Paul's Thursday Reviews IV · 7:23pm Aug 20th, 2015
Nothing much to announce today, folks. The one big issue I'm facing at the moment is that I have a lot of long stories (200,00+ words) coming in the next month of reading. normally this wouldn't be a problem, but with my current lack of time due to job searches and the like I am starting to think I eventually won't be able to keep up. That's not really a problem today, because I ahve all the reviews set up for the next two three weeks, but at that point I may have to consider posting review blogs every two weeks instead of weekly.
Still, that's a ways away and things could change. Who knows, maybe I'll find the time I need to keep up. Won't that be awesome?
Stories for This Week:
Pros and Cons by Steel Resolve
Blur by lunabrony
Sisters are Awful by scootaloo96 (Request)
Time Well Spent by Smexy Sombra (Re-Read)
The Best Kind of Surprise by Bluegrass Brooke (Sequel to What Changes May Come)
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Not Bad: 2
None: 0
So we’ve all been sitting around, tapping our feet and waiting three years for Steel Resolve to finish writing Green. Realizing that the apocalypse may come with all its brimstone, mass hysteria and cohabiting canines and felines before that story is ever finished, I decided I should peruse Steel Resolve’s other works in the meantime.
Pros and Cons is another one of those ‘what if’ stories, this time asking what would have happened if Discord had consulted with Fluttershy prior to his agreement to work with Tirek. It caught my eye instantly because, of the huge number of outrageous flaws in Twilight’s Kingdom, the fact that Fluttershy wasn’t sent with Discord to keep him in line is one of the most blatantly egregious (oh look, there’s my hate for that episode coming out again). Steel Resolve doesn’t take that obvious and common sense solution, though, instead altering it to the less likely (but still superior to the actual show) idea that Discord contacts Fluttershy at her home in the midst of talking to Tirek for the first time.
There’s really not much to this story. It’s just Fluttershy working to convince Discord that changing sides is a bad idea. Not that it’s a bad story by any means, I’m just saying it’s predictable. Well, as much as Discord can be predictable. Treating him as being very new to the whole ‘friendship’ thing and not knowing how to deal with certain moral conundrums is a nice touch, keeping in tune with the show. I enjoy Steel Resolve’s interpretation of the character; Discord isn’t facing his old ‘evil’ self, and in fact never was evil in the first place. He just cares about nothing but having fun, regardless of how that fun impacts others. I wholeheartedly approve.
This story plays to people like me, who want to see something intelligent replace the unsalvageable events of Twilight’s Kingdom. Its predictability and obvious intent don’t do it any favors in my eyes, but given that it does exactly what it sets out to do, is well-written and has solid characterization (particularly of Discord, whom I struggle to write in any capacity), I’m willing to give it a nice rating.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
A crossover featuring one of my favorite Looney Tunes characters? Yes, please.
Reads story
I take it back.
Blur is a silly story in which Rainbow learns of the Roadrunner (you young whippersnappers know who that is, right?), purportedly the fastest creature in the universe, and decides she must catch and race it. She enlists the help of Twilight and Pinkie to do this using an interdimensional portal that apparently lunabrony utilized in another story (a Lilo & Stitch crossover). Simply put, a ton of things went wrong.
For starters, the guest who should have been starring in this little tale – the Roadrunner – has appearances that amount to little more than cameos. Worse, the big race – the thing that anyone reading this wants to see – is all but forgotten by the end of chapter three and never comes to be. There’s one chapter where lunabrony attempts to recreate the old catapult gag of Wile E. Coyote, but completely misses the snappy humor of the cartoons by going on a pointlessly long tangent about the Cutie Mark Crusaders that has absolutely nothing to do with the main story and takes up 850 words of a 1,200 word chapter. The story’s direction is nonsensical, it needlessly references other stories that readers probably haven’t read, abuses fan concepts mercilessly, and exaggerates certain character traits to the point of absurdity.
I suppose the story works for those who like nonsensical humor and who haven’t really watched any Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons. Clearly there are people who find it amusing, or it wouldn’t have such a positive rating. For me, this was a steady stream of misses. It failed to amuse me beyond the first chapter and didn’t even come close to the potential it might have shown.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Sisters are Awful
By scootaloo96 and Sleepy Panda
Requested by Sleepy Panda
This didn’t turn out quite like I anticipated. Sisters are Awful is a short little tale in which filly Luna tries to ask her disinterested sister some general questions about life, the universe and everything. Celestia only agrees to this because “mom said so,” but when Luna’s queries are too vague and silly for her liking she promptly gives up. Luna, in a huff, tosses Celestia’s prized book into the nearby “Forbidden River” (It’s forbidden for a reason!). Celestia, being the cruel older sibling she is, promptly forces Luna to retrieve her book.
This is a nice little story. Already being in favor of the Princess of the Night, I delighted in filly Luna’s endless cuteness. The ‘annoying sibling’ thing is also something I can relate to, having been both the annoying younger and the annoyed older brother. For a simple little slice of life about the Royal Siblings, I approve. And really, who doesn’t want to see them in everyday settings every now and then?
