Paul's Monday Reviews XVII · 8:43pm Jun 22nd, 2015
Today's stories were really interesting to me, for a wide variety of reasons, and most of them scored well. It was a good week for reading on the whole and I hope I get more like them.
In the meantime, my well of requests has almost run dry, and I noticed while building up my Review spreadsheet that a large number of the stories I have in my bookshelves have no reviews. There's no surprise in this, as I read them all before I started actively reviewing. To fix this, I've decided that for every week I don't have a requested review scheduled, I will instead re-read one of the stories already in my bookshelves but which don't have reviews. This may result in stories getting new ratings and, as a result, some authors getting their scores re-calculated.
But that's a lot of stories. It'll take me a while.
Anywho, let's get on with the reviews, shall we?
Stories for This Week:
Button Hash by shortskirtsandexplosions
Duet in the Folk Style by Pascoite
Diamond Eyes by Cerulean Voice (Request)
Foreigner by AugieDog
"Ultimate Power is Finally... Mine?" by FoughtDragon01
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 1
Not Bad: 0
None: 0
I like to think that I understand horror enough to have an idea of how to do it. Rather than offer some dissertation on the matter, let me put it this way: this is how you do it. Once again, SS&E proves he knows what he’s doing with Button Hash, a story in which Applejack learns a decidedly horrible truth about the fate of four fillies – including Apple Bloom – who disappeared without a trace a few days before the start of the story. The closest thing I can compare this story to is Donald Wollheim’s Mimic.
The story starts off somewhat slow, but soon moves into creepy imagery and a sensation that things aren’t right. Before long it became an outright fight for survival that had me filled with dread and anticipation. The knowledge of what took the fillies isn’t half as horrifying as the understanding of what it had done to them, and Applejack’s desperate bid to escape was no less evocative.
Even so, a few things did bug me throughout the story (pun not intended). For instance, Applejack mentions early in the story that Twilight has a vast number of unicorns creating a magical and rapidly-shrinking barrer intended to catch the kidnapper by the next day or two. Perhaps I’m thinking of Zecora’s place as being farther out in the Everfree than it really is, but shouldn’t AJ have run into this barrier during her search?
I also objected to the kidnapper seeming impervious to any serious damage, but only at times when it suits the story. For instance, at one point AJ actually manages to hurt the kidnapper by cutting it with a blade, but later said kidnapper stands in the middle of a raging fire as if felt nothing.
And of course, SS&E has his usual questionable style choices, such as multiple punctuation marks (?!?) and a few weird phrasings.
These little flaws were just enough to prevent me from making this a favorite, but they don’t detract from the overall dread that this story evokes once the storm moves in. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, as I have so many of SS&E’s works. If you’re interested in reading some real horror, give this one a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
This story.
This stupid, evil, villainous, hateful… lovable story. I have such horribly mixed feelings about this. When I saw that Pascoite had published a McInTavia story, I was thoroughly and legitimately pissed. Why? Because I had been planning to do the same thing, and the bastard beat me to it. Now it doesn’t matter what I do or how I write it, any McInTavia I ever conceive will be compared to and considered inspired by this. A shot at an original ship, gone, just like that. I’d never been more tempted to throw my monitor out a window.
But I added it to my RiL, because I knew that if I ever did decide to write that McInTavia fic, I’d need to know what had already been done so I could resolutely avoid looking like a copycat. And now? I don’t know if I’ll ever write it.
I won’t be able to top this. Period. I just won’t. As much as I hate this story, I absolutely love it. Pascoite did almost everything right, to my combined pleasure and fury. Making Big Mac have synesthesia was a stroke of brilliance, his relationship with Octavia builds believably, and the romance fits in just about every way it can. Pascoite also demonstrates his knowledge of music – the culture, the terminology, the history – to such a degree as to make me feel downright ignorant. I feel almost ashamed of my inability to demonstrate Octavia’s profession so effectively in Audience of One.
