Arbutus
Joined 12th Oct, 2012 ·
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It was interesting. I like the approach and was kind of confused on the resolution. but Definitely I'm gonna read this again to see all the detail I'm sure I'm missing right now.
This is great - I love the tone, and the passion of their first encounter. And yeah, it definitely counts as mature.
My main gripe is that it was difficult to tell what was going on at times, particularly on the ATV. You also seemed to switch focus between characters inside the same paragraph, and maybe the same sentence, and with only one pronoun to play with, things got confusing.
I quite liked it! The familiarity, but still some insecurity, and the exploration of their feelings for each other was well portrayed. Good stuff.
Way to go man, this is great!
Golden.
My only reservation, slight as it may be, is the overdescriptiveness. I felt like a few too many details were included -- details which weren't necessary to further the story. Mind you, none of it decreases my enjoyment of it any. It simply... takes the story longer to get where it's going than needed. Wouldn't mind seeing a bit of the excess fat trimmed off, but this is perfectly nice as-is just the same.
Nice work.
You can has review!
I love the chemistry between them. Love this everlasting tension, the teasing, those feels.
The vague way you described sex is also a positive point. Seems more honest and realistic than super detailed clop and leaving space for imagination suits the drunkness and mixed feelings.
Great job!