Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXIX · 2:43pm Nov 22nd, 2018
Happy Turkey Day, everyone! What, you didn’t think I’d miss a review blog ‘cause of a holiday, did you? Here’s hoping all you ‘Mericans out there have someone to spend this day with. And if not… well, I hope you have a nice time, anyway.
In the meantime, I’ve hit a milestone. According to my records, I’ve surpassed the 1,000 review mark as of 11/08. That’s… a lot of reviews. And not only reviews; as of today I’ve released reviews for 1,025 stories and 489 different authors. Luna knows how many horsewords that equates to writing, although I can confirm that I’ve gone through ~35 million horsewords read. Which is staggering. I never even thought to check that before! I’m afraid I don’t have any big announcements or celebratory events to mark the occasion, as these kinds of things tend to sneak up on me. Anyone have any bright ideas?
In yet another meantime, I’m happy to note that the slump I was in early this month and all of October is officially over. There was a long period where I was struggling to meet my self-imposed wordcount goals, and I wasn’t happy with my work as a result. But I can now safely say that I’m on my way to hitting 50k in November. Yeah, yeah, NaNoWriMo and all that… but what really bugged me was that A) I seemed perpetually behind on my overall wordcount for the year and B) I barely surpassed 40k for both September and October. I’m thrilled to say both issues have been resolved this month, barring a crash over the holidays. Now if I can just get back to a 2k/day average and catch up to my release schedule. not likely if BPH keeps on having 20k-long chapters.
Ah, but it’s Turkey Day. I shall not let anything bother me! Except perhaps that we’re not going to be eating turkey. Isn’t that, like, illegal or something?
Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Time Turner's Discordian Detective Agency: The Missing Kitten of Inspiration by Rodinga
Grouchisaurus Rex by Baal Bunny
Records of an Academy Disaster by Fahrenheit
Gateway to Happiness by Spacecowboy
Sun Blocked by ambion
Eyes in the Reflection by Chapter 13
Ice Paved Trees by Regidar
Baby Limestone Rides to War by CoffeeMinion
Immortal Blood by SPark
The Clown Sentry by R5h
Total Word Count: 67,156
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Two years prior to the return of Princess Luna, Time Turner is Canterlot’s premier (read: only) private detective, and he’s got a new client. A teenage Rarity has lost her kitten Opal and is desperate to get her back. Business is slow lately, so Time Turner figures it can’t hurt to try. What follows is a silly and wild ride of lovestruck veterinarians, the mafiamarefia crime family, dueling cellos, raging ex-marefriends, and at least one instance of peeping tommery (oh, he definitely watched).
If you don’t enjoy this, you don’t enjoy reading. It was a ton of fun, featuring a colorful cast of characters, a strong narrative voice, and plenty of entertaining plot twists. Time Turner’s life is certainly interesting, and his special talent – the ability to make time move backwards in small bursts – allows for some nice moments of ‘oh, yeah, I’m just that good’. Minor worldbuilding, abundant silly moments, a warmhearted conclusion, and plenty of footnotes by our favorite Princess of the Night provide appropriate spice. The story even has the very first use of ‘fiery unicorn’ that I didn’t instantly hate and might actually, begrudgingly approve of.
I think it’s safe to say I loved this one thoroughly. And you will too, provided you like to read in the first place. Those three poor downvoters, why are they even here?
Jump in. Have fun. I’ve got a sequel to schedule.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Reign of Princess Dinky the Cute — Pretty Good
Grouchisaurus Rex
15,132 Words
By Baal Bunny
I don’t know whether to be annoyed or touched. When Baal Bunny realized that I intended to review this story soon-ish when it was still incomplete, they decided to rush it to completion just so that I’d have a full, proper story to review. Bear in mind this was three years after the last update. So, yeah, someone finished a story just because I was going to read/review it. I’m flattered.
But also annoyed, because I’d already scheduled the original ~6,000 words amidst an already over-extended reading day, and then I get to that day only to discover an extra ~9,000 words thrown in, increasing my overall wordcount for the day by 25%. I was not pleased. Here’s another reason I don’t care for adding Incompletes to my lists.
