I'm a 23 yr old guy who loves Spike, Spike Ships and MLP. I love other things too, but other than that, I hope to bring you some great times and fun memories!!!
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Equestrian Academy, a school full of strict rules, magical fights, and shenanigans all around. When Spike arrives to the school on the note of his friend, Sweetie Belle, he'll find out exactly what makes this school special........In more ways than he could ever imagine!!!!!!
First ever Fic that I typed myself. Prologue is when they're 13, and everything else is 18+ Hope you all enjoy it and comment on anything you think is either good or bad. HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!
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Nice for a Starter
So far, its pretty good. A few things i noticed though:
1. The first few paragraphs were very heavy on exposition. This is good to set the background of a story, but most of it felt like i was being told what happened, rather than shown.
2. I noticed a few misspellings (especially "tho" instead of "though") so you may wanna use a spellcheck before posting it.
3. One last thing i noticed (though this is kind of me being picky) is that you used "gunna" when having Rarity talk. It would seem more natural for her to say "going to", and someone like Rainbow Dash to say gunna. At least in my opinion
Overall, though, i enjoyed the story, looking forward to the next part
Wow, you've had this one sitting around for a super long time. Good job.
The Prologue is Pretty Amazing!! I Hope The Rest of the Story is Gonna Be More Awesome!!
Random question. On a scale of 0-5 how anthro is this story, just to help me picture it.
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/131/e/6/types__applejack_by_shepherd0821-d64v7eg.jpg
4771183
3 or 4, mostly 3
4771440 Thank you.
4771520
Glad I could clear things up
I like the Prologue. Curious to see how this goes. I'll keep my eyes on it.
moreeee plx :'D
Well that was interesting. I wasn't spectating Spike to grow up to be a hornball but I guess that is what could happen if you go to a mostly boys school. (good thing I didn't have to deal with that) Do kinda hope he tones it down alittle and doesn't come off as too one dimensional. But for sure don't love the pervy nature.... just kinda hone it in to select targets..
One thing I am wonder is how smart and strong Spike is. I mean he 'has' lived with Twi for what 18 years he has had to pick up quite a bit from her. Not to mention I bet he has been working on AJ farm to earn money on top of his dragon origins to boost all of that. I wonder where he stands. Why haven't they mention Scoot going to the school before hand you would think Dash would have told him to look out for her or something.
4781247
You're kinda reading too much into this, which is kinda not bad. All your questions and more will be addressed more in the story!!!
4781400 Hey it is what I do. If I don't that shows you didn't catch my attention lol. Heck I cut down the number of questions I have
4781423
Go ahead and take a shot at your questions.
I dont mind.........
funny thing is I literally started watching the anime you were referring to yesterday good story I really enjoyed it
4781742
Don't tell anypony......................
Let them enjoy this
niceeee :B
This should be interesting. How about giving Spike a pair of gaunlets like the claw on the Guren MK II from Code Geass.
(If you don't know what that is here a video. It's the red mech with the white claw.)
4805239
I will take that into consideration. Thanks for the suggestiion!!!!
why not give spike bloodscythe from blazblue or crescent rose from rwby its a scythe mixed with a sniper rifle or give like give him fire and lighting magic or just plain old unrivaled speed
Did you take ideas out of a harem manga for this? Not that it's a bad thing, but you really have to give credit where it's due, also a little change in personality for Spike is fine, but this seems too Out Of Character here....
I feel sorry for poor Spike.
Maken-ki that you?
4896163
...........................................Don't spoil it man.............
You know, now for some reason I what to see Spike gain Allen Walker's crown clown/sword of exorcism just to see their reactions to him ripping his own arm off.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-dUHxmgbc-ic/UXGy_Ham8FI/AAAAAAAAAPo/4UxhnDyl7lk/s1600/Crown-Clown-Activate.gif
4805239 That would have been awesome.
So it life going just to keep shitting on Spike here and when his he going to get the weapons/powers?
4914759
Things will turn out better for our draconian buddy, and his powers will come in soon!!!
I'm interested. However, ya might wanna tone down on the exclamation points. There were lots of places where they weren't really necessary and threw me off.
Dude, this reminds me so much of an anime.... Maken something...
....... Uh, I honestly don't know if I should continue this or not. It's obvious now what this story resembles, and seeing Spike in that guy's situation really bothers me. I honestly hated how that guy was treated and seeing Spike go through it will only get me annoyed. Also, the principal's name and Spike's supposed wife's name sound so random and out of place. If I had to make a suggestion, I would say put Moondancer as his supposed fiance. That would make sense since they knew each other and it would fit the story. As for the other mare... I'd say either Mrs. Harshwhinny, or Cheerilee... unless they will be presented at a later time.
But I digress. I will wait for your response on this post, because I would like it answered before I continue: will Spike have to endure the crud that guy had to? Or will Spike diffuse that situation quickly and become a badass(And that means getting his own damn bed in his own room)?
5471838
These are honestly good issues that you have bought up. I will try best to tone down on the pain that Spike will recieve from the story,, and I will make him into a bad-ass at some point.. (Technically, Takeru kinda had his own bed in the anime, but I digress). I will also add some other characters into the story soon. Also, thanks for bringing these issues up, and if you have any more creative ideas, just hit me up
do I see another anime comming in to play?
maybe maid-sama?
5472061
Anytime. I like to see very good potential have a better chance of showing itself, and trust me, this story has potential. I sorta have an Idea of the story, but I know if it does go the same route, there would be so many opportunities wasted that could really make this a rather worthwhile read. If you really would like my input, feel free to pm me and I'll tell you all the ideas I may have for this story.
5487178 why yes it would seem that a very interesting anime is conjured into this story
Alright so don't me wrong,this is a good story.however,you need be a lot better when it come to grammar.Also,the prologue honestly seemed more like them being maybe 10 or so,I don't know.That being said,don't use no we're near as many exclamation marks as you did in this.Now I'm no Language-arts professional,but you need to do a lot better when it comes to.fgrammar,okay?Well good.luck in the future though
4806218 okay so,this really seems like they're teenagers instead of being 18.Also Spike shouldn't be this self conscious of himself,makes him seem like a douche.Also,AB wouldn't react like that as an adult,really childish.so maybe you shoulder change how old.they are,cause they're certainly acting 18.I say this to help you in the future k?awesome.
5471775 I KNOW THAT SHOW.The one with the who has gynophobia and the "butler"who pretends to be a guy so she can be of service to her friend/master.At least that's what I think it is.I've watched too much anime l.I well :p
6213199
Nah, it's called Maken-ki. Check it out. It's just like this.
This reminds me so much of this Anime called maken ki
How long before the next chapter? It's been practically 2 years now.
I hope that you did not score on the story, I liked it. Although I wish Spike wasn't such a jerk...