Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXI · 8:55pm May 23rd, 2019
“So Paul, you’ve been quiet lately and haven’t released anything. What have you been doing in terms of writing?”
Glad you asked, mysterious voice that is most certainly not in my head! Back when my computer gave me some problems, I took it as a sign from God, Luna, Fate, or whatever that I needed a break, so I took one. I pretty much spent that whole week not writing at all. Which worked out nicely for my video game backlog (finally played LIMBO, regret it took so long). Once that was over, though?
Over the last ten days or so I have been devoted to getting Bulletproof Heart: Famous Last Words back in the works. I’ve produced close to 20k words for Chapter 6, which is turning out to be a lot longer than I intended (I may have to go back and cut some pieces out). Progress has been steady, and it’s starting to look like Rarity’s Wild West adventures will finally continue. Once I finish Chapter 6 I’m thinking I’ll finish a short story I began last month but abandoned halfway through for a different project.
In the meantime, I have made all the necessary bookings for my trip to Bronycon this year. The only thing left is to get my three entries for the bookstore published, and that’s only waiting on my expert cover designer to get the entitled covers back to me. There were a number of complications that came up with my plans, mostly financial in nature, but at this point I can say with confidence that, yes, PaulAsaran will be making an appearance at the con this year.
Alright, enough rambling. To the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
A Faded Touch of Blue by Tofazz
Hopes and Follies by Phaoray
All Her Hopes and Dreams by sunnypack
Heart Of The Pit (A Hearth's Warming Tale) by MastermindAI
A Canterlot Wedding: Aftermath by Black Kyurem
The Manehattan Project by TheAshenKnight
Fireworks on the Farm by Donraj
The Confession of an Ardent Heart by SpitFlame
Twilight VS Anime by Lupine Infernis
Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals: Winter Break by kudzuhaiku
Total Word Count: 349,008
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 2
None: 1
A Faded Touch of Blue
13,990 Words
By Tofazz
Saddle Arabia is a land with a harsh culture of strict rules and limited freedoms. In this world was born Moxie, a noble pegasus with a gimp wing, who has had her entire life dictated to her by her parents. How she may speak, who she may be friends with, where she travels. Even who she marries. And today, on her wedding, she thinks of the one and only time she rebelled against this friendless, unhappy world of laws and punishments: a few weeks ago, when she ran away to Equestria and attended the Grand Galloping Gala. It was an event of a lifetime, but one pony in particular left a deeper impression than any other.
This is a lovely story about a young mare and her perspective of life. Set in a misogynist culture, it shows a naive young mare growing up to face her problems rather than let them dictate her existence. It’s about being free even in a society designed to stifle that freedom, not by defying the society, but by learning how to be happy within it. And lastly, it’s a reminder that actions have consequences, and sometimes we forget to consider how others might feel.
It’s so easy to fall into the traps laid out by this story. I’m sure that is by design; Moxie hates her world and the culture she feels caged in, and so we as the reader are led into disliking it in kind. Of course, readers from a Western Civilization (which I’m sure is the vast majority of us in this case) are even more inclined to that. So imagine my surprise when the doom and darkness that seems to be looming over Moxie’s head is but an illusion, a gruesome specter conjured by Moxie’s own misunderstandings and expectations. It’s a delightful turnaround and one I was so very happy to see.
It could have so easily gone the other direction.
There’s a lot going for this story. The plot never rushes, taking the time to grant us a feeling for the atmosphere, gauge Moxie’s mood, and know the setting. The story is nicely crafted, even if there are occasional odd sentence structures—I would dare say nonsensical at times. It blends show and tell in a way that allows the two to complement one another, which is a very rare thing to see. At times it is concerning, at others frustrating, and in still others arousing. At its core, it is artful and tasteful.
I do find it odd that of all the ponies Moxie might meet under these circumstances, it would be Trixie. I feel there’s a story behind that we aren’t privy to. Perhaps the sequel will clear things up.
In the end, my only real complaint is Moxie’s father. Not the stallion himself, but the lack of him. We have learned the feelings of Moxie’s mother on the matter. While said mother makes claims regarding her husband, he himself is granted no opportunity to offer his own words to his daughter. This may, in fact, be an element of their culture’s misogyny, a point that is frequently brought up as part of Moxie’s endless frustrations. Still, it would have been nice to see evidence that all that talk about him had a grain of truth behind it.
