Paul's Monday Reviews XVI · 5:35pm Jun 15th, 2015
I just got hired to be an insurance agent. I honestly have no idea how to feel about that. Thrilled, because I'll be making good money? Depressed, because I'll actually have to meet people for a living (excuse me while I shudder)? Worried, because I won't be working a constant schedule and have no idea what it'll do to my writing schedule? Happy, because I have a job again? Frustrated, because it's not a job in my preferred field?
Yeah, I'm facing a lot of uncertainty right now. But that's okay, that's just life. I'll try it for a few months and see how it gos. In the meantime, let's focus on something I am sure about, shall we?
Stories for This Week:
Out of the Nest by Warren Hutch
Romance Novels Are Bad! by Manes
Modern Vernacular by GoG ToXiC (Request)
Ladies Don't Freak Out by paleowriter
Sugar, Cubed by BlazzingInferno
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 2
Not Bad: 1
None: 0
Out of the Nest is the prequel to Warren Hutch’s alternate universe tale, The White Mare. There were many things I liked about The White Mare, most notably the imaginative and fully-realized world of an alternate history of Equestria. In this universe, Celestia concluded that she was unworthy of rule and secluded herself in the Everfree Forest after banishing her sister to the moon, and over the past thousand years her existence is now only a legend. As luck would have it, Fluttershy bumped into her after falling from Cloudsdale as a filly and the two have been friends ever since. While the world was indeed creative, The White Mare suffered from a large number of serious setbacks that ruined the story for me as a whole.
Fortunately, Out of the Nest is a shorter, simpler story that doesn’t suffer from the same mistakes. The story tells of a fairly regular outing for Celestia and Fluttershy as they travel to witness the great dragon migration – and before you go screaming about Fluttershy being out of character here, know that it took no small effort to convince her to go. The story offers a much clearer picture of their relationship than what was presented in The White Mare, and for that I am pleased. It also reveals where Spike ended up in this universe (he went completely unmentioned in The White Mare).
One thing - entirely subjective - bugged me, and that was the constant reminders of Luna’s continued banishment. I find there are far too many stories out there than can’t help but bash the readers over the head with “Celestia regrets her actions” or “Celestia misses Luna” or something like that. Is it at all possible to get a pre-Elements of Harmony story that doesn’t lean on this topic like it’s the only important thing on Celestia’s mind?
There are some less subjective concerns, however. One issue – which I admit is hard to deal with, and so can be considered minor – is that knowing The White Mare is essential for reading this story and not being confused. Warren Hutch jumps us right into the alternate universe with little to no discussion or explanation, so when you hear hints of completely different things from canon and find that Celestia is a recluse living in the Everfree, you can’t help but be confused unless you already know the history. On the one hand, I don’t particularly mind; I find stories that leave lots of questions just waiting to be answered a refreshing change from the common “let’s explain everything in four pages of exposition” route. At the same time, it does make jumping into the story difficult for some readers.
One thing that isn’t subjective at all is the overabundance of description in the story and the continuous Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Throughout the story, Warren Hutch explains even the simplest of motions - such as brushing a cheek with a pinion - in lavish terms. It’s not purple prose, but it’s something very similar and very tiring to read after the 50th encounter. It also gets rather annoying to see Fluttershy identified as “the light yellow pegasus” or Celestia as “the white giantess” for the thirtieth time.
Unfortunately, I know from experience that Warren Hutch will ignore these issues. He made it abundantly clear to me when I was reading The White Mare that he believes LUS is the right way to do things. All I can do is shake my head and lament this sad misconception.
All in all, Out of the Nest is a decent story with some strong ideas and a pretty good delivery, although hampered by some unfortunate style decisions. While I would recommend it, I would more recommend you try – emphasis on try – to get through The White Mare first.
Bookshelf: Worth It
To be perfectly honest, I was disappointed in this. The premise is simple: Twilight learns that someone (later shown to be, unoriginally, Discord) wrote a romance novel akin to the Twilight Saga starring her and Celestia, with herself as Bella Swan and Celestia as Edward Cullen. And yes, Celestia is a vampire in the novel. She promptly goes on a small journey to locate the author and have the books removed from circulation, but concludes (with startling and unpleasant swiftness) that she overreacted.
