Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXVI · 9:36pm Jun 27th, 2019
When this week is over, I’ll have read ~280k words and written 27 reviews in 7 days. That’s not counting what I’m reading/reviewing for SA this week. I am ready for a break. Which is fortunate, because next week’s a Break Week! So yeah, no reviews next week, folks.
I’ve noticed a minor uptick in the number of gunslinger-type stories lately. Makes me wonder if Bulletproof Heart started something, if only subtly. Speaking of, chapter five is all but finished at this point, so it’s about time I make a decision on the short story I want to write next. Or at least “short” as my stories tend to be, which we all know isn’t all that short. I was originally going to keep quiet on this as I like to surprise people, but then I realize it’ll still be a surprise because nobody knows what I’ll pick.
So, options. Right now I’m thinking of writing a sequel for one of three stories. First, I’ve had a concept for What is Missing, What is Lost going ever since I wrote it. I’m honestly not sure about how well the story would be received, but it does create a bridge to another story I’ve always wanted to write. Problem is that story would be a bigger one, and I don’t know if I’d ever have time to get to it. Still, I’m writing my stories with an eye for ‘original-ifying’ them now, so this would be like the set up for an original book. At least in theory.
Option #2 is a sequel to Escape. Again, it’s something I considered writing ever since the original, but just didn’t get around to. I won’t go into specifics, but I will say it will involve the perspectives of a lot more characters.
Option #3 is the next story in the Generosity series. Again, won’t say what it’s about specifically, but I will say it would focus on Apple Bloom’s perspective. This one has always been planned, as I have a number of story ideas for this series, but this is one of the more important ones.
So there you go. I imagine Option #1 would be the longest, whereas Option #3 would be the shortest by virtue of my 5,000-word limitation on all Generosity stories. I’m willing to take opinions from the audience, though I can’t guarantee that I’ll go in any one direction yet, nor do I intend to announce my selection; you’ll know when I publish. But one of these is definitely getting made, hopefully before Bronycon.
Alright, time for some reviews.
Stories for This Week:
The Violin Maker's Daughter by Fuzzyfurvert
Dinky vs. the Moon by Dubs Rewatcher
Twilight is a Zombie by Michael Hudson
Rage of Friendship by Ekhidna
Rigid by Rambling Writer
Bluebird by TheCrystalRing
Eternal by Pastel Pony
Painted Jack by adcoon
The Closet Is a Cold Place by Avox
Child of Nightmares and Everfree by Georg
Total Word Count: 71,961
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
The Violin Maker's Daughter
10,827 Words
By Fuzzyfurvert
Fleur de Lis is strolling along The Drum, where all of Canterlot’s music stores are situated, enjoying the music playing at random from the area. But then she comes across one old, weathered store that has no music. Curious, and theorizing that stores of this sort are the ‘most magical’, she decides to investigate further. Inside she meets the store’s proprietor, an earth pony who needs one mare’s sacrifice to achieve her dream.
I can’t stop hearing Octavia’s British accent, despite the story making no reference to it. But what’s really quirky, at least to me, is that in my own stories Fleur is from the Equestrian equivalent of Russia and so has her own accent. Reading this story while the two accents played off one another in my head was interesting, to say the least.
This is a pleasant romance in which a vivacious and generous model meets a cellist without an instrument. Or rather, without the right instrument. While it offers nothing new to the table of romances as a whole, it makes up for it with a strong narrative voice, vivid descriptions, and an eye for atmosphere. Fans of romance will definitely enjoy it.
Granted, those who aren’t looking for a romance probably won’t get much out of this. As strong as Octavia’s backstory is, I doubt it alone will be enough to draw in other types of readers. Ditto for the very brief but well-characterized appearance of Fleur’s mane stylists.
A solid story all around, but aimed at a limited audience.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Dinky vs. the Moon
4,357 Words
By Dubs Rewatcher
When the tide washes away Dinky’s perfect sandcastle, she decides nature needs to bite it. After discussing the matter with her mother, her teacher, and the Princess of Friendship, she finally discovers the true culprit: Princess Luna! Now, if only Dinky can find a way to make the princess cooperate…
This is a bit of silly nonsense that masquerades as seriousness. No, that’s not a criticism. What I mean is Dubs writes the story in a format that makes it seem serious, except the events are decidedly cartoony. I quite enjoyed the dichotomy this formed, especially when we get to Dinky somehow getting into Luna’s bedroom via open window and all of Dinky’s past pets.
