• Member Since 28th May, 2013
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Zeck


T

Fluttershy's Nightmare Night scare from last year is on all the girls' minds again. So when the yellow Pegasus invites them all to stop by her cottage for another frightful Nightmare Night, they all jump at the chance. And boy, does Fluttershy deliver. First, she lets out a terrified scream as she runs out of her cottage, then a creature of darkness sucks her back in, and now she's talking in a voice not entirely her own.
But it's just a fun fright for Nightmare Night. Right?
'Horror' tagged because it's Nightmare Night, after all, and 'Teen' because it might be a bit scary (?)

Written for EQD Writer's Training Grounds "Scare Master".

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

Kudos for making me guess whether or not Fluttershy really was cursed or something.

I was worried. I couldn't tell after a while if it was really Fluttershy or not. The part that really drove it home was when Pinkie Pie said that the claw was hot! That's what made me think it was an actual curse. Of course I didn't even think about Discord!

Well done author. You really got me!

It could use some more editing and a bit of tidying up but overall its a tale that delivers exactly what it promises. Not bad at all.

:rainbowlaugh:Next year they need to trick Luna and Celestia :pinkiehappy:

6612396 I will take kudos. Kudos are tasty! Thanks for being the first one to leave a comment, and I'm glad the story was written well enough to make you wonder about Fluttershy, because that's what I was hoping for.

6612882 Pinkie Pie was tricky, for sure. Because as we saw when Luna came to town, she can be scared out of her mind, but at the same time she's not really scared. As such, she was going to view the whole thing as a joke since she knew Fluttershy had invited them--and no matter what happened, she'd never fully believe it.
Which is exactly why I wrote that part in. I needed a way to make Pinkie Pie realize that the game might not be a game after all, and usually the only way to get through to a pony like Pinkie is to cause harm, or at least discomfort. It wasn't hot enough to burn her or anything (again, why I wrote that part in at the end), but more like turning on the shower and not realizing how hot the water is. Just a quick "Ouch!"
And thank you for the compliment! I'm glad I wrote it well enough that it made you wonder. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Zeck deleted Nov 9th, 2015

6613293 Thanks!

I admit that I don't put as much effort into editing on these Writer's Training Grounds stories as I do on my other stories--mainly because of the deadline--but I slacked off a bit more on this one. Usually, I'll at least print the story out and read over it, marking up the paper and such, but this time I just re-read it on the computer, which means I probably missed a lot of stuff.
But I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless. It was pretty fun to write. :twilightsmile:

6615016 I was actually considering making Princess Luna be the one helping, not Discord, but I figured Discord would be a better fit in terms of Fluttershy. Oddly enough, I've been considering writing a story about Silent Wing (one of my characters and Captain of Luna's Guard) and other Bat ponies trying to find a way to scare Princess Luna on Nightmare Night.
I do like the idea of the Mane Six and the Princesses having a scare off though, or the girls just trying to scare the Princesses. Celestia and Luna have no doubt seen a lot, so it would probably be a challenge to scare them.

6615166 please do a story where the mane 6 try to scare the princesses :rainbowlaugh:

What do the Flutterdash and (out of the blue) Rarijack shippings bring to the story?

6641745 They're just there because I kind of like them. I usually stay away from writing about the Mane Six because they are established characters and it's harder to play around with them, but I do like putting these ponies together. And since all of them thought they were in real danger, actual feelings boiled to the surface instead of staying hidden. It's kind of like the whole, "We're about to die, will you marry me?" thing. :twilightsmile:

6642220
The problem is when it comes out of the blue, for the sake of it, and adds nothing (no effect) to the story itself. Too many authors do that mistake.

Okay, it started out good, but then it got stupid.

6696174 Um...sorry I guess? :twilightoops:

6696887 Eh, I was in a mood to be spooked. Sorry about that, but really, just a friendly tip, add more description into what is. By that I mean, things such as this.

The claws were a hot, fiery orange and jet black, with hooks and caves. The ovens inside looked as though it has the souls of so many things, screaming in the shadows that were as dark as oil, with their faces crying, screaming to get out.

Now, isn't that scarier?

Comment posted by Come to Play deleted Dec 31st, 2015

Thats was...AMAZING I especially loved that FlutterDash and RariJack moment.:yay::heart::rainbowkiss: :raritystarry::heart::ajsmug:

6783660 Thank you! The shipping seems to be a bit divisive for some ponies, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun to write. :twilightsmile:

6786512 Yeah I just love FlutterDash RariJack and TwiPie because they are both different from each other but I feel like they love each other because of how different they are.:yay::heart::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::heart::ajsmug::twilightblush::heart::pinkiehappy:

Now that was mind-bendy oh my god.

7805875 Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. It was my first time writing a horror story, so I tried to think of things that didn't involve death, but more "I don't ever want that to happen to me!"

7808116 You did really well! You made it come across as some utterly terrible fate had befallen Fluttershy, then the others were consumed by that same evil entity. Pinkie Pie's response to it all made it even more unnerving, too, until she realized it was no game. I agree with Dilos1's comment of being uncertain to Fluttershy's state of being cursed, though it took that hammer to relax that she's not.

Very very nice. Lovely little spookfest here.

9520650
Oh cool! Thanks. I'm glad you took the time to not only read it, but leave a review. And I'm extra glad you enjoyed it overall. You seem to have bumped this story's popularity a bit, because I have a few more ponies suddenly interested in it after this, so I'm extremely grateful for that. :twilightsmile:

9521235
Thank you. I don't usually do horror/spooky stuff, but the prompt called for it--back when there still was a Writer's Training Ground--so I gave it my best shot. Seems most ponies enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Good story, you had me thinking it was real right up to the end. Good twist with Dash & 'Shy after the prank was over.
Loved this:

“Oh, is it my turn?” Pinkie Pie laughed as the claw dragged her back toward the oven.

Made me think of that one Bradbury story.

But one tiny quibble: the previous year, after 'Shy scared everypony, she said she didn't want to do it again. (Didn't she say that? Is that a false memory? AM I REALLY ME? Sorry.) Some explanation for the change of heart would have been appreciated.

That was a good story.

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