Paul's Thursday Reviews XCIII · 10:14pm Nov 9th, 2017
Some unexpected new responsibility has landed in my lap this past week. While I'm glad to have been considered, it also means a bit of extra work on my end. As such, Friend of Generosity has once again been pushed back for a while. But hey, if all goes well I'll be able to work on it properly next week. The rough draft's done, I just need to edit it and see if there's anything I want to do to adjust the story. Which I might; I'm still not entirely satisfied with how I wrote it the second time.
What's that, mysterious voice in my head? What are my new responsibilities? Nope, not saying. I'll leave that announcement for next week and see how many people take note. If any.
Alrighty, enough chitter chatter. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Alarm Clock by Meta Four
Princess Celestia? Do You Have A Belly Button? by Foals Errand
True Love Never Dies by Adda le Blue
And We Danced by iDash
Happy Endings by Taranth
I'm Real by Feeling Grand
Total Word Count: 113,397
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Alarm Clock
51,204 Words
By Meta Four
Or The Big Butterfly Brouhaha’s Taller, More Wordy, Time-Obsessed Twin Sister (But We Love Her Anyway).
Seriously, folks. If it wasn’t for it belonging to an entirely different author, I’d think Alarm Clock was written by the same person as The Big Butterfly Brouhaha and set in the same universe. Heck, maybe they are and Meta Four is just an alt-name for adcoon as an in-joke to multiple time-displaced authors unable to share one account and leaving a dozen similar-but-totally-different stories throughout the netter tubes but these two forgot to tell one another what site they were using oops. And given the thing with Fluttershy’s cottage… one must wonder.
Anyhow, Alarm Clock stars Ditzy Doo, who in this AU has the ability to see extradimensional things that may or may not threaten Equestria’s everyday existence. On this particular morning, she’s discovered that Town Hall’s architectural design is perfectly identical to an unholy spacial construct intended to summon an Elder God to destroy Equestria – which may or may not have been completely accidental in nature. Now she just needs to find a way to stop it while not informing all of Equestria of her true abilities. Easy, right?
This story is bucketloads of fun. It’s got all the same whimsey and ridiculousness of The Big Butterfly Brouhaha, but multiplied by a factor of ten. Ditzy’s continuous struggle to both figure out what’s going on and stop it is entertaining without pause, and even when it’s all said and done there’s no stopping the insanity. The muffiny, multi-dimensional, fae-defying, refrigerator-dependent, culinarily nonsensical, time shifting insanity.
I loved the characters. I loved the ideas. I loved how, despite everything, it all makes perfect sense. I love how the humor and whimsy underlines a very serious threat. I love the use of Time Turner with traditional Dr. Who interpretations without once actually referencing anything related to Dr. Who (a true, proper, not fan-pandering ponification of Dr. Who? This story’s got everything!).
I can’t tell you how much I loved this story. It’s solid in every conceivable way, and you owe it to yourself to read it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
No, seriously. Stop reading this blog and go read it. Now, you fools!
Ah, I remember when Foals first wrote this one. I wanted to read it so badly at the time, but denied myself the pleasure because, gosh darn it, I was gonna stick to my schedule!
...yeah, I’d probably read it early now.
Anyway, this story stars four-year-old Twilight, who is in her magic kindergarten class having trouble fitting in. When one of her fellow students asks about the supposed superiority of unicorns, the teacher corrects the issue by having the class list all the things they can think of that all four races have in common. One particularly energetic colt mentions the belly button. Now Twilight has a question she really wants an answer to.
This story is complete and unapologetic fluff. In other words, exactly what I hoped. Little Twilight is adorable, as one might expect, and Celestia’s reaction to the question is pleasingly appropriate. Of course, if you’re looking for something other than fluff, then this might not be for you, but that’s about the only thing this story has against it.
Nicely done as usual, Foals.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
True Love Never Dies
4,374 Words
By Adda le Blue
Well. That was… um… Okay?
In True Love Never Dies, we find Applejack getting ready for a romantic night with her love, Twilight. But Twilight isn’t so happy about the way things are, and… Rainbow is dead? And wait, we’re not on AJ anymore and the years are going by and what the heck happened to Twilight and oh Rainbow’s back and…
Okay.
To be honest, the story’s not half as confusing as that makes it out to be. In fact, it makes perfect sense. But it rolls through a ton of stuff so very quickly, giving you so precious little time to process all of it and making sure you have a lot of questions that won’t ever be answered. Why did the opening of the story focus entirely on Applejack if she’s not the main character and disappears for good afterwards? What happened to Twilight that allowed her to see Rainbow at the end? Why do Pinkie and Rarity get cameos, but Fluttershy goes without?
