Once a year, the Night Guards of Canterlot receive a very important shipment, much to the distress of their peers. Flash Sentry has no idea what the fuss is all about.
(Submission for EqD's Friend Off event.)
Chapters (1)
Raugos
Joined 13th Dec, 2011 ·
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Thats interesting for sure
Singapore MRT (Mass Rapid Transit) Fines sign:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dd/Singapore_MRT_Fines.jpg/188px-Singapore_MRT_Fines.jpg
While there is no fine for it (unless a repeat offender or an idiot incapable of learning), transit authorities are authorized to immediately confiscate any open durian and dispose of it. Usually the public shame is enough for common deterrence against stupid people bringing open durian onto a packed bus/train.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
Durian is an exotic fruit and definitely an acquired taste, like cigars &/or spicy foods.
For first-timers, durian does assault the olfactory (smell), as well as the gastronomic insides, like eating very spicy foods (or smoking a high-grade cigar) for the first time. Durian can also overwhelm the taste buds upon the first tasting experience because it is packed full of so many flavors and textures.
On the positive, durian IS packed full with flavors and textures, is rich in nutrients, and very good in terms for health and even medicinal value. For those who have the patience and fortitude to try to acclimate themselves to durian, one learns why durian holds the title of "the King of Fruits."
So when trying out durian, do not judge it by your first-time eating it. Judge it by your FOURTH. If you still hate it by then, then your taste-sense is likely not compatible with (or acclimating to) durian.
>Hammer and Anvil
I know those names…
Welp. Headcanon accepted.
I wonder why this is tagged with "sex." I was hoping to see Ol' Flash get lucky with a bat pony...
*Grins* Odd but cute, I've yet to try Durian, but I do know of the odor well and that too much makes you sick.
I have partial anosmia. I wonder if that would be enough to handle a durian.
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The smell of durian is indeed pungent, but hardly something that is going to make you vomit upon exposure. At worst, with a "normal" sense of smell, most people will go "ugh...!" and perhaps dry-retch a bit. So unless you are shoving your face into it, or are in a confined area surrounded by people aggressively offering you open durian, you should be okay; maybe not "comfortable," but "okay."
It is exotic fruit, not tear gas.
Durian comes from the seventh circle of hell and should return there poste haste
5603094 I was more worried they were gonna make him mate with the durian.
Hey, I know how a lot of people's minds work on this site. They'll ship just about anything animate or inanimate. XD
5603321 It depends on the ripeness of the fruit and how sensitive your sense of smell is. I know folks who find truffles unpleasant to smell too.
5603094 I do not know, Jake my buddy. I almost DIDN'T read it because of the tag, but then I saw it was rated T and realised no blatant clop, read it, and loved it. I am also disappointed that there was no Flashxbat mare, though. I'm not even sure which one he liked the most, if it was Tsunami, or one of the others.
5603094 5603667 5603699
Fimfic guidelines imply that the sex tag should be used if sex jokes are involved, and this story has a few of those.
I was worried about this.
Judging by the comments, it looks like people expect more... fancy stuff when they see that tag.
Does anyone else feel the same? I might ask a moderator if it's not accurate.
Anyways, I used it because I didn't want to risk it not passing Fimfic moderation with EqD's submission deadline so close.
Eeeewww!
Wash your hooves first!
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The durian I have had was not terrible. It was strongly scented to be sure, but not intolerably gross. Just different. The smell (to my nose and palate) was reminiscent of sweet vidalia onions with subtle undertones of gym sock funk. It took me a bit by surprise at first, but in all honesty I quickly became used to it (I actually think dried parmesan cheese smells worse).
The taste was incredible (IMHO). Imagine mixing perfectly juicy red apples (
) and ripe bananas into something with the consistency of sweet custard or cream cheese.
Speaking of smelly food, several authors here on Fimfic have a shared headcannon that pegasi, like griffons, have a taste for fish. If that is the case Raugos, may I humbly suggest a sequel where Flash and the rest of his Solar guard platoon get their own back against the Lunar guard by treating them to a "fresh" serving of that ancient, traditional pegasi delicacy surströmming?
This was quite enjoyable. No absurd Flash bashing, and actually funny to boot. Neat.
5603997 Surströmming?
Oh hell, that's just cruel. It's quite possibly the grossest food I have ever encountered in my entire life, and how my fellow countrymen can consider it a delicacy is completely beyond my comprehension. It has an utterly repulsive smell that I strongly suspect could knock me out on a bad day and the taste is not much better.
If it is revenge they want, surströmming is the way to go.
I have never tasted a durian, nor have I seen one in the markets in the city I live so I can't comment on them beyond that they sound pretty interesting.
5603960 Well that depends. What exactly would YOU class as 'sex-related'?
5603997 Maybe every type of pony has some weird food.
Bat pony/threstral/Longma: Durians
Pegasus: Fish
Earth pony: ???
