Weekend? Part POEE. Into the Everfree
The five ponies were trekking through the Everfree forest brush, following the tracks of the creature closely. "Stay close everyone," Discord said with a dramatic tone. "You never know if, or when the beast will strike!"
"It's not likely to," Hearth Stone commented with a snort. "From the look of these tracks, this creature is in retreat."
Random, Screwball, and Wordsmith all followed the other two closely. With Wordsmith bringing up the rear of the group, keeping them covered. "Uh, guys, can I be in the middle? I really don't think that I should be bringing up the rear."
Random Thought rolled his eyes at Wordsmith as he studied his map of the forest."You're bringing up the rear, because you are an-"
"Hey look!" Screwball suddenly interrupted. "The tracks end here!"
"You're right!" Hearth Stone said with a frown. "What do you think it means?"
"It means that we lost our target, that's what it means!" Discord screamed. "Now I'm going to lose the gambit!"
"H-hey, everyp-pony," Wordsmith said with a small stutter. "There's something c-coming this way."
"Alright, listen up," Hearth Stone stepped up onto a tree stump, and gave his most commanding pose. "Screwball, Random, I want you two to help protect Wordsmith. He probably can't fight well, use those weapons we brought. Discord, you're with me! We'll bag us a beastie tonight!" He looked down at the other four, and saw that rather than doing as he said, they were all dashing in circles, trying to make heads or tails of anything and screaming like foals. "Oh for the love of Luna... Where did Wordsmith go?!"
Discord and the others continued to follow civilian emergency panic plan alpha, scream and run in random directions. However, as soon as the question was brought up about Wordsmith, Discord made an executive decision. "I'm enacting emergency panic plan beta. EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!" With that, the other three ponies ran screaming into different directions of the forest, leaving Hearth Stone alone to wonder where his life went so crazy.
"Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm being punished for something I did in a past life." Wordsmith looked around the dark forest and watched the world rose higher around him. "Yep, I'm sure I did something, at some point, to make someone really angry with me, and the cosmos are now having a laugh at my expense."
Wordsmith continued to sink lower into the quicksand. As he did, the sounds of whatever was following the group a few moments ago grew closer. "Well, this is it. The end of my story..." He was now chest deep in the muck, and his magic failed to find anything he could use to pull himself out, and solid land seemed to be miles away.
The steps grew closer to him, and Wordsmith closed his eyes. "Just take me now and be done with it!"
"Um, I'm sorry to ask but, what are you doing in that puddle?"
Wordsmith opened his eyes to the voice and instantly smiled. "Fluttershy! Quick, use those wings and help get me out of this quicksand!"
"Uh, that's a puddle of mud. I mean, if you're stuck, I'm sure I can pull you out, but that's not quicksand."
Wordsmith's jaw dropped, and he leaned closer to the muck to investigate. Sure enough, it was mud, simple as that. Very watery mud at that. "Oh, well... I guess I can just walk out of this mud."
Fluttershy reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a towel for Wordsmith. "What's happening? Why did all of you run off like that?"
"Well," Wordsmith said as he dried himself off. "When we heard steps, we thought that it was some sort of monster, and panicked. Who knows where the rest are."
"Of everyone in the group, I had to get stuck with you," Hearth Stone grumbled as Screwball floated beside him. "I mean, Random Thought is a bit of a stick in the mud, and Discord's pretty harmless right now. But you, YOU make no sense!"
"Filly please, I'm a unique snowflake."
Hearth Stone rolled his eyes at this and checked to make sure his sword was ready. "Whatever, just keep an eye open for the others. Hopefully this trail might lead to somewhere useful."
"Like a village of ponies that never got their cutie marks, or ever heard of them? But they really are zombies, and want to turn any blank flank into the like them because they are cursed to walk the earth for all eternity because of the horrible things they did when they were all still alive?"
Hearth Stone stared blankly at her for a few moments before shaking his head. " How in Equestria is that useful to what we are doing? And how could such a thing even exist?!"
"I don't know, but it sounds like it would be an awesome adventure!"
