This story is a sequel to City of Monsters
When a frantic Night Guard seeks help in finding his long-lost wife and daughter in the middle of the Everfree Forest, he finds only Fluttershy able to guide him on his dangerous quest. But as they search, they find far more than they expected, and in the end, he may be forced to accept the painful reality that the daughter he seeks may not want to return with him.
The only thing in the Everfree Forest more frightening than a father trying to find his lost daughter, is a mother who does not want to let go.
Editors: Tek, Peter, ChappedPenguinLips, Docontra
With a review by PaulAsaran
Credit for the vectors used in the cover art:
Hellswolfeh - Nightmare Night in the Everfree Forest
Dragoart.com for the bat, which I vectorized and adapted.
First comment reserved for the author. This story took a year to complete, after publishing the first chapter last Halloween season. I seem to be working on a theme of cute, adorable (and somewhat dangerous) kids. The parallel story City of Monsters has been released for The Writers Group Halloween Competition (and National Bat Week, of course.)
Beware. There are monsters in the shadows. And Owls.
Update: 10/3/2016 - Final writing of the last nine chapters is now done. The whole story will be published before 10/31, and has been entered into the 2016 Bat Ponies and Thestrals Stories of the Night competition.
wait....is this anthro? Or is there something going on behind the scenes?
6575323 Just perfectly average ordinary Everfree bats. Think The Jungle Book, with bats instead of
gorillasEdit: wolves.Did Light Breeze lie to Luna?
She would never be so heartless to deny a father the possibility of reuniting with his missing daughter. In fact she'd probably insist on leading the search herself. So her insisting on leaving is very odd.
If he did lie I expect Luna to have his metaphorical hide before the story is over.
6575323 Emerald Dreams is living with non-pony creatures of the Everfree. They're the ones with hands and she thinks her hooves are deformed.
6575357 Danke. That's what I thought.
my guess she lives with Diamond Dogs
Do you serve cracked changeling with melted butter?
Hmm. Georg writing about a pony growing up in the Everfree, not understanding equine civilization...
Well, it worked last time.
I look forward to seeing how this rendition plays out, especially since the adoptive mother is going to be much less cooperative. And Luna may just take a personal interest.
6576700 With less wholesale destruction and more cultural clash, and maybe just a teeny bit of Flutterbat shipping.
Interesting that The Folk would know about changelings yet not understand ponies as well.
How freaking big are these bats to prey on changelings and not ponies? Interesting difference there. A hint at how changelings function maybe?
How big are the owls to prey on bats that prey on changelings?
It's her "floof".
40.media.tumblr.com/e1d04505f36dd57ba1dfbf4d1a3e0914/tumblr_nps49onyiA1uv5tb8o8_400.png
This is cute and I am happy I found this. You can't chase me off now!
I am both severely intrigued by this story, and totally lost as to WHAT Dee and her mother are. I keep picturing a cross between a werewolf, a batpony, and .....other things.....
I will keep reading, both out of interest, and the hopes that it gets explained as to what they are.
.....cause so far they don't sound like batponies at all. O.o
I like the premise of these stories. There was a lot of backstory missing from City of Monsters, and while it would have worked as a one shot just fine (the mystery behind it works for it as well), I am glad to be able to delve deeper into things. I have a feeling I am really going to enjoy this story. Are you willing and able to give a rough estimate about how long this story is going to be, in words and/or chapters?
Ooooh, I feel conflicted.
6575342 I think you meant Tarzan, but Jungle Book is also similar.
Ok so Dee's mother is/was Spark Gap, and her dad is Sunshine.
who are both batponies... so what's the Stasus clan and unicorns?
6585751 Whoops, yep. Fixed. I get the Jungle Book and Tarzan confused. This should end on a much higher note than either of those, and for that I have to credit Tek, who gave me an ending far more touching and emotionally filling than what I had planned.
6578611 Interesting that the Folk would live next to Ponyville for that long and think them monsters... given that the ponies stampede in terror from bunnies.
Ah well, bats are a bit batty, after all.
6591569 'Next to' is relative. Dee had to fly a long ways to get to the city. Then again, everything in Equestria is accessible with a few minutes train ride, so your mileage may vary.
6591592
Or days if you are going to Appaloosa.
6591592 Well they must have at least seen Zecora!
But then... she is an evil enchantress after all... gobbling up the Folk in big tasty stews after the thing with the evil dances and trances...
Such a wonderful start! I can't wait for more.
6591592 It's because Pinkie obviously helped design those trains. They said she could add her own "special touches.''
is this story abandoned? I hope not, it looked very promising.
7115230 working, please wait. Requested function will take a few months to complete but most probably will be put out for this next Nightmare Night. (Hey, I've got a lot going on). :)
And after a year (most of which was admittedly not spent writing on this, but some was), Georg updates.
