She was doomed. There was simply no way out, no ambiguous answer that would satisfy their powerful curiosity, and no blatant lie that would be overlooked or ignored. She was utterly and truly bucked.....but that wouldn't stop her from trying until her entire lie exploded spectacularly in her face.
“Uh...errr..ummm,” Twilight stammered, unsuccessfully trying to compose herself in order to fabricate a lie on the spot. It was hard though; she was trying to cover up for nearly impossible things, one: she had a naughty alicorn goddess living in her and two: her friends wanted to know what stallion she had her eye on. Both of them by themselves would be hard to avoid answering or revealing, but together, it would be like defeating Discord, a past Nightmare, and Chrysalis at the same time.
Her usually sharp mind drew a blank, and every theoretical route she could take only ended in disaster. Twilight was backed into a corner, both literally and metaphorically, the hounds of truth slowly closing in on her like a frightened, helpless doe caught in the woods alone.
“Maybe you could try telling them the truth,” Nightmare proposed, much to Twilight's disbelief.
“No. Just imagine the kind of chaos that it would create!” Twilight mentally responded as bead of nervous sweat began to pour down her face in buckets; she was pretty sure Fluttershy hadn't even sweated this much when they had faced that dragon on the mountain!
“I'm sure lots of things would be created! Imagine all the sexy fun times!” the dark alicorn cheered, referring to Twilight spilling the entire truth, dream and ambition included. Twilight could only mentally spaz, trying to keep her physical state somewhat normal under the pressing conditions, but twitches of panic creaked down her spine.
“So!?” the other five ponies urged, their faces only inches away from Twilight as their piercing gazes waited for the lavender mare to spill all.
“Uh...he's....he's from Canterlot!” Twilight lied quickly, but she knew it would only be a matter of minutes until the flimsy fib was debunked and decloaked.
“Oh my goodness! Canterlot,” Rarity exclaimed with a grand flourish, imaging Twilight's mystery stallion as a dashing, young, rich unicorn with an air for romantics, “I can see it now! Separated by such a distance, Twilight Sparkle and her midnight stallion find a way to keep the fires of love alive in their hearts, knowing that the other's passionate light is pointed their way in hope, and one day, the two destined lovers will be united in an amorous meeting under the stars where they will declare their eternal dedication to one another. It's just like a fairy tale!” The white unicorn swooned, falling over with a sigh, imaging herself in Twilight's place. The other six simply looked at her questioningly, strange stares aimed at their favorite fashionista.
“So.....besides that...” Rainbow continued, dismissing Rarity's outburst and jumping back on the trail, “What's he like? What's his name!?”
Twilight blanked. She hadn't prepared anything during Rarity's fervent speech, no background, no personality, no physical description, no first meeting and definitely not a name. Her already barely functioning lie factories went into overdrive mode, overheating and collapsing on themselves, rendering the poor, purple unicorn a spluttering, rambling mess. Nothing came to mind.
“I really wonder how they communicate though,” Fluttershy commented quietly, saving the lavender mare for just a moment, “I imagine that much distance would really put a strain on a relationship.”
“Letters!” Twilight yelled abruptly and desperately, her eyes shifting back and forwth madly while her forced smile twitched.
“Huh?” Spike questioned, his face contorting into confusion, “But we haven't received any letters lately.” Twilight cursed. How could she forget that Spike handled all the house mail from Derpy and all the dragon mail as well. Practically everything that came into the house went through Spike's hooves first if Twilight didn't bring it in herself. “How have you been getting them?”
“Um...well...I...” Twilight began, but her friends were getting impatient.
“What's the name Twilight?!”
“I hope he doesn't mind the distance....”
“Oh, you must simply tell me how this happened darling!”
“Well, I guess I'm happy for ya Twi! Finding a good stallion is hard these days.”
“I know! It's time for a party! We'll invite him down here and hold the a party for the newest, bestest, most awesomenest, new couple ever! And then, we'll know his name, what he looks like, what he's like and what he does. Then we can watch him and Twilight make kissy faces all day long!”
