This story is a sequel to A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard
For centuries, the stallions of the Royal Guard have protected Equestria from every danger imaginable.
Now they face a new threat to their position that will not be so easy to defeat.
Mares.
- - - * - - -
The story of four mares who answer the call to guard Princess Luna, and the troubles they go through to gain acceptance and respect in their new jobs. Or it could be considered to be the story of four interlopers into a traditionally male role and the underhanded tricks used to secure their position despite their obvious unsuitability for the job. Pick one.
Cover photo credit to the fantastic MuffinExplosion at DeviantArt.
Thanks to my editors: Peter, MSPiper, Featherprop, Seether00, GameKnut and Tek
Author's notes on the development of the story and characters may be found here.
This is a sequel to A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard which is featured on Equestria Daily
Just watch, each of them has been selected from STAFF: Special Tactics And Friendship Force.
Poor Lt Kudzu, once again demonstrating how aides and secretaries are the people who really run a democracy. And why that is often a good thing.
Also, I'm surprised the pink pegasus isn't on maternity leave if her foal is still nursing. Kinda figured Equestria would have been better about time off than that.
Can't wait to see more of this, the daily update schedule is going to rock
Oh, you poor fool...
I have to love how a mare just moved the very cosmos in front of Peaks, and yet he sees no flaws in his logic. I eagerly look forward to the counterargument.
Ok, I'm struggling with author notes. I had them in. Then FimFiction duplicated them. Then I took them out, but they still showed. So I put the brief version in comments instead, with the longer version located here if you would like to read through them.
Author's Notes - Chapter 1
I’m using the system used by police for the Royal Guard ranks as follows: Specialist/Officer - Corporal -
Inspector- Sergeant - Lieutenant - Captain - Major - Colonel - CommanderSince Commander Hurricane was the top-ranked pegasus in the EUP, it made more sense to use Police ranks than the Navy ranks where Commander is lower ranked than Captain (i.e. Shining Armor). There are three Commanders in this story’s ranking system, Commander of the Day Guard, Night Guard, and the Academy (plus training battalions). Traditionally, a retirement of the Day or Night guard commander is filled from the Academy Commandant position, which is not a rank, but the title held by whoever is in charge of the institution⁽*⁾. The position is most commonly given with a promotion to the rank of Commander, but it can be held by a lower-ranked officer at times while promotions are in the pipeline.
Captains are responsible for larger overall sections of the guard, such as the Personal Protection Details, each individual one of which are supervised by a Lieutenant, or coordinating the defense of an entire city (Shining Armor is best example here), or if a section of the Guard were to be peeled off to protect an ally, such as the Crystal Empire, thereby making Shining Armor the Captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard detailed to the Crystal Empire (Northern Guard Expeditionary Unit), and the Prince Consort of the same empire, depending on which hat he wears. With the first, he’s a subordinate of Princess Celestia, with the other, he’s a Head of State of an allied sovereign country within the borders of Equestria proper. If the Crystal Empire ever raised the flag of revolt against Equestria, it would be Shining Armor’s job to fight himself. You know, there’s a whole story just waiting to be written there…
“Ahem.” Sergeant Quartz looked a little conflicted himself as he tried to avoid looking at Prince Consort Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire, and coincidently at his commanding officer, Captain Shining Armor of the Equestrian Royal Guard. “It’s traditional in the Crystal Guard for the commander to advance and parley with the commander of the opposing forces.”
Shining Armor looked at the Royal Guard Expeditionary Unit drawn up on the opposite side of the icy plain. “You mean not only do I have to fight myself, but I have to go out between our two units and try to negotiate a surrender with myself?”
“Yes, sir!” The crystal earth pony set himself in a rigid and quite proud pose. “The Crystal Guard has never surrendered. Feel free to offer them generous terms.”
(*) There’s a parallel for those of you who have watched Hogan’s Heroes. Colonel Klink was the Commandant of Stalag 13, and was referenced by both titles. I would like to add that I’m not military, and if any of you who are military see something obvious I goofed up, feel free to drop me a PM and I’ll get it fixed.