"That's it, you're not allowed to talk any more. Understand?"
"Beep Beep."
"None of that either."
The two of them continued walking in silence, searching for the rest of the group, and a lead for where the creature went. The moon came out behind the clouds, lighting the way slightly better to reveal something that Hearth Stone never expected. In a clearing not too far ahead, the two ponies spied a small schoolhouse. "Wow, maybe I was right about the village after all!"
"I already said none of that." He looked down at the dirt path leading to the building and spotted a set of the beast's tracks. "Look! The beast is here! Now we just need to sneak up and catch it. What weapons do you have?"
Screwball grinned as she took off her beany to dig through it with a hoof. "Lets see here, I've got chalk, a classic sling shot, a boomerang, mallet, and a net."
"What?! You didn't bring a gun?"
Screwball snorted a bit as she funneled everything back into her beany. "Gun, who needs a gun when you have... Imagination!" Hearth Stone watched in confusion as she said imagination slowly, and used her forehooves to make an arch where a rainbow appeared after the path her hooves made.
"Okay, new plan. We're going to quietly sneak to that building, and see if we can spot the beast. Understand?" Screwball started to nod, when suddenly her eyes grew wide and she froze. "It's right behind me, isn't it?"
Screwball could just barely nod at the question before Hearth Stone was suddenly grabbed by an orange, claw like appendage. "Oh boy, more friends! Hu-hu-he-huh-hee!"
Discord and Random Thought stood in a small clearing, back to back. Keeping a sharp lookout for any sign of either whatever was following them, the creature they were following, or the rest of the group. "Well m'lord, it would appear that we are in a bit of a tight spot."
"Okay, what's with the accent whenever it's just you and I?"
Random Thought raised an eyebrow at this as he continued to scan the darkness. "Whatever do you mean sir?"
"That!" Discord said as he raised a hoof in frustration. "You sound like you're from Eagleland or something."
"Rule thirty three, it never hurts to suck up to the boss."
"Shut up," Discord snapped as he used his magic to grab his gun. "Now, if we are lucky, the others aren't too far away, and we can meet up with them before we find the creature. After that it's only a matter of- WOAH!"
The two of them were looking up at the earth, Discord, in his infinante wisdom garnered from years of existence, had tripped a trap, and the pair of them were hanging by their rear legs in the tree. "Okay, you want me to talk normal, how about this. Smooth move ex-lax."
"Shut. Up. Can you use your magic to get to the weapons? My horn isn't working."
Random nodded, and tried to cast a spell, only for it to fizzle out. "I think this rope might be enchanted."
Discord opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted. "Oh boy! Even more friends to play with! This day is just super-de-duper!"
The pair looked in the direction of the voice, but all they caught was an orange and green blur moving in their direction. Before they could raise their voices to scream, darkness enshrouded them.
"See, I know that the Everfree Forest is no place to get lost, and once I was sure my animal friends would all be alright, I followed you into the forest," Fluttershy said with a smile. "Hopefully we'll find the rest before they get eaten by something."
Wordsmith trembled as he followed Fluttershy down the moonlit path. Somewhere in the dark, an owl hooted, causing Wordsmith to jump almost high enough to grab a tree branch. "How are you not afraid of this place?!"
"Oh, I used to be, but I've been down this path so many times that I know it pretty well. And don't be scared of that old Mister Owl, he's just saying hello."
Wordsmith continued to shake as he pulled his cloak tighter around him. "Hello Mister Owl. Please don't peck at us. Owls don't eat ponies, right?"
Fluttershy raised an eye at the question before giggling at him. "Now don't be silly Wordsmith, Owls eat smaller things, like mice, and rabbits."
"Oh, good." He breathed a sigh of relief as they continued down the path. After a few minutes, Fluttershy came to a sudden halt. "What's wrong Fluttershy?"
"I think I've found something, there's a fork in the path, and they are all going to the right, but..."
"But what?" He wondered as he leaned forward to investigate.
