Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVIII · 9:58pm Jan 31st, 2019
This past week has been… mildly frustrating. For a variety of reasons, I was unable to do much writing for a while. My wordcount still went up, but only because I’ve been doing a lot of editing/proofing. I’m currently in the process of doing an editing run on The Gentle Nights: Audience of One, going at around a chapter a day. It’s slow, but it means I have time during my day to do other things. Which brings up the good news: as of yesterday, I’ve finally started on the next chapter of Life of Pie. The story’s starting to wind down to its ending, which is great because I’m ready for it. That story has taken far too long. More importantly, once it’s done I’ll finally be able to Surprise people with the continuation of Order of Shadows, something I’ve long wanted to do.
I almost caved on a personal desire to continue An Indecent Proposal via a sequel. Almost. But the downside of being an ambitious author with a lot of story ideas ping-ponging around in his cavernous skull is that sometimes he has to pick and choose his babies. I’ve already promised a certain medium-length story and have been neglecting that promise. Thus, whilst I continue my work on my major stories I will also finally start work on the Aria-centric story I spoke of seemingly ages ago. It’ll be about time.
Going back to my editing work for a moment, who here has used Lulu? I intend to use it for my books in the upcoming bookstore. Does anyone have any idea how fast they are at getting the hardcopies delivered? I’m trying to figure out my rough deadline for getting all this material reformatted and ordered.
Oh, and no reviews next week, folks. Break time.
Now. Shall we review?
Stories for This Week:
Hello, My Name Is by LoyalLiar
Twilight Sparkle Accidently Loans Out Homosexual Erotic Literature by Storm Butt
The Arbitrator by Bluegrass Brooke
Never Forget Me by Rated Ponystar
I Hate You, Twilight Sparkle by Overlord-Flinx
Antaboga. by Reptilicus
A Little Panic by Foals Errand
One Night a Year by Sapidus3
In Which Princess Luna Has Egg On Her Face by CalebH
Misadventures in Manehattan by The Princess Rarity
Total Word Count: 92,400
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Hello, My Name Is
5,824 Words
By LoyalLiar
Alternative Title: Princess Luna Best Pony
Limited Liability is a changeling working for J.P. More Gain. Granted, nobody knows he’s a changeling. Of course. But now it’s the day of the Changeling invasion of Canterlot. Worse, Limited is out of love, and his disguise has fallen away. At the office. While he’s standing next to his boss. How interesting that nopony seems to care.
This is a story about the sheer stupidity of ponies. No joke. It’s a well founded premise when you look at the show from a critical perspective. It ended up being loads of fun. We get to watch as Limited makes his way to Canterlot, undisguised, without anypony so much as batting an eye in his direction. He finds this understandably mystifying, and his ongoing confusion is thoroughly entertaining.
Except when it comes to Princess Luna, who is the smartest pony around. Her only downfall is her love of play, apparently. No word on her sister, since she didn’t get her due cameo.
So yeah. Moral of the story: ponies are idiots. LoyalLiar somehow managed to keep the gimmick going through over 5k words. By all means, read this and have fun.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I, Witness — Pretty Good
Deceptive title is deceptive.
Nopony can ever know of Twilight’s latest fascination with the vividly detailed homosexual harlequin romance Trainyard Escapades. Nopony. So she stays up late in the night when none will ever know and indulges. Until her reaction one night leads to Spike waking up, which in turn leads to a minor string of unfortunate incidents… Despite how that summary might sound, the description is accurate when it describes this story as “shockingly safe for work”.
I am entertained. Twilight’s desperate need to not get caught and Fluttershy’s scandalized reaction are perfectly in-character, especially given pre-alicornication Twilight’s tendency for freakouts. I was a bit annoyed about the constant streaming of misunderstandings, perfectly aligned for maximum confusion. You know, the kind that practically never happen in real life but writers abuse to try and make their story funny? Yeah. Those always annoy me. But ignoring that, I enjoyed watching Twilight squirm.
For entirely different reasons, I greatly appreciate how this story reversed gender stereotypes a bit. It was a subtle touch, but one that worked well given the setting.
