Paul's Thursday Reviews CC · 8:05pm Apr 2nd, 2020
Dreams are weird. I had one last night. It involved me having dinner with my late grandmother and Rarity (pony Rarity, not EqG Rarity). Then after my grandmother went home Rarity and I got caught in a downpour, and for some reason I was freaking out because Rarity was getting rained on. She didn’t seem to care. We found shelter and I spent the end of the dream trying to rub the water off her, but no matter how much I tried she stayed wet. I couldn’t tell if she was more amused by or appreciative of my concern.
Then I woke up and all I could think of was that I had the novel experience of touching an MLP pony. Even in the very rare occasions they appear in my dreams, that had never happened before.
Then this came to mind:
I’ve been hard at work developing my next story, which is running longer than I intended. I may do some cutting of the early scenes, which I’ve come to believe are taking too long to get to the point. Operating at 2,000 - 2,500 words a day right now, so hopefully I’ll have it done sometime early next week despite the fact I’ll be visiting my parents. Part of me is anxious about visiting them because they’re both around 60, but my mom was on the edge of guilting me into it. She’s dismissive of the risk. Plus she works at a hardware store that is overwhelmed with customers these days, so she’s more at risk from that than she is from me.
Enough about me. Shall we have some reviews?
EDIT: Holy crapola, I just realized this is my 200th consecutive Thursday Review blog! I don’t know if this makes me awesome or in desperate need of a life. Probably both. While we’re here, I might as well point out some numbers. I have a total of 1,635 reviews on record as of this blog, covering exactly 700 different authors. Wow, have I been busy.
Stories for This Week:
Mother Fluffer by TheVClaw
What About Twilight? by alarajrogers
A Smile Only For You by Never2muchpinkie
Lamppost by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
Labor of Love by JackRipper
Night Mares by ObabScribbler
Princess Diamond Tiara by ABagOVicodin
Apple Shampoo by Titanium Dragon
Shoeshine and the Khaki Maniac by FanOfMostEverything
Venenum Iocus by kudzuhaiku
Total Word Count: 277,619
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Mother Fluffer
33,280 Words
By TheVClaw
It’s a day or two after Tirek’s defeat, and Twilight and Spike just had an open house for everypony to come by and check out their new digs. That of course means their parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light, are going to show up. This is all fine until the Mane 6 sans Twilight go by the train station and see Velvet getting some tongue action from a certain familiar griffon.
The whole base concept is eye-catching, and I figured I couldn’t ignore the premise. The story didn’t end up as I anticipated, but that’s a good thing. It mostly focuses on two points: first, the nature of the relationship between Twilight Velvet and Night Light, and second, reconciling the problems between the Mane 6 and Gilda.
As far as Velvet and Night Light go, the point is that they’re both gay and regularly dating others despite being happily married. If that seems odd or awkward to you, that’s understandable, but TheVClaw sells it well. It’s certainly unconventional, and for that I give the author kudos. Strangely, the chapter that most pleased me was the second one, in which the Mane 6 don’t do the most common thing an author would arrange in stories like this. Rather than go running straight to Twilight or confronting Gilda and Velvet or any of a number of obviously bad ideas, they all get together in private and discuss their options, coming upon the mutually agreed most mature one. For taking the road less travelled, TheVClaw pleases me.
I have mixed feelings regarding the conversation between Rainbow and Gilda at the end of the story. On the one hand, it is acknowledged that Gilda made mistakes. Yet I couldn’t shake off this unpleasant feeling that the author was trying to justify her actions, and I’m not sure I can get behind that. Still, some pretty good arguments are made on both sides, and I can’t object to the conclusion.
An unusual premise with a queer (so to speak) background written realistically with a generally satisfying ending. Not a bad show. If TheVClaw hadn’t used all caps, italics, bold, and x10-sized text in tandem, easily among the most amateurish methods of emphasizing, I’d have had nothing to complain about. Definitely read this if you’re interested in an unconventional story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Not Part of the Plan — Worth It
What About Twilight?
14,906 Words
By alarajrogers
After Discord outright mocked her for being jealous of him having fun with her friends, Twilight decides it’s time to have a personal chat with the draconequus regarding his behavior. To this end, she goes to visit him in his own home and clear up just why he thought making her feel like crap was a good idea. Discord fires back with a theory of his own… one that seems alarmingly plausible and is a little horrifying to her.
