Paul's Fashionably Late Reviews · 3:09pm Dec 23rd, 2016
What does 'fashionably late' even mean?
That's right, I'm still alive. Apologies for the prolonged silence, things got a little busy for me over here. And now I'm at my parents' place, so I likely won't be doing much pone for, say, the next week-and-a-half. Not because I'm a closet brony, but because my parents are masters at keeping me away from the computer. Which, frankly, is probably what I need right now.
There will be no reviews next week, for the same reason there were no reviews last week; I just can't keep up with all the big stories I'm being thrown at once. But I've been working on re-arranging my review order and I don't think it'll be happening again anytime soon.
Also, some interesting news for those of you who have been reading these for a long time: this is my last review session devoted solely to Re-Reads. That's right, I've almost emptied the list! In fact, I have already scheduled every re-read-type story I have left. After this blog, I go back to my original methods of getting every type at least once, and when the last re-read goes by I'll replace that slot with another RiL. This will let me review 2-3 RiL stories every week, which means I can finally start catching up on that thing! I've been limiting myself to only one story added to the RiL list a week as a means of letting me catch up on it; we'll see how long I hold out.
Alright, enough news. Time for those reviews you've all been waiting for.
Stories for This Week:
Foreign Complications by RainbowBob
The Butterfly's Burden by Titanium Dragon
Pies by OfTheIronwilled
Exit Through Canterlot by TheBrianJ
The Father of My Children by The Descendant
Me You, and a Library for Two by Dull Mist
Total Word Count: 273,589
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Foreign Complications
4,428 Words
By RainbowBob
Re-Read
Bob called me an editor for this one. I was really more akin to a pre-reader, but meh: potato, potahto.
In this story by RainbowBob, Twilight is invited by Celestia to attend her first major diplomatic meeting: greeting the king of the minotaurs in a surprise visit. At once eager and anxious, she fully expects to discuss ways to improve Taurian/Pony relations. What she gets instead is a practical-minded leader who is set to teach Twilight and Celestia a lesson in proper leadership, whether that involves sharing the burden of dealing with world-destroying threats or not sacrificing an entire kingdom just to save seven friends.
As a story, I thoroughly enjoyed this. It’s no secret that I consider incompetence a character trait of Celestia (and I don't mean that in a malicious way), and some of Twilight’s actions haven’t exactly been a shining beacon of leadership. Watching King Solis put both in their place purely via diplomatic means speaks to a guilty pleasure I have no problem indulging in. What makes it all the more delectable is that everything he says makes perfect sense to anyone not from a land of sunshine and rainbows, and even Celestia acknowledges it.
The only thing that bugs me about the story is that I don’t feel as if there was a resolution, and as such it could be considered just another writer’s rant of the week. King Solis walks in, verbally bitch-slaps Twilight and Celestia, makes a few pricey resolutions and leaves. And what’s the lesson Twilight got out of this? “Politics is hard.”
So yes, I had a lot of fun reading the story, but as a story in general? Eh, you may find it lacking. For my enjoyment, I give it a good rating.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
The Butterfly's Burden
10,716 Words
By Titanium Dragon
Re-Read
I’m always anxious going into a TD story. They are typically good, but I’m always left with mixed feelings, like either I’m looking at something a bit deeper than I’m ready for or, alternatively, the guy’s trying too hard. Admitting the former sounds flattering. Suggesting the latter demands defense, and as I’ve learned over the years, defending such things is not something I’m very good at. This story feels like neither, for its purpose is readily identifiable and not overbearing in its manner. For this I am glad.
In this story, Fluttershy is summoned to meet the princesses, ostensibly to discuss the Breezies and their future in Equestria, but in truth to discuss Discord and his future as a non-petrified critter. What follows is a long debate in which Fluttershy attempts to keep Discord safe from the wrath of Luna and the concern of Celestia. It culminates in what may be considered a clear – if not at all good – reason for Celestia to send Discord alone to capture Tirek.
On the one hand, I really enjoyed the pacing and careful thought put into this story. It worked well in getting into the head of Fluttershy and giving every argument she makes a little extra weight, all while emphasizing her sense of unbelonging (yes, that's a word, shut up!) under these circumstances. I particularly liked how Luna and Celestia are shown to be at odds in ways that suited them both, while neither are quite in tune with Fluttershy.
The one thing I didn’t like, however, is also one of the defining aspects of the story: Fluttershy herself. This is based upon my interpretation of her character and entirely subjective, but I didn’t like how skittish and terrified she was at every little word or movement. Yes, Fluttershy is a fragile flower, but I think by this point in the series she’d have a lot more backbone than what is shown here.