5308213 Please also note how he's grousing about sending the mares back to the police filing room while talking to his aide, who is... filing.
5308166 Normal leave accumulates with time in service, and Thermal is just barely over a year, two at the most, with considerable leave taken to date during the eleven months of pregnancy. We had a secretary (or administrative assistant) at work here with much the same issue. Some of this story is told with the Voice of Experience (although I have never walked in on a 'pumping' mother, I did grow up on a dairy farm).
5308145 You do bring up a point. I don't differentiate much between staff and line positions here, although all four of these mares are in hooves-on positions in the police department. Miss Grace would be the closest to a staff position in the Internal Affairs position, while Banehammer would be the last pony you would want as staff. And FYI: Cutie marks are as follows:
Grace - Camera (Photographic memory)
Banehammer - Cookie (for cookies, duh)
Thermal - V inside a V (Focus)
Rose - Question Mark (able to determine motives)
Commander Peaks - Three feathers (organizing)
Kudzu - kudzu (persistance)
Commander Buttercup - quarter-moon (organizing)
Commander Swift Wings - a 'swoosh' (rapid tactical reactions)
Can't wait to find out more about our new recruits, Pinkie (no one that one
) must be keen if she's joining up just after having a foal.
Good
It begins
Looking forward! (Though that should be a given, what with the prequel's honors and all.) Already we're getting hints of some colorful characters and of the fault lines which the story will break open.
Ha, you did a nice job setting up Snowy Peaks to get shown up hard when the time comes. He is perfectly positioned to look quite foolish.
Nice shout out to Gandalf's line in Lord of the Rings about Wizards always being on time.
Meaning this Seagant Petunia is going to be in the hospital wing for a month when the mares get through with him.
You know, this might be Celestia's way of getting him out of the way so a better instructor can take over. she's giving him plenty of rope to hang himself with.
I highly recommend that Kudzu get transferred to Celestia's body guard detail, he's way to good to waste on Peaks... whose name seems to imply he has spent to much time up in the air and the parts of his brain containing common sense have withered away.
5308145
5308166 He's a Beleagured Assistant, the poor guys needs to get some love from all four of the new recruits.
5308213
Snowy Peaks, you think that alone will stop the mares? You dun goofed.
5308215
Please do this. Please. After you've finished this wonderful piece of course.
Such delicate flowers hath our Princess of the Night picked for her garden...
It is a great shame that these mares are working their way into an organization with uniforms, because that is a voice in need of a good hat.
In any case, yeah, pretty much what I expected. Pumpernickel knew best; always bet on Luna.
Also, Miss Thermal's baby just took on an entirely different connotation.
Looking forward to more. Especially how Commandant Peaks tries to rationalize this.
I literally started tracking this naught but an hour ago. You, my friend, have impeccable timing.
I can't help but feel somewhat sorry for the sergeant-turned-punching-bag, but I'm loving it so far, and am eagerly awaiting future chapters
5308949
To be fair, that's actually a thing. My father and I were both in the reserves and, due to an odd coincidence, both of us were in parades for the Queen. Her Majesty is never late. Seriously, they stop the clocks.
She's just been on time for a while now and, when she's gone, it's suddenly a whole lot later than everyone realized.
That's an interesting talent that the excellent miss Rose Petal has there, what is it exactly? Of course, Miss Banehammer went without saying, I could tell when I saw her name in the last story that she was going to be rather larger than life.
This whole entertaining business rather reminds me of this series. A gold star, a cream bun and a fellowship of the academy to anyone who's already seen it:
5311977
What species of flower, exactly? Audrey Two?
I see it now. It's something Princess Cadance sets up for Princess Celestia as a birthday present. Princess Cadance formally secedes from Equestria, sending Shining Armor with the note (birthday card) without telling him what it says. Then both princesses (as said in the happy birthday card) insist on Shining Armor adhering to the strict letter of the law in the matter. Princess Celestia gets to see Shining Armor negotiating with himself, then trying to lead both sides of a battle. She nearly falls off her balcony laughing. Cadance wins the trophy for best birthday present.
