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Stories (7)

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    Discord has found Tirek, and is about to parade him back to his friends for their love and adoration. But an offer is made, an enticing offer... He'll need to talk this one over with a friend.

    2,337 words · 3,332 views · 481 likes · 5 dislikes
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    Rainbow has a secret she doesn't want anypony to know...
    2,945 words · 15,406 views · 1,653 likes · 32 dislikes
  • Green
    Rarity and Fluttershy have been friends for years, and every week they go to the spa. But after every trip, Rarity finds herself growing greener with envy over Fluttershy's beauty and grace, if not something more than just envy—
    204,923 words · 20,308 views · 2,059 likes · 62 dislikes
  • So, You've Grown Wings
    The mane six woke up a little different one morning. Madness ensues.
    51,631 words · 21,803 views · 1,122 likes · 39 dislikes
  • Riding Herd
    2,831 words · 2,707 views · 272 likes · 14 dislikes
  • Of Parties and Laughter
    1,675 words · 1,515 views · 87 likes · 4 dislikes
  • First Steps
    48,432 words · 1,369 views · 161 likes · 14 dislikes

Blog Posts (227)

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Rarity and Fluttershy have been friends for years, and every week they go to the spa. But after every trip, Rarity finds herself growing greener with envy over Fluttershy's beauty and grace, if not something more than just envy— and what might happen if she finds out Fluttershy feels the same way about her?

Rated Teen for moments of sensuality, foreplay, and sexual themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Assistance by Karrakaz, Aurora, Starfall, and Ariamaki. Cover Image by Megasweet, used with permission. Image colored by Explosivegent.

First Published
17th Apr 2012
Last Modified
27th Jul 2014

Comments ( 2,903 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 124w, 4d ago · 4 · 9 ·

FIRST

Genius.

:moustache:

A writer of many talents it seems, I thought you could only write comedy. :trollestia:

Have my thumb and my track and such, you've got my attention! :pinkiehappy:

Love and Tolerance,

Kobalstromo

#2 · Chapter 1 · 124w, 4d ago · · ·

T-T-T-Tracking! Definitely worth continuing, Steel. :raritystarry:

#3 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Yay, it's posted now! Whoo! Still digging on the characterizations of Rarity and Fluttershy. Very much look forward to future chapters. :pinkiehappy:

#4 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Really well written.

#5 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

>>465580 :raritywink: I had some excellent advice from one of my favorite authors of this type of story. Donny, thank you again!

#6 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Since I can only give it one thumbs up, have a few mustaches. :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

#7 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Great story so far tracking and thumbs up.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

>>465585

No prob, Bob. :pinkiehappy: *bro hoof!*

#9 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

I love this, mainly because I can relate to Fluttershy (in a way). Keep it going! :twilightsmile:

#10 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Green with envy? Good show, jolly good show! :moustache:

#12 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · 2 ·
#13 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

>>466715

I'm guessing you're reffering to being entangled in it, in such a way where getting out of it would harm you a lot? :twilightsmile:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

>>466865 Nope. As you can see, this soldier (good for him btw) does not like barbed wire.

Base: Fim Fiction

Bad things in base that you don't like but you can't really get rid of it or avoid: barbed wire

Barbed wire: Ship fics

Me:

but that's okay if you like it. I don't hate, after all imma brony. :yay:  :rainbowkiss:  :pinkiehappy:   :raritywink:  :twilightsheepish:

#15 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 23h ago · · ·

>>467284

I have to admit, looking back on it now my comment looked a lot like a cheesy 14 year old girl proverb.

You have a point, shipping does have it's flaws, but you have to give credit to the author's writting :)

#16 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 23h ago · · ·

>>467471 >>467284 Nothing wrong with romance, but yes an awful lot of it is badly written and poorly justified. I am trying to avoid the common problems. Shipping is definitely not for everyone, just like not everyone enjoys the latest crossover fic of a popular video game. That does not make the genre bad, it just means that type is not your cup of tea. I am trying to branch out here, see if I am capable of writing other types of stories. My main story ended up being wildly popular, beyond all my expectations, but it was my first attempt at fiction of any real length. I do thank you panda, for not hating the story just on the basis that its not your favorite type.

#17 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 5h ago · · ·

>>467644 Your welcome. And your right, shipping is not my style; but again if you like it, then that's cool too. Also, I am pretty sure that your fics are good. I also like branching out in all genres, you see. I could be dark and adventurous, or light and funny as well as deep feelings. I DO have problems writing shipp fics though.  ':facehoof:'

#18 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 55m ago · · ·

>>470024 The only problem I would have is putting out something of low quality. I have read more than a few where the characters do not in the least resemble themselves, the story arch was contrived, and badly paced. My last fic was entirely unplanned, this one I plotted out the course of weeks ago, the prologue sat written for a solid week, going through rewrites until I was satisfied. I am not saying I am a wonderful writer now, but I am trying to learn how to be a better one. Part of that is attempting to write a different type of story.

#19 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 34m ago · · ·

>>471328 You know, I am also get stuck with my fics. It's like "what? that makes no sense! time to add more" or something along those lines.

#20 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

Intriguing . . . I withhold any rating for now, but I'll track this and see where it goes.

#21 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

>>478089 That is wise. I will attempt to make my writing worthy of your like.

#22 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

>>478626 You flatter me!