“I just want to know the name! C'mon Twilight!”
“I hope he's nice...”
“He had better have class, style and good looks darling. And of course, he must be a gentlestallion. You deserve the best.”
“Well, I reckon that there ain't a luckier stallion out there than your sugercube Twilight.”
“And then we can plan for the, first month anniversary, the second month anniversary, the third month anniversary, the six month anniversary, the first year anniversary and alllll the way up until the wedding!”
Twilight bypassed the bodily twitch and went straight into convulsion mode. She was going to lose it! The unicorn could feel the explosion slowly building inside of her as she began to lose control of her sanity, magic, and emotions. Within moments she was going to burst into a rambling, flaming, panicking wreck that would most likely spill everything instantly.
“Hello!” a sudden, cheery voice called from outside the house, interrupting the makeshift gossip session, “I brought you a letter Twilight!”
Before the personal protege of Celestia could teleport to the door, Spike arrived first, opening the door and taking the new letter from the eccentric mail mare.
“Ooo! Ooo! Who's it from? Is it from Twilight's mystery stallion!?” Pinkie shouted as she bounded over to the small, purple dragon in one excited leap, hanging her head over his shoulder as she read the envelope. The other four ponies rushed over to the small dragon as well, curious and hopeful. Sly smiles adorned their faces as they glanced over to the stunned unicorn who was staring blankly ahead at no pony or object in particular.
“It doesn't say,” Spike replied, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. He wasn't sure why somepony would leave their return address off.
“Oh my! Secret love letters,” the generous unicorn gushed, acting out another fainting spell. All of this mushy, hopeless romantic romance had her reeling.
“Open it! Open it!” Rainbow yelled, hoping that a name would be revealed and more details of Twilight's secret love affair would be exposed.
“I don't think we should,” Applejack said, feeling a bit guilty, “I want ta know just as much as everypony else, but I draw the line at opening somepony else's mail. It ain't right. It's an invasion of privacy.”
“But..It's not addressed to anyone, just the library,” Rainbow commented smartly, “For all we know, it could be for Spike or something.”
“I usually open all of Twilight's mail anyway,” Spike responded with an indifferent shrug, ripping open the letter with his sharp claws and plucking the contents out.
“What's it say? What's it say!” Pinkie yelled, rapidly running around the room to exhibit her anticipation. The purple dragon decided to hand it off to one of his friends, and an overzealous cyan pegasus ended up receiving the article which she began to read out loud.
Dear Twilight,
I hope you're doing great. Things have really been quiet lately without you around. It was always a lot more lively when you stopped by. Shop's still going strong luckily, but I think that's because Celestia likes cake too much. I hope you can visit soon. We all really miss you up here. Oh, and the next time you visit me, I have some special creme filled donuts for you to try out. It's a new, special recipe of mine, and I want you to be the first to taste it, especially since the yearly Equestrian Sweets competition is coming up!
Lots of love,
Joe
Perhaps it was the way Rainbow had read it, but every pony's face in the room was colored a deep cherry red.
“Oh my my my,” Nightmare laughed, “I had no idea you had such delicious connections my dear.” The black alicorn howled with laughter, able to feel the absolute mortification apparent on Twilight's face. Her mistress didn't even have a mind to answer back because all of her brain fuses had burned out. “You may prefer mares, but I think we could make a side trip for some stallion donuts.”
If she could, Twilight would have blasted open a hole in the ground and buried herself in it, pretending to not exist. All of the mental images that Nightmare conjured up using her memories was enough to send her into mental breakdown.
“Joe!? As in Donut Joe?” Spike choked out, actually falling back and fainting, his small body hitting the wood floor with a thud. He was out cold.
“Buh....buh.....buh...” Twilight responded uselessly, her mouth failing to move as she wanted as her derailed mind attempted to get back on track.