The story is now complete at ten total chapters including a lot of polishing on Chapter 1, and will begin to be published one chapter per day starting on October 14 (Today, yea!) and ending when I’ve torn the living hearts out of my readers with a flood of tears or I hit Chapter 10, whichever comes first.
Mama says be careful. The bats are out tonight. And they’re hungry.
~^^~
Ah, yes. I do love your portrayal of the Guard, both their internal interactions and how they handle the Princesses. And vice versa. Definitely looking forward to the search for Emerald, and what other discoveries the search party might make.
"Luna’s trip to Ponyville go last night."
"night?"?
"mission was complete, sir"
"completed"?
"to enlighten your commanding officer exactly what happened"
"to tell your" or "officer regarding exactly"?
"vision without us officially noticing"
"unofficially"? If not, I'm afraid that I'm not sure what she means there.
"who we believe to be descended from my Nocturne"
"We" and "Our"?
"when an alicorn states"
"that when"?
Yes!!! I've been waiting FOREVER for this to start back up. I eagerly await your horse words of nocturn goodness, good sir Georg.
I do need to go back and reread the other stuff. But I had limited time today and my curiousity did not allow me to wait until I had time to do so. I still very much enjoyed the chapter and am looking forward to tomorrows.
7641677 Remember how I always say a story's complexity grows as the cube of the number of characters involved? I kept this one fairly simple. And sweet.
7641759 Good catch, fixed two of those. The 'officially notice' is a way for Luna to not-say "I was there. I saw you go barreling into the Everfree Forest without my permission, but I'm going to say it didn't happen because I got the whole story out of your fellow guard, therefore any confession you make to the contrary is wrong. Shut up and do what I say, because I want you to be reunited with your daughter and wife too." Ain't she a stinker? And the last one is an 'optional that' so I left it out. I over-that too much of my stuff as is.
7641825 Not *forever* just a year. And about a dozen other stories. This darned 'Real Life' keeps getting in the way. And World of Warcraft.
7641857 I try to make all of my readers happy by providing the most enjoyable stories available. I may make them cry first, but I hope to see them happy in the end. (Yes, you'll know the section when you get to it. Or them.)
Note: Catchup reminder for people who commented on the first chapter almost a year ago. We're baaaaack
7115230 6693256 6591661 6591603 6586156 6585751 6580913 6579219 6579007 6575500 6575451 6575357 6575351 6575323
6575735 6578611 I believe if you look carefully in the comic where Fluttershy and the rest of the girls are fighting an amusement park developer who is destroying part of the Everfree Forest, in the bottom-left corner of one of the panels, you get to see just how big the Giant Everfree Bats are.
7642170
You're welcome. :)
"The 'officially notice' is a way for Luna to not-say "I was there. I saw you go barreling into the Everfree Forest without my permission, but I'm going to say it didn't happen because I got the whole story out of your fellow guard, therefore any confession you make to the contrary is wrong. Shut up and do what I say, because I want you to be reunited with your daughter and wife too." Ain't she a stinker?"
Okay, I was right about what you meant, but I still don't think that what you have there says-- Oh! Okay, just got it; I was thinking she was talking about officially noticing his actions. With her referring to the filly's actions... the wording sounds odd to me, but it's parsing now.
Oh! Oh, wait, looking at what you say in your reply, did she actually not see it at all? If that's the case, the wording makes sense, I think.
"And the last one is an 'optional that' so I left it out. I over-that too much of my stuff as is."
Hm, I suppose it can be left out, yes. I tend to use many "that"s too, though. :)
7642988 Maybe it's better to break this down and translate.
Luna: Extremely few things happen within our vision without us officially noticing. For example, upon our visit to Ponyville last evening, your Princess of the Night noticed a small lost foal who had pillaged the sacrifice to Nightmare Moon.
Translation: I'm lying to save your neck. I'm willing to say I saw Emerald Dreams when I actually came along later and got the story from Light Breeze. Implied in this is your little trip into the Everfree Forest is not dereliction of duty, which is a court martial offense and will get you thrown forcefully out of the Royal Guard. Instead, I'm willing to give you a little ex post facto permission for your late-night pursuit, provided you shut up.
Luna: It is Our desire to see to the welfare of this little one, who we believe to be descended from my Nocturne.
Translation: I've got a stake in finding and recovering your lost daughter too. She's a little filly in the dangerous woods, and there are not very many of my beloved bat-winged ponies remaining anyway.
Luna: You will also find, when an alicorn states something did not happen, it did not.
Translation: I'm going to lie my plot off if it will save your daughter, so you better be appreciative and not screw this one up.
How's that?
7643065
Ah, that does indeed clarify it; thanks. :)
Angel is Best Bunny.
An origin for Angel, a noble search attempt, and an understandable but mistaken assumption. After all, who'd expect a pony to be raised by giant bats? Even that requires knowledge that said giant bats exist.