All in all, this is an ambitious and well-made piece of literature. I thoroughly enjoyed it from beginning to end. It certainly didn’t go in the direction I expected, both in the good and the bad ways. I am very happy I chose to read it, and am looking forward to the sequel.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Hopes and Follies
69,750 Words
By Phaoray
Trixie only wants one thing (aside from being the Greatest and Powerfulest, of course), and that one thing is Princess Twilight Sparkle’s attention. The type of relationship they have—friends, lovers, peers, rivals, hated enemies—is not important so long as Twilight’s attention is on Trixie. But Trixie knows she is sub-par to Twilight, boasting aside. She needs to be better: she needs to be an alicorn.
Lucky for her that a certain draconequus thinks an alicornicated Trixie is a brilliant plan for spreading a little chaos.
This was nothing like I expected and that’s not a bad thing. The story is largely told from the perspective of Trixie as she travels around Hell’s half-acre trying to pick up all the things Discord claims are necessary to make her an alicorn. This includes stealing a dangerous magical artifact from the Castle of the Two Sisters, being pursued by a thoroughly pissed off Princess Luna, pranking all of Canterlot, and the occasional close encounter of the Twilight kind. We also get to watch Twilight as she struggles to catch up with Trixie to stop the ascension, albeit only because Celestia and Luna told her it would be a Bad Thing™.
I enjoyed this from beginning to end. It’s a showcase of Trixie’s resourcefulness, resilience, and fierce determination. Not all her actions can be viewed positively, however, making her more complex than just a love-struck protagonist. Coupled with this is our occasional look at Discord’s perspective as he struggles to understand friendship while helping Twilight and Trixie both. Then there’s Twilight gradually coming to realize that just because Celestia and Luna say something is bad doesn’t mean it actually is. And let’s not forget that wholly unexpected twist that had me scrambling to check the sequel and thoroughly disappointed that Phaoray has apparently abandoned one of the most interesting Trixie tales I’ve read in a long time.
Damn you, Phaoray. Damn you to Tartartus. I want to see where this is going, curse you!
There are some things that are a bit quirky. For example, a lot of instances where the author chose one word-oop-no-let’s-use-another and forget to delete the original, or where they completely leave out a word so that a sentence goes unfinished.
There’s also this nonsensical idea that Celestia keeps sending Twilight out on missions because she “wants Twilight to learn to say ‘no’ now and then.” Uh, excuse me? “Hey Twilight, the world’s going to be destroyed in three days and I need you to stop it!” “Nah, that sounds boring. The world can go kablooey for all I care.” Yeah, there’s no way this argument makes any sense. Granted, since Celestia has a track record for bad ideas this might be considered perfectly in-character for her.
Then we get the troubling news that all of Twilight’s friends have the rare spark needed for alicornication and the only reason they won’t ascend is because Celestia said so. On the one hand, I get her reasoning. On the other, I wholly agree with Trixie that it shouldn’t be just her decision. And given Twilight’s gradual character development in this story, I won’t be surprised if she comes to the same conclusion in the sequel (should said sequel ever be risen from the dead, that is). I would be very happy if it led to Twilight trying to grant her friends ascension. Bonus points if she forgets to seek their permission first.
In the end, this turned out to be the best Phaoray story I’ve read yet; impressive, considering it’s also their first. It’s interesting, making an old idea feel fresh. The well-paced plot features a lot of twists and turns thanks to Discord, the relationship between Trixie and Twilight is fun to watch, and the potential that twist ending offers keeps me wanting more. A shame we may never see where it’s going.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Complex Apartments — Pretty Good
Trixie in the Gryphon Empire — Pretty Good
All Her Hopes and Dreams
1,059 Words
By sunnypack
Daring Do has discovered an ancient ruin in the Badlands. But right now she has more important things to fret over. Particularly, getting water.
I am, at best, confused. Why is Daring repeatedly climbing these steps when all she really needs to do is carry the bundle down to the fountain and stay there? Why is she putting herself through this blatantly unnecessary torture? And for that matter, where the heck did this little thing come from, especially considering where she is? There are a ton of questions, and not the kind that I feel make a story better.