If you’re interested in seeing Dinky being ridiculous and the adults struggle to deal with that, this will entertain you. It’s certainly more my kind of humor, even if it is rather stupid at points.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author! (Wait, really? I could have sworn…)
Twilight is a Zombie
1,522 Words
By Michael Hudson
Rainbow Dash returns to Ponyville after doing an errand for Twilight only to find the town deserted. Mostly. There’s Pinkie Pie talking nonsense and a slow-moving, moaning Twilight.
This is everything I expected. It’s a silly little tale in which Twilight went on an all-night research binge again and looks a littlelot worse for wear. My only question is where Spike was during all of this.
Not much else to say. If you want a moment of Twilight being a cute sleeping dead, Rainbow being her squishy blue pillow, and Pinkie being… Pinkie, then there’s no reason not to give this one a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Mare's Last Heat — Worth It
Rage of Friendship
2,763 Words
By Ekhidna
After a year-and-a-half of war, the Mane six are storming Sombra’s final bastion. Spike remains behind to give them time for the final confrontation. Exactly as expected.
When I saw this, I was hoping it would be something more… cerebral. Like maybe Sombra tried to corrupt the Mane six but, instead of making them evil, only made them more aggressive. Y’know, something not wholly obvious. What I got instead was half a story of extrapolation on their relationship with Spike followed by them becoming anime-style brutally violent followed by the whole “it was all a dream!” trope.
In other words, utterly predictable and not very interesting. The story is little more than an excuse for the Mane Six to go psychotic on Sombra. If that’s your kind of thing, then fine. I was hoping for more but, as The Ultimate Alicorn has made clear, there is definitely an audience for this sort of nonsense.
On the positive side, this is a step up from the last Ekhidna story I’ve read. The plot makes sense and the writing quality, while still decidedly weak and with a simple style, seems to have improved a bit. I’m curious to read one of the author’s newest stories to see if that trend of improvement has continued over the years.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Crystal Emperor — None
Rigid
7,552 Words
By Rambling Writer
Rainbow Dash engages in a typical flanking maneuver against Sombra’s fliers, but this time it doesn’t end well for her. Now captured and among the enemy, she knows that soon she’ll have one of those brainwashing helmets put on her head. The only thing she can do is resist.
This story is, essentially, Rainbow demonstrating why she’s the Element of Loyalty. Granted, she might not be the Element of Loyalty in this timeline (assuming there even is one), but that’s beside the point.
What I enjoy about this one is that it manages to expand upon its basic premise without making that expansion seem wasteful. Rambling Writer could have started this with the moment, or perhaps immediately after, Rainbow’s capture. I think that would have been wise for most writers, as it seems to me that most writers would have made the introduction seem unnecessary. Not Rambling Writer. Though it takes a little while to get to the story’s main point, what we learn at the beginning of the story doesn’t distract but instead accentuates and helps the central purpose. For pulling that off, and pulling it off well, I applaud them.
Ultimately, I have no complaints. This is a solid story from beginning to end. I am thoroughly looking forward to the sequel.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Before Closing — Pretty Good
Bluebird
1,095 Words
By TheCrystalRing
Scootaloo dies of wing cancer. Rainbow Dash doesn’t take it well.
I wish I could say the story is more complicated than that summary makes it sound, but I can’t. Bluebird leaps into its premise and leaps back out so fast you really don’t get much time to consider the situation, much less be impacted by it. And since it is centered on Scootabuse (in a roundabout way), which is so very common a theme, it really needs something more to make it stand out. Alas, TheCrystalRing doesn’t give the story enough time and attention to stand on its own even if it had an original premise, much less one already tried by a bajillion different authors out there.
There are a handful of other things that the author did wrong here. The first was an overfocus on dialogue. There’s so much of it at the most critical moments of the story, and it’s not enough on its own to achieve the emotive needs of the situation. Second, I question the value of making Princess Luna the one who speaks to Rainbow. She’s got all these great friends who live in Ponyville who could have spoken to her about this, but somehow it’s Luna. I mean, I get that Luna knew Scootaloo as well, but does she know Rainbow enough to take on this role? I’m not so sure. Lastly, I think the pacing should have been slowed significantly. The faster you jump into something like this, the less likely it is to have an impact.
I would have suggested starting the story on that cloud and making Rainbow’s description of flying the centerpiece. Expand upon it, make it the majority of the story, give it gravitas. A rushed paragraph of dialogue just doesn’t do it. This is supposed to be Rainbow opening up her soul, not talking about the weather.