“Well..um..” Fluttershy stammered similarity, no small number of dirty thoughts running through her mind, and there was no doubt that the others were thinking along the same line. The butter pegasus 'eeped' in embarrassment as her wings flared, and she shrank down to the floor, pretending to be invisible. The fact that she had also read no small number of steamy romance novels wasn't helping her either.
Rainbow handled it a bit differently, however. Her wings were fully snapped out from her sides, but she was giggling, never imagining Twilight to be so....adventurous.
“It's always the quiet ones they say,” the speedy pegasus commented innocently, not noticing her flight school friend blush harder along with Twilight.
“It's not...I mean...It's not what it looks like!” Twilight protested weakly, her voice coming out shakier than Pinkie's “doozy sense” talk. Combined with the extremely low volume, almost Fluttershy low, no pony seemed to believe her.
“But it could be I bet,” Nightmare added slyly, breaking open a fresh branch of blood vessels as Twilight's mind was refilled with various dirty suggestions.
“No! No! No! Absolutely! NO!” Twilight yelled back with an aggression that Gilda herself would have been scared of. The dark alicorn could only giggle until her metaphorical ribs gave out.
“Oh don't worry Twilight,” Rarity's unsteady voice soothed, fanning herself with her forehoof to cool off her own heated face, “You're secret is safe with us. We're all grown mares, and we all have our own needs after all. No one thinks lesser of you.”
“Gotta give you props Twilight,” the cyan mare added with a cheeky grin while crossing her hooves in approval, “Joe's a pretty big stallion, almost as big as Big Mac. I bet he's a killer in bed.” Fluttershy squeaked, cowering behind her hooves, not used to discussing anything remotely sexual with her friends.
“I'd appreciate it if ya didn't compare my brother to another stallion having....relations with one of ma best friends Dash,” Applejack fumed uncomfortably. Dash flashed her a rebellions smile. Twilight groaned. Things had gone from bad to complete disaster, just as she had predicted, in a matter of moments. Stupid letter. Stupid Nightmare. Stupid dreams!
“I'm not in a relationship with Joe,” Twilight suddenly said, her voice eerily calm and controlled, contrary to her prior state of panic. The lavender mare didn't even know where she had pulled the fortitude and composure to respond like that.
“You're welcome,” Nightmare answered cheerily, and immediately Twilight understood. However, she didn't know what to feel again. Gratitude? Embarrassment? Fear? Hope? Hate?
“Oh my,” the kind, yellow pegasus exclaimed, “Are you sure Twilight?”
Again, without her prompting, her body moved on its own, answering Fluttershy's question with a definite, distinctive nod.
“Joe's like family to me. He always ends his letters like that. And he doesn't include a return address because he knows that I know the address for the store already....Though, I'm not sure why he didn't include a name that indicated it was for me. It was most likely just a mistake on his part.”
Slowly, her friends began to grasp the truth of the situation. Twilight wasn't in a relationship with Donut Joe. It was all just one big misunderstanding.
“So you're not in a relationship right?” Rainbow murmured nervously, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.
“No...” the purple unicorn sighed, standing up slowly in an attempt to make herself look and feel normal. The five other mares shuffled in place timidly.
“I told ya'll we should'a just left it alone,” Applejack whispered fiercely, her face heating up in mortification.
“Oh dear...” Rarity said, “This is dreadful! We put you into a situation where you had no way to deny having feelings for Joe because we wouldn't allow it! Oh, I feel absolutely horrid. Our overzealousness got the best of us I'm afraid.”
“But wait...who's “the pony on your mind” then?” the prismatic haired pegasus questioned desperately, having slightly calmed down. Twilight sighed again, setting herself down on her chair, rubbing her eyes with her hooves.
“It's not like that Rainbow...” she breathed out, trying to de-stress herself by taking deep breaths. “It's....complicated.” It was a famous, cliché answer, but nothing else could have been perfectly applied towards her situation. The other five ponies idly kicked at the ground, ashamed that they had jumped to conclusions so quickly.