It’s decently written, typos aside, and is good at generating its desired atmosphere. Yet the huge holes in the logic and the plot leave me scratching my head and going WTF? Needless to say, this is not at all what I expected and I don’t know how to react. If nothing else, it’s at least interesting, if only for the sheer amount of confusion it instills in the reader.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hell Yeah — Worth It
Heart Of The Pit (A Hearth's Warming Tale)
6,367 Words
MastermindAI failed to provide cover art!
Little Liner is a teacher from the upper class side of Manehattan. His loathed boss asks him for a favor: got to the bad side of town (A.K.A. “The Pit”) and sub for a teacher on Hearth’s Warming Eve. The place is a run down dump full of zebras and other non-pony races and Little Liner fully expects to be mugged or have his car broken into (profiling much?) (ponies have cars, now?). Once he gets there, he tries to appease the class by telling them the story of Pony Claus, only to hear that one student, Scootaloo, thinks Pony Claus hates her.
Even for a Hearth’s Warming story, this defies belief. I’ll ignore that the entire story centers around Scootabuse, because while that’s nothing new it’s not a bad premise to set a story around. The problem is that MastermindAI seems to have no idea how to do character development, atmosphere, or plot flow.
Little Liner has less than five minutes of interaction time with Scootaloo. Somehow, despite her having told him nothing except that she never receives gifts on Hearth’s Warming, he concludes that she has no family, is neglected, or is abused. How did he figure this out? No clue. Somehow he just knows it’s that and not, y’know, because her family is poor.
That same day, Little Liner just coincidentally bumps into Rarity and Rainbow Dash doing holiday shopping. In Manehattan. For Hearth’s Warming Eve. Which is tonight. How far away is Manehattan supposed to be from Ponyville, might I ask? Then again, this is tagged as an A.U., so maybe they live in Manehattan in this world?
Oh, and he happens to overhear Rainbow mention she wishes she had a sister. Jackpot! Let’s go tell these two total strangers to come with me to The Pit so this one random mare I don’t know can adopt this filly I think has no family, because that’s exactly how these things go in real life, right? And they better come, because if they don’t they’re giving up on this filly they’ve never met and know nothing about and that would make them Bad Ponies™!
So… yeah. This is a story that trods traditional ground in familiar ways by an author who has the literary experience to make it stand out in all the wrong ways. I picked it out to read because it’s an ignored story by an author who received no attention while part of the fandom, and I want to give those kinds of stories a chance, but as we can see there’s a big risk involved. Sadly, this risk did not pay out.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Canterlot Wedding: Aftermath
20,860 Words
By Black Kyurem
A week after the events of A Canterlot Wedding, Twilight starts suffering from horrible nightmares and hallucinations. When this goes so far as to make her terrified of her best friends and mentor, Celestia decides to bring her back to Canterlot to undergo therapy.
Wow. Just… wow.
Black Kyurem is one of those authors who you realize within seconds is extremely new to the practice. This story is of the variety that leaves me struggling to try and identify something positive to say. It’s just a mess, and is so in so many different ways I doubt I could put it all down in a single review.
You have no idea what happened in A Canterlot Wedding because you, who are reading a My Little Pony fanfiction, don’t know anything about My Little Pony, so Black Kyurem is going to help you by explaining everything that happened in those two episodes. Repeatedly.
Celestia, all her Royal Guards, and Twilight all start suffering cases of PTSD from the changeling invasion with the exact same timing. Because all PTSD kicks in exactly a week after the cause, of course. But the soldiers and Celestia only suffered physical PTSD, which is so easy to deal with. Twilight, on the other hand, suffers from emotional PTSD, so obviously her situation is 100x worse. Because that’s how this stuff works.
By some miracle, all of Twilight’s friends have no PTSD, despite having gone through the same if not more than what the Royal Guards did.
Oh, look, Cadance and Shining Armor arrive from their honeymoon to visit Twilight on the exact day her PTSD kicks in! That’s not contrived at all.
I’m your therapist and you’ve just told me about underground caves nobody knows about. This is important for Celestia to know, so Derpy (who has magically appeared in my office with zero explanation or introduction), would you please take this letter to Celestia?
Luna: The citizens are rebelling, Sister! They think you’re too stupid and weak to lead Equestria because you didn’t notice or defeat Chrysalis. They want Twilight to rule.
Celestia: Hear me, citizens! Twilight’s doesn’t have any wisdom! She can’t lead the country!