I’m sure Adda le Blue was going for some kind of emotional rollercoaster, but I’m not feeling it. Everything’s going by too fast, the things I want to know aren’t being given, and in general it feels like the author is skipping a ton of stuff for the sake of getting to the juicy bits.
And I suppose that’s all fine when I stop and consider it. It’s clear the author had a premise/theme to put forward, namely that true love never dies. The story achieves that, and I’m sure there are plenty of readers out there who will take what is given and be thrilled with the results. But for me, it’s too fast, and I feel like there are too many things missing.
So I’m going to try out my new rating and call it a ‘Wrong Audience’. Some people will love this, but I am not one of them.
Bookshelf: Wrong Audience
And We Danced
16,847 Words (Incomplete)
By iDash
Recommended by Super Trampoline*
*Super Trampoline’s link probably won’t work, because this review was written around Halloween and ST is one of those highly annoying individuals who likes to change their username for assorted reasons, thereby making links pointless. I’d lecture about it, but that’d just make me a party pooper, and I don’t wanna be a party pooper.
Anyway, And We Danced is a story with a highly unusual premise. Written during the Great Hiatus (i.e. between Seasons 3 and 4), it stars Fluttershy and her younger cousin Candy Mane, who is trying to get Fluttershy out of the house cottage whatever and meet others. Encouraged in this endeavor by her animal friends, Fluttershy decides to visit Candy at her place late one evening, only to find her cousin sneaking around Ponyville as if trying not to be caught. Fluttershy follows and soon discovers the underground dance club known as The Spot. And, for reasons she can’t understand, the place really appeals to her.
Let me just start off with the note that I cannot possibly accept the concept of this story at face value. Fluttershy becoming a breakdancer? Okay, a little odd, but I’ll give it a go. What makes it all nonsense is that for some reason there’s this idea that dancing is frowned upon as an embarrassing, indecent, and/or pointless endeavor that common society would rather not have around. Hence the reason the dance club is a big secret and they only meet at night.
Uh… excuse me? Winter Wrap Up? The Best Night Ever? Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000? Ponies have been shown to be inherently musical creatures, dancing at parties is commonplace, and… yeah, there are so many reasons why this concept makes no sense whatsoever. This doesn’t have an AU tag, but even if it did you’d have an extremely hard time getting me to accept what iDash is selling without going through the trouble of identifying how Equestria came to this strange position.
Now, if you can get past that ridiculous starting point, what do you get? Actually, something that isn’t half bad. Only four chapters have been (and probably ever will be) written, but the story does a decent, if fast-paced, job of getting Fluttershy interested in this new emotional outlet. The characters have the potential to be very interesting and I’m curious as to where the story might have gone. Although it does strike me as strange that Pinkie isn’t shown as being aware of the club.
The writing could use some cleaning up. The biggest issue is LUS and other annoying identifiers. Yes, iDash, we know Fluttershy is ‘the shy pony’. You don’t have to remind us again and again (and again (and again (and again (and again (and again (and again (and again)))))))). It’s not story-killing, I suppose, but it will frustrate anyone who cares at all about decent writing methodology.
All in all, I like the story despite its absurd background and lackluster writing. In truth, the worst part about the story is that it will never be complete. Perhaps someday someone can pick it up and do with it what needs to be done, but for now we’ll have to settle for this curious glimpse at a Fluttershy that might have been.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Happy Endings
19,708 Words
By Taranth
Requested by Taranth
It is very rare that I think this of a short story, but this is the kind of brief ambition I can celebrate.
Happy Endings re-envisions the nature of Equestria in an imaginative and phenomenal way. We learn that the Hall of Stories – that hall in Canterlot with the stained glass windows of major events – is a magical entity that shapes the patterns of Equestria’s existence by crafting stories with real-world consequences. Every major and minor event that happens is engineered in some way by the Story. The Story made Luna go crazy, it brought Discord to Equestria, it returned Sombra and the Crystal Empire, it brought forth the changeling invasion. There are rules in place that make the stories work, and the one most important one is that there will always be a Happy Ending, even if it takes a million years to come.
And for a thousand years, Celestia has been the custodian of the Hall. It has been her role to manipulate and modify events in Equestria to fit with the Story, giving her the unique ability to hasten the coming of Happy Endings and minimize the impact of the bad parts in the meantime. But now, with the return of the Crystal Kingdom, Celestia sees a new story unfolding. It may be the single darkest and most painful story she’s ever witnessed, and Twilight Sparkle is the catalyst. Now she must decide whether to continue with her role and let Twilight and the Elements fall, or break the Story and risk an unknowable future.
I love everything about this story. Taranth has created a tale centered around the question of Fate, and done so in a way that is wholly new. Celestia's struggle to make a decision, spurred on by Luna’s advice, is fascinating to watch, especially when it begins to look as though Celestia is falling off the deep end. It’s an extremely ambitious piece of sadfic that not only redefines the nature of Equestria, but which also put the entirety of Season 3 in a new light. Heck, Season 3 makes sense when put into the spotlight cast by this story. I am nothing but impressed.
