Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXII · 9:03pm May 30th, 2019
First thing’s first: remember how I mentioned I was getting free art? That was courtesy of KorenCZ11, and I requested new art for Dinky Doo and the Quest for the Sacred Treats. I enjoyed the end result so much that I promptly turned around and commissioned one more piece from the artist. At long last, Trixie vs. Equestria has received its own unique art! That’s something I’ve wanted for years, and it’s nice to finally have that checked off my list. Give it a look and swing by Koren's DA page. I find their prices quite reasonable.
In the meantime, if you’re interested in the Bronycon Bookstore, check out RBDash47’s thread for developing an inventory. If you’re planning on selling a book there, it’s important to take a look. If you’re not, you should still take a look, as once the list of authors is completed there will be a survey to help authors not overstock on books to sell.
Last but most certainly not least, it’s time for a change in my life. Tomorrow morning I am going to a clinic and having surgery done on my eyes. If all goes well (and I have little reason to think otherwise), I will not have to wear glasses for the first time in 25 years. There are some setbacks to this, such as a month long healing period where sunlight will hurt like hell and I’ll have to walk around with sunglasses like a vampire. As far as horsewords is concerned, I have no idea if this will set me back on my reading and writing. I may lose a day. I may lose a week. I may not lose any time at all, I just don’t know. But if I stop responding to PMs and comments for a little while, know that this is probably why.
But I remain convinced that any setbacks will be worth it.
Time for reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Friendship is Empathy by Trinary
Dear Idiot by The Descendant
Detachable by Aquaman
Sweet Apple Nightmare by Awesome
The Last Temple by Professional Horse
Resolution by xjuggernaughtx
Blunder and Lightning by Bookish Delight
Broken: Love by Knackerman
Interview With a Princess by Hoopy McGee
Crystal Apocalypse by leeroy_gIBZ
Total Word Count: 120,962
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 1
Friendship is Empathy
12,112 Words
By Trinary
Alternative Title: Applejack Best Pone
When Celestia suggests to pre-alicornication Twilight that she combine all the Friendship Letters, it leads to a surprising revelation: Rainbow Dash never wrote her letter to Celestia over the Mare-Do-Well incident. The resulting confrontation leads to a heated argument and raises grievances both ponies have been harboring for a long time. With emotions high and a friendship in the balance, it’ll take some interference from a certain farmpony to set them on the right path.
At first glance, this looks as though it’ll be a rant about why the whole Mare-Do-Well episode was a screwed up mess. But it ends up as more than that, tackling such wide-ranging topics as the Smarty Pants incident, the behavior of all the Mane 6 over time, and the Changeling Invasion. The central premise is how easy it is to deal lasting harm to one’s friends, and the importance of being honest about such things.
I like Trinary’s approach with this one, and the call to use Applejack as the moderator in the ongoing fight. Really, AJ was awesome in this one. The result is a heartfelt story with great character and relationship growth. Granny Smith’s embarrassing chit-chat with Rainbow regarding her marriage prospects was icing on the cake.
The only issue with the story is an unpleasant abundance of typos and errors. This one could use a proofing run. Other than that? A solid story about maintaining friendships in light of upsetting revelations and intense emotions.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Dear Idiot
2,809 Words
By The Descendant
Everyone feels the urge to write something silly every now and then. I didn’t bother to carefully read the description or tags before jumping into this one, so I expected it to be Rarity telling Blueblood off in a letter, possibly while drunk. What I got instead was Celestia writing a letter telling Blueblood off while enjoying a doughnut-induced sugar high at Joe’s after the first Grand Galloping Gala.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, even if it is just a silly story for silliness’s sake. It is, for all intents and purposes, Celestia laying into her “nephew” at full steam and pulling no punches on just how thorough of a disappointment he is. No, really, that’s it. It does provide some worldbuilding in the midst of her ranting, which is a nice touch, but let’s face it, we’re all here to see Blueblood get told off by someone with over a millennium of experience with words.
This makes me wonder why I haven’t seen more stories in which Blueblood confronts Celestia over him being replaced by Twilight as the royal representative of all unicorns. Or Rarity, which would be far sweeter in spite of canon not making it so.