“Sorry Twilight,” Rainbow fessed up first after a moment of palpable, awkward silence, “I kinda lost my head over the whole coltfriend deal. I was really hoping you had one.”
“I must confess my apologies as well Twilight,” Rarity chimed in, “I feel downright horrible for not letting you explain yourself first.”
“Me three!” Pinkie added with a sad frown, “I didn't mean to be a meany face and invade all your privacy. I just thought that if you got a coltfriend, you'd be really happy, and they we would be really happen. So everypony would be really happy!”
“Even though I preached leaving it alone, I still bothered you about it. I'm sorry Twilight,” Applejack confessed, looking away in shame.
“Um...I hope we didn't hurt your feelings or anything like that. If we did, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us, because we're really sorry,” Fluttershy whispered, still cowering in the corner.
Twilight could only grin at each of her friends fondly. There really was only one answer. “Of course I forgive you girls. You're my best friends.” They all cheered, running up to their favorite magical unicorn and enveloping her into a group hug. “Look, when I get a coltfriend or whatever, you guys will be the first to know. I promise.” Her friends cheered at that.
Off to the side, Twilight mentally noted that a letter to the princess was in order, and even now, she was glad she had so many amazing friends.
“So....Twilight. How do you feel about group sessions? They are all mares after all,” Nightmare cut in abruptly with a devious giggle, shooting down the lavender mare's composure completely, the five sided contact only amplifying the saucy visions the goddess was creating.
“Uh...Twi? You should really get that there twitch checked out.”
I. Am. Exhausted! Traveling really takes it out of ya.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy Twilight's mad attempt to escape the truth. She was lucky this time since her friends had made a mistake, but who knows how long she can keep up this facade. And as usual, Nightmare's antics are only increasing.
There might not be an update this week since college applications are due in 6 () days, and as a result, I will be frantically running everywhere and panicking nearly as hard as Twilight herself.
Until then!
00:06 o'clock, Collage tomorrow. Bah sleep is for the weak!
WARNING: Incoming Generic .gif
thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=http://i.imgur.com/EdLz1.jpg&size=400x1000
I don't know which is worse, your friends thinking your getting it on with Donut Joe or telling them you have a sexual deviant of a goddess within you.
Well now, it is mighty nice ta see such a situation defused wit' such ease. Some times I'll see autha's drag that out fer chapta' afta' chapta'. I am mighty thankful!
Haha thats hilarious. And I agree with 1683070. I'm so glad you didn't overextend the joke.
This was so bucking hilarious.
great chapter!
i was afraid she would go with some "will come back and bite you later"-ish lie. glad to see it ended there, seeing it drag on for chapters and then come to an incredibly awkward and embarrassing finish at last would have been excruciating. i was twisting myself in discomfort over the situation, whilst laughing like a maniac inside. maybe now nightmare and twi can start getting along better though, twi has got to be grateful for nightmare's save there, and nightmare has probably learnt her lesson with personally speeding things up...hopefully.
Dat Twitch.
1682947
media.otakuzone.com/store/user/57127/T13406189769144cb11db16e7768b63345689831d57bc.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png <(I would like to see that chaos....)
great chapter, and i have to agree with the others on how you solved the situation. dragging it out would have been just awkward.
nice to see nightmare helping out, hopefully, her and twi will get along better later on.
Come now, it should be really easy for Twilight to solve everything. She just has to explain to her friends that the only way to banish Nightmare Moon is for them to help Twilight find somepony to date.
Wait. That won't solve anything at all, that'll make it worse.
Do it! :)
Hmmmm... I always pictured a Donut Joe x Pinkie ship to be more appropiate.
Another fun chapter, but as humorous as all this is, I'm wondering when we'll see some actual plot development again, rather than all this filler.
Good thing NMM was able to help calm things down.
1683070 Me too. Even so things may have flared up again with that last sentence.
1683818 How about Donut Joe x Celestia?
1682947 "sleep is for the weak" MUST be some sort of new brony motto, I won't allow otherwise! Also I can do better: 3:00 AM, this updates!