Perhaps not fall-out-of-your-seat hilarious, but certainly fun for what it is.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Arbitrator
2,827 Words
By Bluegrass Brooke
Once a reformer, always a reformer. After Sombra is captured and (violently) de-horned by Discord, he is brought to the dungeons of Canterlot so that a decision can be made regarding his fate. Celestia, Twilight, and Discord are in heated disagreement regarding what that fate should be (mysteriously, Luna and Cadance apparently get no say). With the three at an impasse, they agree (some begrudgingly) to have Equestria’s resident expert at villain reformation talk to Sombra and make the decision for them. Fluttershy is not enthusiastic.
This story is straightforward and incomplete. Fluttershy goes in, briefly talks with Sombra, and makes a decision. The consequences of that decision are not explored. Which is unfortunate, but perfectly understandable if Bluegrass Brooke had no intention to make this into anything bigger. The only real issue is that the ending is predictable.
A very brief glimpse into an AU that we may never see more of. The ship does entertain me (thanks to Evehly for making that so), and this is the best setup for it I’ve yet to see. It puts Sombra in a vulnerable position without sacrificing his threat value against Fluttershy herself, presenting an avenue for reformation and tons of drama. I’d love to see Bluegrass Brooke pursue the concept fully.
Still, the fact it ends before the story really begins is a detriment. It’s worth reading for the concept alone, but doesn’t provide much of anything beyond that.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
What Changes May Come — Pretty Good
The Best Kind of Surprise — Needs Work
What Good is Magic? — None
Never Forget Me
3,794 Words
By Rated Ponystar
The Great and Powerful Trixie is dead, and that is not an exaggeration. In her last will and testament, she invites Twilight Sparkle to attend her funeral. It’s… not a big service.
This is a story about friendship, or perhaps the lack of it. It centers on Twilight’s attempts to decipher why she has been invited to the funeral of a mare she barely knows. More importantly, it’s about what she discovers regarding the life of Trixie.
It’s a sadfic, plain and simple. But it’s a good sadfic, treading familiar ground but doing so from a slightly different angle than I’m used to. Plenty of people write about Trixie’s life being crummy after the events of the Alicorn Amulet, but this is the first time I’ve seen them discuss it after her death. Refreshing enough to have my interest, at least. I’d have liked it a bit more if Rated Ponystar had stopped harping on and on about Trixie’s past mistakes. I swear they get mentioned once every 500 words, as if we’ll all forget otherwise.
Still, not a bad bit of sadfic for Best Side Character. Trixie fans will surely get something out of it.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle — Pretty Good
I Hate You, Twilight Sparkle
1,435 Words
By Overlord-Flinx
Fleur de Lis hates Twilight Sparkle with a burning passion so strong it overrides all her other thoughts near-constantly.
This is a silly story in which we listen to Fleur’s thoughts as she reflects upon all the ways she hates Twilight. That’s it. It’s ridiculous, especially when you find out why.
There’s not much to say beyond that. The story is well-written and ends before it overstays its welcome. And to be honest, it’s not my kind of humor. That doesn’t make it bad by any means, but it’s the kind of story you read and then move on from without any lingering interest. Not bad for a one shot, but by no means memorable.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Antaboga.
52,943 Words
By Reptilicus
If that period in the title bugs you, I understand. Reptilicus still hasn’t figured out that this is not how titles work.
With Tirek vanquished and the lovely Golden Oaks Library replaced by a giant crystalline eyesore, Spike is starting to feel depressed. His issues stem from a great many sources, from having a private room for the first time to longing for the old basket that got destroyed. But the oldest and biggest problem he faces is a seed of fear that never left him from back when he saved the Crystal Empire. A fear brought on by a certain door.
Where Reptilicus has failed to learn how to handle titles, they have succeeded remarkably in their storytelling. This is a tale that takes multiple influences from the show to generate a problem for Spike, namely his relationship with Twilight. The base idea – Spike wants Twilight to see him as a son – is old as dirt and not very original. Where Reptilicus succeeds is in taking that idea and attacking it from fresh new angles. Throw in a highly unorthodox headcanon that creates a world similar to but altogether different from the show and you have something worth looking at.
Some of those differences bugged me. For example, Cadance isn’t a princess in this AU, she’s a queen. And Spike, against all odds, is a water-based dragon. And there are apparently religions, which of course has never been even hinted at in the show to my knowledge.
