Twilight, seeing that her friend needed a little bit of companionship, decided to help him get a date.

But boy, did he aim a little too high for her taste.

Now, her and Spike need to help this putz of a human snatch a date from one of the most undateable beings on the planet, Princess Celestia.

Needless to say, they're doomed.

Cover art used with permission by Lydia-Rawr

Warning: Story will contain horrible romance clichés, cutsieness, and all around silliness.

You have been warned.

Everything seemed to be alright the day that Discord came back to Canterlot under the watchful eye of Celestia as a (mostly) redeemed draconequus. But the luxurious life of royalty is so... BORING! "Do something creative," they said, "It'll be fun," they said. Thus it was that Discord sat down and began writing the worst stories he could imagine! But between posh living, running a ministry, court dates, random quests from Celestia and Luna, and learning about the magic of friendship, surely these stories can't be that bad, can they?

After the Pandorica falls into the exploding TARDIS, it throws The Doctor through the very last crack in time, a crack through which he can cross universes.No TARDIS, no screwdriver, a whole new pony body and a certain unhappy plasmavore that fell through with him, The Doctor begins to think that perhaps his plan was not as fool proof as it could have been.

How will The Doctor protect the highly confusing, sentient ponies from the plasmavore that seems to be harbouring an unholy grudge against all things Timelord? How will he adjust to his new body? And most importantly, why does he have a sudden craving for...pears.

Well, at least he still has his bow tie.

Failing once in her attempt to take Canterlot and failing again in her attempt to take down Twilight, one would think Chrysalis would have cut her losses and let things be, but the queen has once again appeared, this time in broad daylight with no disguise and no army. Her weapon of choice? Diplomacy.

Now Twilight is having to deal with the changeling queen, but surely putting up with her antics will be worth the knowledge she's willing to provide about her mysterious race and the potential undiscovered agents still within their midst...right?

Takes place before Magical Mystery Cure and diverges from there.

With thanks to MisterGunpowder for proofreading and editing.

Revision History:

05/09/2015: Chapter 1 updated with millions of little corrections.
05/20/2015: Chapter 2 revised and edited with another million small and large corrections.
06/12/2015: Chapter 3 given a thorough editing and revision.
06/23/2015: Chapter 4 taken to the gutter and edited twice to be sure.
07/14/2015: Chapter 5 thoroughly brutalized with the editing stick.
08/03/2016: Chapter 6 finally edited. Yes, I'm still alive, dammit.
09/29/2016: Chapter 7 fell out of the editing tree and hit every editing branch on the way down.
10/26/2016: Chapter 8 has emerged from the editing emergency room.
11/17/2016: Chapter 9 found and edited. No casualties reported.
11/30/2016: Chapter 10 treated for whiplash after lightning fast editing.
12/22/2016: Chapter 11 edited. Chrysalis shot first.
01/17/2017: Epilogue edited. Time to hit the cider.

Twilight gets a distressing letter from Celestia and rushes to Canterlot.
What happened to the princess? What is Luna up to? Why do I sound like the narrator to a bad crime drama?
The first chapter is inspired by a drawing from JohnJoseco. The rest will be my own madness doing its part.

After watching another majestic night, Twilight is told to make a wish because wishing on a star always grants wishes. She refuses. After all, it's only an old pony's tale. Climbing into bed, she has a strange dream, yet little does she know, dreams are the desires and wishes of the heart. Upon her waking, she may just find that the stars are rather lenient in their rules and methods.

New installments are on a weekly schedule. Updates most likely to take place on Friday/Saturday CT. Occasionally I may do a surprise Monday update as well. Until then! Ciao and enjoy!

It occurred one peaceful night. Half of Equestria awoke to the sound like a double-shot thunderclap. A percussion heard in the skies and rattling windows from Apploosa, to Canterlot, to Ponyville. Nopony knew what it was or what it heralded for the world as it drew a line across the nation.

For Twilight Sparkle, this isolated incident might have faded from memory after a time, if not for the strange rumors of a creature sitting on the hill on the outskirts of town.

These are her thoughts given written form. These are Sparkle's Notes.

Report EVERYTHING to the Princess.

Luna, still a bit unhappy at Celestia for banishing her to the moon for a thousand years, wants to have a small, tiny taste of vengeance. To be exact, she wants to send Celestia to the Sun.

So what is Luna going to do first?

Ask Celestia for permission, of course. Complications eventually occur.

Cover art by: drawcreator

Proofread by: The Daring Cookie

EDIT: Featured on 06/08/2015! Thank you all!

EDIT 2: Now with a dramatic reading by the awesome Wander MD! Link to reading

EDIT 3: Big thanks to Constantoine for providing a French translation! Link to French version

Twilight finds it a bit difficult to reconcile Celestia's playful new manner with the regal teacher she knew for so long.

Once she does, however, the benefits are plain to see.

Ideas, editing, and criticism provided by my partner in crime, Cryosite.

Now with a reading by HanaYoriUta.

Doomie, like most of his brothers, hasn't eaten in a while.
So, when a random pink pony asks for him to "do her"
and intercourse love is the tastiest kind of love out there,
and the pony herself looks pretty pretty:
How could he refuse?

Author's diary: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR diary. There is not enough Doomie pie fanfics out there....That is all.