But again, this is a subjective complaint. I’m sure others will look upon her manner and find it perfectly suitable. And ignoring my disapproval of her behavior in this story, the whole thing reads like one long character study, and in that way it works quite well. I think it could be argued that the story is intended for exactly that purpose. If so, well done, TD. My disagreement with this rendition of Fluttershy does not hinder the ability underlying the story.
It comes with the benefit of some great debating and, most notable to me, a nice comprehension of Discord as a character. Fluttershy’s defense of him against Celestia and Luna is wonderful, and I enjoyed watching her perform in this regard.
In the end, I liked this story, both for its exploration of Fluttershy’s character and its overall method of delivery. If my disagreement with this interpretation of her hadn’t been constantly stuck in the back of my mind, I might have placed this in my highest bookshelf. But don’t let my personal issues get in the way of you trying it out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Pies
1,508 Words
By OfTheIronwilled
Re-Read
Ah, yes, this one. I remember picking it simply because it appeared to be ignored, and I know what that feels like. In this little piece, we get a character study of Maud Pie and a theory regardng her stoic manner.
By the author’s admission, this isn’t really a story. It’s more akin to a moment of introspection. It alternates regularly between Maud’s interpretation of many different kinds of rocks and a singular event of her foalhood. It is ponderous and contemplative, and in its own way is quite interesting. Few bother to examine Maud in this manner (at least that I am aware of), and while the material itself can seem dull the implications are worth investigating.
There’s not much to say beyond this. The piece is interesting, but it is also short, and as such it leaves little to discuss. But it is certainly worth it for those with an interest in Maud Pie.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Exit Through Canterlot
137,539 Words
By TheBrianJ
Re-Read
Oh, but I remember this story well.
Octavia has always been a reserved mare, her emotions ever held in check and her temperament cool at worst. But when what was meant to be the most important night of her life gets ruined by a bunch of Ponyville mares, she’s seeing red. An opportunity spurred by coincidence leads her to voice her frustrations via chalk and spray paint, and awakens in her a new desire for speaking out in her own special way. Yet when a pony is unused to letting her emotions loose, she runs into the problem of understanding just how those emotions can get away from her control.
This is by far one of the most interesting concepts I’ve seen on FIMfiction, and I’ve seen quite a few. Exit Through Canterlot speaks to artists of every stripe on the values of freedom of expression, the power of art to change lives, and the importance of self control. Octavia makes for a wonderful protagonist in this sense, in much the same way that her arch nemesis, Blueblood, acts as the perfect voice of opposition. To a certain degree, one could even think of this story as inspiring in its scope and intent.
Blueblood in particular strikes me as an interesting character. While he is generally portrayed as the villain of the piece, he is not necessarily bad himself. In most instances I’ve seen, Blueblood is either a witless nincompoop and token narcissist or is hiding a heart of gold. This version is refreshingly neutral, and more real as a result; he is passionate about his interests, and while at times vindictive, cruel and selfish, his intentions are not inherently wrong. There is an impression of many layers to his character, which in turn makes him fun to watch as he grows throughout the story.
More pertinent to the story as a whole is Octavia’s roller coaster of emotions, emotions that carry her away in directions she never expected to go. Octavia’s journey into self discovery, with its highs and its lows, drives this story forward. I think, in terms of character growth and plot development, Exit Through Canterlot does incredibly well. The end result is a message of freedom, self-awareness and -satisfaction. It’s the kind of thing many stories strive for, but only a very few manage to produce.
Of course, there are some catches. The writing, while generally good, suffers from a number of hitches. Strange phrases, awkward repetitions and more than a few misspellings mar the technical finish of the story; I don’t know how many times I saw the word ‘though’ where a ‘through’ was supposed to be, just for example. The writing style is mostly fine, but there are a few occasions where the author could have written less to achieve the same effect, or went about things for a bit longer than was necessary, or even got to be a little too telly (although that last one is probably the smallest issue in the set).
I also took issue with the regular distinguishing between music and art. Octavia says, over and over again, that music is her true passion, and yet she eagerly abandons it for her art. She praises her art in ways that makes it sound like music has fallen off its pedestal for her, to the point that she even declares art can touch other and have meaning in ways music can’t – an idea I find incredulous at best, especially coming from her.