I love stories where someone outside of Ponyville has to deal with its habitual insanity. It makes the town itself feel like an enjoyably eccentric character. Sunshine makes for a great straight man in that respect.
As for the ending... Yeah. Listen to the ecosystem manager who lives on the edge of the hell-forest. She knows what she's talking about. Emerald's survived for eight years. One more night won't kill her, but it may put Sunshine at risk.
The moment when you realise that Fluttershy could pretty much have anyone murdered whenever she wanted and could probably destroy all of Ponyville if she felt like it.
7643926 So he's moist and tender? The best bunnies are...
Excellent chapter, Georg, glad to need this story getting some love...
Very interesting implication here.
Hm, interesting timeline for the events of those two episodes.
"Right now, all we have is a prisoner on work release, and Jailbird’s parole won’t let him leave the city limits of Ponyville."
Hm. And it sounds like there's a story behind that.
"the Everfree Woods"
"Forest"?
"a bat-wing for"
"bat wing"?
"important than to prove his"
"than proving his"?
"be estatic"
"ecstatic"?
"forest again. “Promise me you"
"again. Promise"?
7645103 Fixed, fixed, fixed, fixed, and Google Docs lied to me about 'estatic' being a real word. And fixed. I've used Jail Bird in a couple of places. He's a fun concept, much like Mayberry had Otis the Drunk, who would come into the jail when he was drunk (of course) and lock himself up, then reach out and grab the keys to let himself out in the morning.
7644236 It actually just flowed out onto the screen without thinking. Sometimes, discovery writing gives some amazing sections.
7644104 I want you to remember that for the last chapter.
7644066 And disposing of the bodies would be trivia.
7643987 Wait for tomorrow's chapter.
7645240
"and Google Docs lied to me about 'estatic' being a real word"
Yes, it does that sort of thing. :)
"I've used Jail Bird in a couple of places. He's a fun concept, much like Mayberry had Otis the Drunk, who would come into the jail when he was drunk (of course) and lock himself up, then reach out and grab the keys to let himself out in the morning."
Heh. Had to look that up, but funny. :)
"It actually just flowed out onto the screen without thinking. Sometimes, discovery writing gives some amazing sections."
Oh, nice.
7645240 So glad to see this story updating again! I was always curious how it would turn out, and now it seems I'll get the chance to see!
And it seems you're getting some advice from my pal 7645277 here as well! I guess now you know why I brought him on board as an official editor for The Iron Horse. 
A bit of glue and a Stare at the cockatrice and Spark Gap will be fine right... right?
I was afraid of that. RIP Sparky.
7646224 Maybe? Unless the cockatrice ate her soul or something. They had Sombra trying to resurrect a pony he'd turned to crystal and shattered after 1000 years in the comic.
And so Dee knows the truth, and Sunshine... Well, he had to deal with the local Vague Mentor Archetype. His experience with the diarchs left him unprepared for one who likes to communicate in couplets. Still, hopefully he'll understand what she meant before he does something everyone will regret. After all, what's a father to think when he sees his daughter in the company of a monster?
Still, it's Dee who's in the most interesting position right now. I suspect she'll stick with her Mama in the short term, but she has to confront the fact that she isn't what she thought she was. She's never going to be like the ones who raised her. She doesn't understand those of her species. What now?
7646316
And there's the question of whether Spark Gap's been aware all of this time, which raises its own horrors. And you can't forget the matter of erosion...
"the Convenient Hollow Tree as a"
"Tree, as"
Also, re this bit: :D
"given the utmost of deference"
"utmost deference"?
"inside the hut or Sunshine would"
"hut, or"?
"and just far enough away that her brief scream of fright momentarily deafened Sunshine"
Why would her being farther away make her more likely to deafen?
"Dreams’ flight from him"
Depending on the style you're using, "Dreams's"?
"It was both embarrassing and highly embarrassing"
Was one of those meant to be something else?
"was tired and a certain nasty"
"tired, and"?
...I'm rather wondering if this story might have been significantly shorter if Sunshine had been more polite there. Not just because he may have offended Zecora, mind, but because it sounds like she not only has some idea what's going on but doesn't think he's ready to find out.
(Though, you know, I doubt insulting her knowledge after she invited you into her home at night, listened to your story, and fed you helped convince her that you weren't too tired and emotional to be told about your daughter's adoptive family.)
"house closed and Sunshine began"
"closed, and"?
"their mothers’ back turned"
"backs"?
"were always dry and itched"
"itchy"?
"to Home and we"
"Home, and"?
"large and small could be seen"
"small, could"?
Still not sure if that's a mistake or a joke.
And man, Sunshine, be less of a dick to someone who at least tried to help.
So, we also finally find out what happened to Dee's mom. It always sounded pretty horrifying, but death by cockatrice sounds like an awful way to go in this story. Now that the truth is out, how will Dee handle a reunion. Or will she resist leaving entirely?
Can't wait to see what's next!