Unicorn: flesh, blood, bone (research the older stories before modern perceptions set in. Unicorns were violent and could kill a dozen strong, heavily armed men. Maybe modern unicorns simply hide their carnivorous tendencies and supplement it with high protein foods like peanut butter.)
Crystal pony: Crystals, like dragons?
... I have to make a thread. Will make a thread tomorrow,
5604080 Personally, I'd use that tag only if the story actually involved sex or conversations about the act, so I was kind of iffy on using it for this one. However, as I'd mentioned earlier, I was worried about meeting the deadline.
In any case, I'd defer to the site rules. If they require that tag, so be it. If not, I'd probably remove it in order to avoid... false advertising.
5603997 lmao you open a can of that nasty fish and it will clear out the whole site just from the illusion of the stench even Andrew zimmeran won't touch that and he eats just about anything
In the future, Flash, eat mangosteen with your durian. It helps with the... aftereffects.
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I thought it implied it strongly enough.
5604122
Earth Ponies - rocks/minerals
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I certainly agree with you about the smell! Yuck!
It is the pure Platonic ideal of stink, the physical avatar of stench. It is smell incarnate. One does not simply "smell" surströmming; you are "assaulted" by it. It storms your smell holes in much the same way an armoured tank column smashes through a "free love-in" hippie camp ground.
Hideous smell aside, I actually thought it was quite tasty! Served up on crisp flatbread with diced red onions, sour cream, lightly salted boiled potatoes and compound butter (creamy, whipped butter with rosemary, oregano, and dill). And vodka.
Those things should be banned! Actually they are banned in some places.
I grinned like an idiot almost all the way through. Definitely worth the read!
5604137 Personally, if someone was making suggestive poses at me, I don't think I would see it as a form of sex. I'd say it was just that. Suggestive.
I don't think it really matters. It's not something that requires a new tag to be made or anything. I'm not even sure I brought that up when it wasn't much of a big deal.
5604193 I found it easier to eat a durian when I cover it with custard and a hint of toffee sauce. Try that some time.
Spikes are a bit painful but I got used to it eventually.
5604306
Durian and toffee? (Maybe add some Kahlua for coffee toffee?) Yum!
derpicdn.net/img/2014/12/11/783022/medium.png
5604326 Kahlua? You disgust me you freak.
(whispers to other people commenting on this story)
What the hell is 'kahlua'?
5604341
It is a coffee liqueur made from coffee (duh!), vanilla, sugar, and high proof rum. Absolutely cracking on vanilla icecream.
5604437 HEY! I said 'other people'!
So, OTHER PEOPLE, what the hell is 'kahlua'?
I've cracked open a durian and eaten it.
Best fucking thing, the aroma was amazing and the taste absolutely fulfilling.
It was like eating flesh of a rock.
5604122 Changelings: Casu Marzu. ...
I think I need to write that now.
I want a durian now...
And also: SEQUEL IT!!!!
Durians are aplenty back home. I don't buy it personally, but they're ok. I do like pengat durian, a sort of durian porridge if you prefer. Always eat it with bread.
And by the way, that fact that bat ponies seem to like durians makes me think that they come from Asia.
I've never eaten Durian so I have no idea wither this was an over exaggeration or not...
Entertaining AND educational, a rare combination in FIMfiction.
(And poor Flash. Fermented drinks and Durians are a wicked combination.)
5604580 All the more reasons to try.
5604625 meh I don't really like fruit
5604458 I find that a bit cannibalistic considering it contains live insect larva and changelings are insectoid.
5604785 Well, we're mammals and most of us have no problems eating pigs and cows and in some cases, even monkeys. For an in-universe example, I'd think griffons would have no qualms about eating chicken, either. They'd just consider em lesser creatures with very little relation.
5604806 Good point.
I forgot what type of durian breed in my place but it has much more creamy, more flovour and rich texture. SOmething called fox durian or something.
[DURIAN!] [LOCK ON!] "Henshin!" *guitar screech* [DURIAN ARMS!] [MR. DANGEROUS!]
Sorry, just been on a bit of a Kamen Rider Gaim/Drive kick lately, and got the Gaim Riders with their henshin calls stuck in my head. ^.^;
"Oh what a crybaby. There's nothing wrong with 'em!" *Crosses hooves in silent anger.*
Yay durian! :D
I've had the odd luck of eating one, but not remembering how it was at all. I'm not sure what happened there.
First time reading anything about Flash Sentry, and dammit, I loved it!
5604122
Totally my head canon now.
Earth pony: Kimchi?
5605103 Which part is now in your headcanon?
5605106
Your whole comment, plus sigawesome's comment on the pegasi delicacy surströmming.