5312056
Not likely. It occurred two years before she joined the force, and presumably she has been a part of the police for at least a few months as it makes no sense for Luna to choose a raw recruit. Thus even at a gestational period of eleven months, the foal shouldn't still be breastfeeding past eighteen months old. Unless Equestria has significantly different cultural norms for some reason.
5312145
Good point. She's probably been serving for far too long. There were dots. I connected them when I wasn't supposed to. My bad.
5308213
There is no contradition in his eyes: Luna is superior to him by virtue of being an immortal, demigod-level princess, no by gender. Think a 1950 British officer snoring at the thought of women fighting in the Army, yet still saying aloud "For the Queen and Country!"
Greetings,
Just read the first chapter. The story looks promising and I like how you've decided to address the reason why we see only stallions as Celestia's bodyguards. Though I did have to chuckle when the Commandant described the Royal Guard as a super elite unit, even though their record in the series hasn't been that good. Okay, I understand them not being able to handle Nightmare Moon, that's fine. However, the Changeling invasion was, I believe, fully in their abilities to repel. But that's neither here or there.
I do have a few questions, though. Nitpicks really, nothing serious.
Considering that the majority of ponies seems to be mares, it is somewhat unusual that it has taken so long for mares to be accepted in the Royal Guard. Then again, this is supposed to be an elite unit, so it's reasonable that it wouldn't follow the general trends.
I am somewhat puzzled that a trainer of such an elite unit wouldn't bother reading the new recruits' files. It doesn't matter if the mares are completely unsuited for the training, you determine that by reading their files, not by looking at them. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Then again, the unit is supposed to have centuries old traditions and is, in a way, stuck in the past (that would also explain why this "elite" unit failed to fight back the Changelings), so a grumpy leader, who is stuck in his ways, makes sense.
Anyway, I'll be keeping an eye on this story.
Whoa. That took a turn I didn't expect. Well, only a small one. It was a given that they would outfox the trainer. Looking forward to seeing how this goes forward.
...Horse swag. So much horse swag.
5311977
Aye, verily. Now 'tis time to frolic in thine garden of shadows and rejoice in the Night Princess and her Night Guard of Day ponies.
Not even bothering to read their files? Nothing good can come of this!
Time ta get all G.I. Jane up in here!
You don't even know how long I have awaited this. And now it has arrived! REJOICE!
I think that Peaks has just realised just why starting a training program without having studied the requirements of your trainees is a bad idea. Those ladies are not only experienced, they're good. Some of them, quite lethal in their specific talents. If you want to push them, you'd have to find some way of doing so outside their normal comfort zone. It's that which would require the research.
I recommend that he contact Princess Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Six Elements. If there was anypony who could figure out a way to be an unexpected threat, it would be them.
I knew that they were going to all win...but I didn't expect them all to just completely OWN the trainer so badly. I mean it was like THEY were trainers, and the male trainer was just a fresh cadet!!
They have a jager on their team, I see. (Girl Genius, anyone?) This is fabulous.
While this is very entertaining, I will admit the comment about plot induced stupidity is a little accurate. So far, I've only seen one stallion in the academy who has shown a lick of sense by /checking the files/. It's a little contradictory to have a 'Queen' figure yet still have no respect her decisions just because they involve mares. I'd think that some of the other stallions wouldn't be quite so dismissive of these newcomers, especially if they have family in the police department. Like, "My mom/sis is on the Force. She's tough as nails/told me about you." heck, maybe even an ex-con takes one look at them, recognizes them from the streets and tells his buddies a scary story/'what're you nuts? I ain't touchin that, last idiot who tried got put in traction.'
This chapter did do a good job of introducing the various mares that Luna's recruiting, as well as some of the other Stallions of the academy. I look forward to seeing where you go with this story. It's a humorous thing I hope to see more of.
5312396
I'd be rather surprised at a British officer saying that in 1950.
I like miss Banehammer, she seems like a nice old mare
5313163 Don't be too hard on him. We Americans can't be expected to keep track of when the throne belonged to King George VI.