Read it, be amused, and try not to take any of it too seriously. Unless you want to write that scene of Princess Rarity bucking Blueblood out of Canterlot Castle’s highest window. Then go nuts.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tangled Up in Blues — WHYRTY?
The Father of My Children — WHYRTY?
The Railway Ponies: Highball — WHYRTY?
A Sweet Taste of Cake — Worth It
Detachable
5,220 Words
By Aquaman
Pinkie wakes up one morning to discover that something rather personal to her has… well, fallen off. Unable to locate it, she promptly drags all her friends into a Ponyville-wide search for the missing item.
I have to agree with some of the commenters that a few of the attempted double entendres in this story don’t make much sense. And really, the reactions of Pinkie’s friends are also nonsensical, treating something so profoundly not a big deal like it’s the most awkward thing imaginable.
That being said, I was still amused for most of the story. I’ve got a thing for sexual/romantic humor, especially if a lot of embarrassment is involved, and this hit a lot of the right buttons for me. Is it dumb? Absolutely. Does it make sense in the long run? Not really. Do I care? Not as much as I probably should.
This will probably be hit or miss depending upon the individual reader, but it kept me smiling most of the way. Read it if you feel like going through some Pinkie-related silliness. And remember: she’s just being Pinkie Pie.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Far From The Tree — WHYRTY?
Button Gnash — Pretty Good
Sweet Apple Nightmare
1,174 Words (Incomplete)
Awesome failed to provide cover art. Not awesome, bro.
This is one of those times where I saw an incomplete story by an author who had left the site ages ago and thought “why not?” It was a case of idle curiosity.
Alas, it was far from rewarding. A single quote should tell you all you need to know:
Applebloom was relieved, but went downstairs, and out the door, in a rush. She could see so many apple trees in the moon lit night. "Meh, i'll go back to bed, I don't feel that bad anymore." Applebloom went back upstairs, to her bedroom,got and bed, and went to bed.
That’s just a tiny piece, folks. Every scene is written as a single paragraph, multiple characters speak in the same paragraph, every event passes in a blink, there’s zero characterization, the list goes on. A shame, really, but I can’t expect to strike gold every time I try something like this.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Last Temple
2,230 Words
By Professional Horse
Fresh from defeating Nightmare Moon, Princess Celestia has made it her mission to wipe out every last temple built in her own name and the glory of the sun. Her anger and shame has left a desire to wipe out the religion that has formed around her. When she gets to the last temple however, the old priest living there confronts the princess, hoping to understand what has driven her to such self-directed rage.
At this point, stories about Celestia’s reaction to Luna’s banishment are like grains of sand on a beach. Every now and then, one stands out from the others. This one does a decent job of that, depicting a Celestia filled with shame and self-loathing and a priest determined to keep her from making a costly mistake. Underlying all of it is a debate of religion’s value, which gives the story an extra bit of flavor (which may or may not anger people). As far as ‘Post-Luna Celestia’ stories go, it’s not bad at all.
One thing that may draw people off is that the dialogue is written in a somewhat confusing mishmash of modern English and Ye Olde Equestrian, if you will. I gather that Professional Horse used a specific system for this and I don’t think it’s based on real-world Old English. It gets a little ridiculous at times, especially with the penchant to add “est” at the end of every “ed” (Experiencedest? Seriously?).
Not a bad story, but neither is it a shining gem of its variety. Still, the use of pseudo-religious debate gives it an unusual touch that may draw in a few who might otherwise find it unnoticeable.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Resolution
16,709 Words
By xjuggernaughtx
Set in what I presume is the distant past of the Equestria Girls world, this story is about Adagio, a profoundly powerful siren who was born in a world of war. The Sirens as a race have long fought against the aquatic Hippocampi, and the leaders of both sides are determined to keep that war going. Today, Adagio is being dragged by her father to a coming-of-age ritual known as “The Joining”, in which a siren and a hippocampus battle one-on-one for superiority. Whoever wins becomes the other’s slave. But the battle for dominance is only the first part of the ritual...
This is a story about a girl who sees the inherent wrongness of the world in which she lives and who is finally given a means of doing something about it. The only real question is the methodology. As such, the crux of the story is not Adagio’s fight against Dazzle, but their long, twisting discussion of just how to achieve their mutual goals without suffering total, catastrophic defeat. It’s a battle of wills and words, and everything I’ve come to expect from this author.