But y’know what? I think I’m more flattered than annoyed, and if the story’s good enough then what’s an extra bit of reading, right? So thank you, Baal Bunny, for making me feel a little special.
Now, as to the story. It ends up as three separate but closely linked stories, all set in a two-week time period some two centuries after the events of the show. Baby dragon Wyvern is the assistant of Princess Twilight’s personal student, Mira Belle, and is set to star in a play about the return of the Crystal Empire. Above all else, he wants his friend and idol Spike to attend. But Spike’s feeling a bit grumpy lately. The Princess decides it’s time to find out why.
This story went in all kinds of unexpected directions. In a way, it feels like each chapter is its own separate story focusing on it own separate topics. It’s easy to look at it and wonder why Baal Bunny chose to approach it in this way. While I wouldn’t say that the different threads wrap up neatly, they do wrap up in a way that shows everything is connected. It may not be perfect, but it’s certainly good enough to keep me happy.
The interesting bit is that Baal Bunny manages to approach a common trope – immortality sucks – only to turn a hard right and make the story about something related but altogether different. To be specific, it’s about the guilt of not wanting to replace something precious that has been lost. I especially like the solution given, which is all about not forcing the issue. ‘Time heals all wounds’, as they say. Some wounds just take longer than others.
Throw into this a fun little look at the descendents of our favorite ponies (and non-ponies), a glance at a growing Ponyville, and a bit into Twilight’s life as a princess. Sprinkle in some truly Twilight moments to keep things interesting even in the slow sections. Plus the miniature Twilight that is her student and certainly endearing to watch (I like this version a lot more than the one in the original story version).
All in all, I am pleased. The manner of delivery is questionable, but that doesn’t stop the story from being enjoyable. I’m glad I was able to (unintentionally) encourage Baal Bunny to complete this, and as always I’m looking forward to the next Writeoff-inspired story!
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Collaborators — WHYRTY?
Doing Well by Doing Good — Pretty Good
Records of an Academy Disaster
9,277 Words (and then some)
By Fahrenheit
Brought to you by the (mad?) genius behind Daring Do(esn't Need a Special Somepony), this story is told mostly in the form of written correspondence and reports among various members of the Wonderbolts faculty and other organizations within Equestria. When Spitfire and Soarin get called to meet with Celestia for an important matter, the former is forced to find someone to stand in for her during Reserve Wonderbolt training and preparing for the annual Wing Fling (think Grand Galloping Gala for pegasi). This responsibility ultimately falls to Fleetfoot. Who, as we soon learn, is woefully unprepared for the role.
This was nothing short of delightful. Those of you who fondly recall A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard will be in for a treat as the Wonderbolts Academy gradually shifts from an elite training grounds for Equestria’s best fliers to a literal disaster area. From the Mane 6 intervening through a string of outrageous coincidences that take their queues directly from the show (which was nothing short of brilliant, might I add) to the final letter informing Celestia of the end of the Princess of Friendship, this is a nonstop wave of entertainment. This review really can’t do it justice, nor will it try. And for the sake of not spoiling any more of the fun, I will stop right here.
For the love of Luna, Celestia, and Discord, read this. I can’t wait for the next Fahrenheit story to hit the top of my RiL.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Daring Do(esn't Need a Special Somepony) — WHYRTY?
Why are you still here? Go read this story, you fools!
Gateway to Happiness
1,570 Words
By Spacecowboy
This marks my second time reading this. Conceived as an ‘answer’ to all the Sad Twilicorn fics that were so dominant at the time, Gateway to Happiness is a letter written by Twilight some hundred years after her coronation in which she informs Celestia why she’s not burdened by being immortal. That’s it, really.
