Cadence and Luna sat at the usual spot, waiting for their first cups of coffee at Donut Joe's. This time, Cadence broke a sacred rule and brought Flurry Heart with her.
"Tell me why I shouldn't kick you out of this booth right now." Luna gave her a withered glare.
"Oh relax." Cadence rolled her eyes. "She's knocked out cold, not even a rampaging monster could wake her up right now."
Flurry Heart's head slumped over, she started leaking drool over the table. Cadence lightly bopped her on the head over and over. Little sparks shot out of her horn as she sat there, unresponsive.
Luna smacked her over.
Flurry shot out a large laser that blasted out the open window. Luna and Cadence took cover as Flurry skidded across the table, still unresponsive.
Cadence and Luna slowly pulled their heads out from under the table,
"Luna, what were you thinking," Cadence shouted at her, "I do not want a child abuse or property damage lawsuit!"
"You did not warn me that she would shoot lasers!" Luna bellowed.
"Oh sure, just smack my baby! That's acceptable! Maker forbid she would retaliate!"
"THOU WILL-"
"Your order of coffee and donuts, ladies." Donut Joe dropped off three full mugs and a large pitcher of coffee, along with a tray of donuts. Luna and Cadence snatched their mugs immediately and downed them.
"Ahhhhhhh..." Luna and Cadence sighed.
"I apologize Cadence, you know how it is sometimes." Luna smiled.
"Of course." she picked up her baby. "I understand completely, it's behind us now." She set her baby upright. "I wonder... Did you and Celestia skip drinking coffee on the day you two fought-"
"She drank the last of it." Luna got a dangerous look in her eye.
Cadence quietly poured Luna another cup. Luna downed it.
"It's behind us now." She poured herself and Cadence another cup.
"So," Cadence lazily waved a hoof in front of her sleeping baby, "do you know what Flurry Heart dreams of?"
"Your infant?" Luna levitated a donut over towards her.
"Of course not, I meant my husband." She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I mix the two up sometimes, they're far too similar."
"Oh come on Luna," Cadence pouted, "I want to know what this little demon is plotting while she sleeps."
"She dreams of ice." Luna sipped on her mug.
"Ice?"
"Yes, everything covered in ice, why?"
Cadence gave her child a nervous glance.
"Reminds me of my sister a bit actually," Luna pondered out loud, "except with her everything was on fire-"
The ceiling imploded as a large male pegasus stallion came barreling through. Cadence snatched her baby and dived under the table with Luna. Shards of glass rained everywhere as he slammed down onto the coffee table and vomited up a little blood.
A loud monster roar shook the building.
"What was that?!" Cadence pulled her head out from under the table.
"Sorry about that," the stallion groaned, "some idiot shot a laser at a nearby dragon as it was passing by Canterlot."
Cadence glared at Luna as she slowly rose from under the table.
"You shot a dragon!"
"Oh please, what were the odds-"
"You somehow shot a dragon by punching my baby!"
"AND YOU HAD YOUR HUSBAND THROW YOU LIKE A-"
The Stallion filled the two mugs with coffee and hoofed it over to them. They both chugged it down quickly.
"Behind us now." They said in unison.
"Nopony!" Scootaloo ran into the shop, up to the Stallion. "I brought the monster here, like you asked!"
"I told you to take it away from Canterlot!" Nopony yelled.
"I thought you said to bring it to you!"
"How in the world did you mishear that badly?!" Nopony exploded. "Now!.."
Nopony downed the cup of coffee Scootaloo presented him.
"Okay, so we have a monster to deal with." Nopony wiped off his lips.
"Who the heck are you?!" Cadence pointed a hoof at Nopony.
"Oh yeah, I forgot!" Nopony laughed.
A bright light filled the room as Nopony turned back into Celestia.
"I apologize Scootaloo, but I'm afraid I had prior arrangements, I leave this matter in your hooves."
