Home is for the Weak

by Pickleless

Eat your friends, they're delicious.

Scootaloo and Nopony sat in their box, staring off into the clouds with a blank, detached look on their faces. It was lazy days like this tha-

"Quick, off the top of your head," Nopony shouted, "if Sweetie Belle had a taste, what would it be?!?"

"Marshmallows!" Scootaloo shouted.

"Applebloom!"

"Apples, duh!"

"Applejack?"

"Uhh... Apples?"

"No!" Nopony growled. "She is obviously whiskey."

"What's whiskey?" Scootaloo tilted her head in an adorable manner.

"...I'll tell you when you're older. Fluttershy!"

"A tree!"

"Rarity!"

"Nasty!"

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Beef jerky!"

"Twi- wait what?" Nopony stopped.

"Beef jerky!" Scootaloo echoed.

"Kid, she is obviously skittles."

"Pff! Rainbow Dash wouldn't have no namby pamby taste like skittles. She's an awesome flavor, like beef jerky!"

"...How do you know what beef jerky tastes like?"

"...So Twilight!"

"Scootaloo."

"She would obviously taste like something nerdy."

"Scootaloo..."

"I don't know... what do you think?"

"Cocaine, Scootaloo, how do-"

"What's cocaine?"

"Something that seems nice and friendly at first, but the longer you're around it, the more things go to tartarus."

"Yep, that's Twilight alright."

"Scootaloo, how do you know what-"

"Celestia is oatmeal with dinosaur shaped marshmallows in it."

Nopony blinked. "She is?"

"Yeah, because she sounds awesome, but ends up being really disappointing."

"...Okay, I deserve that one."

"You do?" Scootaloo cocked her head.

"But seriously, I'm kinda concerned you know what meat tastes-"

"Princess Luna would be an energy drink."

"Scootaloo!"

"What would Princess Cadence be?"

Nopony sighed.

"Peeps." He grunted.

"Peeps?"

"These little candies that are shaped like baby chicks that are so nauseatingly sugary that just having one makes you sick to your stomach."

"And Cadence is one of those?"

"She's so optimistic you can't help but feel tired after being around her for five minutes."

Scootaloo frowned, deep in thought.

"You okay kid?"

"Hey Nopony?"

"Yeah Scootaloo?"

"Why are all the princesses things that are bad for us?"

...

"Nopony, are you okay? ...Nopony?"

Comments

[MoldyShishkabob]

I'm still pretty sure that I taste like lemons.
Because you add sugar and happy thoughts and stuff and you get lemonade, or I'm just sour when I'm stewing in a corner on my lonesome.

… But mainly because of the yellow skin.

[Grandfather]

I taste like metal (and regret). Great story though keep it up

[Deathm0nger]

More?

[Pickleless]

6556637
Tomorrow.

[shynight]

You know, after reading all the crazy shit you've written about the adventures of Stupid Doll, you'd think I'd be used to the insanity that is your writing, Pickleless. My aching sides tell a different story. This was hilarious. I demand MORE!

[Deathm0nger]

6556754 yush!

[Phaoray]

"Celestia is Oatmeal with Dinosaur shaped marshmallows in it."

"Why are all the princesses things that are bad for us?"

Oatmeal is very healthy for you, it just doesn't taste great unless you add something to it. Marshmallows don't count.

"...How do you know what beef jerky tastes like?"

She lives in a box in an alleyway, where in the world would you get the idea that she is picky on what she finds to eat? She probably wrestled it away from one of FS's critters...or Fluttershy is a bit sick and feeds it to Scootaloo when she comes around to eat with the rest of her animals.

[gchamp89]

6557218 The WTFs...It's over 9000!!!

[Trenton]

Funny, charming, and a true piece of hilarious art! I can't wait for more!

[Headlock1_0]

I love this so far! I'm looking forward to more!

Also, I hope I would taste like something good...I guess I'm not that confident.

[howard035]

6556218 ............... I think that's jaundice.

[tehspeleengpolise]

This chapter propelled this utterly idiotic wreck of a story right into my favourites.

It also made me wonder for several minutes what I would taste like, and that's something that doesn't happen all that often.

[BaconedCake]

I feel like I taste like water or something

[Tuong Lu Kim]

"Beef Jerky? Oh. I found it on the ground."