Citizens: You suck!
Celestia: (receives note from Derpy) Citizens! There are tunnels under Canterlot we can use to take shelter in case of an emergency!
Citizens: Yay, we’re saved! Celestia Forever!
Luna: That was brilliant, Sister.
Me: 
And yes, Celestia really does state, with a sobbing Twilight within earshot, that Twilight has no wisdom.
I have barely scratched the surface, people. I am particularly amused by how the therapist tells Twilight: “There are a lot of possible solutions for your situation, but I’m going to shoehorn you into two of them. I’m not going to recommend either one, but I am going to talk about one in particular relentlessly to beat it into your head that this is the one you need to pick to force the sadness levels of this story to maximum.”
And then her friends go: “So she can pick us or new friendships? Let’s all go say goodbye now in lengthy, melodramatic fashion before she decides, because there’s no way that’ll make her decision for her.”
We are given two endings, because apparently the author felt they had to make sure naysayers for either potential solution got what they wanted instead of having faith in their own conclusions.
These are just the issues with the plot. Honestly, I question if Black Kyurem has any idea how the real world works.
What about the writing?
There was a look of sadness on his baby dragon face because he felt sorry for Twilight.
That would be a big no.
The narrative voice is all over the place. Sometimes it is written as if the writer is speaking to the reader as opposed to writing a story. The writing is so telly it’s as if the author thinks his audience is stupid and needs to be spoon-fed what every little thing means. Points long established are repeated ad nauseum because your memory is also shit.
But y’know one of the odd quirks? While the writing itself is pretty crummy, the grammar is remarkably good. Not perfect, but way better than I would expect considering the quality of the story. It makes me question if Black Kyurem is one of those types who thinks grammar is more important than anything else in a story, including the story itself.
Every chapter starts with a poorly chosen image, as if that image will somehow make up for the shoddy writing. Images also appear in-story, usually done to emphasize what is happening, such as an image of Twilight being shocked from Lesson Zero when she wakes up from a nightmare (that one was used two or three times). Oh, and because the author has no talent for description, have a blatant Pony Maker 3 OC image.
There’s a 702-word paragraph. Song lyrics, which have no apparent relationship with current events, are thrown in willy-nilly, including one from one of The Land Before Time’s cheap sequels, complete with music video.
I’d like to describe this as ‘amateur’, but I’m not sure even that’s fitting. I haven’t read a story of this quality in a long time. The author shows no knowledge of their subject matter (any of it) and seem to have thrown the story together with no thought for how to do so. This is, wholly and truly, a mess.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Manehattan Project
18,212 Words
By TheAshenKnight
When a major Bridleway producer invites Rarity to be his costume designer for his latest musical, she leaps at the chance! She also gets to bring all her friends, all expenses paid, and who are they to say no to such a magnanimous offer? Things change when Rarity learns that she has only two weeks to create or fix possibly hundreds of costumes, and her friends are more than happy to distract her at every conceivable opportunity.
This is, for all intents and purposes, Rarity Takes Manehattan, but with unintentional sabotage this time. Fortunately, TheAshenKnight wrote this a couple years before that episode aired, so we won’t hold that against it.
The first thing I notice is the oddity of the situation. Rarity’s got a challenging job to do that could be a huge stepping stone for her career. You would think her friends would understand that she needs to focus on the task, as opposed to constantly entertaining them. I suppose I can understand Pinkie and Rainbow messing this up, but Fluttershy, Twilight, and Applejack should have known better. That being said, at no point do we see Rarity convey to them just how much work she really has to do for the job, and when Fluttershy asks her if she needs help—which she obviously does—Rarity pulls an Applejack and refuses outright. So she’s at least partially responsible for the end results.
Now, if it was just this then it would be fine. The author needed a story, after all. But what gets me is that there’s no lesson learned. Rarity & co. go to Manehattan, her friends nearly ruin everything, they get together and fix it, story over. Nowhere in there is it even suggested that Rarity or her friends learned anything from this near-fiasco. Which is very odd, indeed.
But that’s my only serious complaint as far as plot goes. The story is generally decent, it just doesn’t go where we all know it should.
The writing needs a bit of touching up too, mostly in the realm of repetition of descriptive range. Take this, for example:
Large shadows seemed to cover most of the sidewalk, and carriages seemed to speed by them in the road, seemingly in a rush with whatever their business was.
