Applejack has always had her eyes on Spike, but never was able to get close enough to him alone to express her feelings. After saving Spike from the timber wolves in the Everfree forest, Spike insists that he must become her assistant and do whatever is asked from him. Applejack sees this as a golden opportunity to show Spike that she loves him.
This is my first take on the romance genre, I'm not sure how this will turn out. All I ask is that you rate and be nice with your opinions.
Chapters (2)
While I am all for AppleSpike to me it went way too damn fast. Story is incomplete and barely a third of the way through the first chapter and she asked to take him out on a date then confession.
1922230 Thanks for the feedback, I'll keep that in mind as I continue writing. Also, like I said, this is my first time in this genre. This emotion isn't something I've really dealt with in anything I've done so far.
1922239
With romance fics one thing I've learned over the 6 years I've been doing fanficion and that is when the paring is not established don't rush putting them together. Rushing makes it seem unrealistic and cheesy. Also read through others to get an idea.
Mmmhhhh kinda rushed dont you think?
Well I souldn't say anythingh my stories are just as rushed
Its a good story, just give it a few fixer uppers and it will be all set
-Kiryu
1922360 I gotta agree with yOu on this. I did seem rushed and a story with this build up could use some more time and detail with it.
but it was still a good read
^.^
1922556 Thanks for the positive feedback and tips.
Like the premise. But rushed isn't the word I would use...
Lack of content seems more like it to me. I'm just throwing ideas now...
1. Spike could feel insulted, thinking that Applejack made him go out with her in order to make him uncomfortable to get out of honoring the dragon code.
2. Oh I dunno, back when they had to rescue Rarity from the Diamond Dogs, Spike was about to kiss Applejack and she says "Hold on there lover boy." Would have been a good moment for each of them to reflect on.
I'm sure there's other things you have in store though.
Short.
but sweet. And it sets up nicely for something entertaining to come, I imagine.
:DDD nice fic and i hope to see more chap from u kay? i think its a nice story , plx keep it up :DD
Any chance at an update?
2583176 When I get around to it. (which should be within the next 7 days, hopefully)
Thank you x10000000
yaaaaaaaaay !!!!!!!!!!! new chap D': i had waited for so long
THIS ACTUALLY GOT AN UPDATE!!!!
So awesome
THANK YOU GOD !!!!!!
For this...
And thank you too..
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/136/232/incoming%20shitstorm.jpg
So next chapter?
YES!! Awsome story.
First time writing a Romance? Well, I say I am enjoying this story. Like and favourite
3193572 Yay! Say, if you want more, consider following me.
The following review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
Oh God. I wasn't going to get to stay away from it forever, was I? Here it is - Romance. Now romance isn't a concept I'm completely opposed to, it's just never really struck my fancy. To me, the genre is like those interactive hentai porn games that I get pop ups for while I'm browsing completely unrelated websites; People apparently really like them or they'd never exist, but I just don't see the merits. Most romances feel too rigid, idealized and forced for my tastes, so with a few exceptions I rarely dive into the genre. Doesn't help to have a title like "The Apple of My Heart", does it? A pun and a reference to a central organ often used as a metaphor for the substance behind human emotion sure spells out originality. Do you know what's next to the heart, TheExhaustedBrony? The lungs - as in I'm not going to hold my fucking breath!
Before this review can be dismissed as a flimsy, hate-filled rant delivered by an antisocial, loveless dullard allow me to reiterate in giant, flashy, diamond encrusted letters that I do not hate romance stories. A romance can really sucker me in if it's well established, well paced, avoids cliche and happens between two characters that I honestly want to hook up and "The Apple of My Heart" falls flat on it's face at all four hurdles.
The "Well-Established" hurdle:
If you're like me - jaded, withering and not as smart or handsome as you've convinced yourself you are - then you require a firm context for your literary experience. Exposition is the cornerstone from which you build your narrative, essentially serving as the "this is what you need to know to get the story" explanation. The explanatory information that this story omits is the evidence behind Applejack's feelings. I'm not buying that she likes Spike, I haven't been given any distinct evidence to conclude that. The story just concludes it for me. It shouts, "Applejack likes Spike! No, you don't get to be shown why! Now read this and feel things!" That combined with her rather creepy exuberance make me reach for the restraining order rather than the tissue paper - to wipe tears with! This isn't weird!
The "Well-Paced" hurdle:
As the girl I liked in high school was quick to remind me, being really upfront about your affinities is more likely to creep out your potential partner than inspire empathy. There's no sufficient build up to make me root for Applejack so she comes across as desperate and deranged - two adjectives that do not describe her character. Sure love makes one behave in strange ways, but there's no context or string of emotional logic behind her behavior. The big confession of love happens like four sentences in, and the dialogue that follows comes straight from a middle school girl's soppy diary. I want my stories to play like a classy date that follows a natural progression of activities, and the pacing in this story is like having your significant other walk in, blow a load in their pants and pass out on the sofa. It leaves me disappointed, a little pissed and canceling some really wonderful dinner reservations.
The "Avoids-Cliche" hurdle:
If you're one of those strange people that honestly thought the Twilight Saga was original and inspiring, then you might find "The Apple of My Heart" much the same. However, those of us that have IQ's larger than the amount of states in the union will soon deduce that this story is cliche-tastic. Party A has liked Party B for some time, Party B discovers this and - despite being uncomfortable with the discovery in the beginning - grows fond of Party A. Then Party C shows up to initiate the love triangle. How quaint. The story reads like a rigid, formulaic love-story checklist rather than a naturally budding romance. Love is not methodical, and when you constrict your love story into following an algorithm it becomes hollow and forced.
The "Happens-Between-Two-Characters-I-Honestly-Want-To-Hook-Up" hurdle:
Despite my ego trying to convince me otherwise in a frail attempt to garner self-esteem, I do not posses an incredible memory and can only recall the particular episode referenced as one where Applejack and Spike interacted in any capacity. So unless you're the president of the Spijackā¦ erm, Appikeā¦ uuh, Applejack-Spike ship fan club, the coupling might strike you as completely arbitrary. Arbitrary is to originality what analogies are to cleverness; unconnected at best and piss-weak at worst. The relationship could work, but as established earlier I lack both the context and the ethos to want it to.
To continue the lasciviousness of the analogies, "The Apple of My Heart" is to romance what shakily masturbating and falling asleep in your own jism is to sex; it's purely self-indulgent, shallow idealization rather than an lovely organic experience. Yet I can't shake the feeling that everything I dislike about the story is what the folks who do read this stuff love. So, if you'd like a story that spits a sudden romance between two characters that have barely interacted directly into your mouth, then "The Apple of My Heart" appeals to you very specific literary niche. However, if you don't like that sort of thing and prefer romances with chemistry and build up then "The Apple of My Heart" will lose you about four sentences in. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to feeling alone.
3433351 This is amazing! Thank you!
This soo good I can't believe no updates lately but keep it up love it
For a story this good i'll wait as long as i need to. Most Excellent.
I love this fanfic. To tell you the truth I believe spike and aj will become a great couple.
Update
Any day now