Not a bad idea per se, but definitely in need of a better delivery. But hey, that’s what the Writer’s Training Grounds are for, right?
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Path to Paradise — Worth It
Eternal
3,166 Words
By Pastel Pony
Sunset Shimmer comes home one day to discover that Sonata Dusk has, by some amazing coincidence, become her next door neighbor. This brings out a lot of questions: why isn’t she with the other Sirens, why is she still in Canterlot, and most importantly, what happened to her personality?
Easily the best of the stories I’ve read by this author so far, Eternal delves a little into the Sirens’ history as told by Sonata. Unlike literally every other Siren-related story I’ve ever read, this Sonata isn’t a ditzy and silly girl overshadowed by her smarter siblings/friends, but is calm, intelligent, and perhaps even a bit wise. Right away, I can see people sharpening their pitchforks and lighting their torches.
Luckily, Pastel Pony preempted that by giving a reason behind Sonata’s abrupt about-face in personality. Granted, it was probably just an excuse to not have to write Sonata in the ‘common’ fashion, but it still works well for the story and its purposes. And that purpose is to introduce to us a new version of the Sirens’ history, suggesting that they can’t be faulted for who or what they were.
A bit different for a Siren-based fic, and that plays in its favor. It’s nice to see someone write Sonata as something other than a ditz, but it’s even better that they covered their bases behind that. I’ve seen plenty of people approach her quirky personality and try to take her seriously, which is itself a challenge and worthy of praise when done correctly. Yet I’ve never seen anyone take this particular approach. Whether that approach is a good one or not will be up to reader interpretation, but I am pleased just to see someone try for a change.
Not a bad story by any means, and a distinct improvement over what I’ve seen from this author before.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
What Wasn't Hers — Worth It
The Hooves Family Tree — Needs Work
Painted Jack
5,574 Words
By adcoon
When an accident puts Applejack in the hospital for a few days, she starts reading magazines to pass the time. In one, she discovers a new body art fad that is apparently sweeping Equestria. The idea intrigues her. It’s up to Rarity to make her see why this is such a bad idea.
This is a story about learning to accept a friend’s decisions and the things that make them happy. I find it interesting that the author gave Rarity such an extreme negative reaction to the concept of tattoos, but it fits well with the story’s purpose. By the same token, I am appalled that Applejack would go from knowing nothing about the concept to wanting to go all out with a full body tattoo, rather than starting with something small. Seems like quite the leap.
Then again, the fact that it’s Applejack who wants a tattoo in the first place is quite the odd pick. I can see Pinkie or Rainbow doing this. I can see Rarity deciding to experiment with something small. Even Twilight might be willing to give something a try. But Applejack? Curious choice there, author. I doubt she’ll be as happy with this decision in ten years or so, but who knows?
It’s an interesting story, made all the more confounding by my ongoing disagreement with both AJ’s and Rarity’s extreme sides on the matter. But the moral is a good one, the writing is solid, and it all works nicely for the author’s goals. Overall, I approve, even if I do so with conflicted feelings regarding the subject matter.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stitch — WHYRTY?
The Big Butterfly Brouhaha — WHYRTY?
Butterflies — Pretty Good
Bats in the Old Apple Barn — Worth It
Fillystata — Worth It
The Closet Is a Cold Place
2,196 Words
By Avox
There’s really no need to do or point in doing a summary of this one. Just read this first paragraph:
Rainbow, pent up with post-teenage angst, sat on the lakeshore and dramatically watched the sun set over the lake. The waves dramatically lapped up onto the beach, and the birds dramatically flitted about overhead, flying off to somewhere other than here.
Right away, we know exactly the kind of story this is going to be. Trust me when I say it gets more and more silly as it goes on. This is 100% crackfic. But, as happens on rare occasions, it’s a crackfic I enjoy. Read it if you want some total nonsense involving cat fights, Fluttershy being inexplicably insulting, random marriage proposals, and Spike beating his head against a wall in a desperate attempt to bleach his brain.
Bookshelf: Crackfic
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Into a Goodbye Sky — Pretty Good
The Human That History Forgot — Pretty Good
Gravity — Worth It
Sinners in the Hooves of an Angry Goddess — Worth It
Child of Nightmares and Everfree
32,909 Words
By Georg
Sequel to City of Monsters
In the previous story, we met the little batling Dee as she journeyed far from the protection of her Mama to check out the City of Monsters. In this story, we learn that Dee isn’t a batling at all, and a certain monster from the city is very intent on catching her. He might just be able to do it too, with the help of some of the other monsters and assuming the big, scary, dark Queen Monster lets him.