While this wasn’t stupid humor, it wasn’t really smart humor either. All in all, it felt pretty bland. I think it would have benefited significantly if Twilight had taken a moment to read a few excerpts and remarked on how phenomenally bad the story is. Getting to hear Twilight’s professional opinion on the well-known drivel that is the Twilight Saga would have been nice, and getting Celestia more involved would have added much.
In the end, there really wasn’t much to this story. Things happened, Twilight made a decision, Discord was disappointed, story over. It just didn’t do anything for me.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Modern Vernacular
By GoG ToXiC
Request
Modern Vernacular is a simple story with an equally simple premise: Twilight has been helping Luna adapt to modern pony language for some time, and falls into a rut (so to speak) when Luna asks her to explain what ‘making out’ is. Of course, Twilight has been using shots of alcohol to maintain her patience (at Celestia’s suggestion) and Luna might have ulterior motives for asking about that particular turn of phrase.
If you’re really into romance but don’t want all the hassle and effort of watching the relationship build, you’ll love this. It jumps right to the good stuff. Of course, it’s also important that you like the TwiLuna/LunaLight ship and can accept it without any development whatsoever. There were plenty of things to enjoy about the style and narrative design – Twilight’s morning attempts to hold back a panic attack being a favorite part of mine – and the pacing is pretty good considering the story’s size.
Personally, I tend to prefer watching relationships build up than jumping right to the action. Even so, for a story focused on getting straight to the canoodling, this is pretty good. Read it if you want some fun without all that messy clop stuff.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
paleowriter has already entertained me through the stories Of Age and How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps. Ladies Don’t Freak Out is easily the shortest story of his that I’ve read yet, but it’s still pretty good despite that. paleowriter is apparently devoted to the RariSpike/Sparity ship, and this story is no exception. In a nutshell, Rarity overhears Rainbow Dash talking about Spike leaving for Canterlot and rushes to Twilight’s to demand to know why Spike is leaving herPonyville.
Like Modern Vernacular above, this story is short and to the point. Rarity’s antics, followed by her insistence that she totally wasn’t freaking out just now, are amusing to say the least. Twilight’s knowing but ‘have it your way’ manner also worked well. The only thing that made me pause was that Rarity claimed to have overheard Rainbow and Mayor Mare talking about Spike in the market, but when the story starts it’s with Rarity fleeing at full gallop from the Carousel Boutique. It’s a minor thing, but hey, I had to point out something, didn’t I?
If you think that the RarityxSpike thing is dumb, unrealistic or just not working, this will probably do nothing for you. Otherwise, give it a go. For the extreme shortness of the story, it’s entertaining… even if nothing really happens.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
This story is as unexpected as it is interesting, at least in terms of concept. I’m sure the entire fandom is aware of Big Mac’s supposed talent for “fancy mathematics,” but Sugar, Cubed takes that particular fanon concept and flips it to apply to Applejack instead. The story alternates between flashbacks of AJ’s foalhood and an ongoing, international mathematics competition rewards ceremony. Twilight – an avid math fanatic – attends the ceremony only to find that Applejack is not only also there, but one of the competitors.
I think my only serious issue with this story was its rapid resolution. We get to see how AJ discovered her talent for math and a bit about her relationship with her father. We also learn a bit about her fears regarding how others will interpret her secret talent. Yet when the story ends and AJ doesn’t win, her failure is swiftly countered by no less than three major figures in mathematics (including the winner) coming to applaud her work and… we’re done.
Okay, so AJ isn’t as afraid of showing her mathematical talents to the public anymore. That’s a bit of a something, but it just felt lackluster. Just as one official in the story pointed out, most people find mathematics to be boring; I get the feeling that BlazzingInferno felt the same way about how the conclusion needed to be. While I’m happy for Applejack, the story just feels… incomplete.