That said, it’s not a question of whether art or music is the superior form of self-expression, although I would personally argue heavily in favor of music – I never cried over a painting. The real issue is how Octavia views the difference between art and music, and I can’t help but think that the author veered too far in one direction at the expense of the other. Some efforts were made to balance things out, but they felt less real and more like desperate attempts to tell the fans of Best Background Pony “No, no, she’s not abandoning music! Don’t flame me, bro!” The result is a sort of awkwardness that springs up every time Octavia apparently has to insist that music is ‘the most important thing in her life’ again. And again. And again.
The only other major issue is the blatant lack of Princess Luna. I’m not saying this just because of my love of Best Pone, either; in a big way, Octavia’s actions are a form of intellectual rebellion against royalty and Canterlot. Moreover, most of her activities take place at night, Luna’s domain. While Blueblood is the perfect opponent for Octavia’s activities, it strikes me as odd that he would not go to Luna for help. While Celestia gets plenty of presence to voice her opinion from the sidelines, I can’t help but imagine that Luna would be of the mind to confront Octavia directly, if only for the sake of satisfying curiosity. Her lack of presence – indeed, she only earns one mention in the whole story, and that only in passing – feels like a gaping hole in the story.
But in spite of these oddities, I must say that Exit Through Canterlot is one of the most original and interesting stories I’ve read on this site. Fun, thoughtful and at times even inspiring, I also consider it one of the better ones. Perhaps not the best written, and with a few bumps along the way, but more than deserving of a special place in my bookshelves.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
The Father of My Children
13,429 Words
By The Descendant
Re-Read
This story. Oh, how I remember this story. It’s the first story I read by The Descendant, and it made me an instant fan. It holds another interesting honor: The Father of My Children is the first story I deigned to add to my highest bookshelf, back when it was still just a ‘Favorites’ tag before they were even called bookshelves. I was eager to read it again and see if maybe my pleasure from the past was misplaced, especially considering what other stories I’ve read by this author.
Most notable, in this instance, is A Sweet Taste of Cake, for which this is technically a sequel, even if it is not labeled as such. In that story, we got to watch as Cup and Carrot Cake became the heroes of their own world. Now that I’ve re-read this story, I realize that I didn’t get half as much out of Father as I should have the first time.
In this one, Cup Cake returns home from delivering the twins to their grandmothers for the day. When she gets in, she finds her husband the target of a certain mare’s attentions. Keeping in the kitchen, she listens as Carrot effectively repels this invasion of her territory. Obviously pleased by his faithfulness, she determines to complete a little project just for him.
There are a great many things I could praise here, from the writing style to the characterizations to the pacing. Rather than hit upon everything, I’ll focus on the things that most had my attention. First and foremost in this list is the displays of affection utilized. Whereas most authors, myself included, feel the urge to resort to human-like interactions – kisses, hugs, that sort of thing – The Descendant delivers a more ‘pony’ form of affection. As alien as it might seem, it is also very effective in ways that not only make more sense for ponies, but is no less sensual in its manner. While I’ve seen this to some degree in a few stories, including some of this author’s other works, this one gives it a higher importance and emphasis. I thoroughly approve. To a degree, I feel this should be a more common thing for writers to do.
The other major point is the emotion of the story. When Cup Cake finally unveils her little project to her husband, I have to admit it hit me in the right spot. This is made all the stronger when you’ve read the prior story, but I don’t think that’s absolutely necessary to enjoy this. I can’t claim to be a strong judge of poems, and I can’t say that it will affect everyone equally, but it certainly stirred up a reaction in yours truly. And it did so subtly; it wasn’t until I was about halfway through it that I realized just how I felt about it.
That being said, at times the emotional effort can be a little too much. This was most notable to me in the opening scene, where Cup Cake is hiding in the kitchen listening as some young vixen tries to woo her husband. At times it felt like The Descendant was overdoing it a bit, especially in the parts where Cup is whispering her husband's name over and over again. It felt less emotional and more awkward.
The displays of affection and the emotions were the stand out aspects to me, but you may get something different out of it, and there’s other aspects worthy of praise. I haven’t the time to get to them all (stupid work, getting in my way!), so let’s just suffice to say that this story is every bit as good as I remembered it. I would even argue that it shows how the author has improved over time, although that’s not so easy to judge when looking from a lengthy story to a short one.
Regardless, I am very happy I got to read this one again.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Me, You, and a Library for Two
106,069 Words
By Dull Mist
Re-Read
This was one of the very, very first stories I read when I discovered this website. I remembered it fondly, and there was a long time where I lamented having no idea what it was called and thus being unable to add it to my re-reads list. Then, someone discovered the story and responded to one of my comments. It seemed, at the time, like a fortuitous thing.
