Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXIII · 8:53pm Mar 14th, 2019
As of yesterday, I have started transferring Bulletproof Heart to book form. My other books, Audience of One and the short collection (which will go by the title Foundations) are converted. I’m not bothering to fiddle with the look yet, I prefer to get them transferred to the files first. Why is this important?
Because for the last month, the vast majority of my wordcount goals have been achieved through editing. Every word of edited material counts as ⅕ of a word for wordcount purposes. And all of that means that most of my pone work these days is editing, not writing. That frustrates me a little. Okay, it frustrates me a lot. Life of Pie is almost finished and I’m instead working on things I’ve already done. I don’t like it.
Yet these books are on a deadline. Unlike the deadlines of my ongoing works, there are real-world consequences to not finishing these three (and maybe four, if I finish these fast enough). So I put up with it and focus most of my attention to this task. I just wish my other projects didn’t have to linger as a result.
But this brings me to a query. The three stories I picked conveniently have custom artwork payed for by yours truly. The fourth option does not have that. The question is what I should do when I finally decide to put it up on Lulu. Do I commission custom artwork? Do I leave it with just a title? I’m really not sure what the preference is. Would anyone even care if it has no cover art? (And no, I’m not saying what the potential fourth one is.)
Bah, enough whining. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
A Fork in Time by Pav Feira
The Truth Hurts by Metool Bard
City of Monsters by Georg
Letters by Coronet the lesser
A Dinky Little Problem by CoffeeMinion
Where Earth Meets Sky by Cloudy Skies
Forward Always by Justice3442
Vogel im Käfig by Mikleo
I'm Happy for Her by Cyrano
Initiation by Raugos
Total Word Count: 79,322
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
A Fork in Time
13,606 Words
By Pav Feira
Celestia had no choice. Twilight’s attempt to persuade her into a romantic relationship was well thought-out and certainly persuasive, but there's just no way it could come to pass. Sure, she feels guilty, but it’s not like she could have said “yes”. It would be so much easier to deal with the situation if a Twilight from 5,000 years in the future hadn’t just popped up in her quarters with the intention of convincing her to change her mind.
I’ll admit it, I picked this purely on the basis of the cover art. What can I say? One of my greatest guilty pleasures is seeing a beloved character struggle to deal with flirtatious advances. Other people have cocaine, I have embarrassing romantic situations.
Mine’s a lot healthier, at least.
Shippers are going to adore this. Actually, if the upvote/downvote ratio is anything to go by, they already do. It’s sometimes whimsical, frequently embarrassing for Celestia, and often amusing. I originally questioned if the length of the story was a bit much considering the concept, but Pav Feira plays it well and keeps the pacing going like a champ. Future Twilight has clearly learned a lot from Trollestia over the years, but she’s still Twilight enough to know how to produce a plan so fool-proof even Celestia can’t muck it up (badum-tish!).
The strange thing about this is that I don’t feel like I need to say much. The premise sells itself, at least so long as you’re a shipper and aren’t offended by TwiLestia, so the only thing I have to do is confirm that it’s well-written and handled with skill. Which it is. If you’re not a shipper, you should consider reading it anyway due to the silly antics of Future Twilight and the surprisingly good friendshipping that permeates the story like a fine mist. Yes, at its core, this is a romance, but it’s a lot more of setting the romance up than anything else, and as such manages to effectively dodge all the traditional tropes.
Fairly original in context and approach, enjoyable from beginning to end, and all about learning to trust and open up, this was a treat. Easily my favorite story by this author so far.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
All of It, for Her — Pretty Good
K-I-S-S-I-N-G! — Worth It
The Truth Hurts
4,354 Words
By Metool Bard
Desperate to get back into the Wonderbolt Academy, Lightning Dust spends her days and nights in intense training under Haymaker, who is apparently quite well known for that kind of thing. She’s convinced Haymaker will ‘unlock her true potential’ and get her into the Wonderbolts, even though the old stallion himself insists it’s impossible. Then, one typical evening, a dishonorably discharged Wind Rider shows up at his old gym.