I’d been looking forward to this one. It ended up as nothing I expected in all the right ways. It gives to us a raw, fresh young Adagio not yet developed into the master manipulator she’ll someday become. She’s proud, powerful, willful, but just a rookie compared to a creature that has existed for centuries. Joined with strong worldbuilding, a harsh look at society and war in particular, a strong sense of atmosphere, pitch-perfect pacing, and a steady stream of emotional conflict, Adagio’s growing character spearheads a well-rounded and intriguing story. About my only regret in the whole thing is that she didn’t toss her father off the cliff, which would have been infinitely more rewarding than her ultimate decision… but alas, counterproductive to the goal, so I’ll forgive.
I almost read the bonus epilogue, but decided against it. I figure if xjuggernaughtx didn’t care for it, I’d leave it alone. The story is excellent as is and definitely deserves all the attention it can receive.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The New Crop — WHYRTY?
A Door Jam — Pretty Good
Awaken, Scootaloo — Pretty Good
Indigo Hooves — Pretty Good
Blunder and Lightning
15,991 Words
By Bookish Delight
This relatively ancient story, written shortly after Griffon the Brushoff aired, shows Rainbow Dash growing more and more brutish and mean towards her friends. Pinkie Pie quickly realizes this is because of the recent events involving Gilda, and so she gets the griffon to return to Ponyville to help clear Dash’s head.
Ignoring the quirky formatting and regular reassurances that Bookish Delight doesn’t own MLP: FiM (never would have guessed), this is an excellent character study of Season 1 Rainbow Dash. In fact, it’s so well done as a standalone piece that it has aged phenomenally. If you ignore The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone, you could slide this neatly into modern canon with minimal fuss.
Filled with character and relationship growth, especially in regards to Rainbow and Fluttershy, the story is fast-paced but does everything it needs to. I am nothing short of impressed by what Bookish Delight has managed to do so early in the fandom. Really, there’s no reason not to read this.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Generosity Travels — WHYRTY?
P3 Project Episode 1: The Emergency — Needs Work
Broken: Love
27,359 words
By Knackerman
An unknown figure going by The Empress of Love has taken over the Crystal Empire in literally the blink of an eye, using mind control to instantly make all the crystal ponies worship her. Only Starburst and Flurry Heart have escaped, and now rush to Equestria for help. But Equestria’s princesses aren’t prepared for what is coming their way.
Knackerman’s ‘thing’ is grotesque, gruesome, gorey splatterporn. As such, I was very curious to see how he’d handle a non-gorey, non-gruesome attempt at adventure instead.
On the one hand, I am pleased by how high the stakes were in this. It’s one of those stories where you quickly realize that not only is everything you love under threat, but everything beyond that too. This isn’t achieved by a villain with a wide scope so much as a villain perfectly capable of achieving their aims. On the other hand, watching all the heavy hitters on the good side of things fall like flies was… annoying.
Simply put, the villain is OP in the extreme, capable of swatting Celestia, Luna, the Mane Six, and even Discord out of the way like so much trash. I’ll grant that the show frustratingly insists that Celestia and Luna couldn’t fight their way out of a wet paper bag, but Discord? Really? Even the show creators tend to go out of their way to make sure that when he’s defeated, there’s a reason behind it.
Ultimately, the adventure ended up being bare bones. It’s formulaic. Predictable. By chapter five you more or less know exactly how it’s going to end. On top of this is a distinct lack of character growth and a bare minimum of relationship growth. Nopony has to learn anything or develop in any way for this story to reach its conclusion, they all just need to go through the proper motions and say what is expected of them.
That sounds bad, I know. But for those looking for a low-key, no-thought-required, read-it-for-the-fun-of-it adventure? It’s perfect. The action is pretty good overall, the characters decently voiced, and I reiterate the high stakes. It might be cookie cutter, but it does everything one expects it to do. For the right audience, this will be a fun romp.