In the end, I think there’s only one legitimate complaint I have for the story – well, legitimate in that it has nothing to do with my overwhelming bitterness. I took issue with the events of Chapter 6, where the romance actually came to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree with the ending at all; the decision made by Octavia and Big Mac is sad and didn’t have to happen, but it does make sense. No, my objection is to how the separation came about.
Octavia made one major mistake – one – and the realization of the pitfalls of their relationship came charging down the tracks like a runaway train. Simply put, I feel the breakup was a bit rushed. I feel like the signs and the doubts should have been present a bit sooner, perhaps as early as Chapter 4, rather than have them just decide in a period of a couple days that the months and months of genuine love couldn’t overcome the hurdles of reality. Although I can see a romance crashing in just such a way, it just didn’t seem to fit in with the tone and style of the overall story to me.
Other than that, Duet in the Folk Style is great. If you like romance or slice of life at all, give it a read.
Also, let it be known that I forgive Pascoite for writing this story and ruining my chance at tacking this awesome concept to my name forevermore. It’s not like he knew I had aspirations towards the concept, after all.
…
Jerk.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Diamond Eyes
By Cerulean Voice
Request
Cerulean voice is a friend of mine and we have worked together often in the past, pre-reading and editing for one another on many a project. Diamond Eyes was originally written as a WriteOff entry, but Cerulean thought it deserved more spotlight and modified it for a more public appearance. I helped with this endeavor somewhat, pre-reading and offering some advice, but this is the first time I read the final draft.
First off, it should be pointed out that this is a story starring Snowdrop, that blind OC filly made famous by the Silly Filly Studios short of the same name. Having never seen it before, I decided to give it a view right before doing this final reading and review. It helps a little – Cerulean made a few references to the video that I had no clue about on my first read-through – but it’s not necessary for reading this story. Diamond Eyes is a peculiar tale in which Princess Luna decides to bring Snowdrop to a Zebrica village where she believes a cockatrice is responsible for turning one of the locals to stone. Turns out the real culprit is something a bit bigger.
I do have a few objections to this overall premise, starting with why Luna insisted on bringing Snowdrop when I’m sure there are other, older and stronger blind ponies out there capable of doing the same task. Even so, I’m willing to buy that Luna, presuming a cockatrice was responsible, thought she was doing Snowdrop’s self esteem a favor.
There are a few in-story moments that cause me some headaches too, the most prominent being that Luna – wise, intelligent, powerful and royal Luna, who came to this place fully expecting to encounter a monster that can petrify via its mere gaze – didn’t have the common sense necessary to avoid looking the petrification-inducing monster in the eye when it at last made itself known. When I pointed this out to Cerulean, he insisted that Luna had no way to know the creature’s gaze worked just like a cockatrice’s. Seems like an extremely weak excuse to me under the circumstances, and almost insulting to Luna’s character. Still, I guess I can at least buy that even mighty lunar diarchs can make stupid, easily avoided and potentially life-ending mistakes.
Add to that a background story about Discord being smitten by physical beauty, Snowdrops behaving in a manner entirely out of place with Luna’s sudden petrification and the guards at the Zebrica village misinterpreting Snowdrop’s words in a way that seems downright forced, and yeah, I have a lot to doubts.
