Hi, my name is Kaiyo, but you can call me Delta. In fact, I would even go so far as to say don't call me Kaiyo. I don't know why I stopped using my name, but now... Delta just feels like me. Anyway, this all started one day when my sister and I went to a convention, and I went as Subject Delta while my sister went as Merry Nightmare.
I had a feeling about that guy, sold me a jar of Adam with the infinity sign on it and told me all of the stuff that'll come with it, but I ignored it. Now, now I'm an adoptive father for a strange creature in a world that feels familiar, and I'm also turned into Subject Delta.
Chapters (6)
Oi! Vey dem spelling errors ,grammatical errors , , makes this so hard to read
Good story premis tho , no to many bioshock themed displaced fics ...
Simple things like proof reading would fix most of these problems , if you need an editor pm me I'd be glad to help
Housekeeping. Clean it up. Typos are taking over.
Wha....what the shit? Sir/madam, please. That synopsis ALONE tells me that this is a story that I want no part of. Get an editor to clean this up, but even then I'm 98% sure that I don't want to touch this story at all. I tell you, that's an accomplishment turning away readers before they even start reading. And that's not a good thing.
You know, I was in the middle of displaying a big daddy, and when I saw this I thought I'd have to cancel it. Now, now I know I have to continue it. You went way OP with you plasmids, your grammar is terrible and I can already guess who this Changling is. My Alpha has a shitload of tonics and plasmids, but not all of them, and two drills. Seriously, who needs guns when you got a maxxed out drill for one hand, and a grappling drill for the other. If you want to do this story right, go though the whole thing, fix all the obvious mistakes and consider not going OP. Heck bro, Alpha Big Daddys need a Little Sister or they go comatose and die, if not die then guaranteed insanity. My Big Daddy was displayed with his niece, I know what the ending has to be, but do you even know what your beginning is going to be?
I'm not trying to bring you down, work on your grammar, consider some things, and try pre reading your work before posting it. If you want, I can send you a PM with what I got so far, mid Ch:2, and maybe someday our Displaced can meet up.
Please explain why you think you need apostrophes in these words.
I could be of some service
6483128 yes I know that about my big daddy but we bouth know that delta in not a normal as well I don't give my chrater the unbreakable physiological bond with the little sister my chrater would have to have bin created with an unbreakable physiological bond but he was not made in rapture he is Delta but not with the physiological bone that would kill him and why would you not make you story it sounds good to me I like to read it.
chrysalis origins?
6483949 not the origins persuade but alternate universe of it so nolong the same chryslis but a new one.
6483563 ? for what???
6484465 For any writing needs
You know what needs to be done . . . .
6484531
6483603. Accept the help, I got the basic vibes of where your story is going, but I still would like to see a better, cleaned up version. Personally, I have at least five people helping me with my other Displaced fic, which is a bitch considering how much I have to explain before the story even starts. Every little bit of help, helps. Having someone to bounce ideas off of will make everything go smoothly.
6484465 for editing probably? Nice start BTW.
6484465 My Big Daddy is now displaced, check him out.
6484531 ok I need the help with the edating all send the next chpater to you and derpys muffin dealer.
6494866
I'll see to it
6495356
I hird screaming (heard you mean)
ug the grammar, it hurts so much
That was... Horrifying!
Please tell me you'll be editing this soon, so I can fully read the chapter, otherwise I'm out, I couldn't read more than half of this.
MY INNER GRAMMAR NATZI IS COMING OUT
just fix the grammar error's and it's golden! I really like it so far, a bit rushed, but not to bad.
6507374 inner* xD
Why do I get the feeling Celestia is about to do something stupid?
6508207 oh she is.
god help celestia, because delt wont! hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
6508313 I reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyy(really) want to see Celestia get pwned!
I want to see Celestia get beaten alot.
6511956 maybe in a few more chapters right now I made it where she p*** him off.
6511969 Very, very, very good!
6508313 Do me and everyone else a favour, get Gdoc so that you can spell check and pre read before you post, I can help if you want. Other then that, awesome fun chapter, let's see some more whup ass on them splicers.
Also, my daddy's token will be a Mr. B doll, just so we don't both end up with the same token.
6516986 ya halp would by good and no my token is going to be a bot.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/bioshock/images/1/13/SecurityBotFriendly.png/revision/latest?cb=20100502020529
6520766 Sweet, Tell me when you get Gdocs, I'll see if my editor wouldn't mind helping you too.
6520924 gdoc would not happen to by google doc if so I have it?
6520977 Yes, use it.
What's your native language?
that I have heard befor would playout. (that is just one of the mistakes but if you need an editor im the guy ) (your spelling is kind bad just to say) (if you were to "hire" me i come back form school at 3:40 pm
6551623 ya I like that my last had to many other story's to help with.
Dude... you SERIOUSLY need an editor to check your grammar and spelling.
(I could do it in my spare time for you but if you have someone else in mind then go ahead, just... get one at least because your unedited work will seriously peeve people off and mean that you'll lose readers).
P.S I'm free most of the time now because it's holiday season in my bit of the world.
all bow to the new dragon king!
6551892 i dont realy know how to do the editing part but i know i can help you (i mean i dont know how to goto your story and edit i think its password or some shit)
6483453 what would be your words
MOAR!!!!!
6588665
I would instead use "horns" and "wings", obviously.
wing's = possessive = something belonging to a wing
wings = plural = more than one wing
Good chapter found a lot of misspelled words May want to find a proof reader for your further chapters. But otherwise a very good story
Its "i'll do anything not all do anything"
6600556 OoO I thouth It sound wrong.