Everything seemed to be something, in case you didn’t notice. It seems you could seemingly name this story as Seemed and would seemingly have achieved a seemingly appropriate result.
There’s also the author’s obsession with detail. The ponies arrive at the hotel lobby? Let’s describe it in intricate detail. They arrive at the hotel suite? Let’s describe it in intimate detail. They go to a restaurant? Let’s describe every appetizer, meal, and dessert in intimate detail, along with how the ponies reacted to them, even though this really has nothing to do with the story. There’s a ton of extraneous information. This probably could have lost 5k-6k words just getting rid of it.
It extends to the plot, too. You’ve been reading 15,000 words of story at this point, but you’re clearly too stupid to understand why Rarity is upset, so the TheAshenKnight dumbs it down to your obviously neanderthal level by explaining in detail exactly why that is. Because, y’know, you were too busy drooling all over yourself for the last 15,000 words to get it.
A decent idea that the show ran away with after-the-fact, but it’s got a lot of issues that need to be smoothed out before it can be recommendable. Better luck next time, author.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Sun's Torment — Worth It
Fireworks on the Farm
26,345 Words
By Donraj
Inexplicably, Twilight Sparkle decided to wait until after her coronation and the defeat of Tirek to bother with arranging formal court proceedings against Trixie Lulamoon for the event with the Alicorn Amulet. Her magnanimous decision is to sentence Trixie to six months of community service at Sweet Apple Acres, at Applejack’s suggestion. For Trixie this is a punishment beyond comprehension, and she’s resigned to a half-year of menial work far below her Great and Powerful stature. That is, until she meets Applejack’s brother.
I expected this to be silly, awkward, and fun. I didn’t expect sheer, unrepentant stupidity. So yeah, guess which one I got?
The story started off decently enough. Trixie was depicted as being an extreme caricature of her in-show counterpart, which was making for some fun reading. This eventually devolves into night guards coming to stupid conclusions, philosophical ponderings on the physcology of penis sizes, a royal invasion of Ponyville, and Luna and Twilight engaging in a break-the-fabric-of-the-universe battle in the background while Rarity and Applejack calmly play chess. A shame, I expected so much better.
In the author’s defense, I did find the whole thing amusing. The author might not have advertised where this was going properly, but I still went into this with completely off expectations. If I had an idea of what Donraj intended this story to be, I might have reacted differently (or, more likely, not read it at all).
All this is to say that the story does well what it intended to do. You just have to go in expecting it, otherwise you may end up as profoundly disappointed as I was. But as long as you’re aware that this is a big ball of nonsense for people who love big balls of nonsense, you should be fine. By all means, read it and have fun.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Exes — Worth It
Perks — Needs Work
The Confession of an Ardent Heart
13,055 Words
By SpitFlame
Canterlotian Nova Tale is called by his fiancé to deliver a sum of 100,000 bits to a hospital in Baltimare, where her sister is undergoing care. He’s not as prepared for this task as he thinks.
SpitFlame is one of those awkward authors who views stories at an angle nobody else does, and so they can be a bit hard to digest. They don’t care about writing stories so much as they do philosophical debate pieces. This typically means completely ignoring all the traditional rules of what makes a story enjoyable. To make things even more obtuse, SpitFlame choses to write in an archaic, highly verbose manner that requires the reader’s full, unmitigated attention to grasp and yet has a tendency to fog the reader’s mind through its density.
That being said, I’m seeing definite improvements to their style. For one, this story seems to center around a single debate topic, which does not appear in full (or get its traditional “talk through all the angles for 2,000 words” moment) until nearly the end of the story. Which is good, because it makes the story easier to read overall… although it does require the reader to recognize that that big moment of self-debate on a lonely bench is probably intended as the story’s climax.
I’m also seeing none of the issues that prevailed in SpitFlame’s earliest works, such as the self-contradicting statements and the complete disregard for clarity. As complex and dense as the writing might be, at no point was I ever confused as to what was happening at any given time.
There is still the issue of the lack of plot logic, sacrificed on the altar of philosophical musings. Somehow I am expected to believe that Nova Tale’s fiancé knew from the very beginning that he was going to squander the 100,000 bits on a gold digger and a night of debauchery? What? How? Why? Oh, don’t bother thinking about any of that. It seems SpitFlame is still perfectly happy to make events happen for no reason other than “the character knew what would happen” or some other such nonsense.
