• Member Since 11th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Lupine Infernis


I latch onto any media with good story and characters like a leech, spewing out stories when the flame of... Yeah, I write MLP stories, don't judge me.

T

One day, Rarity forgets to turn the faucet off.

Then, everypony else begins forgetting things.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 41 )

Holy shit. this is good. Like, just a slow, gradual decline to absolute madness.

That was an amazing story so far. The suspense nearly killed me, but I kinda forgot how to die... Whoopsie :pinkiecrazy:

I'm going to reread it someday.

Man this is serious shit

This story is too underrated.

Very well done. Definetly deserves more upvotes.

“And I will keep guard to make sure no dastardly and not-as-handsome-as-I villains sneak in.” Discord snapped his fingers and split into six copies with big black wigs and a red uniform. All ran off in different directions.

Bravo, Discord.
:rainbowlaugh:

“Shhh…” Twilight hissed, sweaty and haggard and just plain terrified. She took her hoof from Rarity’s mouth and pointed out of the hole. “Look.”

This is very well done. I swear, this feels like a cliche scene of zombie movies though.

Upvote for just being plain GOOD.
:pinkiehappy:

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Thanks so much for the review. I didn't expect it to be rated so highly, but it's a pleasant surprise nonetheless :twilightsmile:

After Paul's glowing review, I had to check this out. I was not disappointed, getting a sense of palpable dread that only built as I kept reading. Now to look into your other works.

For a second I thought this wasn't gonna have a happy ending.

Quite a ride! It built things up relatively quickly but still managed to keep escalating the suspense throughout. Plus I’m always glad to see Rarity being awesome.:raritywink:

The epilogue infodump did feel a little tacked on, but when you’re sticking to one POV I guess it can be necessary.

This fic is good. You did good. Good.

I love the atmosphere you built here, it is thick and menacing, and does wonders to sell the dread of the situation Ponyville found itself in. I also have to praise your characterization of Discord, still mischievous but helpful. It is a role he is hardly ever cast in, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. It is a bit too unpolished for my tastes, but as far as effective horror goes, you can't really go wrong with something like this.

I really liked this, for the most part.
I can't help but wonder if the story wouldn't have benefitted if the descent from normalcy to forgetfulness had been more gradual, letting the readers get that creeping sensation that something is wrong before hitting them with the full force of the horror dwelling behinf the veil of reality. As it stands right now, it all spirals out of control a bit too quick for my taste.
Then again, seeing how the main chapter is already over 11k words, perhaps expanding the story would have forced it to be much longer than needed, or broken into several chapters.
Speaking of which, I really could've done without the epilogue. Maybe it's just me, but I feel the main chapter ended on a great note and everything after that is just a happy ending for the sake of one. It's not that well developed either, if I'm being honest, since it's composed mostly of Discord telling Rarity what happened once the Wraiths were defeated.
Nevertheless, this was a great read, and I hope you keep writing and improving in the future.
Cheers.
:twilightsmile:

I was so shocked when I read back and noticed the empty spot where Opalescence looked back placeheld by a comma and spaces. I had dismissed it as a simple typing mistake before!

A truly great read! Kudos to you, oh great author! And congratulations on being reviewed by the SA Team! Your story had the feels that led me to shiver in real whereas I never did while reading any other story. You are a master!

*bows*

200/100, I tell you!

9325939
Thanks so much for the kind words. It was pretty awesome to be reviewed by the SA.

32forget+24forgot = 56?
8?

They cluttered the forest, at least twenty-two of them

Twenty ponies could live here and it would still feel spacious; how did Spike and Twilight feel wandering these halls at night?

9+11 = 9/11?

9331847 Scary, but I assure you it's a coincidence; I'm not smart enough to be involved in world-changing conspiracies, sadly

Njankov's comment about the Opal scene reminded me of another point that initially looked like a typo, but I suspect isn't one.