"What?!" Scootaloo yelled, "how am I suppose to stop-"
Scootaloo knocked Flurry Heart over with her flailing forelimbs, and made her shoot another laser out the window, the dragon screamed in pain.
"...That could work." Scootaloo scratched her chin.
"Hey, be careful!" Cadence scolded her.
"Hey I'm gonna borrow this for a second- k' cool- thanks- bye!" Scootaloo snatched Flurry Heart and ran out of the shop.
"What? No! My baby!" Cadence flew after her.
Celestia and Luna took a slow, long drink from their mugs as the dragon roared outside.
"Did you know that Flurry Heart has similar dreams to you?" Luna spoke up.
"Oh really?" Celestia smiled. "How sweet, perhaps we'll get along well when she grows up!"
"Yes, that would be... interesting." Luna frowned. "Speaking of which, who manages the court while you're gone?"
"With Scootaloo?" Celestia blinked. "I have a changeling take care of court for me usually, even when I'm not busy."
"Why would they ever agree to that?"
"Don't be silly Lulu, nobles love hearing themselves speak."
The dragon's roars started to quiet down as it flew off. Scootaloo and Cadence slowly entered the establishment.
"Thanks for the support there," Scootaloo said through gritted teeth, "I really, really appreciate it! You two are the best, the very best! I'll kill you! I'll make you both think you deserve it-"
Cadence poured herself and Scootaloo a cup of coffee, and hoofed a mug to her. They slowly drained their cups.
"All behind us now." Cadence said with a smile.
"Right, here's your baby back." Scootaloo put Flurry Heart back down on the table.
The baby, even now, was still completely unresponsive.
"I'll see you later!" Scootaloo gave a happy wave to Celestia as she left.
"Bye!" Celestia waved back, then took a sip of her coffee.
"So what's on your agenda for the day Auntie?" Cadence sat back down.
"Well, after this, I have a meeting with the dragon ambassador-" Celestia stopped.
Then slowly facehoofed.
Luna poured her a cup.
Luna you done bucked up. I wonder how Celestia will fix this fiasco?
It says it's complete... Am I missing something? Or is it really done?
8066332
The rule seems to be, it is complete, until another chapter shows up. Then it's still complete, just more so.
8066332 It's been complete since chapter 12. Everything else is just bonus
8066332 The 'story ' part is complete, but he updates it randomly with bonus chapters
8066321 the same way she fixes everything
Get Twilight to do it
8066321
8066358
Didn't you two read this chapter?
She will use an extra-large mug of extra-hot, extra-strong coffee.
: "That should work."
Hmm. I get the same way with hot chocolate.
8066397 hot chocolate trumps coffee any day.
The crossover everyone was asking for!
That's an awful lot of coffee involved in Equestrian history.
Few things can't be solved with coffee. And lasers.
8066583
Unless you find yourself in the curious situation where your problem is "too much coffee" and "too many lasers"
Oh god, that ending though! I hope we get a continuation of this some day.
8066723 The story still updates even though it's labelled complete.
Coffee, the savior of worlds <3
Ladies and gentlemen the secret prologue to Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale.
T
...You gave us this update on April fools day...
I bet it wasn't even a dragon.
8066618 BLASPHEMY!!
By the way, are we sure Flurry isn't dead?
8067187 She's still shooting lasers so I'm gonna go with no on that one.
8066736 Oh, I know. I've been following for a while now. I mean this one specifically since you, on rare occasion, do a continuation of like 'a week later' or something.
8067209 Oh...yeah, I guess that makes sense doesn't it?
I'm like that before my morning cup too
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
that is all.
8066332 It's as done as the universe is.
That is tosay, that it'll continue to evolve.
Almost every chapter of this story makes me want to favorite it again! Good work as usual!
8066618
I can't parse that sentence. You somehow seem to imply there is a thing such as too much coffee and too many lasers, but that wouldn't make sense, would it?
I also want to remind you that laser fix an astounding array of problems.
Cutting stuff? Laser!
Eye surgery? Laser!
Playing music? Laser!
Measuring stuff? Laser!
