"Faster," whispered Twilight as she cleaned up the mess. "They need to be faster."
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Silent Whisper
Joined 23rd Apr, 2017 ·
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pretty scary read.
Also first comment!
Insanity is at its worst when it hides itself inside good intentions.
8547559
SPOOPY SPARY ALICORNS SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE
Good stuff. I liked the diary entry structure of the piece; I think it serves the plot well and comes off better than simple dialogue-action would, as far as the events and tone of the story.
You're very good at writing Fluttershy.
So... did Twilight decide to test her theories using real ponies? Or was it the 3/3 Green Creature with Deathtouch?
8881625
first of all,
Second of all... *grins* What do you think happened? I'd love to hear your theory on what happened~
8882160
I'm honestly kind of thinking it was a combination of both. Twilight used the fact that such a creature was killing ponies to keep suspicion off of herself when she did her "experiments". I'm also wondering if the creature was responsible for what happened to Rainbow Dash, which would honestly make this even more depressing than it already is.
8882853
that's an interesting theory!
My version of what happened is... even more grim though.There was no creature. It was a pony-made construct, and the terrifying features it had were created just to be terrifying.j It isn't alive. Bulk Biceps didn't see the creature clearly, but it "stung" a beaver (with a needle... it shoots needles... which was just a poison dart. The construct wasn't built to kill a pony, just to scare a whole town into getting away from it as fast as possible once they saw/heard it.)
The entire thing is built to scare ponies into flying faster. But, why would she do that?
"On another note, I went to visit Twilight again. In the basement, she set up Rainbow’s dummy, and she’s got these weird machines that she’s building too. Some things, she said, to test how fast impacts occur. It’s really fun to watch! She took this pillow and threw it at the machine. It stuck on this spear bit, and then the machine read out the speed!"
"Faster," whispered Twilight as she cleaned up the mess. "They need to be faster."
:)
8883544
I have to ask, then, what killed Rainbow Dash ?
8884035
Oh, Rainbow Dash? I suppose you'll have to figure that one out on your own. The hints are there.
8884307
Suicide? Accidental Sonic Rainboom into a cliffside? At least tell me if one of those is close.
8884961
The second one is a lot closer. :)
8885825
Is Twilight in some way responsible for Rainbow's death?
8885832
Nope! Guilt and grief can do strange things to ponies, however, and not all coping methods are healthy.
Im going to guess that rainbow dash was attempting a sonic rainboom but when she was at her max speed for it, she hit a cliff. and twilight falls into this because she calculated wrong and is trying to find the right calculation.
Well, that took a very dark and tense turn, I like that
And, I can actually see Twi being able to do that, for the sake of science and a twisted search for the truth. The only thing that didn’t add up was the mysterious monster part, which only the comment section managed to clarify.
Whew, that got intense and dark at the end. I liked the journal entries approach, and the "She didn't make it." was perfect.
Really creepy read, the journal format can be hard to pull off but you definitely do so really well here.
Great work!
The only bit of all this I can’t figure out is the last entry. It really seems like like “she” is Twilight, but then it goes onto to say
At first I thought she stole the diary and is possibly using it to lure more Pegasi who find it to her, but the last line trails off like someone has been interrupted writing it out. I truly don’t know. Well done.
10020374
According to how I originally wrote it (you are more than welcome to interpret it how you wish), the "she" is, in fact, Twilight. Fluttershy hopes that Twilight will be done with her "research" into whether or not pegasi can be made to fly that fast, and if it was truly an accident. So she hopes that whoever reads the diary will be able to have a calm discussion with Twilight regarding what happened, and hopefully reason with her to prevent it from happening again. Whether or not that's possible, or if Twilight is even done with the experiment... that's up to you to imagine. Fluttershy isn't a reliable narrator, so to speak, and she's probably giving Twilight more of the benefit of the doubt than she deserves.
edit- also, thank you for the comment, it meant so much to me to see that someone's reading some of the fics I loved writing the most, thank you. You made my day! ♥
10020565
Ah that clears things up a lot, thanks for the clarification. And I also wanna say I love how this fic is written, the journal entry style makes it really unsettling noticing subtle hints and clues as to what’s really going on
10020584
Thank you! I'm flattered by your kind words. I really appreciate you reading and commenting!
Flash: "My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive."
Twilight: "Interesting. Tell me more. I must know... for science."
What does it say about me that I read through this twice, and at both times got really excited at the prospect of Twilight hazardously yeeting pegasi through time and space. I'm not weird! The world is one big comedy, and all you have to do is laugh!
10510414
I'm very glad you liked the idea! Next time, Twilight will try to launch ponies out of those little things on Hot Wheels racetracks that make the little cars go faster!
10510412
This made me laugh. Thank you~
Ha-ha, but I am reading
!
Must've read this somewhere else
. Sounds familiar...
My hope is, Twilight had nothing to do with any of that...
...However... I am uneasy...
Also I appear to miss the question Twilight tried to find the answer to.
So, additionally to being uneasy I am confused...
Also, please, tell me by "marefriend" you just meant "a female friend"
...
Bookshelf-add pending...
8883544
Well, gee, that would explain a lot... That'd also mean your mind is twisted... I do not expect of you to be offended by that last remark: twisted minds are not offended by that, and minds not twisted, well, won't claim things happened the way that comment explains...
10632567
I have no clue how to respond to this. It's kinda a rude thing to say. And by "marefriend" I meant girlfriend. Like, the sort one is dating. What was the facehoof for?
It is illegal for this story to get any more likes when it has reached the perfect number.
10632735
Well, in that case (my remark seems rude) your mind must be not so twisted, as that comment implies. But that means, the actual events were tamer, than described...
As to that face-hoof of mine... Well, since you've clarified things on your use of "marefriend", I deem such use ruins this otherwise decent story
. But before -- I hoped that was meant in the sense of "female friend" (I heard "girlfriend" being used in that meaning, yes). I even pleaded for that to be true 
... And now the face-hoof must be doubled 
...
At least instances of "marefriend" can be removed... hopefully. That'll fix the problem. But one may never know... Authors tend to keep things, in which case... nothing is resolved...
10632787
I described them in the comment you mentioned as I intended them. Calling a random person you don't know "twisted" isn't quite as friendly as you may think, though.
As for the rest of your comment... never thought I'd get a homophobe on one of my fics, especially an older horror fic. I am a lesbian, though, so if you're against relationships between two female characters, please stop reading my stories and don't come back. I don't care about your opinion on the matter and you leaving is no loss to me.
Why am I picturing Twilight turning into Graystillplays...
10875180
I'm unfamiliar with Greystillplays, but I think this is a compliment of sorts? Something to look up, at the very least. Thank you for reading and commenting, seeing your favorite made my day!
10875790
No problem dude. Graystillplays is a YouTuber, And a funny one at that. If you watch some of his videos, you'll get what I'm saying.
I'm never going to fall in love with a daredevil.
This was very nicely written and I love that Fluttershy's writing lets us know something's wrong with Twilight but she still writes it in an innocent way that she doesn't see what's going on.
This story is a very interesting take on a third party’s observations as someone else loses their mind to obsession.
Well done.
If you ever wanted to read a story that ruins this story (with SilentWhisper's blessing!) then click here: A Question of Nothing
This is really good, love the diary format