But other changes are quite interesting and bring about a unique new perspective. For example, there are far more Elements than just what the Mane 6 possess, such as Shining Armor having always and knowingly been the Element of Protection. Or how foals change their names upon receiving their special talents; Shining was originally Shining Light until earning his cutie mark changed him to Shining Armor and Twilight only became a Sparkle after her magical mishap that hatched Spike (the details of this are not clearly laid out). There’s also the idea that dead dragons literally turn into eggs when buried in lava. The list goes on, but it’s creative and interesting.
Then we have the story itself, which is centered entirely on Spike struggling to understand who and what he is to Twilight while undergoing severe physical changes he doesn’t understand. The situation is attacked from multiple angles to make things not quite so clear-cut as I would have expected, even if the end result is the same as what we all expect from a story like this.
There are, of course, issues. While Reptilicus has proven once again to have a good grasp of how to make an interesting story, their ability to write the story leaves something to be desired. On the plus side, they’ve improves a lot since I readVaguely Familiar.. No, that extra period isn’t a typo. While the author has taken strides to improve their grammar, their style is still problematic. They still have a tendency to tell us things we don’t need, like describing Shining Armor in detail. Far worse are the extensive descriptive paragraphs basically emphasizing the same point again and again and again and again and again and again and again and we get it, would you just move on already? Simply put, while they aren’t quite as common or varied as they were in the last story I read by this author, amateur mistakes are still bogging the experience down considerably.
Then there are the quirky plot elements. The CMC are fighting one another. Why? You won’t know until the story’s half-over. It’s an important aspect of the overarching plot, though. Should we have known about this early on, or did Reptilicus make a good move by outright skipping the start of the fight? I can’t say for sure. There are other issues similar to this, such as the old oryx who shows up for one chapter then disappears, or Prince Blueblood making an extended cameo in the epilogue because… uh… because? And did we really need three massive paragraphs detailing what each of the CMC did for mother’s day?
Despite the issues, Reptilicus has created a heartfelt story about the relationship between Spike and Twilight. It’s not perfect by any means, but if the author could just figure out the whole writing thing (and the title thing, for Luna’s sake), they could be one of the site’s better writers. A shame they seem to have departed the fandom.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Vaguely Familiar. — Worth It
A Little Panic
1,395 Words
By Foals Errand
Foals Errand has a reputation for writing fluff pieces, and this story is no exception. It’s basically just Celestia taking care of Flurry Heart for a brief time while Cadance and Shining Armor get some much needed rest.
What really surprises me here is that Foals largely played this one straight. I anticipated crazy antics and Flurry being a bit more than Celestia was prepared for. Instead we have a Celestia who is perfectly in control at all times and knows exactly what to do at any given moment. Which, reflecting upon her age and experience, makes perfect sense. It won’t make anyone break out into raucous laughter, but it’s certainly realistic.
Not a particularly memorable fluff piece, but still a cute one.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Princess Celestia? Do You Have A Belly Button? — Pretty Good
Dear Princess Celestia — Needs Work
Tiny Twilight Tales — Needs Work
One Night a Year
5,092 Words
By Sapidus3
Twilight Sparkle, being far older than she looks, has noticed a pattern in Princess Celestia’s behavior. Every Summer Sun Eve, Celestia is sad. So Twilight goes one night to try and cheer her up. It doesn’t go as expected, but a an annual tradition is born regardless.
When this story started, I assumed it took place the year before the start of the show. Given Twilight’s apparent age, there really wasn’t much wiggle room for this story to take place. But then events keep happening, so I started to think maybe this was an AU. Then the events of the show start, and I’m just confused. How the heck old is Twilight when all this starts? Are we suggesting Celestia is a foal fiddler? Because I don’t see any other way for the events of this story to happen canonically otherwise, except that Twilight is a lot older than she looks. In which case Rarity should be green with envy.
If we can ignore this blatant issue, what we end up with is a pleasant little TwiLestia tale. It largely centers on a Twilight Sparkle who constantly misses the obvious in spite of having literally years of carefully studied data on the subject of why her mentor seems so sad before and after the Summer Sun Celebration – and I’m not talking about Princess Luna in this case. This might annoy some people, but I can’t help thinking Oblivious Twilight is perfectly in character for her.