1684088 Yeah... you know Luna still ain't forgiven Celestia and Cadance for the last time they went to Donut Joe's...
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44blp46EI1qdblz6o1_400.jpg
Oh my god, that was really really hilarious.
Hey, WATCH it, Nightmare. If there's gonna be an orgy, Spike had damn well better be part of it.
Friends jumping to conclusions about personal life? It's like you stalk me and my friends and listen in on our conversations! Nice job, I can sympathize with Twilight more than I'd like to this episode.
Hmmm interesting. Since you mentioned a mare I REALLY hope that Twilights dream pony is none other than the one pony she worships, Celestia herself. I cant hide it i am a huge fan Twilestia. After all twliestia is bestia. Not only that i can only imagine the coversation Nightmare moon will bring up is she did learn twilight's dreampony is Celestia. All the puns and images she would would drive twilight crazy. And that would be fun to watch.
Sorry for typos on mah phone
[youtube=rKNfVDT8uT4]
That last comment from Nightmare.
I am repeating myself. I KNOW!
But you're a commedic genious!
I just thought that if you got a coltfriend, you'd be really happy, and they we would be really happen. So everypony would be really happy!”
Find you error.
hint:one can't be happen
OUTSTANDING! vibeus.wippiespace.com/pictures/gifs/clap%20clap.gif
I had a lol. But then I eated it.
1683045
Both of them happening at the same time?
1683070>>1683086>>1683297
Thanks! I somehow found it in my heart to give Twilight a break. Dragging the whole thing out would have been difficult to end of course, so I'm glad you all liked how I finished it. Of course, things only get crazier from here on out!
1684376
Fixed! Thanks! :twilightsheepish
:1683331
Twitch-a-twitch-a-twitch!
1685344
Lol. I find it admirable how committed you are to Spilight.
1686208
Alas, if only things were that easy for Twilight. (they need a NMM icon so bad)
1686271
Thanks again! I'm glad you're really enjoying it!
1687104
Dat Gif
1685701
Oh I'm definitely going to bother Twilight about her dear and lovely alicorn teacher. Lot's of "plot" pointing is to be had!
1683885
Very soon my friend. We'll be back on track in no time at all!
Oh Thank Goodness Nightmare stepped in!
Twilight...you may find it hard to believe the fact.
Whether she may be a friend, a nuisance, a flirt, a pain, a ally, or...love- Nightmare has your back girl, and she saved you from one hell of a shitstorm, that you were creating.
1690223 Glad to be of service sire!
Please write more and I hope Nightmare Moon takes controle of twilights hoof to touch some"ponies" flank at some point
1690223
Lol. Well it would only be better if her soul mate is actually Celestia. Twiliestia is Bestia! I mean she already idolizes her as a god, only fitting that she loves her.
I can see it now, Twilight has some vivid dream of herself and Celestia. She wakes up to Nightmare moon having the biggest troll grin ever, and then proceed to almost die laughing.
But as I said, not my story.
Also best of luck with college applications!
You, Dear Author, get all my mustaches for comedy.
However, a Pinkimena face for proofreading error.
1636342
You like my shipping syntax?
Then maybe you'd like to help me with this!
oh twilight, so socially awkward. what do you think spike
what what? oh! indeed
Overall reaction
followed by
And a Hawkward moment
OH MY GOD........ This is glorious!!!
Pfft! Real friends wouldn't force you to reveal anything, real friends would let you keep your secrets because they would respect and trust you.
It's a shame to see Twilight's friends dont fit that category
I mean they come in, talk behind her back right in front her (which I must say is one of the most rude things you can do to another friend, Rarity should know better!) and then make her nervous and distressed with questions of her personal life, that touch very tender subjects, when she is clearly injured and sick no less!
What happened to "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but we'll be here for you." ?
...maybe her friends are the changelings!
i cracked up so hard
Heh, having a pervy genie stuck in your head must suck.