Woah. This is an entirely different beast from what I’m accustomed to reading by this author. The entirety of it is Twilight and Discord having a long, winding, and at times confusing (because Discord) conversation about how Twilight’s friends behave under different circumstances and, more to the point, how they behave around Twilight herself. Beneath these themes is the underlying question of how Twilight views Discord as an individual. Oh, she’s called him her friend… but is he really?
Then you get that sweet conclusion that changes the entire story around. And I thoroughly enjoyed that change.
This is by far the best I’ve read by this author yet. The quality of writing, the in-depth awareness and exploration of the characters and their personalities, growth clarified, the nonstop bout of points and counterpoints, it all works delightfully well. I have absolutely nothing to complain about.
If you like stories featuring Discord, this will do wonders for you. If you want to see some Twilight x Discord friendshipping, which we can all agree is much needed canonically, then absolutely read this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dragonfire and Sympathy — Worth It
Twilight Sparkle's Report On Fluctuations Of The Local Entropic Gradient And A Proposed Solution — Worth It
Discord in Hell (Not Literally) — Needs Work
A Smile Only For You
1,844 Words
By Never2muchpinkie
Maud is heading back home from Ponyville after her visit in Maud Pie. Along the way, she reflects on the nature of Pinkie Pie and how her family has been affected by the little pink ball of joy.
This is easily the best I’ve read by this author, and by a large margin. It’s the sad story of how Pinkie introduced the Pie family to the concept of happiness and harmony and then left to spread that joy to others. More importantly, it’s about how Pinkie’s departure affected them, and not in a good way.
It’s hard to tell if Maud’s interpretation is based on reality. What I mean is, she has a negative outlook at things, so is her story of a family falling apart real or is it just the way she sees life without Pinkie Pie? Either way, it’s clear that Pinkie has had a deep effect on the life of her sibling.
This is a quietly emotional story, subdued not unlike Maud herself. It doesn’t hold up well against modern canon, but for when it was written I think Never2muchpinkie did well. If you have any interest at all in Maud Pie, this story will likely mean something to you.
And I should note that this is a huge improvement over the last couple stories I’ve read by Never2muchpinkie. That alone makes this worthy of praise.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
How a Pie Became a Cake — Needs Work
You Are Normal Too — None
Lamppost
1,455 Words
By Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
What is this story about?
I have no idea.
When it starts, I’m sorta miffed. Nothing that’s happening is creepy or scary or disturbing. Weird? Absolutely. Horror material? Nah. Then we get to the candles and the lamppost going out, and shit gets real.
This falls neatly into the Weird genre of stories that I love so much, and the fact that we don’t really know what’s happening at any point doesn’t make it a bad story. I presume some madpony is casting an occult ritual, but that’s the most I can say with anything resembling confidence. The nebulous nature of the story makes it impossible to say if the things speaking to him are true paranormal entities or just voices in his head, but given the ending I must assume the former. There are so many questions, so many unknowns, that describing anything about this story runs the risk of being completely wrong.
Fans of the mysterious will get something out of this. As will fans of psychological and paranormal horror. At one point, we might even call it body horror. It achieves all of this without going into intense, gruesome detail. It’s so light in detail, in fact, that the only reason for an M-rating on this is the concept of it, rather than anything we outright see. It lets the readers use their own imaginations to envision the horror. That works phenomenally for this piece.
As a horror piece, I think it’s great. But I also think it’s something that will only appeal to a niche audience.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cookie Cadet Caper — WHYRTY?
Open Eyes — Pretty Good
Young Eyes — Pretty Good
The Code's Apprentice — Worth It
Labor of Love
2,218 Words
By JackRipper
U-1746 lives in Manehattan, working day and night to produce clothes for the war effort. But she is determined that, when the war is over, ponies will know her name is Rarity.
Not buying it.
The good bit is that this is, on the surface, a story about Rarity being Rarity, which is to say generous and good and dependable. It’s about keeping hope in the face of despair. It captures those elements perfectly, from its start with a miserable pony just trying to get through her day to its end with a new friend and an act of generosity fulfilled. In that regard I give JackRipper full kudos and approval, as it’s a great demonstration of everyone’s favorite marshmallow fashion horse.
It’s the world the story is set in that’s the issue.
There is one thing that stands in the author’s favor: this story is set in the Crystal War timeline, as depicted in The Cutie Re-Mark. A lot of the concepts introduced here come directly from what little we saw in that episode regarding this timeline. That means that the author was forced to try and follow the show’s depiction, even when that depiction makes no sense.