There are two things that got to me about the story, however. The first is what appears to be a lot of passive voice usage. Now, to be perfectly honest, I don’t care about whether a writer uses passive or active voice. It has no affect whatsoever on my enjoyment of a story, no matter how much the rulebook-thumping elites insist that it subconsciously ruins a story. But it is precisely because of those annoying, rulebook-thumping eggheads that I point it out; I don’t know how many times I’ve had my own stories targeted for ridicule by these people because of passive voice. Because of this nefarious 1% and their apparent allergic reaction to chill pills, I suggest avoiding passive voice as much as possible. Trust me, it makes getting stories into the elite libraries much easier… even if it makes your prose frustratingly repetitive in style.
The other things is a bit more serious in my mind, and that’s Luna’s foray into the Forbidden River. The topic of this story – or so we are led to believe – is the frustration Celestia and Luna regularly produce for one another. So… why is there 883 words of Luna being by herself and talking to an octopus? That’s more than ⅖ of the story. Don’t get me wrong, the river scene was cute and entertaining, I just felt like it took away from the story’s purpose a little. I really wanted to see more of Luna annoying her elder sister and vice-versa (although Celestia’s final act was a nice touch).
Still, my complaints are minor, largely being there because I had to complain about something to balance out the review. The story is cute, amusing, well-written, and did I mention cute? Woona is best filly.
Also, I’d love to see a sequel in which someone (perhaps Discord?) catches Luna sneaking back into the river to complete her ‘deal’ with Bob.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Time Well Spent
By Smexy Sombra
Re-read
Previous Rating: Pretty Good
I remember really enjoying this the first time I read it, and in terms of content that hasn’t changed. However, I have developed significantly as a writer since that time, and I have to admit my overall opinion has changed with this read-through.
Time Well Spent has very simple in premise. Adopting the popular ‘Gamer Luna’ trope, the story has Luna inviting Celestia to watch her play a ponified version of Dead Space (which I note is one of my all-time favorite horror games). Despite Celestia being downright terrified, she puts up with it for a chance to spend some time with her sister. This reminds me a lot of me and my cousin, whom I occasionally drag into watching or playing horror games with me, with similar consequences. It’s always a good time, and for that reason alone I really identify with the story. Celestia’s reaction to the game was familiar and suggests to me that Smexy Sombra has been through such an event before.
Yet where the story entertained me in the content, it disappointed in the technical. The opening paragraph alone is a prime example, clumsily attempting to set the scene with a mere eight sentences of dull exposition. In fact, exposition is one of the story’s primary flaws as the author works to tell us everything he can in a manner that appears to be designed to be as quick as possible. I saw far too many instances of this and it regularly distracted.
This is worsened by the occasional insertion of questionable grammar. For example:
She hadn’t been in Luna’s room for over a thousand years, yes she would occasionally sneak a peek only to become depressed and walk away.
Anybody else have to read that twice before realizing why it reads funny? These little issues appear sporadically throughout the story.
I suppose the only other thing that gets to me is the depiction of Luna in general. I’ll grant it’s subjective, but I’ve never been fond of the Gamer Luna concept, especially taken to the context as it is in this story. The fact of the matter is that I have a rather lofty opinion of Luna and seeing her reduced to a lazy, potentially immature gamer with no job or visible responsibilities just doesn’t appeal to me. The hoodie and T-shirt had me rolling my eyes. That said, I recognize that Smexy Sombra’s interpretation of Luna is somewhat related to her comic book interpretation, and for those of you who prefer that then this is just right for you.
I still enjoyed the story. It’s worth it if you like Gaming Luna, want to see a little royal sister interaction, or just like watching Celestia being terrified of a video game. While it definitely got kicked down a notch thanks to the technical issues and my objections to Luna’s overall characterization, reading Time Well Spent is certainly…
Yeah, not doing that.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Well, this was interesting, for lack of a better term. After reading the fairly decent What Changes May Come, I of course had to add the sequel to my list. This story is a bit of an oddball because of its arrangement. The Best Kind of Surprise starts off with the revelation that Pinkie is pregnant and close to ready. In a surprisingly fast progression, we go from pregnant to born to caring for a foal (only the good parts) to raising a son to spending time with a teenager to… up, no, we’re done now.
Point is, the story has a beginning, but no noticeable middle or end. It just stops, which is more than a little unsatisfying.
Add to that the fact that the characters are still going on about Pinkie and Cheese being ‘too young’ to do anything mature – such as having a foal – despite the fact that Cheese works in carpentry and Pinkie runs a business. Then there’s this head-scratching moment when Cheese thinks Pinkie should hate him for getting her pregnant (again, because she’s too young).
Still, there were enough lighthearted ‘D’awww’ moments to be appropriately entertaining and it is nice to see how Pinkie and Cheese managed the whole ‘being parents’ thing, even if the author blew past the vast majority of it. If the story had been more organized and had an actual ending, my opinion would be much stronger.
If you’ve read What Changes May Come and really enjoyed it, then this will be worth your while. After all, the ‘what comes next?’ factor is really strong with that story and the connections between the two are strong without being intrusive, a hard balance to make. As a stand-alone title, however, I find this severely lacking. The major flaws are smoothed over primarily because they are reflective of the flaws shown in the previous story, but I’d still like to see some more improvement.
Thus, I intend to read the sequel.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Stories for Next Week:
Her Beautiful Night by coolstorybrah
Title Unimpressive by SleepIsforTheWeak
The Best Job in Equestria by Mooncalf (Requested by Mooncalf)
Upon Reflection by Obselescence (Re-Read)
Truth Earned from Honesty by Whateverdudezb (Sequel to Lessons Learned from Loyalty)
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