Next morning, after a long night of futile studying, Rarity woke to find and her friends had already gotten up, leaving her to catch some more shut-eye. She yawned and stumbled out of the library in time to find Spike running down the corridor with a look of concern and a dust pan and brush in his claws.

The funny thing is that if I copy/paste it into a textbox, there are dozens of spaces right before the offending 'and' that makes it look like a typo, but as soon as this comment is posted, those spaces seem to vanish. Nice effect, and it makes me think that there are many, many more moments like this in the story's text that look like a typo but obscure a sighting of these things.

Are there any Doctor Who fans who are reminded of The Silence?

I liked this. It was a bit shorter than I'd hoped because this could be a 35K word story, easy. But, like!

Comment posted by Allsmiles deleted Apr 3rd, 2020

(Okay, this was good.

I immediately thought of The False Hydra when I first read it, because it hunts based on memory erasure. And likewise, The Silence does pretty much the same thing. However I really enjoyed your Wraiths as a monster, the very concepts behind memory erasure as a defense mechanism and attack are terrifying.

I'm also glad that it got a happy ending. Frankly, I like it when they go through Tartarus, but survive at the end. In many ways, because this was terrifying, but nopony actually died, this is a very canon appropriate horror monster. So yes, very cool, very unsettling, and very gripping. Also, Discord maybe deserves a spot in the character tag? He was certainly awesome enough for it.

Anyways, I enjoyed greatly. Well done.)

Horror stories are hard to get in Fimfiction (for some reason not many people have explored the genre), and I'm glad that your story was recommended to me.

I enjoyed how you slowly built up the pace of the narration, starting with Rarity forgetting something so inocuous as turning the faucett off. And then you forget your favorite recipe. Feeding your pet. Passages of your favorites books. Until you forget how to even walk. That's when you know you've been dealing with something very serious.

And the willingness of Rarity to sacrifice herself for her friends was very touching. And in the end all ended well. Off to the Favorites shelf!

Oh my god, the suspense! And I love when thrillers have a separate chapter for the definitive ending. Lets people keep to their own interpretations if they want. Faved!

9903931
At least one.

Now we just need a story with Weeping Angels, and we’ll have the two creepiest monsters ever to come out of that show.

Did not see that twist coming. When Sweetie Belle talked about the boots and shovel... I thought it was gonna turn out the CMC dug up some Forget Me Not flowers that were cursed. This took me by huge surprise and reminded me a lot of the Silence from DW.

Ooh boy, first Ice teeth and now I just finished this! You truly have a knack for horror! And again, poor Rarity :raritycry:

All those wraiths were unicorns, but when she reached down and pulled out a banner, it was undoubtedly of pegasi craftsmanship: the symbol of Commander Hurricane.

the three tribes' bigotry causing this whole mess is a great twist

then you might be wondering if I have some grudge against Rarity since she suffers the most in these stories.

I was going to make a comment about that on the previous chapter.

… But then I thought a bit… and now I think that it might be more than that.

Hear me out: In the show, Rarity has proved time and time again that, despite being a diva on the surface, she’s resourceful, resilient, and straight-up tough as nails. I don’t think any of the other Mane 6 would have weathered either of your story experiences as well as she.

8523718
And the time has come! Not going to lie reading it again after almost 5 years of seeing it on a shelf was probably the best way to read it. I remembered pretty much nothing about it, but it all came with a strong feeling of deja vu. And after Scootaloo mentioned the bones, I remembered how it ended

And yes I completely agree with past me. This story deserves a lot more attention. In fact it's one of the few horror fics where the threat is still scary after being explained, instead of just being dangerous.

“Rarity!”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That was great and scary! 😃

I totally LOVE this fic! I know it's a few years old now, but I drew some fanart <3 !!

This one gave me an elevated heart rate, I like that feeling.

Oooh, interesting strategy.
A wet burial.

Suprised she survived having her lungs fill with mud.

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