For example, apparently Rarity and the other factory workers are producing clothes for the soldiers on the battlefront. Okay, sure. It would make more sense if they’d said armor, which does indeed need some textiles in its manufacturing, but I’m willing to buy that. And apparently, according to this story, the material for making the clothes is in low supply, so the usage is carefully monitored. Fine enough. So can someone explain to me why they’re wasting this apparently precious resource on worker uniforms? Last I checked, ponies didn’t need clothes in their day-to-day activities. In the author’s defense, this one has canon origins from the show, so I can be a little lenient, but that doesn’t make it any less dumb.
What the heck is this idea that ponies are known by their numbers? I can understand why bureaucratic types would want numbers to assign to ponies for ease of organization and all that, but to lay it on so thick that ponies literally introduce themselves by their numbers, as if they have no personal identity? What is this, 1984? I can understand plenty of things being done for the war effort, but Celestia would never allow this.
Why is electricity in short supply?
Why are the people of Equestria literally starving, foals included?
Why is it heavily suggested that merely talking to your coworkers would be frowned upon, if not outright punishable?
Again, I get it, JackRipper had to work with what the show gave him. That’s understandable. But they took it significantly further than the show’s implications. Without any sort of explanation, the entire world becomes untenable. If you’re taking things to these Stalinesque levels of extreme in a place like Equestria, there needs to be a reason behind it. Otherwise you’re asking readers to just accept it at face value and, if they’re at all paying attention, they won’t.
Yet I must repeat that the story in and of itself isn’t bad. Not at all, it’s actually quite good. It pulls off great atmosphere, understands Rarity well as an individual, and is effective in its overall style. I have absolutely nothing to complain about in that regard. I just wish JackRipper had expanded things a little to explain why he took Equestria to such un-Equestrian extremes. Even what we get out of the show doesn’t take it anywhere near this far.
If you’re the kind of reader who sees a beloved world totally ruined and wants to know why, you’ll want to steer clear. If you can somehow ignore all the background you’re not going to get, however, then you’ll probably get a lot out of it, especially if you’re a Rarity fan.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Night Mares
4,500 Words
By ObabScribbler
Filly Bon Bon is in Manehattan visiting her Nonna for Nightmare Night. She’d do things with her parents, but… let’s face it, she never gets to do anything with them. While out Trick-or-Treating, Bon Bon steps away from her Nonna for a minute to get some candies and… Wait, where is she again? Just when things are starting to look hopeless, she runs into a pair of adult mares who are also dressed up. She has no idea what they’re dressed up as, but they’re certainly dressed up.
This, folks, is the reason I avoid abandoning authors after a story or two. The writing on display in this one is a huge step forward compared to that of the previous stories I’ve read by Scribbler. Seriously, it’s like night and day.
As for the story itself, it’s basically about a lost Bon Bon meeting a pair of prostitutes when she’s far too young to know what that means. Luckily, the two are kind enough to take Bon Bon home to her Nonna. It’s a strange mixture. One part adorable filly having no idea what the adults in the room are talking about, and another part sad reality as you realize what’s really going on with at least one of her saviors. Scribbler does a great job telling us so much without needing to tell us anything, which is a huge change from prior stories that told us nothing by telling us everything.
This was a treat, and definitely worth the read. Seeing authors go from bumbling amateurs to capable storytellers is one of the greater joys of being a reviewer. Even without that added layer of context, this one is a great read that you should definitely take a look at.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
That Is A Friend Who Cares — Needs Work
The Things We Do For ... — Needs Work
Princess Diamond Tiara
8,315 Words
By ABagOVicodin
Diamond Tiara gets a special birthday gift: being Princess Twilight Sparkle’s assistant for a day! More specifically, she’s going to help prepare a major diplomatic summit with her. She’s not thrilled by the idea… until she realizes that, as Twilight’s official assistant, she can get away with pretty much anything she wants.
This was intended as a sort of replacement for the episode Princess Spike, and the similarities are pretty obvious. Diamond Tiara is in full bully mode for this story, being about as bad as you can expect for an E rating. Her blatant unawareness of the responsibilities behind her duties and, generally speaking, how the real world works is put to the forefront with the expected consequences.
The problem I had is that, after showing Diamond Tiara to be completely ignorant of all this and behaving like the worst kind of brat, we’re expected to believe she’s learned her lesson because Princess Twilight got mad at her. Yeah, pretty sure you can’t fix all of that in less than twenty-four hours. It would be different if, say, DT had an established role model who had been trying to teach her these things from the start and it just didn’t click until now. Instead, it’s “Diamond woke up a little monster and went to bed an angel.” Not buying it.