On the one hand, I greatly appreciate a “no, immortality doesn’t have to suck” story, as I’m sure many of you do. On the other, there’s not much else to this. If you have a profound connection with Twilight then you may find it emotionally engaging. I’ll be the first to admit that the content is touching, especially when viewed from the lens of a former student addressing her concerned former teacher and beloved friend. Plus it’s a very well-written letter-format story, which automatically raises it above the competition.
Yet the overall story felt altogether plain to me. It’s hard to say why. Is it because of the unadventurous narrative? Maybe it’s just that it’s topic is so narrow. Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure it’s entirely subjective, so I wouldn’t fret over it. It’s a well-written piece and certainly worth the couple minutes it’ll take to get through it, especially considering it was hammered together in only an hour.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author! (which mildly surprises me)
Sun Blocked
2,278 Words
By ambion
When a merchant spreads posters showing Celestia as the evil Sun Block as an ad for just such a product, Princess Luna is not amused. Evil is not a joke, and this poster amounts to slander. While she’s in the middle of giving the merchant a piece of her mind, however, Princess Celestia steps in to point out that, sometimes, evil can be a joke.
This is a story all about guilt, projecting and, ultimately, healing. It’s about a big sister comforting her little sister. It’s also about a poor stallion protecting his granddaughter from a one-way trip to the moon. But y’know, minor details.
I enjoyed this quite a bit. It’s touching and hits upon serious issues for everyone’s favorite princess (ah, put those hands down and shut those blasphemous lips!) without taking itself too seriously. Best of all, it uses lightheartedness to help with the healing process, and does it well.
Not a complicated story, but that plays in its favor. Give it a go for some nice royal sibling bonding without being bogged down in melodrama.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
P.S. – No granddaughters were sent to the moon in this production.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Ballad of Eeyup and Nope — WHYRTY?
Tricks and Treats — Pretty Good
Eyes in the Reflection
2,389 Words
By Chapter 13
Chapter 13 comes up with a curious idea here: what if Chrysalis had a split personality? The story begins with her lingering in her room, presumably right after her failed attempt to conquer Canterlot, and lamenting her failure as a queen. Then her reflection starts talking to her…
The concept is… curious. The big problem I have with it is that Chrysalis’s character in the story starts out as the good version and shifts to the evil side, which defies her characterization in A Canterlot Wedding. What made Chapter 13 chose to go this route? I have no idea, because no explanation is offered. Granted, this shift could have happened before the wedding, but the hints thrown in strongly suggest otherwise. Perhaps this is meant to be in an alternate universe?
The concept still has a lot of potential, I just feel the author used it in all the wrong ways. Combine that with weak writing that is repetitive in word choice and consistent in grammatical fallacy, and there’s a lot to be desired.
In Chapter 13’s defense, they have a good grasp of some important elements of their writing, such as pacing and atmosphere, and the overall idea is good. And I’ve seen from a previously read story that this author can do some interesting things. But some polishing and development is certainly necessary. Keep going, Chapter 13; you’ll get there. What I’m seeing is more than enough to keep me interested in exploring your library.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Ruler’s Regret Never Fades — Worth It
Ice Paved Trees
2,028 Words
By Regidar
Is anyone else bothered about the lack of a hyphen in the title? No? Just me? Okay, then.
In this strange story, we find… uh… discussions about raising fillies and running through snow? Yeah, that’s it. Regidar has this odd habit of writing about things that, by themselves, don’t seem to have a reason for being written. They’re more like scenes in a much bigger piece we’ll never see. This is a good example of that.
There’s a bit of a struggle with the dialogue – I’m pretty sure the Apples don’t skip words as part of their accent, at least not in the way being shown here, so it’s either a bunch of inconveniently placed typos or a genuine misinterpretation of their dialect. But ignoring that, the story seems far more devoted to providing a vivid, attractive picture and scene than providing a story. There’s nothing wrong with that; sometimes people just want to practice a specific literary element. I back that 100%.
We do get a small window into Big Mac’s and Applejack’s perspective in regards to raising Apple Bloom. This takes up more than half the story, so I gather there’s something important about it in relation to AJ’s annual run through the snow. A shame I can’t see what the connection is. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe Regidar just spent a little too much time on the opener. No way to be sure.