All that having been said, none of these take away from the story’s charm and intention. I have the distinct impression that Cerulean was going for a very specific type of story, that themed off of mythology from – just as a random, nonspecific example – ancient Greece. With this as a backdrop concept, I’m marginally sure the style and manner of the story is intentional, which makes me feel a lot better about it as a whole. It has a message to deliver and arranges things to get that message across, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Is Diamond Eyes a great story? I’d say no. But it is a good story, the kind you’d tell your kids as a lesson in valuing what life has given you. Snowdrop’s sense of wonder came out wonderfully, as did Luna’s character (for the most part). The visuals are great – especially considering that most of them are given from the perspective of a blind child. Also, this story holds a record for using the Royal Canterlot Voice in a way I don’t outright hate. There are a few issues, both technical and plot related, but I think Diamond Eyes was still worth the read.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Foreigner caught my eye specifically because of the premise of Derpy being lost in the griffon lands and Gilda having to put up with her. That struck me as a duo worthy of investigation. The story itself ended up being nothing like what I anticipated. It is told from the perspective of Gilda and takes place three years after the events of Griffon the Brush Off. In those three years, Gilda has joined the ranks of the griffon nation’s Guardian Corps and has become the commanding officer of Catlatl, griffondom’s most sacred site. When a storm blows Derpy into the ancient, abandoned city (along with Princess Twilight’s weather balloon), the incident uncovers an ancient mural hidden in a wall, prompting an immediate investigation. The rest… is a whirlwind of events.
First off, I loved Gilda in this story. As one of the only griffons to have lived among ponies, she shows a lot of self-identity issues as she struggles to decide her feelings on the matter of ponies in general. Unlike her performance in the show, Gilda has matured – to say nothing for being less volatile – and has become a responsible and capable individual. Her manner, while still rough around the edges, is endearing, and her reaction to everything is as level headed as one can expect Gilda to manage. My one issue is that much of the character development for her has already happened when we start the story. True, she comes to appreciate ponies more by the story’s end, but almost everything that led up to Gilda being the individual we see in this story happened in the three years prior to the story, which is a bit of a shame.
I did enjoy AugieDog’s characterizations as a whole; pretty much every character in the story, from the prominent ones to the ones we barely see, were a little different in some way, so kudos there. What I do question is why AugieDog went and brought the entire Mane 6 cast into the story. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed their parts and they did have important jobs to do, but I’m not entirely convinced that their presence in this story was needed. Rainbow Dash, sure; she has a legitimate excuse to be following Derpy. I felt like the rest had just been brought in because of some obligation to include them – especially considering how they were thrown into the story with such abruptness and didn’t have all that much of a presence save for a few key scenes. This goes double for Discord, although I’m more than willing to forgive his arrival since it allowed for some unexpected and welcome worldbuilding.
Speaking of worldbuilding, this story’s got it. Lots of it. Tons of information about griffon culture, diplomacy, political structure, history and (in regards to Equestria) foreign relations. Best of all, AugieDog managed to do all of it with minimal exposition while incorporating it directly into the story without so much as a speed bump to distract from current events, and that makes me happy. This is how you worldbuild, people.
Which is why the final chapter bugs me so much. After I just went and praised AugieDog for not using copious amounts of exposition to worldbuild, AugieDog turns the other way and uses nothing but exposition to rapidly relate the events after the bad guys lose, and did it in a way that was rife with tangents and distracting flashbacks that all but killed any potential emotional impact the given scene may have had. I understand the desire to finish things up, but after doing such good work on the vast majority of the story, that was a big disappointment.
I also took issue with the details of griffon magic, which lacked any kind of continuity (which is extremely important to me). So the griffon who first learned magic centuries ago? She required years of practice. The baddie near the end of the story managed to figure it out in less than an hour, and then the griffon who learned it after her to stop her machinations did so near-instantaneously.
Something’s not right here.
Regardless of the issues, Foreigner is a fast, fun adventure not at all hindered by the fact that everything goes down in the span of less than a day. The characters were great, the adventure fun, the worldbuilding top-notch, the pacing just about perfect. I almost put this among my favorite, but I had too many nitpicks to quite get it there. Even so, this story is definitely worth your time.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
This got a good chuckle out of me, which is more than I can say for most comedies out there. The premise is about what you’d expect: Ahuizotl finally defeats Daring Do, raises a massive Tower of Doom™ and acquires weapons of legendary power. Of course, the common fact about plans is that there’s always somepony around to muck them up… or in this case, two ponies of rather royal bearing. Well, usually of royal bearing.