The story is interesting in its own right, but I must stress that it will only appeal to a niche audience. Like all stories by this author, really. This is something to read if you’re interested in seeing something highly peculiar.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Civil Distinction — Worth It
Don't Look at the Fog — Worth It
Elements of Honor — Worth It
Consoles vs. PC (Princess Edition) — None
Twilight VS Anime
50,750 Words
By Lupine Infernis
All Princess Twilight Sparkle wanted to do was read a book. She’s spent the last three days cooped up studying the intricacies of becoming a princess, and she thought she’d finally gotten a chance to do what she wanted to do. So imagine her horror when she steps outside to find that the entirety of Equestria has been given powers from a griffon style of media called ‘anime’. Now she finds herself being dragged along on a physically, logically, and intellectually impossible quest as the “Chosen Killjoy” to defeat the monster responsible to this insult to her sense of reason. Discord, of course.
It would be so much easier if her friends and the princesses weren’t in on it.
I never stopped grinning. We get to watch as Twilight takes her ‘killjoy’ title seriously and all of her friends have fun with their new anime-esque powers. The story runs in traditional anime style, which is to say, a fight against a new villain with each chapter. Every chapter takes on familiar tropes of the medium and plays them out to their most ridiculous levels. Even more entertaining is that I’m sure all of this nonsense isn’t an exaggeration of the things that can, with just a bit of research, be found in anime.
We’ve got vastly oversized hulks of muscle, impossible feats of physical strength, physical transformations, tsundere mares, overdramatically monologuing supervillains eager to share their backstories, giant robots, kaiju, laughably melodramatic lines stretching out scenes, giant and slow-moving lasers that the targets don’t think to dodge, heroes being defeated by their own angst, the list goes on. Just about the only things I didn’t see were the loser with a harem and the obligatory hot springs scene. I perfectly understand Twilight’s story-long disdain.
As someone who used to be an otaku, I am thoroughly entertained. I have no reason to complain, nitpick, or otherwise look upon this with any negative feelings whatsoever. I’m more than willing to accept the spectacular stupidity knowing where it’s all coming from. Make no mistake, Lupine Infernis ‘gets’ anime. Only someone who does could make this piece of wild absurdity.
That being said, people who don’t know anime very well may not find the jokes so amusing. That’s about the only caveat I can think of.
Oh, and there’s Star Secret. Who is she? You don’t know. I don’t know. She just is. I assume she comes from another of the author’s stories. Which is fine. I won’t blame anyone for reusing their characters. She’s just a bit of a blind spot. If Twilight can put up with a literal rain of sweat and her friends “disrespecting the laws that hold our reality together”, we can tolerate a random pony with no background being inexplicably tossed into this story.
Read it. Have fun. And for Celestia’s sake, don’t think about it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Forget me Not — WHYRTY?
Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals: Winter Break
128,620 Words
By kudzuhaiku
Sequel to Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals
Alternative Title: From the Mouths of Foals
Little Sumac Apple is still recovering from his fierce beating at the hooves of Chrysalis. While he undergoes a slow, gradual recovery, he gets to enjoy something he’s never had before: holidays with a family. His adopted mother Trixie is together with Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts now, and together with the family of Maud Pie and Tarnish Teapot, they’re going to enjoy a truly unique Hearth’s Warming.
Once again, this story has nothing to do with the titular school. Instead we focus on the colt Sumac and his budding understanding of family. We get more amusing interactions with his pseudo-marefriend Pebble Pie and get to watch the antics of the adults who have all gravitated towards them, which includes Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, the Pie clan (although I question where Marble is), a new half-pony/half-manticore OC named Megara, the princesses, and a few little-known outsiders, with appropriate cameos.
This isn’t a story about danger and looming threats, despite the fact that Grogar and his forces are presumably still out there. No, the primary point of this one is family, togetherness, and Sumac’s ongoing struggle to understand it all. Sumac is still a delightfully fun colt to watch. From his serious perspective, his intrinsic awareness of the detailed elements of magic all around him, his confusion over his attraction to Pebble, right down to his publically-absolute-but-secretly-not-really hatred for baths, he’s always entertaining. Couple this with his and Pebble’s frequent ways of flummoxing and scaring their parents by saying perfectly innocent things (like how much Sumac enjoys eating pie), and you’ve got a recipe for some warmhearted, often humorous, character growth.