"But, there shouldn't even be a path to the right! At least, there wasn't one here last month." She leaned forward to investigate the tracks carefully. "Hmm, according to the tracks," she mumbled to herself. "The creature passed this way four times within the last few minutes. Twice carrying two ponies, and twice to reenter the forest."
"You can tell all that from the tracks?"
"Oh yes, see how the ones going this way are more sunken in and spread apart? That means he was carrying a heavy load, about the weight of two ponies. But also notice how the path weaves a bit when weighed down, whatever he's carrying is struggling. Lastly, you can see the marks of hooves being dragged along the dirt here."
Wordsmith felt something snap inside him as he suddenly grinned and walked away. "Oh well we tried, come on let's go back to the town, and I'll just go back to Canterlot and talk to the princess about getting my old life back together now that Discord's gone."
"Now you listen here mister! It's up to us to help our friends!"
Wordsmith laughed at the statement as he continued to trot away from Fluttershy. "Your friends. They aren't any friends of mine, they just exploit me for cheep labor."
Fluttershy stared at him agast at the nonchalant behavior on display. She breathed fast for a few seconds as she panicked, then realized what she had to do. Fluttershy flew up and ahead of Wordsmith, landing in the path before him. "Now you listen here! Just because you're scared, doesn't mean that you can get away with not helping!"
"Yes. Yes it does, I'm pretty sure that's even a valid reason to not join the military."
"Do you want something to be afraid of?" Fluttershy asked as her frown deepened. "I'll give you something to be scared of." She then opened her eyes wide at Wordsmith, giving him the full force of the stare.
Wordsmith looked at her for a few seconds, unsure of how to react, when he felt it. A sudden deep sense of fear. Fear of the pony in front of him, judging him with her eyes. He instantly shrunk down before the mare and curled up in a ball. "Okay, I'll help you save them."
"Good." Fluttershy then smiled and trotted away with a proud gait.
It had been a long time since Discord and Random were brought to where ever they were now. He still couldn't see because of the bag over his head, but from what he could tell his hooves were tied to the pony behind him. "Hey, Random, are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. How about you?"
"Is Random doing that fake Braytish accent again?"
"Technically it's Eagleish," Random interjected.
"Shut up Random! Screwball? is that you?"
"Not just her, but I'm here too," Hearth Stone replied.
"Okay," Discord said with a grunt as he tried to use his magic again. "Can anypony get this bag off of my head? I would really like to see."
"Hang on," Random Thought said as he began shifting around. "I think I've got a plan. Discord, I'm going to rub myself against your body."
"You're WHAT?!" Discord started to jump and scoot off away from Random Thought.
"No, wait! It's not like that! If I can get this bag off my head, I might be able to untie us!"
Everypony gave a collective, "Oh," in understanding as Random slid into Discord and began rubbing his head against him in a bid to knock the bag off his head. After a few failed attempts, the bag came off and he looked around. "Alright, we're inside a schoolhouse, the windows are boarded up, and I think I see some scissors!"
Hearth Stone turned in the direction of Random's voice to speak with him as he continued to struggle with the ropes. "Well hurry up and use them to untie us!"
Random Thought scooted across the floor as quickly as he could to get to the scissors. That's when he noticed something was off. "For an abandoned school, this place is really well kept, the desks are all in a row, and there are plenty of stocked craft bins and toys. It's like a preschool here, or kindergarten at best. The creature is not exactly a messy housekeeper."
He grabbed the scissors with his mouth and started to scoot his way back. "Come on Random! What's taking so long?" He quickly took the blade and brought it to the hooves of Screwball, going back and forth along the rope.
"What's going on back there, why haven't you cut me loose yet?"
"I'm trying, but these have a plastic blade!"
There was an imediate cry out in annoyance from this as the other three expressed their disdain.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Come on!"
"Who makes those? Honestly?"
"Look," Random said with a frown. "I've almost got Screwball's rope broken, as soon as I get her untied she can get my rope off and I'll use my magic to get the rest of you."