The story isn’t bad in context. I simply feel that ABagOVicodin didn’t approach Diamond’s reformation appropriately. I get that this is meant to replace an episode and thus tried to emulate the show’s style. It worked for Spike because we know he’s a good guy who got in over his head. But Diamond Tiara is a completely different character who needs to be approached in an equally different way.
Despite all that, I’m willing to give this a passing grade. In terms of the writing, there are no flaws standing out to me and it achieves everything it meant to do. The story starts off and goes through the motions just fine. It’s only at the end that it really stumbles.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Sticky Showdown — Worth It
Therapist Visit — Worth It
Therapist Visit: Princess Twilight Sparkle — Needs Work
Apple Shampoo
1,805 Words
By Titanium Dragon
Come on, folks. Look at the title. Look at the cover art. If you think there's even a slight chance I’d pass on this, you don’t know me very well. Also, did you know Hasbro once released MLP-themed body wash? Did you know that the Rarity bottle was apple scented? That, my friends, is some god-tier fan teasing, and I love it.
Anyway, the story is exactly what you think. Rarity’s been spending a lot of time at Sweet Apple Acres and lately smells a lot like apples. Her friends decide to confront her about it. After all, if Applejack and her are making apple-scented shampoo together, maybe they can get some free samples!
This was everything and nothing I anticipated. And by nothing, I merely mean that the Dragon approached this in a completely different way than I would have. It’s still entertaining, just less in the drawn-out-at-Rarity’s-highly-embarassing-expense sort of way I was hoping for. Don’t let that stop you! The situation alone is worth a grin. I halfway expected a fake-out at the end where the apple scent would be shown as entirely innocuous and misleading.
The only thing preventing me from rating this too highly is that it doesn’t really go anywhere or resolve anything. I feel like there was so much more that could have been done with this concept. I mean, this idea is so entertaining that it left me grinning for weeks in anticipation over the possibilities alone (I book my readings many weeks in advance). It just feels like a bigger – but ultimately silly and marshmelodramatically embarrassing – story could have come out of this. Why stop here?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Famous Last Words — Pretty Good
Forever and Again and Again — Pretty Good
Mistletrapped — Pretty Good
The Butterfly's Burden — Pretty Good
Shoeshine and the Khaki Maniac
8,804 Words
By FanOfMostEverything
Requested by Shrink Laureate
Daring Do has a unique mission she needs to go on and can’t do it alone. But when she tries to get even one of the Mane 6 to join her, she’s shocked to find they just haven’t got the time. Luckily, Princess Twilight Sparkle thinks she can round up some substitutes to do just as good a job. One of those is Shoeshine, the local farrier. Why does Yearling need a farrier? Because the magical artifact they’re after this time happens to be a set of horseshoes, of course. It… makes more sense in context.
I can see why this one won the Bingo contest. It’s creative, it’s fun, and it wraps itself up neatly. The story, narrated almost entirely by Shoeshine, has Daring and her team up with Berry Punch and Trixie to visit a frozen desert and try to stay one step ahead of – who else? – Ahuizotl. If that seems like a strange combination to you, that’s because it is, and FOME makes it work fantastically.
This isn’t just a little adventure, but also has a lot of amusing side-notes relating to Equestria at large and how its begun interacting with multiple dimensions, time-warping shenanigans, and pre-G4 references. Starlight absent to attend a Time Council in another universe, the mystifying strengthening of the Sparkle Effect, EqG Rarity’s ponified fashion shenanigans, and the appearance of none other than the Dream Castle (with a Schmooze reference to boot). And bear in mind that these are all background elements, merely being referenced rather than actively part of the story. The whole thing comes together to form a sort of fantastical whimsy, and I enjoyed every moment of it.
So if you feel like watching a slightly atypical Daring Do adventure with an unusual cast of characters in a world gone silly from ten-too-many magical interventions, you’ll have a lot of fun here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fruit of the Problem — Pretty Good
Mandatory Fun — Pretty Good
Wizards, Fools, and Foals — Pretty Good
You Can Lead a Horse to Logic — Worth It
Venenum Iocus
200,471 Words
By kudzuhaiku
Sequel to The Weed
The Weed introduced us to the vast, ever-expanding Weed-verse, of which I have read many stories out of order before I realized what I was doing. In it, we met Tarnish Teapot, a young explorer and a living embodiment of poison joke. He grew up, learned the secrets of his cutie mark and, most importantly, met, wooed, and wed Maud Pie. Now he and Maud are ready to go on a special mission together, offered by noted philanthropist environmentalist Tree Hugger and Princess Twilight Sparkle: they are to investigate The Scariest Cave in Equestria.