I must echo the author’s sentiment: why on earth am I not seeing more stories comparing Wind Rider and Lightning? The story gives us a damning look into who Wind Rider is and what that means for a shocked Lightning. It’s about how some icons just don’t live up to their legend. Most of all, it’s about dreams and how, sometimes, we have to move on from them.
Overall, a great piece. The pacing is perfect, Lightning is wonderfully characterized, Wind Rider plays his role well, and Metool Bard uses Haymaker about as well as can be hoped given the shortness of the story. The action is only as detailed as it needs to be and things shift from dialogue to narrative focuses at all the appropriate times.
For a first showing by this author, it’s a good one. It’s a great piece starring some characters that I rarely see anymore, and it’s always good to see Lightning in a role other than vengeful enemy or wandering, lost soul.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
City of Monsters
4,836 Words
By Georg
Dee is a brave little batling. But she’s also curious, and for some reason she feels drawn to a city of monsters that can only be found beyond the dark, dangerous forest. One full moon night that temptation is too strong, and so she sneaks away from her Mama to get a closer look at this city and its strange rituals.
Let’s be plain, here: this is the story of a thestral filly who visits Ponyville on Nightmare Night, and it is delightful.
Set sometime before Twilight’s arrival at Ponyville but after the other Mane 6 are in place (so the year before, maybe?), the story follows little Dee as she watches the goings on of Nightmare Night. Confident the ‘monsters’ will eat her if she is caught, she spends the entire story hiding in the shadows and trying to rationalize the behavior of the ponies. Her conclusions are quite amusing, from the idea that candy is fruit she might be able to plant back home to believing Nightmare Moon is their queen. I especially liked her description of Rainbow Dash (that naughty, naughty pegasus). The best part was when she tried to steal candy from Fluttershy’s cottage; I keep thinking of a tiny, adorable batpony with her butt in the air as she prepares to pounce like a kitten.
Along the way we learn a bit about the batponies, such as how they hibernate in winter, eat moths and small animals (watch out, Angel!), and tend to work in groups instead of as individuals. This is made all the more interesting as Dee reflects on the things that make her… not like your typical batpony. The hints for this start early and go strong throughout the story, and it’s a great added element for the story. Georg keeps this subtle and is patient, never outright telling us the truth but giving enough evidence to make it clear what’s really going on with Dee. This is how you handle subtle reveals.
All in all, this is a solid story well-deserving of all the praise it has. I’m really looking forward to the sequel, but I should note that it doesn’t necessarily need one. This gives us everything we need.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard — WHYRTY?
Drifting Down the Lazy River — WHYRTY?
Daring Do and the Dance — Pretty Good
The Night Guard - Night Mares — Pretty Good
The One Who Got Away — Pretty Good
Letters
4,905 Words
By Coronet the lesser
Celestia receives another letter from Twilight, the first in a long while. This time it’s about the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Celestia is thrilled to receive this one. More than she ought to be. Because for her, every interaction with Twilight is precious.
She just can’t let Twilight know that.
This is a bit of TwiLestia sadfic in which we learn that Celestia loves Twilight and is hurt by the distance growing between them, yet adamantly refuses to do anything about it. It’s atmospheric, full of pleasant imagery and narrative gravitas. Luna’s presence makes things all the sweeter as the two argue over Celestia’s growing misery and the obvious solution she’ll never accept. That said, this is definitely a sadfic, so happy ending crusaders should keep away.
I greatly appreciate stories that can do this kind of thing correctly, and Coronet the lesser does. If you’re into sadfics – or just want to see TwiLestia denied hard, I suppose – this is a good short to get your fix.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Dinky Little Problem
2,117 Words
By CoffeeMinion
In an unusual depiction of the common relationship, we learn that Derpy adopted Dinky. On the surface, this is fine; everyone thought she could do it. But then the unexpected started piling up. Now money’s tight. So tight that it’s looking like Derpy will have to go hungry just to feed her kid. And if Amethyst Star, who works for the adoption agency, finds out the consequences could be dire.