I’m also intrigued by the world of this story. It is clear by now that kudzuhaiku has a huge AU going, as I honestly didn’t realize some of the past, seemingly unrelated stories I’ve read by this author take place in the same world. It’s also clear that there are a lot of stories I haven't read that are occurring simultaneously to this one and some of those others. Yes, it sometimes leaves me confused and uncertain of what is being talked about. But it also makes clear that there is so much more going on, and it makes me want to know more.
I am particularly interested in learning more about Celestia’s and Luna’s husband, Prince Gosling (who I keep hearing voiced by Keith David in my head).This guy seriously rubs me the wrong way. Learning about his special talent and seeing how others react around him, I can’t shake this feeling that he’s in his current position entirely by design. If this guy ends up a sleeper agent of Grogar, I wouldn’t be remotely surprised. At the same time, I keep wondering if he’s something of a royal version of Tarnish Teapot, i.e. someone whose special talent makes him look a lot worse than he is. It’s this potential for both sides of the coin that makes me want to see any stories that may star him.
But all this is beside the point, at least for this story. It amounts to a particularly long Christmas Special, and it pulls that off very well. It still had all the quirks and flaws of kudzuhaiku’s off-the-cuff style and lack of prereading, yet the story still flows delightfully and features a ton of interesting, ever-growing characters and their budding relationships. The only catch is that it is occuring at the end of or during events of other stories, and that might make understanding the background a little more challenging. Even so, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals — WHYRTY?
The Weed — WHYRTY?
Filly Twilight Sparkle and the Mystery of the Groaning Ghosts — Pretty Good
Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis — Pretty Good
Twilight Sparkle And the Very Confusing Apocalypse — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Friendship is Empathy by Trinary
Dear Idiot by The Descendant
Detachable by Aquaman
Sweet Apple Nightmare by Awesome
The Last Temple by Professional Horse
Resolution by xjuggernaughtx
Blunder and Lightning by Bookish Delight
Broken: Love by Knackerman
Interview With a Princess by Hoopy McGee
Crystal Apocalypse by leeroy_gIBZ
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLX
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXVI
It's good to see I'm getting better. I wanted to write a lot more with that story, but the contest had a word limit of 15k, so I had to rush the last two chapters beyond what I would be satisfied with. Basically if there was no word limit that huge monologue would not be there.
Somewhat off-topic, but would you be willing to accept a request for an incomplete story? It won't be finished for a while, though at this point I'm really in need of some feedback, since it's hardly gotten any attention.
Wow, lots of low hits this time around. D:
I do hope you love Dear Idiot as much as I do.
Haven't read any of these, but I have read others by a couple of these authors, and it sounds like they're about par for the course.
Nice choice on Limbo, it's a really solid game, loved its overall design and look.
If you enjoyed it you should take a gander at Inside, it's a really solid game and has a lot of the nice visual feel I liked from Limbo
Regarding your mention of Gosling in Kudzuhaiku's story: He's got his own introduction story: The Sun Also Surprises. And two complete sequels, if you like that one.
5063377
Just about the only way I'll read an Incomplete story short of making a mistake is if people request it, so yes, I'm willing to. But I warn you that it won't receive a rating and that I'm currently booked all the way to September 5, so it's at least going to take that long to get to it, probably longer.
5063389
Yeah, seems like I got a bad roll this time. But meh, bad reviews are at least fun to read, right?
5063454
I still intend to try for that "one sitting in five deaths or less" achievement, if only because it's the only one I don't have.
5063482
I will have to investigate this. Eventually. I've already got quite a few kudzuhaiku stories on my wish list, if you will.
I’m glad you’re back! I had noticed the radio silence, but it hadn’t yet reached the point of concern per se... sometimes people just need to go recharge, y’know?
If you’re going to BronyCon, I’ll have to try to catch you and say hi at some point!
5064411
Oh, actually the review break was scheduled. One every seven weeks, like clockwork. It's the writing break that was entirely new.
I'm hoping to finally put a face to a lot of names at Bronycon this year. Heaven knows I may never get another chance.