This story was silly without falling into the arena of randomness and crackfics. I don’t necessarily like the ‘silly and playful’ version of the Royal Sisters, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying this story. The writing style is equally playful, which is a huge help in that regard; FoughtDragon01 sets the tone of the tale almost immediately through some quirky narrative.
Really, I’ve got nothing to complain about here. It’s a story for the sake of a chuckle and letting your hair down, and it did that well.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
The Years of Ar and S by Violet CLM
Death and the Dazzlings by Violet CLM
Frequency: An Epilogue by Grand_Moff_Pony
So Long, And Thanks for All The Fish by Blueshift
Princess Twilight Sparkle's Frustrations by Alex Warlorn
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Monday Reviews VIII
Paul's Monday Reviews IX
Paul's Monday Reviews X
Paul's Monday Reviews XI
Paul's Monday Reviews XII
Paul's Monday Reviews XIII
Paul's Tuesday Reviews I – "I'm Not Dead" Edition
Paul's Monday Reviews XIV
Paul's Monday Reviews XV
Paul's Monday Reviews XVI
Uh huh. You, the shatterer of hearts. Quite ironic, hmm? Well, I guess we'll see...
Oh. Well, fine then. Except no. And I'm not bitter at all.
Also, reviews. Yay, reviews. I always like reviews. But I don't think I'll be reading anything from this week's batch that I haven't already (Duet, which I quite liked, even with the unfortunate reversal, and Ultimate Power...which, meh. I just don't come here for comedies, though.)
Oh god, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish, where Blueshift proves he can wring feels from the jaws of ridiculousness. ;_;
Oh gods, the Button -ash fics
That was a hilariously awful time :V And skirts managed to turn it all srs business in a beat.
Though, if I recall, I went the serious route as well. First time trying a noir style.
I'm heartened that you liked it as much as you did. One thing, though:
You have no idea how old this story actually is. Though part of this will not come as a surprise to you. I wrote the first 4 chapters well over 3 years ago. It was supposed to be one of those stories writes talk about where they "let it write itself," which I later found out I couldn't do, so I got stuck after chapter 4 with no idea where to go. And I've since decided the writing without a plan is a bad idea in general. It was going to ramble on for 30 chapters or more, but I had no direction beyond ending it with a kiss or proposal or wedding, which would be just horribly trite. So I stewed on it for over two years and eventually found I wanted to go precisely against that expected direction. And I figured out how I wanted to end it in another 2 chapters.
I see where you're coming from, that the end comes about rather fast. I didn't mean to give the impression that it ended because of Octavia's mistake. That was her first assumption, but he quickly refutes it, and the intent was that he's been ruminating on it for days, if not weeks, with her pushing him to perform publicly acting as a catalyst which made him realize neither one would ever be happy with the other's lifestyle. So maybe I wasn't clear about the nature of the wedge between them, but it's not as superficial as him getting angry about that one incident. So while it's also true that he has been mulling this over for a while, that the reader doesn't find it out until right when things come to a head does make that part get rather fast-paced. I could say that it's a stylistic choice meant to mirror the feeling that the breakup was fast, but... that's too often an excuse offered by a writer that doesn't feel like explaining a rationale he doesn't have. And I don't have one, either. It came from how it was written, and this more my accepting it that way than meaning anything by it.
But if there's one thing I've learned, don't ever think that just because something's been done before, it means you don't have anything new to offer for it. Everyone puts their personal touch on what they write. I'd love to see your take on these two.
3172404 I'll second what Pasco said regarding putting your own spin on it. No reason not to give it a try! :)
*sees he's on next week's list, batten's down the hatches* :)
Glad you:
Enjoyed as much of Foreigner as you did!
Mike
I'd definitely still do the Mac&Tav story. When I read Duet I was so glad that there was at least one done well. If it sticks around in your head, write it and don't expect it to be anything other than what it is. I would love to see it pop up one day, and people will be ready for more then.