Alas, I am not the right audience. I expect character growth, personal stakes, and at least an attempt at originality, to say nothing for my love of ambition. This has none of those. I’m happy to put it on the middle ground, but Knackerman needs to take his act to the next level to get any higher. He has all the individual elements necessary to make something great, but seems to have trouble putting it all together. Combine the worldbuilding of Home Sweet Home: A Candy-Mare Tale, the personal investment of Rainbow Dash in Something Sweet to Bite Too, the strong plot logic of this story, and then we might have a great story even without the ambition.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Home Sweet Home: A Candy-Mare Tale — Worth It
My Little Doubt — Worth It
Something Sweet to Bite Too — Worth It
Something Sweet To Bite — Needs Work
Interview With a Princess
13,887 Words
By Hoopy McGee
A random, unnamed Brony gets it into his head to write a letter to Princess Celestia asking for a personal interview, then burns it in his fire pit. It’s all wishful thinking, obviously. He knows nothing will come of it.
Except he turns around and there’s Princess Celestia accepting his ‘invitation.’
This was a curious story. It largely involves Celestia and our unnamed narrator discussing the differences between their worlds and, during the titular interview, revealing details regarding Equestria’s history and (for lack of a better term) functionality. One part PoE and one part worldbuilding exercise, it is a competently handled tale of two vastly different beings learning about one another.
Hoopy McGee once again manages to create something fascinating and well worth the time invested, while also avoiding a few of my expectations. For example, the questions asked of Celestia are very different from what I think most authors would offer. In a way, the interview felt realistic, and its almost strictly dialogue format once the interview starts supports that aspect.
I came away pleased and hoping that someday we’ll get a sequel in which our unnamed narrator gets to interview Luna, the Mane 6, and any other characters that might come to mind. Bonus points if his wife gets in on the act this time.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cutie Mark Allocation Agency — WHYRTY?
The Keepers of Discord — WHYRTY?
Crystal Apocalypse
23,471 Words
By leeroy_gIBZ
Co-written with Hubris Von Ego
Three years ago, the portal at Canterlot High blew up. Now, the world is a wasteland: a perpetual overcast, plant and animal life gradually dying off, and the human survivors are either insane or fighting amongst one another over whatever scattered scraps of supplies can be found. Amongst this hell, Sugarcoat crosses the continent for Las Pegasus in search of her missing girlfriend Sunny Flare.
This is a hard-hitting story, likely inspired by such tales as Mad Max or Fallout: Equestria. The story focuses entirely on Sugarcoat and the challenges she faces, which includes trying to keep her crippled friend Lemon Zest alive and avoiding the furious pursuit of the raider group Sombra’s Legion. Along the way she’ll meet a variety of faces old and new, learning just what this brutal world has turned former friends and colleagues into.
As one who loves post-apocalyptic tales, I got a lot of enjoyment out of this story. At the same time, it struggles in a few areas, mostly in the writing. There are numerous instances of incorrect words used, as if the writer used spell check and neglected to ensure said tool was spelling the right word for the situation. There are also an abundance of missing words. Typos aren’t common at all though, which suggests to me that they didn’t really pre-read the story before publication but only checked for red marks. It gets a little frustrating, especially when you’re in the middle of an intense scene and one of these things pops up to kill your immersion.
Speaking of intense scenes, this story struggle with them. The problem here is that the narrative is written in a very direct manner: this happened, this was said, then this happened, then that happened, then… You get the idea. There’s almost no attempt to translate the emotions of the characters or the atmosphere of the scenes. I can’t help but wonder if this was meant to be a representation of Sugarcoat, who is established in this story as having a cold, emotionless demeanor. But this doesn’t fly because, to quote Sugarcoat herself:
Just because I don’t broadcast every emotion I have to the entire world doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions.
Right here, the author is acknowledging: Sugarcoat has emotions. We need to see them. Surely she has a tick, some tells, something. Instead, we’re almost never shown her emotional state, and when we do get let in on it it’s done in the most telly manner imaginable. There are some moments in this story—during desperate fights, times when Sugarcoat gets seriously hurt, when characters die—that should obviously be intensely emotional, but if you read this story they just happen, in the same way water runs downhill or wind blows across the desert. In other words, wholly unremarkable.
This is not how you do it, leeroy.