It was a slow process, but soon enough all four of them were untied and walking about the room. Much like how Neigh Jersey sounded bad, but was actually a lot worse, so was their situation. They were inside a dark class room, and as Random Thought said, all the windows were boarded shut. "Well now what do we do?"
"Alright," Hearth Stone said with a hint of command to his tone. "Here's the plan, search all the windows and doors for a way out. Unicorns, try to use your magic to remove the boards if you must, but we have to get out of here. I'm going to gather what I can use for weapons."
Screwball tried the door, and found it was locked. "Pshh, like that's something that ever stopped me." She took off her beany and began to dig around with her hooves. After a few moments her face fell. "Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh?" Discord rushed over from the window he was trying and looked at Screwball questioningly. "I've never heard you say uh-oh before. How bad is it?"
"Well," Screwball tapped her forehooves together for a few moments before checking the hat, then her mane one more time, then searching all over the ground. "My chalk is gone. I was going to use it to draw a key, or a new doorway. But they are all gone missing! Now I'm trying to see if I can find some."
"So, you can't get us out?"
"I've got even worse news," Random Thought said as he walked up to the pair. "Whoever boarded up these windows knows a few things about spells, there's no way to use magic to pry them open."
"And the best weapon I've found so far is a pencil," Hearth Stone said with a frown.
"PENCIL!" Screwball quickly snatched it away from the night guard and began to draw a key on the ground. As usual it materialized into a real key and she rushed over to open the doors with it. "Come on, work... WORK!" After several moments of nothing happening, she tossed the key away and tried to draw a hole in the wall, only for nothing to happen. "Why isn't this working?!"
"That's it, we're doomed," Random Thought cried out as he fell to his knees.
"Wait, there's still hope," Discord said with a smile. "All our weapons are outside, and so is Wordsmith! He'll get someone in town to come and save us all!"
A clicking noise suddenly echoed through the building, and everypony looked to the door of the schoolhouse. Everypony fell silent as they watched the door nob turn slowly. "Quick! Back away, it's the creature!"
Everypony moved back, just as the door flew open to revile the silhouette of the great brute. He stood tall over the arch of the door, and had to duck to enter. Slung over his back for everypony to see was Wordsmith and Fluttershy. "Uh, hi everypony, I'm here to save you?"
Hearth Stone slammed his hoof in his face and shook his head at this. "That's it, were done for."
Random then did a power slide on his rear legs with his forehooves raised above his head in anguish. "DOOOOOOOOOMED!"
The creature shut the door and quickly turned the lock to keep everyone inside. It stepped forward and they could hear it breathing deeply through it's mouth. "Oh deary me, looks like someone's been naughty and tried to get out of class early!" It spoke like it was trying not to laugh all the time, in an overly cheerful tone as it showed all of it's teeth. After a moment, it lowered the pair of ponies to the ground and raised a clawed finger to the light switch. "Oh well, looks like the fun starts early! Good thing I ran out of rope to tie you two up, so now we can all play together!"
The claw slid up the light switch flooding the room with light. As soon as everything was lit up, everypony saw how everything was so foal friendly and brightly painted that they began to feel slightly nauseous. "Wow, it feels like somepony really got creative with their colors when they did this building."
Discord stopped talking, and let his jaw drop at what he saw. There, standing by the door was what could only be described as the most vile thing his eyes had ever seen. Something that his twisted imagination could have never come up with in a thousand lifetimes.
It stood on only it's hind legs, it was bright orange with a green belly and spins, and a few smaller green dots on each upper leg. It looked like somepony's sick idea of what a dragon looks like, without wings. "Yum yum doodle bum! I love making new friendly friends to be friends with! My name's Baloney, and we're going to be the bestest friends ever! Hu-hu-ha-hu-heh!"
The six ponies quickly backed away from the giant polyester-saurus rex, only for him to follow until they were backed against a wall. "We're going to have so much fun de lilliyum fun! We can make masks, and tell stories and use our imagination! Hu-hu-ha-hu-heh! And the best part is," he stopped to cover his dopey grin as if he was snickering. "We can imagine fun things together forever!"