The result is a long, winding path. Tarnish and Maud, still in that ‘honeymoon’ state of their relationship, soon meet and become adventuring partners with Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch. They get into fights with Diamond Dogs, free slaves, encounter mysterious creatures, and even delve into what I can only presume is the mysterious city of Tambelon. There is romance, there is action, there is horror, there is friendship, there is innuendo, there is humor, there is worldbuilding. kudzuhaiku checks off every box you could want in a single package, and does so effectively. I am immensely impressed by this story’s scope and pacing.
Of course, the writing does have some problems typical of this author, such as an unfortunate habit of the narrative repeating what the dialogue just told us, almost verbatim. But when compared to the boundless character growth, the regular worldbuilding, and the ever-underlying sense of epicness the story offers, these are minor niggles.
There are topics the story brings up that may cause problems for some readers. For example, while I was ever-amused by the author’s frequent use of humor – particularly sexual innuendo – to lighten the mood, I can see some readers being annoyed with the distraction. Then there’s the story’s canon worldbuilding that can clash catastrophically with a reader’s perceptions. The one that got me was the heretical idea that Celestia and Luna are nothing more than planned pets, creations of higher powers looking to control the world’s development. I say ‘heretical’, because for me this was the equivalent of telling a devout Christian that Jesus was literally an alien planted on Earth to influence the course of history. It shook me, and I did not like it.
But I got over it. And you may have to get over things, as well. Maybe not such huge things as the true origins of Celestia and Luna, but there are plenty of things ingrained into the fandom that this story tosses aside without so much as a yawn. You may have to go in prepared to accept that this AU may, in some ways, completely defy your perceptions of Equestria.
None of this is a bad thing. It shows the author’s willingness to think outside the box. More importantly, it supports a new, expansive, undeniably fascinating Equestria ripe for exploration. I am very much looking forward to more.
Overall, this may be the pinnacle of kudzuhaiku’s expanded Weed-verse. We meet new allies, get some brief encounters with ponies that will be extremely important later, Tarnish gets a new arch-nemesis, and we finally come to realize where this series is really going. It’s got pieces of every major genre I can think of and entwines them with impressive skill. It does come with the requisite need to have read the prequel to understand a bit of context, but ignoring that I have nothing but praise.
I do have to ask, though: how the heck did the Apple Family get through that cave alive, and why is it never mentioned in this story?
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals — WHYRTY?
The Weed — WHYRTY?
Filly Twilight Sparkle and the Mystery of the Groaning Ghosts — Pretty Good
Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals: Winter Break — Pretty Good
Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
"Teach Me Goodness" by Posh
Nature's Course by Arbutus
Wishes by Briarpelt
Morsel of Truth by Pen Stroke
Wheel in the Sky by LightningBass94
Marriage by QueenMoriarty
The Course of the Moon by slightlyshade
The Clientele of "La Maison Nuit" by Desavlos
This Story Sucks by JackRipper
Storm Vine by zalla661
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Glad you enjoyed Khaki Maniac. It was certainly interesting wrestling all of the disparate elements into something workable.
I has been reviewed.
Thank you. Again.
I would say this makes you awesome. :)
I may be biased. c.c
In Mother Fluffer, are they both gay and best friends who after realizing they're both gay decided to stay married because they love each other just not sexually and also for the kids, or are they both bi/pansexual and in an open relationship/polyamorous?
5234546
Author of Mother Fluffer here. As for how to define Velvet & Night Light's relationship, I should clarify that the two were friends and aware of each other's orientations before becoming a couple themselves. The two had tried to find compatible partners of their own genders, but found no luck by the time they decided to marry each other. They might legitimately love each other as spouses, but their physical interests are understood to be handled by others.
Sheesh. Princess Luna upgrades one dream server and suddenly everyone's getting weird vivid dreams like they're going out of style.
5235249
Tell me about it. First it's trying to dry off ponies with my bare hands. Last night? I was very anxiously feeding a T-Rex by tossing crackers in the air for it to catch, not unlike how you might toss a dog some treats. And a while ago I was holding a velociraptor's mouth shut with my bare hands and it was acting like a kicked puppy as a result.
I don't know what Luna added to that server, but it's got some kick.
Thanks for the review! Admittedly I wrote this as a one-shot, short little thing. I actually had other stories about series of misunderstandings involving Rarity (some of which I never finished... maybe I should use this pandemic as an excuse to work on them again, so that the survivors can all read the quality fiction of the before times :P).
I'm glad you enjoyed it for what it was, though I'm sorry it wasn't what you were hoping it would be.