Me, You, and a Library for Two is a traditional romance, and could quite possibly be a self-insert (I did detect at least one Freudian slip). The story stars one Silver Quill, a ‘stoic’ stallion and author by trade who lives in Canterlot. He’s also friends with Princess Luna, albeit largely by proximity. When he gets a severe case of writer’s block, Luna insists he take a vacation in Ponyville, and even arranges for him to stay at the library with Twilight Sparkle – who, it just so happens, is his long-forgotten colthood crush.
Yeah, you can imagine where the story goes from there.
This story takes romance in about as traditional a path as it can. Silver Quill is custom-made to be perfect for Twilight; a bibliophile, intellectual, calm and composed, handsome (or so Rarity insists), similar social background, all this and yet charming and friendly and laid back to boot. This guy is the Gary Stu of romance, complete with some whiny angst over things that shouldn’t be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
If you’re here looking for just plain romance without any added bells and whistles, this won’t bother you. I wouldn’t call this a harlequin, but it is definitely designed with only one thought in mind, and that thought is getting Twilight twitterpated. If that’s good enough for you, then this story will suit you just fine.
Provided, of course, you can get past the many issues. For starters, it’s blatantly clear that Dull Mist needs an editor. Missing words, repetitive word use, glaring typos, all the trappings of the amateur writer are abundant. It’s hard to go more than two paragraphs without finding something off. Just as bad is the verbose writing style, which goes to great pains to repeat every point large or small at least once. Sentences stretch on for far longer than they need to, occasionally even becoming run-ons. Scene breaks occur where they aren’t needed or sometimes don’t appear when they are. Grammatically and stylistically speaking, the story is a mess.
Then we have the regular self-contradictions. The most glaring is Silver Quill’s supposed stoic, prim nature. The author regularly makes a point of reminding us that Silver is intimidating in appearance and that his regular face is a wall devoid of warmth, carefully constructed to hide his emotions. And yet, we constantly see him smiling, laughing, joking, frowning, and displaying whatever other emotion might come along. It gets really annoying when, right after a scene where he’s cracking jokes at Spike, we get a scene where he smiles at Twilight, which is supposed to be ‘the most emotion she’s ever seen him display.’ So, is this guy normal or is he stoic? Make up your mind, author.
Next, we have this suggestion that Silver’s incredible at reading the emotions of others like an open book. He demonstrates this by finding ways to get Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to like him more or less instantly. And yet, somehow, he is incapable of understanding when Rarity, Spike and Princess Luna are telling him that Twilight is interested in him, or reading any of the dozens of obvious messages Twilight herself is sending his way. So can he read ponies like an open book, or is he a complete idiot? Once again, the author needs to make up their mind.
And of course we have the canon breaks that had me scratching my head. The most blatant one was when Twilight, after introducing Silver to Fluttershy, asks him how he is so good at making ponies like him so quickly. She goes on to lament that she’s incapable of such things – completely missing that she has five friends who more or less reacted to her in the same way! This felt like manipulating the character to better fit in with Silver’s design, which is the wrong way to go about it.
As a romance? Eh, it’s okay. But as a story in general, this needs a lot of work. It’s a bit disappointing; this isn’t the story I recalled so fondly. Perhaps I’ve grown that much as a writer and reader that what once was genuinely good has been unveiled to me. Whatever the case, this is a story that needs a lot of work before it can really start to shine.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
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I feel your pain. My mom is dragging me out to the market today.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy holidays, etc. Have fun with your family! I'll be doing the same… except for the story I'm honor-bound to publish before New Years
I've noticed that you always seem to be the last person that realizes when or if you need a vacation, so I'll just send you off with a 'Merry Christmas' and a 'Happy New Year'.
Great reviews as always, Paul. 'The Father of my Children' was one of the first of The Descendant's stories that I read and I fully agree with your review.
Awesome job as always.
Congratulations on 'President Trump'.
I feel for you...
Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you enjoyed The Butterfly's Burden. I do find it slightly ironic that you mentioned me "trying too hard" on some of my stuff, though; when I wrote it, I was trying to really get into Fluttershy's head, as well as use the environment to symbolically reinforce the theme of the piece and Fluttershy's characterization and inner conflict, so if I've ever actually tried too hard with a story, I'd actually probably point towards this one as being the one I tried too hard at.
Then again, I suppose it isn't trying too hard if it actually works.
It was indeed a character study, and Fluttershy's burden of dealing with Discord, what should be done about Discord, and the debate over trusting him were all themes I am quite proud of.
Thanks for reading my story again and the review!