Eagleland, An island country that is a part of the Braytish islands that makes up the United Braytish Commonwealth in the northern parts of the Griffonian continent. (This universes England)
Some day, I'll just make a map.
Here he is, you may recognize this terror from your past. But now he's back in your lives. Enjoy what's to come.
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on behalf of everypony from Neigh Jersey, I'd just like to say something:
but not the Giants. They are awesome.
------------------
Oh, this is gonna be fun!
3702749
Negh Yorker? I'm from Coltifornia!
I can't (Won't you loser) Sigh... won't comment on this. I am too mentally broken to even attempt to comment.
3702776
Then bite me west-coaster! Got b***s talking about my state.
--------------------
seriously though, whatever comes next is going to be hilarious.
3702803
I guess that means it was bad...
3702841
I just want to avoid anyone on reality TV...
3703042 No it means, THAT GODFORSAKEN THING hnnnnggggggg...........
He is terrified beyond measure. It was actually awesome.
3703042
trust me, no REAL Jerseyian wants to meet them either.
>>>"Wow, maybe I was right about the village after all!"
"I already said none of that." >>>
Lord Chilled is also displeased by Screwball's goofiness!
3702749 You sound like one o' them filthy rich Northern Jersians!
We in da Pine Barrens is da PURE Jersians! We know cuz we been here since da 1600's a-breedin' only with our cousins!
(And we are not ashamed of anything, either!)
>>>"Yum yum doodle bum! I love making new friendly friends to be friends with! My name's Baloney, and we're going to be the bestest friends ever! Hu-hu-ha-hu-heh!">>>
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4735580633761988&pid=15.1
Unless the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister) happen to show up, they're doomed. But even then it may not be enough... even the trio of tricksters couldn't completely stop the horror that is Baloney.
3706725
Oh, I might stoop to low cheep refferences once in a while, but I wouldn't do that. Or would I?
Also, for anyone who clicked the video link, that's me doing Baloney's voice.
3706695
Yeah, I grew up in north jersey, but then I moved to south jersey to school.
Final anaylsis:
North Jersey: Neigh York drivers, over-populated cities, mazes of highway.
South Jersey: Beautiful Pine Barrens barely a mile from beaches, nice people, and a legendary creature roaming the area.
South Jersey Wins. No contest.
3708711
~shudders~ As far away as I am, the Jersey Devil scares me.
3702749 HEY, NOBODY DISSES THE JETS!
I WILL SEND FLUTTERSHY AFTER YOU! And she will....be angry.
3708711 Did you ever notice that the Jersey Devil bares more than a passing resemblance to Discord?
Just sayin'...
weirdnj.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/JerseyDevilIllustrationFinal.jpg
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120601211057/pony/es/images/d/d2/Discord-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-28150084-869-919.png
Couldn't be anything to that...
3710879
I actually made a blog post about that!
3731770 oh my... That comment was 33 weeks old. However did you see it?
3731851 don't ask me, i was actually on my phone when i saw it. i don't even look at how long ago things were posted
makes no sense to me whatsoever.
even for a discord fic it was too jumbly for me.
please dont take this as mean.
3706725
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Care to enlighten me?
3814481 Animaniacs.
Bascially, the Marx Brothers crossed with Bugs Bunny with Pinkie Pie's level of mania making fun of everything in pop culture.
3836089 You know, I did feel that Eagland was kinda pushing it for me, but I thought to myself at the moment of writing the following.... "What's a good way to say England, without saying England? Well, it's in the Gryphonian Continent, and gryphons are part eagle... BOOM I'm a genius!"
Yeah, I tend to make wrong decisions based on idiotic trains of thought. BUT If it does come across, then it comes across.
AAAHHHHHHHH....AHAAHAHHHHHHH...AHAHAHHHHHHHHH *Gets large knife and stabs it repeatedly* DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!! Well, I'm scarred for life....on the upside, this was a funny chapter, was that a reference to Chalk Zone?
Tf2 fic referance?
Whats worse than Barney?
A cut rate Barney with an even more annoying voice and a worse color pallet.
Yay!