This is a story about a loving mother doing everything she can to give her kid the love and support she needs, even if it means skipping her own needs for a while. It’s a refreshing piece of fluff where we learn that there are a lot of ponies who care about Dinky and her future. I loved CoffeeMinion’s approach, shuffling and rewriting the traditional roles of the characters to make the entire scenario feel very different and new.
There’s not much else I can say without spoiling things, so I’ll end this with a simple confirmation that the author does everything right with this one. I have zero complaints. If you’re interested in fluff pieces that are a lot more than mere d’awwws, absolutely give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Baby Limestone Rides to War — Pretty Good
Heavy Rock — Pretty Good
Where Earth Meets Sky
40,301 Words
By Cloudy Skies
In this pleasant little romance, we learn that Fluttershy has a crush on Applejack, but can’t muster the courage to do anything about it. When Applejack finally catches on, she decides to give the idea a go. Unfortunately for the both of them, Rainbow Dash might have something to say about this.
The most important thing to remember about this story is that it was written back in 2012, and so the characters’ mannerisms and thought processes are very different from what they are now after eight seasons of development. Any potential reader must adjust their expectations accordingly or face some jarring behavior. However, to me this works magnificently in Cloudy Skies’ favor.
AJ, RD, and Shy are the stars of this show, and the author handles them beautifully. Fluttershy is the standout to me, with a manner that is almost perpetually fretting and worried about little things that most others would take for granted. This can at times seem extreme and even frustrating, but it is remarkably well-aligned with her behavior in the first couple seasons. Add in a Rainbow Dash who is even more prone to assumption and knee-jerk reactions than she is today. Rainbow’s actions, at times amusing (she does indeed wear a corn bandana hat) but frequently ill-conceived, drives a lot of the negativity in the story. I love how she played out, especially in regards to her ‘too cool for nice’ manner of solving the problems she creates.
Then there’s Applejack. Who… Well, she’s Applejack. Seriously, the one problem with her is that she doesn’t have many problems, so her character has remained generally static. Which just goes to show that she’s awesome. Although it’s also the probable reason she doesn’t win too many popularity contests in the fandom.
Point is, Cloudy Skies’ characterization in this story is its highlight. They did a wonderful job portraying the characters accurately considering what was canon at the time. This story gets high marks for this alone.
The plot’s no slouch either, never moving too fast but also never dragging and dull. The romance grows in a way that feels natural, the solutions formed are suitable without being overdramatic, and this ending is downright pleasant. I have no complaints. It’s safe to say that this is the best story by this author I’ve yet to read.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
No Recipe For Perfection — Pretty Good
Where Your Heart Is — Pretty Good
Within and Without — Needs Work
Forward Always
1,622 Words
By Justice3442
Alternate Title: I Have Several Complaints
Slice-of-Life? Yeah, how about no? This is a comedy, and nothing more. It’s basically Adagio recounting stories of the really, really stupid things Aria and Sonata have done in their very long lives. Things like nearly getting squashed by monster trucks and trying to create an ant army with which to conquer the world. In Aria’s defense, most of her dumb acts were performed for the sole purpose of saving Sonata from the consequences of her dumb acts. The fact that the last 5% of the story actually resembles something halfway serious does not make this a slice-of-life story. I’m at the point where I’ve given up on the idea that this author can write anything serious, and that any description suggesting otherwise (that is to say, all the ones I’ve seen by this author) is a blatant lie.
The good news is that now I know Justice3442’s overarching methods of ridiculousness and thus will stop seeking out even a hint of respectability in the stories they might write. This will do wonders for my expectations going into them from this point onwards.