Once you get past these issues, however, there’s still a lot going for this story. Sugarcoat’s struggles are real, her trials hard, her situation often desperate. While she doesn’t seem to grow much as a character through the story, there’s plenty of evidence to show that she has grown, which promises more growth in the future. It’s her interactions with those she meets that keep the story alive and interesting, whether it’s rescuing Lemon Zest from brutish villains, attempting to escape from a fortress of muscle-headed raiders, or in a desperate fight atop a burning bridge. Couple that with some mild worldbuilding and promises of a more expansive world to explore, and you end up with something worth investigating.
Crystal Apocalypse has a lot of the right ingredients for a great post-apocalyptic epic. It’s still missing a few things, particularly in regards to Sugarcoat’s character growth, but it’s a great start. I hope that leeroy continues this universe despite the lackluster attention it has garnered. With time, practice, and some editing help, this could become a wonderful addition to FIMfiction’s collection of post-apocalypse fics.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Pity the Rain by Daemon McRae
Tarnish by KitsuneRisu
Celestia Hates Us All by Horse Voice
Dear Discord, I hate you so much! by Lise Eclaire
InvisiBelle by Sleepy Panda
Façade by RazgrizS57
Those Who Wait by Gaiascope
A Sound in the Dark by BlueColton
No Day But Today by Harmony Charmer
Results May Vary by CoffeeMinion
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Oof, here’s hoping the surgery goes well, man!
Morning Sun had this done recently (last year I think, maybe the year before), and the recovery went fine.
Good luck with it.
Dammit, I need more post-apocalyptic EQG stories. :|
Only one I've read is "Friendship is Empathy," and it was pretty good, but the proofreading problems are ones that pervade all their stories. Plus the perspective is really jumpy.
I didn't go quite that far, but I did have her giving him a comeuppance in a minific.
This was the last response I expected, but that's because I'm under the impression that my Season 1 (or 2, or 3 or 4)-era fics haven't aged all that well. That said, my highest-effort works tend to happen when I disagree with an episode, and Griffon was one of the only two Season 1 episodes that I reacted badly to. So... yeah.
Glad this treated you well, at any rate.
5066948
I can't believe I'm saying this since post-apoc usually isn't my jam, but I'm right there with you. I may have to check that one out.
5066987
I'm still waiting for Fallout Girls and Fallout: Equestria Girls to finish, and continuing to rue that the latter isn't just FoE in EQG. D:
In other news, I usually read these reviews and put a few or no stories on my list of things-to-eventually-get-to-one-day-when-I-have-time (a very long list at this point) but today, I picked up like four stories, which is pretty rare. I'm interested to see what the bookstore has now, if for nothing but to have something I really liked as a physical copy. Seller turned buyer is a dangerous game.
Fimfiction tells me I've read at least bits of Resolution, which is no surprise because it's a siren story and I read those voraciously at one point, but I think I ended up not making it through all the way. Couldn't tell you why, though. Might have to give it another shot, with such a glowing recommendation!
Hope the surgery goes okay
Good luck with the surgery! I’ve known several people who’ve had that done, my mom included, and it’s gone well for them. I’m sticking with my glasses all the same
.
I had the same reaction to Dear Idiot, and fondly remember exchanging comments with TD about how it was deliciously ageless.
Also I was doing distracted phone browsing when I first saw this, so I definitely passed over the news before.
As everyone else has said, good luck with the surgery. I don't know anyone close who's done it, but my well-wishes all the same.
Thanks for the review. I am in the process of reworking that story, but your comments certainly provide a new insight.
Good luck on the surgery!
Thanks for the review. It's nice to know that you enjoyed it. Resolution and The New Crop are the two stories where I really, really tried to make them the best that I could, so it's gratifying when others like them.
Also, good luck with your surgery. As a person with light-sensitive eyes, I understand the vampire lifestyle you're about to adopt.
If you have not read it already I think you might like to read "Baking is War Sister" by Einhander. The author also has a fun story involving Pinkie Pie and Prince Blue Blood.
Thanks for the review! Which story did you... oh. That one.
Yeah, that one was pretty much just a purge of the last of the storytelling instincts Fanfiction.Net instilled in me. Got it out of the way so I could write more refined, introspective, vulgar dick jokes later. Anyhow, genuine thanks for the shoutout, and best of luck with recovery from your operation!
Good surgery thoughts!