since its than diScRD.
I hope you consider it. Having see thougth let alone invisible equipment already sounds unfair and you can have that as excuse for giving Yang onde of the rare/legendary items either by flasback to Discord figth telling how she earned one of the pieces you mentioned her getting between this and last chapter or to replace broken one.
XD I was thinking of making a human fighter
9164758 Thanks for the criticism, but if you don't mind me asking, what would this more elegant solution have been? I'm curious.
9165423 As far as I know, there's nothing stopping you from making a human character and submitting it. If there is something stopping you, I'm not aware of it.
9165596
There are many, the "elegant" part I was referring to was really meant as "doesn't break the flow of the story." Some examples off the top of my head include the dream combat you hinted at earlier in the story, magical constructs, or pretty much anything that already existed and did not need much explaining. All the game stuff could easily work, honestly, if the explaining parts were cut down significantly. Personally, running with this idea, I would have made it something more along the lines of a holodeck than an oculus rift.
Oh!!!!! What about tag team battles? Will those be a thing in iron ring?
Wait! Who was the player though?
9216697 Must everyone be named? Blizzard Knuckle is just someone somewhere. Who she really is doesn't really matter. Unless comedy or relevant character. Same thing with Barrel Buster, along with some upcoming opponents.