"Have any y'all seen Daisy Jo lately? Usually she stops by at this time fer her milkin. She aint left no note, and her herd haven't seen her.

"Not for a while!"

*Nobody stares at Scootaloo*

[ElementalHybrid]

"What's Cocaine?"
"Something that seems nice and friendly at first, but the longer you're around it, the more things go to tartarus."

[Semi-AutomagicCupcake]

I taste like Cupcakes and gunpowder.

[Ultimate Bromaeda]

science, I taste like science.

[Ink Sword]

I taste like blueberries and hot Cheetos, should I be concerned?

[Bandana The Reaper]

I probably taste like old bones and dust.

[NewKerbalEmpire]

I taste like a mixture of sugar and flour. Mostly flour.

[ThatBatJess]

Something that seems nice and friendly at first, but the longer you're around it, the more things go to tartarus."

So dang true.

[TheGeekyOne]

I would be a sourpatch kid or something.

[Robot Sparky]

I think we would taste like cold fusion which for some reason taste just like nuka cola quantum

[A Joe in the Bush]

"Pixy Stixs, Scootaloo, how do-"
"What's Pixy Stixs?"
"Something that seems nice and friendly at first, but the longer you're around it, the more things go to tartarus."

Err, what happened to Twilight being Cocaine?

[Pickleless]

6959382
Tried submitting it to Equestria Daily, saying cocaine was one the few things keeping it from going. Other being minor grammar stuff.

[lolgal555]

Inspiring

[keaton-furman-prower]

Scootaloo is best carnivore!

[Jake Witt]

Luna is an energy drink!

i.ytimg.com/vi/0hvGZhCoq3s/hqdefault.jpg
Your move, Luna.

[Misty Spell]

Holy shitballs on toast that ended deep.

[Healthy Clop]

6581126
Well, you are a Brony so I rather doubt you are so plain and uninteresting.

[Bipper]

I taste like the worst yet best taste to your taste-buds.

[mysterioustgexpert]

I taste like raw meat. I find myself quite delicious. Kinda like pig yet different, must be cause I am not cooked. I really should stop my habit of tearing bit of flesh from my fingers.

[Kirbs]

I probably taste like cat piss or something

[ZackAttack]

I probably taste like reverse sour patches. Nice, and sweet when you taste it, but when you bite into it, all hell breaks loose in your mouth. So don't make me mad.

[SaraWalker107]

I have tasted myself before, and let me tell you I taste great.
.......
.......
.......
.......
OK, 2 things.

1. Egnore everything I just said...

and 2. I appoajise for the images you now have in your heads.

(p.s. No I'm not )

[Ebony Gryphon]

7291592
I'ma trigger you

[NeuroticScientist]

7293409 The fact that the first thing that came to my mind is that one Invader Zim episode tells me I am either too pure for FiMfiction, of that I should get psychoanalyzed and stuffed with meds.

Probably the latter.

Definetly the latter.

[thatguy45]

7960847

i4.ytimg.com/vi/kBHLAOpb5Gw/hqdefault.jpg

gee I wonder, Doug.

[Sollace]

7960847
7962026

Saltwater taffy, duh

What does Pinkie Pie taste like, though?

[Fistfire]

"Why are all the princesses things that are bad for us?"

[Faded Sky]

7963014
WRONG!
OBVIOUSLY Cheese Sandwich tastes like A CHEESE SANDWICH
sorry for yelling. I got carried away

[Dustchu]

Hehehehe, wooooow This is good... this is good.

Nicely done xD

[AMuffinlover]

Wonder what Scootaloo tastes like. Maybe chicken?

[Thatguywiththeface]

Now I really wanna eat Luna

[FireheartThePone]

I would taste like pure disappointment.

And G (character I put in everything, go read my book Fallout Equestria Six Bones and a Bunch of Stones for more info) would taste like something that's been left out in the sun for far too long.

[cccvvvttt]

[Infested Pony]

Given that I am comprised mostly of infested flesh, a small amount of fossilised flesh and coated in a layer of ferrite armour.
I have concluded that I must taste like cancer seasoned with stone and metal.

[Nebulous Draco]

9435389
Good stuff man!

[Gizmo Gear]

[porcelainpony]

Can I just say that I love the chapter titles