This one deserves all the praise it can get. I’m almost jealous I didn’t get this idea first. Well done, Taranth.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
I'm Real
19,237 Words
By Feeling Grand
Completed Story
Feeling Grand, for no reason I am aware of, decided to take this story down sometime between my writing of this review and the actual posting. When/If the author comes to their senses, I imagine the links will work just fine. This also explains why I don't have any cover art for it.
I expected this to be some sort of wish fulfillment. What I got was altogether different.
I’m Real stars ten-year-old Anna, who has been dropped off at her grandmother’s home so that her dad can focus on caring for her ailing mother. She hates her grandmother’s place; none of her friends are there, it’s surrounded by a forest full of wolves and bears, the house has all kinds of creaky scary noises, and all the food they ever eat is potatoes and porridge. But there’s an old, small TV she can use, so she decides to tune into her favorite show: My Little Pony. And this is fine… until the Rainbow Dash in the TV looks at her and asks why she’s suddenly become real.
What follows is an entirely unanticipated battle for survival.
Feeling Grand weaves a surprisingly interesting tale of a child facing the wildly unexpected. It’s fast-paced, but appropriately so, with a few unexpected twists and a plot that is nicely woven together for an unusual completeness in what is, I gather, a story written by someone very new to the practice. I love the overall concept and the direction the author took it.
The catch to all of this is the writing style, which is ‘iffy’ at best. I’m not sure if this is due to the author trying to ‘dumb down’ the writing to suit a ten-year-old’s perspective (which they confess to having done) or if it’s the author themselves having a limited grasp of grammar and creative writing. The style continuously struggles to find its voice, sometimes making Anna feel much younger than she is and in other instances making her seem far older. It’s a combination of poor grammar, simplistic sentence structure, and a too-extensive terminology library. Sometimes Anna doesn’t know all of the adult concepts. Other times, she understands more than most adults could possibly grasp.
This issue is extended to Rainbow, who doesn’t understand much about humanity but already has the view that human adults are inherently evil and that human scientists will want to dissect her. Even granting that Anna’s grandmother is her only direct experience with human adults, she knows Anna is decent and she read from a book relating to Anna’s grandfather that gives no indication he was a bad individual in any way. Even for Miss Jump-To-Conclusions, her interpretation of humanity seems forced.
Despite the weak, struggling writing and occasional oddity of the overarching plot, I still enjoyed this one. If Feeling Grand can learn to space things out a little more to make character reactions more realistic and can find the right voice for the main character, this could have been a classic of MLP pony-on-Earth literature. But even without that, it’s worth it for the story in and of itself.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
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Awww yiss, three for three =D
Man, you're making me want to start writing again. XD I mean it's only been... nearly three years... since I last... -_-;;
Really glad you enjoyed it though! Hope others do too!
Have a good one!
100% agree about Alarm Clock. It's such a vibrant, whimsical story!
Happy Endings sounded familiar, but it turns out I've just read two different stories that both share it's name. Guess I'll give it a look...
It always surprises me that we have a site where BBB and Alarm Clock exist as separate stories.
And yet, it's so great, because just one wouldn't be enough. :D
Seriously, Alarm Clock is one of my favorites on this site.
It's so good, so I completely agree with everything stated here.
Well then.
I feel I should tell you, the link for I'm Real doesn't work.
But anyway, the only one I've heard from here is Belly Button.
Thank you for the kind words. And 4721624 4721672 same to you.
It’s a damn good thing I somehow didn’t learn about The Big Butterfly Brouhaha until after I’d published Alarm Clock. If I had known that a story like that already existed, it might have messed me up too much to finish my own. Particularly my jealousy at how well Adcoon wrote his Fae.
Oh dear. Doctor Who was admittedly a partial inspiration, but I was actually trying to make a time-traveling Time Turner without making him a direct ponification of The Doctor. Granted, with how long Doctor Who has been running, it’d be a lot harder (if not outright impossible) to write a time-travel story that without any accidental similarities to one of the Doctor’s adventures.
4721621
Indeed, three years is too long of a dry spell, from one who knows.
4721706
I invite you to read the note at the top of that review.
4721761
You did exactly what you wanted with Time Turner. I only called him a ponification because I assumed that was the intention. I wish more people would try what you did, because frankly I am beyond tired of seeing his portrayal in every single story he might appear in.
4722069
Ah. That makes sense now.
Thanks for the review of I'm Real, I actually accidentally deleted it (Don't ask how, long story) but it's back up now.
Grammar, you will be the bane of me! :P