I didn’t think the prior story required a sequel, but I’m still glad that this exists. It’s a delightful tale, at times bittersweet, at others adventurous, and frequently cute thanks to the presence of Dee. Its material ranges from a father desperate to find his lost child, a mother determined not to lose the one she’s found, and the poor, confused foal stuck in between. Along the way we get snippets of worldbuilding, social struggles between species, deadly Everfree threats, Princess Luna being awesome in subtle ways, and Fluttershy getting closer to her new friend than she ever expected.
There were a few quirks. For instance, there’s this odd suggestion that using transformation magic, even on others, is by itself enough to drive a unicorn (or alicorn) mad. Why? No idea. It just is, and that’s… frustrating. It makes no sense, and I am of the opinion that this is something that absolutely should make sense. Then there’s Fluttershy’s rather sudden attraction to Sunshine, which comes out of nowhere. It develops nicely in the end, but the start was jarring and felt almost like wish fulfillment on the author’s part.
Putting these issues aside, the story is still all kinds of good. There’s no reason at all not to read it, and I give it my wholehearted recommendation.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard — WHYRTY?
City of Monsters — WHYRTY?
Drifting Down the Lazy River — WHYRTY?
Diamond Tiara Buys a Little Sister — Pretty Good
The Night Guard - Night Mares — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Melodys' Island by Cyanjames2819
Unexpected Turbulence, Remain Calm and Don't Murder Anypony by HapHazred
Discord: End of Empires by DannyJ
Don't Believe Your Eyes by Feather Gem
Roulette Night by Sharkrags
Ave Regina! by Yoru-the-Rogue
Wayward Sun by Rune Soldier Dan
Annihilation Gen-1 2.0 by Venomblast
Episode 2: The Return to Flatts by mr lovecolt
Surviving Sand Island by The 24th Pegasus
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Hey, just a little friendly bonding from two ponies who went through a very trying experience in the Everfree. And apples. Yeah, that explains it.
I originally envisioned the first half of the story shorter, to get to the point faster, but when I wrote it up, I wound up adding more because it felt like something was missing. It's technically not necessary for the main theme, but I do think it adds a lot. Without it, to quote Stephen King:
(By the way, your title has each of the first five Roman numerals in order.)
I've read two of these and had pretty much the same reaction, but I liked one less than you.
I liked "Rigid," but it felt so impersonal. It uses a limited narrator, so when all the emotional turmoil comes into play, that's where the narrative tone should be selling the story, but curiously, that's when it retreats into being cold and factual. It also uses some word choice that's perhaps too advanced for Dash. On the whole, I agree that this was a cool concept executed pretty well.
I know I've read "Painted Jack," but it's not tagged as read. I must have done so without logging in. Anyway, yes, it's odd that AJ would so suddenly and wholeheartedly decide to get tattoos. These stories are usually set up for some canned conflict where the pony meets resistance from all quarters, and thankfully we didn't get that, but the pendulum swung completely the opposite direction, and Rarity is the sole soul who voices any objections, only to rather suddenly drop them later, which is the sum total of the story's conflict. And like "Rigid," the limited narration sounds so matter-of-fact about everything that AJ doesn't seem very emotionally engaged. Rarity came across as far more lively, so I know the author can do it. The writing was good, but it just didn't build any tension, and while it did come across as somewhat of a soapbox fic, it wasn't nearly as much as I was worried it would be.
I'd kill for you
I have been waiting for this, anxiously checking these blogs ever since I first saw the notice pop up of you adding The Violin Maker's Daughter to your bookshelf. Thank you, it floors me whenever I get a review. but this was very nice to come home to after a stressful evening out on the road.
I read Painted Jack some time ago, and wrote a review of it. I downvoted it for being somewhat blandly written, and having a very contrived conflict. It read more like someone on their soapbox about tattoos than an actual story. Despite this, it did portray Rarity and Applejack's relationship in a more mature, positive light than fanfic sometimes does.
5080665
The Everfree makes the impossible happen all the time. Surely that's good enough.
...come to think of it, I'm mildly surprised nobody's tried to use that excuse before.
5080742
5080858
I had very mixed feelings regarding Painted Jack. It almost ended up in the Worth It pile, but I wasn't sure if those lingering doubts were more related to the story itself or my personal views on tattoos. I try not to let things like that knock stories down unfairly, and I'm still not sure whether I overcompensated or not.
5080785
How fortunate that I'm not the type to take advantage of that.
5080846
Glad I could brighten your day.