Breakin' 2: Electric Scootaloo
Nopony woke up to see Scootaloo bouncing a rubber ball against the left wall of the alleyway.
"Shouldn't you be at school?" He asked.
"What do you care?"
"No foal who's cardboard box I jacked is going to live with me without getting an education."
"You!.." Scootaloo paused. "I don't know what part of that sentence makes me the maddest yet- wait!!" Scootaloo shot out of the box towards the end of the alleyway, "What are they doing together!?"
"Who?" Nopony got up and stretched.
"Over there!"
Nopony slowly yawned. Taking his time trotting over, he peeked his head out of the alleyway and saw Rainbow and Diamond chatting with each other.
Scootaloo scowled. "Isn't that kinda a weird pairing to you?"
Nopony calmly looked at Scootaloo, then his reflection in the puddle nearby.
"They're definitely a novelty." Nopony laid back down.
"I know! Something must be up..."
"The older one should be at her job, and the younger one should be at school."
"Exactly! School has another 2 hours before it ends! What is she doing messing around with Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo glared at Diamond.
"It is ridiculous how often foals here are left unsupervised by their parents considering we live right next to the Everfree Forest." Nopony mused.
"Look at them, they're slinking into some back alleyway! That is totally suspicious!" Scootaloo trotted back to where Nopony was sitting and snuggled into his side. "Stranger danger is kindergarten stuff! You don't just trot up to an adult you don't know in some alleyway!"
"You'd definitely be a complete idiot if you did something like that," Nopony deadpanned. "Stop worrying about it Scootaloo, I'm pretty sure Diamond Tiara knows who the Element of Loyalty is."
"Why would she ever hang out with Diamond Tiara in an alleyway? I know everything there is to know about alleyways! I live in one! Rainbow should asking me to go into an alleyway with her, not Diamond! I should be the one she's taking advantage of!"
Nopony slowly turned his head towards Scootaloo.
"Shut up." Scootaloo cringed.
"Wooooooooow." Nopony slowly clapped.
"Shut up, just... just shut up, okay? That didn't happen." Scootaloo started pacing back and forth.
"Alright, alright... it's not the end of the world kid. I know you're a little..."
"A little what?" Scootaloo's eye twitched.
"You're kinda losing it kid, why don't you try to relax?"
Scootaloo sighed, "yeah, you're right," then pulled out a condom.
Nopony quietly stared at Scootaloo fumble with it's wrapper like a drug addict.
"You wouldn't use it for its intended purpose," he commented, "that's far too boring and predictable."
"I thought I told you to shut up." Scootaloo proceeded to inflate the condom, and tie it into a Rainbow Dash shaped balloon animal.
"This is pretty well made, how many times have you done this?" Nopony examined Condom Dash.
Scootaloo pulled out a couple more condoms out of her nonexistent pockets. "Do you think Diamond Tiara would do anything weird to her?"
"Well, I would normally say no, but from what I've seen, she's one of two fillies in Ponyville who acts like a sociopath at times."
"Do you think we're going to have to save her?"
"She'd probably pop your balloon if she saw it."
"I'm talking about the real Rainbow Da-"
"Awwww you made one of me!" Nopony picked up his balloon condom counterpart.
"O- oh, do you like it?" Scootaloo blushed.
"It's perfect!"
Nopony took Nocondom and put him in the box. He positioned it right under the picture Scootaloo drew of them fighting off griffons taped to the wall.
"What the heck is this?!" A voice called out from the alleyway.
Nopony and Scootaloo poked their heads out of the box to see Diamond pop Sweetie Condom.
"Hey, you leave Sweetie Belle alone!" Scootaloo yelled.
"Whaaaaat theeeee..." Rainbow stared at her balloon animal.
"What are you two freaks doing in here?!" Diamond demanded.
"Keeping an eye on you!" Scootaloo sneered.
"Keeping an eye on Scootaloo." Nopony smiled.
"What were YOU doing with Rainbow Dash in that alleyway?" Scootaloo pointed a hoof at Diamond.
"Matilda was taking a short cut home through that stupid wet, smelly alleyway and dropped all her groceries!" Diamond rolled her eyes. "Rainbow Dash wanted to help her pick them up."
"Oh."
"Whaaaaaaat." Rainbow's eye twitched.