If you’re interested in seeing some solid scenery descriptions, maybe for study purposes, you can’t go wrong here. If you’re looking for anything else – particularly a familiar and traditional plot format – look elsewhere.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Last Petals Of Our Lives — Worth It
Time — Needs Work
Baby Limestone Rides to War
1,712 Words
By CoffeeMinion
Recommended by RTStephens
Toddling Limestone’s parents have committed a grave sin against her: they had Maud. And now there’s rumor of yet another baby on the way! If there’s anything Limestone doesn’t want, it’s another sister taking away her playtime. She’s going to end this cycle of abuse right now! But first, she needs an appropriate steed.
There’s not much to say here, folks. It’s an adorable bit of silliness in which a pacifier-sucking Limestone ‘tames’ a pygmy alligator and rides it in an oh-so-daring assault on her parents’ affront to decency. Do I really need to say more? No, I don’t think so.
You can blow five minutes to read this, and you should.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Heavy Rock — Pretty Good
Immortal Blood
3,350 Words
By SPark
Recommended by Cynewulf
Set in a Rule 63 AU of Equestria, Prince Artemis sets out flying for the sake of solitude and stumbles upon an abandoned temple that was once dedicated to him. There he meets and befriends a stallion named Draco.
This is a quiet story, its pacing requiring a little patience from the reader as, over the course of a few nights, Artemis and Draco form a bond. It’s slow, but not so slow as to be uninteresting, even if the style is a little too heavy on the ‘summarize everything’ side for my tastes. Still, for the purposes of the story, it suffices well enough. The story is pleasant and has some nice worldbuilding despite its short length. It does lack staying power, though.
My only serious issue with the story is its final scene, which takes the pleasant air of the entire story and ruins it by shifting into “immortality sucks” territory. It felt a bit like a low blow.
But ignoring that? Not a bad show. I’d love to see this expanded into a bigger story.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Over a Cardboard Sea — WHYRTY?
Imperfect (story deleted) — Worth It
The Clown Sentry
1,853 Words
By R5h
Recommended by RTStephens
In this cute little tale, Night Light shows his chops as a protective father when he learns some disreputable nobles are hiding outside his little filly’s window. Or at least he would if said little filly wasn’t wide awake and wondering why her father’s sneaking through her room with a bucket of paint. Needing to cover his actions, he decides to tell Twilight the story of Bright Glow the Clown...
Filly Twilight strikes again! I swear, she’s like catnip for bronies. This ended up a playful little tale about a father protecting his daughter and doing everything he can to make sure she nevers knows it. At the same time, it’s a potentially dark look at the world of Canterlot that could have surrounded Twilight as a child. IF so, it’s all the more wonderful of her parents to go that extra mile.
Since it won’t take five minutes to get through and it’s certainly entertaining to read, I suggest everyone give this a go. I mean, it co-stars filly Twilight. And you’re not going to say no to filly Twilight. Are you?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Girl Who Couldn't Change — WHYRTY?
Stories for Next Week:
An It Harm None by DuncanR
An Uninvited Rainbow by Manaphy
The Fundraiser by Karrakaz
A Good Princess by HoofBitingActionOverload
Rainbow in the Dark by ScriptScrolls
No Matter What They Say by Mr V
Tiny Equine in Everfree by KuroiTsubasaTenshi
Darkness in the North by Commissar Rarity
How to Train Your Pegasus by L3gion
The Invisible Hairless Ape by McPoodle
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Thanks for the recommendation!
Congratulations! That's a lot of reading and critiquing!
Happy Thanksgiving brother
Wonderful as always. Thanks!
Whew -- nice going! At least two here I need to add to my RiL list, too.
Once again, I have read none of next week's fics, and I only even recognise about half the names. Looking forward to it!