Pest control? Laser!
If you have problem of any kind there is a non-null chance that laser is the answer.
I...I honestly can't hit the Up button anymore than once...ONCE! D:
THEY SHOT THE DRAGON AMBASSADOR!!!
Good job, team!
The Clintons are proud!8070571
8067183
Normally I would agree with you (laser and/or coffee not solving your problem? Use MORE laser or coffee!), but I can think of three important edge cases that erstwhile coffee and laser crusaders need to be made aware of:
- Tachyarrhythmia cannot be solved satisfactorily with coffee.
- Overheating, combusting lasers cannot be solved satisfactorily with more lasers.
- Anything involving chlorine trifluoride
8072318
Tachyarrhythmia can probably be solved with lasers.
Lasers can be used for cooling, but you can also use sufficient amounts of lukewarm coffee for that.
If you are working with chlorine trifluoride then the problem is clearly at some earlier point. You can use lasers and coffee to dissuade somebody to start handling that stuff before it's too late (which is when you bring that bad idea made matter into existence).
What... What the heck did I just read?
Wait, I forgot I was reading a pickleless story for a second, nevermind.
Also,
Smacked her over the head perhaps?
8073894
I read it as Luna smacked Flurry hard enough to knock her over. Either works.
8073894
8072946
Good points. Good points. That is why I quantified the exceptions with "satisfactorily solved".
Lasers can indeed fix tachyarrhythmia, but people tend to get excitable, and panicky, and shouty when you try to cauterise their organs with a multi-megawatt laser, ironically exacerbating the condition you are trying to address.
Coffee can indeed be used as an emergency laser coolant and fire extinguishing medium, but then there is no coffee left over to drink, and everybody is sleepy, and Science is not getting done, and now nobody is happy!
ClF3, alas, is used extensively in the manufacture of semiconductors, so is is here to stay for the foreseeable future. Certain co-workers may prefer their coffee nearly black and strong enough to be used as a substitute, but clearly more study is needed. Perhaps Nopony could fund a research team to investigate further?
8072318 Well, not with that attitude at least. Quit overthinking things, man. Let the caffeine overdose and pretty red hurt lines do their job.
8074843
If people don't know what's good for them it's certainly not the Laser's fault.
Well, what you really need is staggering amounts of lukewarm coffee which then will become hot while cooling the laser down. This results in hot coffee and not-melting lasers and everybody wins. At least up to the point where you can keep the coffee consumption at a rate which allows the laser to cool down, but in my experience that shouldn't be a problem.
You got me there. I obviously mistook it for another fluoride-molecule with a bad temper which didn't do anything useful at all.
Should be take care of court for me, missed a word there.
8079109
Ohp-
8079122 <3 Us readers got your back
8090594
"Its" is an exception to this rule. The possessive form never has an apostrophe. "It's" means "it is" or "it has," not "belonging to it."
http://data.grammarbook.com/blog/pronouns/1-grammar-error/
8090826
Point one. ALWAYS reply in the same chapter the original comment was in, then the commenter you are replying to gets a message about it.
Point two. Thank you for the link, I have always done it my way though, it is how they taught us in school. I am 18, so no, you cannot say it was an old curriculum.
Point three. Did you actually read that article? It says that its was changed so it matched the other possessives. Meaning it was an exception to the opposite rule before the change, and is now not an exception.
Just read this sentence, it sounds horrible. Then fix it please.
Also, you keep spelling Cadance's name wrong. It has an 'a' not an 'e'. Look it up if you want. Go watch the credits of the show.(Minor point with that one, but the spelling has been changed, and is noted on the wikia, as the credits also change it. It was originally Cadence, but only for the first two or three episodes that she showed up in.)
8095259
UH OH~
Thanks.
8090826
I recieve your comment, even if you delete it.
Replying, just do what you normally do to reply, but make sure you are making the comment on the chapter it was in, not the main story page.
Marathoned the whole thing. worth it.
8136857
I'm glad you enjoyed it!