Nova Tale is many things. Impulsive. Hot-headed. Foolishly ambitious. And very much in love with his fiancé, Sunlight Ivory.
Entrusted with a certain package containing 100,000 bits, Nova Tale is meant to make a delivery to Sunlight's sister far off in Baltimare. But Nova Tale makes a grave mistake, one which will label him as a scoundrel for the rest of his years. Now he must come to terms with his sordid affair, and reflect on his shameful theft of his fiancé's money in order to win the heart of another mare.
Written for the A Two-Faced Charade Contest.
Chapters (5)
Can't wait to read this!
8767296
Fixed. Thanks.
Hm. I think I owe you a critique after two years of a hiatus. No you didn't force me but you did add to it and though I'm talling out of spite mind you I do wanna come to a compromise.
Jeez. So many chapters and only three comments with hidde. Likes and dislikes? Hmm... now before I begin since I do have experience with erotic as proof of my own works would you like to accept my reviewing of said works? You gave your time to me and I'd like to give it back in turn.
8789162
Sure, go for it. I'd be happy to receive some feedback.
8789197
Excellent! Please wait 1 - 2 days for your review. To be fair my reviewing process goes in four parts. Introduction to the story and review, chosen negatives to address, positives to acknowledge, outro and summary of combined works.
Haven't done one of these in a while. Please look forward to it!
8789197
Spitflame one question, Love?
I presume you want a review via blog post rather than in the comments? I rather not make it public to my followers and such.
8789247
Doesn't make much of a difference to me, blog post or comment. Whatever works for you.
8789294
It's about time I face this. Honestly you have been a colossal obstacle for me as far as writer's block goes.
I don't agree with your style and that is my fault, entirely. I can say that the story in question, that I promised to review, is well... not in good taste. For several reasons, of course.
So easy enough, I read most of it. Suffice to say, it was torturous. I cared little for our protagonist and had to, too often, many times, disconnect myself to even get a clear meaning of what he just said. This ruined the immersion of the story and made it seem like something out of dictionary, moreso than a written piece meant to entertain. I cared more about the side characters, than the stallion who seemed to come out of some strange land. So that is saying something, with the character development and progression.
Now you need to understand that a story at it's most basic form is a piece meant to be shared for entertainment purposes. Get your audience to think, ponder, imagine, and fantasize. Do not confuse them or otherwise make them feel less of a human in your stories. A storyteller is a sort of guide and you take your readers on a journey. You are the author, the person who knows this path and are designated with leading people down an adventure. Whether they misstep, get lost, or just lose interest is on the guide itself.
Now I read two of yours stories. The first being, your Console Wars story. Which in the end, made me just ask "why?". Why did this happen, how is it allowed to happen, and what more could be done rather than just the simple fact that it was suppose to be a whimsical comedic piece? Preset on a universe that isn't a construct of your own thoughts and ideas.
Now granted, I made a story as Luna as a gamer, yet I never made the inclusion of video games be the center of attention here. Instead I went with character relationships and focused on that using it as a tool for interaction and development. Needless to say I didn't like your console story either. I do have a point here, as I had thought you couldn't make a more serious piece and that you were lacking on a more mature angle in story telling. (Which so happens to be my exact cup of tea for fanfiction in this series.) So I was excited to read this one, but was caught offguard by how off the rails it went. It is too much.
I mean you handle his speech quite well, yet I presume most readers are not on the same level of vocabulary skills and understanding, would have had a much harder time just trying to understand a simple thing such as dialogue. Which you actually managed to go overboard here, though it does showcase your excellent knowledge of the English language. Whereas for many it just makes you seem over the top to be a story teller.
It has been years and took me all that time to better myself. So last thing I wanna add is, that I think you should keep going. Just keep in mind as with any due process skill, it takes consideration and patience to continue to build up our unique skills required in this hobby.
So thank you for the opportunity. I did not finish the entire story, which once again is my fault. I apologize for any offenses this may have brought up. This is just my opinion. Not an end-all-only-my-view-matters review. This is just my thoughts on the stories provided and how you can improve it for well....me and, hopefully, many more. Because in the end we make each other better. If we can't even aim for that, than how can we consider this a social hobby?
9529982
Thanks for the feedback. It's always good to get a different perspective, regardless of how positive or negative it is. You're right in saying that there wasn't much to care for in the protagonist, because he's written in such a way that his characteristics become more evident in contrast with the side characters. It's partly why everyone speaks normally but he litters poetic flourishes in his speech, as if there was some self-awareness in it. Nova can't really stand on his own, which is a problem that I'll be sure to keep in mind for the future.
For the prose and use of vocabulary, either in narration or dialogue—the main criticisms have been that the phraseology is weird. I guess it's hard to understand, though it depends on the person. Some stories are written simply and others like to play around with their language. You're the first person to tell me it was hard to understand; in my estimation this was one of my more straight-forward stories. It's certainly not as complicated as some of my other stuff, like Civil Distinction or Don't Look at the Fog. Personally? My main issue was the plot, because it wrapped up far too quickly and left some threads dangling.
To catch on something else you said:
I actually don't agree with this at all. Any good story, like a classic novel, will present to you a map for how you ought to comport yourself in the world. That's to say, every story written, if written seriously, will be modelled in the manner in which the author deems ideal for how you should live your life. This is the purpose of themes and motifs. Every story tells something about the author, because it's not possible to remove your own real world bias from your writing. Entertainment is a part of it, sure, but unless your story says something insightful, it won't be remembered. Any fluff piece can be entertaining. The feature box is full of stories that, while entertaining, get forgotten after a few days. Even a badly-written trollfic can be entertaining. There was a message in this story, most exemplified in chapter 4, though I'm not sure how far you got since you didn't finish it.
Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I'll be sure to focus on improving my craft, as we all should.
9530128
Yeah didn't read chapter 4 yet.
Also you can't just give a map to just anyone and tell them to journey forth. You'll be sure to lose people that way. I find it strange that a stroy in your perspective is telling a person how to love their lives.
From what I gather, we have much different outlooks on things. I mean hell, I'm a bit of a poet myself. Most casual readers will skim over the words and I had to do a review so I had to actually take the word usage into account.
Which I must say, you have excellent profreaders, or you are greatly skilled at proofreading yourself. Hardly an errors in the writing. It should be a journey not a lecture.
The audience is overlooking an adventure. Not contemplating about their own behaviors and ideals. Also interested on your position philosophically wise and politically wise.
I have a knack for those as well.
9530142
You're right, you can't tell people about the journey, you have to show it to them. This is where the show vs tell issue comes in. A good story isn't going to demand that the audience contemplate their own ideals; on the contrary, the audience should start doing that naturally as they read on. This is what makes classic novels achieve their fame, and why they're studied in schools. If a reader is going to skim then that's their prerogative.
Thanks for the kinds words about the editing. I didn't have a proofreader, so it's good to hear my attention to detail paid off.
9530151
Last thing. If you could date anyone from the EQG universe who would it be? It can be any character. For my new series if you follow my blog.
9530156
That’s an easy one. Sunset Shimmer.
You can has review!
We give you the latest, tested and fully functional. You will find it as a valuable asset for this game.
play toon blast on pc