Sugar, Cubed is nice for trying something a little new with AJ’s character, but I think the author wasted a good opportunity and should have explored the concept a bit more.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Button Hash by shortskirtsandexplosions
Duet in the Folk Style by Pascoite
Diamond Eyes by Cerulean Voice (Request)
Foreigner by AugieDog
"Ultimate Power is Finaly... Mine?" by FoughtDragon01
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Monday Reviews VII
Paul's Monday Reviews VIII
Paul's Monday Reviews IX
Paul's Monday Reviews X
Paul's Monday Reviews XI
Paul's Monday Reviews XII
Paul's Monday Reviews XIII
Paul's Tuesday Reviews I – "I'm Not Dead" Edition
Paul's Monday Reviews XIV
Paul's Monday Reviews XV
Ooh an insurance agent. here comes the cash
Congrats on the new gig!
Congrats on the job. :)
Not too many fics this time that I'm personally gonna check out, sadly. (Reciprocated) Sparity gives me hives.
I loved Out of the Nest, but I can forgive a lot for an AU I'm invested in. I love the concept so much that LUS doesn't ruin it for me.
Thanks for taking the time to review Sugar Cubed, that was a very fair take on it. I originally wrote it for AJ Day on Equestria Daily, and I think the time crunch involved didn't do the story any favors... Then again it was my first story Equestria Daily accepted (thanks in no small part to an extremely helpful and patient prereader), so there's that
I'm curious; what prompted you to pick this particular story of mine? I'm happy I wrote it (and that you reviewed it), but it's not what I'd point to as my best.
3152155
Supposedly, but income is based on sales.
3152182
Thanks. We'll see if it lasts.
3152227
I like the AU, but I really felt that the author bungled up the story for The White Mare. Lots of potential, not much of a delivery.
3152250
I picked it because I don't get to read enough Applejack-focused stories. That poor pony deserves more attention.
3152268
Yeah!
More recently I let her get a massage and... Come to think of it, she didn't exactly have a wonderful experience there, either.
I owe AJ a resoundingly happy story...
3152323
If I owe anypony an overwhelming happy story, it's Twilight. I have been so horribly cruel to that poor mare...
Thanks for the review!
3152335
Heh, a line of 'apology to character' stories would be an interesting thing to see
Huh. 'Insurance Agent' is not something I would have pegged you for. Hope it's to your liking. I'm off to the newest chapter of shadow order!
3152519
It's not something I would have pegged me for, either. Either the insurance company knows something I don't or they're a bad judge of character. We'll know in a few months.
Thank you for the review.
3152444
3152636
You are both very welcome!
Thanks for including me in these reviews! And congrats on the job. Even if it's not the ideal job for you, it's something!
Man, Sugar, Cubed seems to be making the rounds lately. Weird.
3152838
You're welcome and thanks!
3152892
Is it really? It just happened to reach the top of my RiL this week.
3152911
Pretty sure this is the second review of it I've seen in a week.
3152979
Really?
3153456
The only other explanation is I saw it listed in Paul's last "next time on..." segment and got confused. :B
Thanks for the review! I got back from a week of military field excersises ready to collapse onto the floor, bit remembered that this happened on Monday, and mustered up the energy to click my way here. It's incredibly relieving to see such a positive review for such a simple story, and I think that gives me a lot of inspiration to continue working on a much larger project I've had under the wraps.
When I start publishing in September it's gonna be the Twysalis ship breakout story for sure :P
Anyway, thanks again, and I'm going to go pass out somewhere soft now.
Rarity was running from Carousel Boutique because after hearing that in the market she had to redo her makeup and mane so she would look her best in case she got there just as Spike was leaving.
3152979
Only other reviews I know about for it are last year. Or still need to be updated, but I tend to do them in order they come out. Still, if you do find that other review you should let me know what I'm missing.
3168251
That's probably never gonna happen. :B There's a reason you're the one keeping track of all this crap.
3169059
Yep, because I like doing rote data entry that rides on the back of other people's work.