After visiting my father's grave the only family member who gave a damn about my life, I made my way home. Once I reach the door, I found a box, and when I read the label, it almost gave me a heart attack it was from my father. Little did I know that my dad had left me one final parting gift to his little girl.
note: there will by gore in some world that the charter will head to.
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Alden genderbent story like?
7759193 I guess that one way to look at it I was thing of Genie for Alden at the time,
7759242 Figures because honestly that looks like the genie from Alden, but as a female in my opinion.
7759263
what wrong with that I like the show when I was small so why not?
Hmm, well it could be an interesting premise, but it needs some work. The story just kinda runs on very quickly and doesn't give you much time to adjust to what's happening. The dialogue also doesn't really sound like what people would say in real life, or even TV shows.
An editor is needed kinda badly.
I'm not saying this to discourage you, there is a hint of an interesting story in there, it just needs some revisions.
7759425 Hey I don't have a problem with that it's just when others take things way to far, and over bored.
Good job I like it I don't worry about those naysayers feel like Trixie and say f*** them
few errors, still pretty interesting
Good chapter there not many genius storys out they
7760823 I noticed that too so I figured why not!
Any chance you can have your character do the song and dance from the movie Aladdin "Never had a Friend like Me!" because it would be cool to see her do that when she meets one of the ponies.
Good story idea, a solid start, your spelling and spacing could use a little work, also be more dscriptive a little detail here and there would not hurt either, but other then that I personally give the story a 7/10 let's see where you go for here.
7760823 you could say it's genie-us eeh? You get i- I'll stop now...
The story is good but the grammar is an eyesore.
This won't stop me from reading though. Keep the fun work up.
Please keep going
not many have the skill to keep me interested, but you my good writer, well just take a look at this pic.
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/55191345.jpg
now we just have to have them meet the genie and then (to quote princess luna.
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i2.photobucket.com/albums/y47/Otaku-Hime/74881-applelooking_at_viewerlunathe_fun_has_been_doubled.png
Finally I've been waiting on this good job see you next chapter
Yeah finally I can't wait for more uploads I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story
The story is good bit you still got to do something about your grammar.
But otherwise the story is good.
I love this story give more please?
GRAMMAR
7859672 i agreed with you, we want more please!!!!
MORE NOW
Thank u for starting this up again I love this story so far
ITS ALIVE!
Yes, let's celebrate a new chapter
Thanks for new chapter
Good chapter
more
MORE NOW plz
I must admit, I read with pleasure. The author clearly has humor and a good taste of the song. It's worth working on Elizabeth. Her behavior and life are characters. More description, more humor and fun, more bright sparks, more story. This will make it more attractive and interesting. However, for me there is a minus, a romance between the Luna and Elizabeth. Because of what the whole picture spoils. This is my opinion, but I believe that history is much more than one can imagine if properly directed... In the right directions. In general, I will follow the update.
Okay, I like what this story is doing. The main character is funny, messing with Celestia is always good.
So what's holding it back? The run-on sentences. Seriously, I would enjoy this so much more if not for the fact that I need to decode where one sentence ends and another begins, as well as what some of them say because the wrong words that sound similar are in the wrong spot.
I would be willing to beta the story for you, if you like, because this thing has a lot going for it. But that gets ruined by having to decode poor grammar.
MOAR
This is soo good
Great story. But author please, for the love of Faust, get a beta. Your fic is readble but just bearly.
When is the next chapter coming out
i wish for more
7989569
seconded
While the premise of the story is great and I enjoy it, the problem I have is the grammar.
While I will not go into detail, I have a simple request, get an editor to help.
I am not demanding you get an editor, it is simply a request that will make your story easier to read and better overall.
While I will still follow the story, constantly trying to fix the sentences in my head was getting kind of aggravating.
But I still enjoyed it so, good job and keep up the good work.
Yo, this dead?
Where's the next chapter of this thing going to be out
You yes you, you are dead. (Huh never expected heavy to talk to stories)
Why this story gotta be so dead boi :( is there a chance of this coming back? again?
I need to say this and just trying to give an advice, it needs to get fix. Some words are wrong and misspelled. Other then that its a good story.