As for this story? It’s just another joke piece that assumes Sonata is a perpetual idiot, Adagio is a jerk, and Aria is just grumpy (ironically making her the nicest of the three). If that sounds funny to you, by all means give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The One Where Pinkie Gets Even — Pretty Good
The SweetieMash Chronicles — Worth It
Vogel im Käfig
2,611 Words
By Mikleo
The changelings have returned, and this time they are winning. The last remnants of Equestria cower in the Crystal Empire, their last remaining bastion of defense. Twilight Sparkle, meanwhile, is kept in a dungeon so that she might not repeat the actions she performed upon learning the fate of her friends. Overwhelmed by grief, guilt, and possibly insanity, she decides to repeat the greatest mistake she ever made. Only this time there’s no magic box with a rainbow ray of doom to save her from it.
Or, if you want to get down to brass tacks, Twilight has an epic freakout.
To be honest, I don’t see Twilight making such a mistake as this. Nor do I buy the extreme acts of self-harm she’s committing, which struck me as less horrifying and more dumb. Mikleo went over the darkness cliff, making something ridiculous instead of profound. There’s a happy medium to be found regarding these things, and this goes well off that path. It’s another instance where the idea is good, if not new, and could have led to a dramatic and traumatic story, especially considering Twilight’s ultimate and ultimately insane decision.
I don’t fault the author for trying for something dark, but a bit more subtlety would have been apropos. In their defense, the story is well written, with excellent pacing, vivid descriptions, and a great sense of atmosphere. Technically speaking, there’s nothing wrong with this (at least from my perspective). I just wish the author had focused less on trauma and more on drama.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lose Yourself — WHYRTY?
I'm Happy for Her
1,045 Words
By Cyrano
In this extremely short tale, Fluttershy steps out of the celebratory party after the events of Camp Everfree to enjoy the quiet of the forest. Along the way, she discovers a weeping Sunset Shimmer. Knowing it’s too late to dismiss things, Sunset confesses a little secret to her friend.
This was a pleasant bit of sadfic that puts Fluttershy in the role of comforter. I’m used to her taking on such a role about a variety of things, but not for romance, and not like this. Sunset wanting to be with Twilight is old hat, so it was Fluttershy that drew me into this one.
This feels less like a story and more like a scene from something bigger. Even so, I liked it for what it was. It’s brief, gets to the point quickly, but doesn’t feel rushed at all. There are a few writing slip-ups, and while I normally jump on them they are magnified by the story’s length. A good example:
There, perched on a rock with tears glittering in the moonlight, she found its source.
So Fluttershy was perched on a rock and crying when she found it’s source? Okay, yes, reasonably speaking we all know what the author meant. But in a story as small as this it’s all the more important to see these things. There were other moments, but that’s the one that stood out the most (next to the “that I saw that I saw” a little later).
Still, this is a nice little fic in which Fluttershy comforts and encourages her distraught friend to do the right thing. Perhaps not an amazing piece, but not bad at all for its short length.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Suns and Roses — Pretty Good
Initiation
3,925 Words
By Raugos
In this silly little tale, Flash Sentry is having dinner in the guard cafeteria in Canterlot. Suddenly, a cart arrives with what is known as durian, a spiky fruit that Luna’s bat pony guards just love. It also smells like shit and death, quite literally. Now Flash faces a choice: listen to his partner CC (and every other Solar Guard) and evacuate the premises immediately, or let the cute bat pony Tsunami lure him into trying the Tartarus-scented fruit.
This was simple and endearing, doing everything it needed to and nothing it didn’t. We get a few laughs in at Flash’s expense and have a bit of Royal Guard shenanigans. Honestly, the entire scenario (well, excepting the crazy fruit, I suppose) feels realistic, like something you might see a bunch of soldiers do to the new guy. Which, in a way, is exactly what this is.