The two fillies quietly glared at each other.
"W- well, why are you two hanging out with each other? You're not friends!" Scootaloo shot back.
"I like having the best grades in class as much I love having the best tiara!" Diamond huffed, "and just like I love having the best grades and the best tiara, of course I love having the best body!"
"What? That doesn't make any sense!" Scootaloo pouted.
"We're gym partners! She pushes herself almost as much I do!" Diamond gave a cocky grin.
"That... makes a lot of sense." Scootaloo unpouted.
"Whaaaaaat the hay."
"Now girls, both of you should be in school." Nopony lectured.
"Forget school!" They both shouted in sync.
Nopony got a dangerous glint in his eye.
"I- I mean, I love school," Scootaloo chuckled nervously.
"Are you seriously scared of this loser-"
"You're right Diamond, let's go to school!" Scootaloo dragged Diamond out of the alleyway.
"HEY! I'M NOT DONE..."
Nopony sat down next to Rainbow Dash as she stared at her condom counterpart.
"Whaaaa-"
"Now Rainbow, I know this is new experience for you, but don't worry," Nopony picked up Condom Dash and hoofed it to her, "you've got protection."
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I need an adult.
To paraphrase:
8162885
*hands you Nocondom* It's dangerous out there. Take this.
8162885
I am an adult.
Yea that's all I got for this chapter. Still who is leaving a box of Nocondoms laying around? As Nopony wouldn't be that irresponsible would he?
Jesus just make a sequel for the story already. The main story was concluded long ago, this is just extra fluff.
8162902
well thanks old pony
that's really really nice
I can always count on you
For some friendly advice
But I've never seen a condom quite that shape or size...
Oh wait
8162902 It's dangerous to go alone!
TAKE THIS!
I lost it at the end LOL
8162955
Upvote for Starbomb.
I have no idea what just happened
But I love it
8163149
That's pretty much how I feel about every chapter...
I hate you I was laughing way too hard at this one. :D
>snort
Just read this all in one sitting... I could actually see Celestia doing something like this. You don't live for over a thousand years without developing some eccentricities
8162902
8162961
If you're going alone then you don't need one of those.
I'm still waiting for Luna to come looking for Celestia. With the Royal Guards and chains.
Yer brain's gone weird again.
....
It's fantastic!
8163544 Said the guy with the tied-up Daring Do avatar.
8163652
I never said I wasn't a hypocrite
8162941 That's the point. It's bonus. Don't ruin it for the rest of us.
This story.
As usual this chapter did not disappoint! 
That last line was gold.
8164661 I'm not trying to, but at this point it seems a little redundant.
Whaaaa?
This explains the horrible rainbow balloon pony in the best possible way. Excellent work, though it's a bit hard to tell who's saying what at the end.
At last Scootaloo is not saying "It must be a changeling!"
And somehow I wonder if Scootaloo already tried to get a cutie mark in making balloon animals with condoms...
Yes, it is.
But still less weird than this story...
8164847 Are you still enjoying it?
8167747
Zingers man.
This chapter really tickled my pickle.
I thought I was going to hate this... BUT THE BUILD UP TO THAT LAST JOKE! HA! That was great!
The payoff. So. Worth it.
Also Whaaaaaa-
8162941 That's the beauty of it. With enough fluff, the story can withstand even the strongest anti-fluff missile.
This is still so much fun to go back and read. It never gets old
I feel like this entire chapter was made for that last joke.
If so, well played.
I some how missed this chapter and I feel sad about that but then I read it and laughed like a lunatic at the thing.
8187964
A lot of chapters are set ups for single joked at the end and are amazing all the way through.
um.. the only pun I can think of is Nopony: "Now, lets see if it fits."
I couldn't help but to laugh hard at this
because I made a similar joke yesterday at work
8167747
*hoofs over Condom Dash*
It's dangerous to fuck alone, take this
Time to wrap it up
I dunno, take your Pick(leless)
That was... strange...
Where did Scoots get all of those
...
*Gasps*
where did she even get those condoms
8361700 The pharmacy.
Wait...wait...wait. Does this mean that Nobody is going to take advantage of Rainbow Dash?! O.O
A little fun in the sun.
I died. I just fell over and died.
*dies*
[Cue traumatic backstory]