Academy Disaster was definitely a fun story. I only had some vague complaints about it, but I enjoyed reading it. My only major complaint actually isn't of this story... it's of a subsequent story the same author wrote using the same gimmick. If it were another story in the same series, I could see that, but when you write another unrelated story using the identical gimmick, it just screams lack of originality to me.
I'm not sure why, but for the last few weeks, about half the cover art in your column won't load for me. Records, Gateway, and Immortal are the only ones that would display this week. Is there something those three have in common? Like the rest are all hosted at the same place?
Interesting that you had two immortality sucks stories this week, and even more interesting that the one that twisted it to immortality doesn't suck scratched an itch for you. As I've mentioned before, I used to frequently take as challenges story types that I often saw done badly or that, like "immortality sucks," had become so cliched. And that's one that I took on as well. Admitting to it is kind of spoiling the surprise, as it plays coy with that as the topic, and there's a bit of a red herring that it'd turn out to be shipping, but "Worth It" (hey, conveniently one of your story rating levels!) was my version of "immortality doesn't suck."
Congratulations on 1000 reviews!
I'm getting 404s for most of the images in your two latest reviews posts.
4971677
4971705
I actually asked about this a few weeks ago, and nobody bothered to comment. I assumed it was fine. This afternoon I'm logging on from the laptop at my parents' place and finding out that, no, it is not fine. Wish someone had told me when I asked.
My method has always been to view the image in FIMFiction (URL, not just clicking it), save the image, re-size it to a specific limit (max 450 pxls horizontal or vertical, whichever is bigger), then upload to my DeviantArt stash, from which I post to here. It guarantees no image is too big, they come out reasonably fine in quality, and it's worked for years.
Now all of a sudden half the images have crazy-long nonsense URLs and I can't get DA to stop it. I saw it when it first started (presumably with their most recent 'big' update). Even stranger, others (most likely the ones you can still see properly) use the normal URL instead of the nonsensical one.
I'll have to experiment and see if maybe they 'get fixed' with time so that I can replace the bad URLs, but if not then I'll contact DA about it.
4971717
It appears these long URLs have tokens in them that are valid only for a short time after the URL has been generated. I guess this is how DA attempts to prevent exactly the embedding you're doing here.
4971721
Try it again and let me know what you see. I went back to the DA Stash and found the URLs for some of them had reverted back to the old format. Not all of them, though.
It doesn't make sense that DA would put something like that in place on only some of the images, especially if they're switching away from the token method after a while. I can't imagine what's really going on. All I can say is that maybe I should start setting up the images a week in advance to maybe avoid this kind of thing in the future.
4971726
They seem to be working now.
I had the same issue with a story where I had a couple images in the story page I was sources from an image hosting site, but the site shut down, so I needed to find a new place. Didn't want to use derpibooru, because they weren't pictures, but images of documents. So I put them up on my DA page, and it took me a while to figure out how to make it give me the shorter URLs. Sorry, but I don't remember how I did it.
4971828
It seems like they revert on their own over time, though the timing appears random. I checked the ones I have in the stash for last week's blog and they all have short URLs now. Haven't replaced them yet, though.
Happy dessert day. Dessert is more important than turkey!
And congrats on the milestone dude.
Glad the story:
Was more enjoyable than annoying. And I'm glad to have finally finished it and stricken it from my list of things to do!
Also, as a data point, the images for "Grouchisaurus" and "Sun Blocked" still aren't working for me.
Mike
Thanks for the review! And hey, I’m 2 for 2 with my Limestone Pie fics.
Technically I’ve got a third as well, but I doubt it’d be your cup of tea. My fourth one (coming soon!) is much more likely to hit the mark.
Not my best work, but it was the start of my first 'series'. This story's loose sequel is probably my best, and favorite, work so far.
~ Chapter: 13
I'm absolutely floored by the review for Kitten. It's the first story I wrote, and I think I rewrote it at least twice while getting schooled on grammar.
Thank you, I think you've inspired me to get my laptop back out. There's some writing I probably should be doing.
I didn't have anything to say, so that's what I said.