#23 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Oh Rarity. You are SO smooth.

#24 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

Well and that showed us Raritys capacity of planning in a nutshell

#25 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>482783 In her defense she is a bit distracted. Also this is hardly the first time she has bitten off more than she can chew. I think she forgot about something else though...

#26 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>482811 might thye be looking like :scootangel::unsuresweetie::applecry: this?

#27 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>482894 That would be them. She has a long night ahead.

#28 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Oh my goodness, never was I expecting 'shipping' to be THIS delicious! Do keep up the wonderful writting!

Cheers!

Kyor

#30 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

i shall be watching this, looking foward to what awaits (:applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie:)

#31 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Fluttershy's morning was not going well.

It had started with a carrot to the face.

That's funny, good stuff. Just figured I'd start by saying that.

Rarity noted once again, with some marvel, just how skillful one needed to be to perform such a task without magic.

I really liked this, too. I think often we fanfic writers tend to write the unicorns as looking down upon the non-magical ponies, but I really like seeing Rarity admiring 'Shy for her ability to be graceful WITHOUT using magic. It just feels very much like something Rarity WOULD admire.

Other things I liked: I liked Rarity's clumsiness around Fluttershy. It's so unlike her usual self--it was surprising and kind of adorable seeing the unicorn so flustered, as long as she's able to keep at least SOME of the grace and poise that makes her Rarity. I also liked that nothing catastrophic happened in the Everfree. That was a pleasant subversion of the usual Everfree cliches. Nice job on Zecora's dialogue, as well--I've avoided writing any Zecora, myself, as I'm worried about getting her dialogue all wrong.

I think I would have liked a bit slower of a pace, to allow more time for 'Shy and Rarity to reflect on their feelings and to allow for characterization, but perhaps this is mostly a setting-up kind of chapter. Also, I noticed that while the prologue uses third-person limited perspective (alternating between Fluttershy's and Rarity's POVs), this chapter uses third-person omniscient perspective. I'm not sure what you have planned for the next chapter, but I'd suggest sticking to third-person omiscient from here forward, as too many changes in the perspective might confuse readers.

Can't wait to read the next chapter! I fear for Rarity's sanity as the CMC descend upon her home and work studio. :pinkiehappy:

#32 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

>>488181 Have no fear, Rarity in her element coming. I have Art of the Dress playing on a loop.

#33 · Chapter 2 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

>>488256

Awwww, yeah! :pinkiehappy:

(I've been playing "This Day Aria" on loop while working today, myself.)

#34 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

Awwww, Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing saves the day once again!

#35 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·
#36 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

You got my thumb.

Now that you got it I'll probably give unsolicited advice on some latter chapter. You have been warned.:facehoof:

#37 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>507829 I hereby solicit said advice. You cannot now call it unsolicited. This is a new story type for me, I like this pairing, and I want the story to be enjoyable to everyone that reads it.

#38 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

simply adorable then again all things with Fluttershy are adorable. Keep up the great work

#40 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>507839

The story is still too new for me have much to say but, you asked for it.:ajbemused:

1. You have given yourself a golden opportunity here in the next week. You have 2 mares who are bothered to distraction by one another working in close proximity trying to meet a strict deadline. You can ratchet up the tension as high as you want it without hurting the story so long as you don't fail to fallow advice #2. This week could conceivably be broken into 2 or 3 chapters depending on the amount of content that you cant put in. Be careful that you don't revisit the same plot point without a strong reason as it will make it feel that is story is not progressing.

2. Pacing this story will be of utmost importance, as is with all romance stores, You can make the characters come to life or die a generic death with pacing. At this point both of the mares are without any doubt in love with each other, this means that you can at any time have one profess her love for the other and not break immersion for the reader. That's good for you but it can also be a problem. You're in chapter four, this can be very early in the story depending on how long you are going to make it. One of the high points of a romance must be the reveal and the characters emotions and reactions to this. Luckly once you ship them out you are not just suddenly out of material as the life they try to start together is just as important as the tension leading up to them getting together.

3. They don't live in a vacuum. This is the mane SIX so you have at least 4 other characters to pull from for plot progression. They are very close to one another so anything affecting one affects them all. This gives you a lot of material to work with. Just be mindful that the world does not revolving around rarity and fluttershy no matter how much it may feel otherwise. Should the story focus on other ponies, that answer is NO. It's about rarity and fluttershy getting together but the world at large won't care, just us and them. The next week might not be a good place to bring more ponies into the mix as the week will be rushed and hectic, but if you can think of a good way to do so then don't let me stop you.

So ya that was longer than i intended but you did ask for it:twilightblush:

Edit: If you'r looking for someone to bounce ideas off of im game

#41 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>508011 I did indeed, and you delivered.

#42 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

Why is this so short!? :fluttercry: I could easily read a thousand pages of this stuff! It's fantastic!

#44 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm loving this...keep it coming mate

#45 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

What I would have said?-

That guy said it for me.

STARRED, THUMBED, YOU ARE UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. :raritywink:

#46 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>508176

That is win.

>>507813

You already know my opinion of this story. :yay::raritystarry:

#47 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>508417 I know all my comment are pure win :duck:

#48 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

O bby~ :raritywink:

#49 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

very nice :twilightsmile:

#50 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

:scootangel: Chanticleer.... Rock-a-doodle..... awesome reference!

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