Quote......"Finally he heard a second rumbling voice, deeper than many of the stallions under his command. “Vell, ve gots to let the boys show just vat big muscles dey got. Just try not to bruise ‘em too much, hokey girls?”.....Oh sweet Goddesses! I laughed so hard at that line, I almost pissed myself! Jagger monsters aside, that was so telling what was to come. You delivered it with a side of fries! As to your worries about mistakes on military order, rank structure, or general decorum.....your hitting all the marks quite well. 31 years of service, multiple combat tours, and now I've lived long enough to retire. As a Master Sergeant I had female team members that could fix jets better than most guys.(Every one of them an expert marksman too!) Haul an 80 pound tool box across desert sand with their weapon and the needed parts to fix the jet. Keep up the good work. Most of all.....Have Fun!
5313488 Hey, I had to look it up too. :)
5312798 He learns.
5312537 Please note: He's in Denial at this stage. To actually *read* the files might tell him something he does't want to hear right now.
5311213 Somehow I can see a permanent posting at the castle just to keep all of Princess Celestia's titles arranged correctly.
Curious. It's rather vague on whether the mares are 'just' badasses and the gurd is full of incompetent buffoons, or if they're just that good. Either way, this is promising.
Please, do go on.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
OMG! I want to see Snowy Peaks made to look the fool more!
Ahem.
Sorry, didn't mean to post a 'MOAR' comment. (Although that would be nice.)
Anyway, you've created an engaging and funny story. I feel a bit sorry for Sergeant Petunia for having such a blithering misogynistic idiot for a boss, but I look forward to the next chapter. :D
Onwards!
Violence is magic...
I'm suddenly picturing the Jaegers from Girl Genius... and feeling really sorry for the girls' sparring partners.
You poor poor stallion.
I think there's been a convert to the 'girls aren't stupid and can kick flank just as well as stallions' side
Scratch that, he apparently needs more humiliation.
Oh man, four badass mares! I hope Petunia gets hazard pay for sparring with all four of them. He's lucky he didn't get tazzed in the wedding tackle.
So we have a Jaegermare, a hypnotist, a mom who will go for the kill, and a duel wielding knife expert. Luna is going to love them!
5313080 I remember there was that one ex-con who joined up a bit ago, I can totally see him doing this.
I obviously missed something - where did Luna pick up a Possum as a pet? Sure hope Equestrian possums are smarter than Texas ones.
5313172 She bakes good cookies too!
5315308
I believe that it originates from the comics where Luna has a possum for a pet. Many authors, myself included, have just included it too.
Today's Lesson: Always label what you put in the fridge.
5315308 Tibbles or Tiberius is a creation of Andy Price and Katie Cook for the MLP:FIM comics, and has caught on with the fandom. He's a little bit of Captain James Tiberius Kirk and Bill Shattner (Bill did the voice for the opossum on Over The Hedge, and hammed it up something fierce), and has places in Ask Luna and Tiberius tumblr, and his own tag on Derpibooru.
5313080 In his defense, if there was no resistance to mares in the Royal Guard, this story would be *much* shorter... Might not even make the thousand word cutoff.
5314852 She's just a sweet little... um, fairly large grandma from Tramplevania, who lifts weights. Big weights.
5314372 Your wish is granted in upcoming chapters.
5313615 Thanks! I was worried that I was missing the military mark by some degrees, possibly 180 of them.
5312881 That would be an interesting conversation:
"Miss Twilight, I was wanting to get your help in convincing a number of mares to resign. They have no business in the Royal Guard, as they are fragile little females who do not have the strength or willpower to protect the Princesses, and certainly you would agree it is best that they leave such a dangerous job to stallions who -- What are you doing with that tree?"
*WHAM!* *WHAM!* *WHAM!*
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm afraid I bent one of your guards. Good thing you have spares.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
pbs.twimg.com/media/Bta2zaICIAAr1-w.jpg:large
I was surprised no one did a spit take in this chapter but probably for the best. Great chapter as usual.
Good