There is a problem with the dialogue, however. In most cases it is impossible to tell exactly how a character is speaking. Are they sad? Happy? Indifferent? Confused? Furious? We have no way to know because more often than not the dialogue hangs all by itself in a void of narrative assistance. This is not how you make a conversation riveting, author.
It’s a pleasant little romance. Of course, it’s purely a romance, so non-shippers may not get much out of it. No matter, we sane peopleshippers can enjoy this one without them. It’s just that whole contextual setting snafu that gets in the way. I really have to question what Sapidus3 was thinking in that regard. At the very least, an AU tag would have been enough to set the issue aside.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Influence — Pretty Good
Not an Adult — Pretty Good
Plus One — Needs Work
In Which Princess Luna Has Egg On Her Face
2,004 Words
By CalebH
Set in the same universe as Diary of the Night, this story has Celestia and Luna visit the empty hive of Queen Chrysalis, who was defeated in battle by Luna shortly after the Canterlot Invasion. It reveals that, contrary to what the prior story suggests, Chrysalis survived and was healed by Celestia, and has accepted (if only due to lack of options) her offer of peace. They are now visiting the egg chambers of the hive, where the last unhatched members of Chrysalis’s species remain.
This story takes a little while to get to its destination, but once it does it’s a great result. It’s truly a shame this one has gone so thoroughly unnoticed, especially considering there’s no real need to read the prior story to get into it. I don’t think the deceptive (or perhaps overly literal) name is helping in that regard, but I may be wrong.
This is pleasant, combining a nice bit of worldbuilding with Celestia and Luna having an unexpectedly high amount of fun, culminating in what amounts to a gift for Chrysalis. I am thoroughly pleased. Feel free to give this one quick read.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Diary of the Night — Worth It
Crusader's End — None
Misadventures in Manehattan
12,718 Words
By The Princess Rarity
Anything can happen in Manehattan. That’s not always good. In this tale, we get to watch as Coco Pommel and her roommate/friend/coworker Grace Manewitz endure another day in the Big Apple. This includes, in no particular order: marijuana protests, the most disgusting subway in the world, bosses who think yelling is casual conversation, flirtatious door stallions, ex-villains, an unusually high number of notes on doors, and a plethora of cameos. To start.
I rarely see a story with Coco as one of the main characters, and the whole premise looked promising. I did not expect one of the sweetest marshmallow ponies in the show to have a loudmouthed, rude, flirtatious, sometimes mean and ever-embarrassing slob for a roommate. Regardless, the story is a fun comedy of events, sometimes unfortunate and sometimes sweet. Oh, and there might be a friendship lesson in there somewhere.
The story has no purpose or overarching theme other than ‘A Day in the Life’. As long as you go in expecting that, you should be fine. Even if you don’t, you’ll probably be entertained. Between the ill-named Grace’s determined efforts to get rid of the door stallion trying to pick her up to Coco’s embarrassment at being flirted with by a diner waiter, I’m sure there’s something you’ll enjoy. The cameos running through the streets like rainwater are a nice touch.
A fun little slice-of-life comedy piece. Just don’t go in taking anything seriously and you’ll be fine. Well… almost anything seriously.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Last Curtain Call — Pretty Good
Daring Do & All of the Time in the World — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
The Longest Night by Tundara
Thus Dwell in Joy by the parasprite
You Scratched My Cello?! by Moowell
Interesting Nights by Azure129
For the Moon so Loves the World by Ayla
Again by OfTheIronwilled
Elected To Bat by Melon Hunter
The Glimmering Gardener by ArgonMatrix
Grief is the Price We Pay by Scyphi
When the Stars are Right by Broken Phalanx
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Ohboi, you're doing Grief next time? Dank.
Only one I've read is the Trixie funeral one, and yeah, it's like the author was trying too hard. Not a new story concept, but perhaps unusual to apply it to these characters. It's a little over the top, a little too directly informative about how everyone feels, and sometimes altogether skipping how Twilight feels about things. Not a bad read, though.
That’s a weird way to spell Fancy Pants.
5005778
I've been reading that story for almost two months now. Will be glad to get the review done.
5005827
Yeah, I felt it was nothing particularly special, but still not bad overall. Easily a middle ground piece.
5005868
Oh, hoho, you're so cute. *pats on head*