It’s short enough to jump into, enjoy, and move on. Which is exactly what you should do.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Withdrawal — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Fluttershy's Nightmare Cottage by Zeck
To Dethrone A Princess by Codex Ex Equus
Every Mare Needs Her Stallion by Inquisitor M
Strategic by Winston
The Weed by kudzuhaiku
Episode 1: Nightmares and Lunascapes by Mr Lovecolt
Seasons: Falling Leaves by Wodahseht
Mud Puddles by RoyalBardofCanterlot
Fallout Equestria: Survivor's Guilt by RuinQueenofOblivion
A Stitch in Time by Eakin
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVIII
Thanks for your review of City of Monsters and I'm looking forward to what you think of the sequel, Child of Nightmares and Everfree, where Dee discovers the history behind her unique circumstances, and finds herself torn between her loving mother and the strange monster who claims to be her father. The monster who looks so much like her...
Noice
Uh, durians are a real thing, dude.
Hey, I've read several of these!
"City of Monsters" was definitely cute and a fun read. The childlike and/or oblivious perspective can be hard to pull off well, but this story gets it right. plus it has nice hints of world-building throughout.
"A Dinky Little Problem" was cute, if on the telly side, but it's among the many nice looks at Derpy as supermom that the fandom has produced. It was also a fun read.
"Initiation" is one I have mixed feelings about. The writing skill is definitely there, but it feels like the story stopped short of making a point. Shining is so put off by this durian, only to find out it's not so bad. The story's really set up for him to have a realization about how this other culture isn't so different, and they can get along, and all that, but it doesn't bring that to a close. It just kind of stops there. Other than that, I did enjoy this story, and Raugos is an author whose works I've enjoyed several times.
Man, Stitch in Time and Strategic for next week, tho... both p neato fics imo, can't wait to see what you think of them!
5027914 ...no matter how much those of us who have smelled one have wished otherwise.
5027973 Dude, you helped edit it too :) (and deeply appreciated)
Trying a durian is on my bucket list. The closest I've come was trying a durian-flavored candy… which tasted vaguely like cheese, interestingly enough.
Thanks for the review!
If you are referring to the descriptions of durian's taste and smell, the majority of them are based on real people's experiences and my own. If you have never experienced it before, your brain will most likely associate the smell with a dumpster or sweaty laundry until it has learnt to pick up on the subtle differences.
Heck, the smell of durian has even led to building evacuations because people thought they were smelling a gas leak.
Locals in Southeast Asia love watching Western tourists eating fresh durian for the first time. It's hilarious.
5028053
If you're visiting an Asian country and want a smoother first impression of durian, ask the locals for a variety that is good for beginners. They're usually the ones that are sweeter, less pungent and firmer in texture. But if you're feeling really adventurous, you can just gamble with whatever you come across.
5027973
In hindsight, yeah, it looks like the story would've benefited from a moral to top it all off. Unfortunately, if I remember correctly, I was kind of rushing for the event's submission deadline.
5027914
...I had no idea.
5027973 5028103
I honestly didn't think it needed the moral, it was pretty good on its own. That being said, generating a moral out of the scenario would have given it an extra level of quality.
5028103
I've got a friend from Malaysia who's talked to me about durians before. He sometimes comes back from trips there with some durian yogurt, which is probably also a good way to get introduced to the taste.
And tying in 5028146 here... It's a common thing for comedies to wander over to not having a point, because it's easier for the audience and author to say the joke is the point. Random kind of falls into the same category. Other kinds of stories, it's harder to justify that. I'll agree with Paul that I liked the story even without it completing a character arc.
You've liked both Raugos stories you've read, and I can recommend "I'm great fun at parties, I swear!", Expedition, and That Changeling's a Pony!
In a way I'm on the board twice today because I made the cover art for The Truth Hurts!
On that note, if I had to pick one I'm more proud of, it would be the cover. I'm Happy for Her was written in an hour and posted the same night and is about as deep as a dried up mud puddle.
Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to review it. It's not among my better work (if such a thing exists), but sometimes it's good to look back and see how far we've come.