After becoming trapped in a cave, the CMC must find their way out.
Loosely inspired by Ted's Caving Page.
Chapters (1)
toxbox
Joined 25th Feb, 2013 ·
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What's Ted's Caving Page?
8524817
I'm pretty sure it's a creepy pasta, but I don't remember. I think I read it one time.
This was intense. My heartbeat is off the charts.
Oh no! What happen!?
This story was amazing! One of my favorite horror stories. The suspense was done well and the air of mystery that you maintained worked out very well.
Pretty creepy. Nice job.
I rarely comment, but i want to say it was one of the greatest horror stories i've read so far. I hope you intend on writing more horror/dark?
This was great! I wish there was more it kinda ended where it seemed like more to it but that's ok it just made me wonder if they ever get out.
so they got caught in the end?
Aw, that was quite saddening. If only Scoots hadn't turned back. I really enjoyed it, though. Quite unnerving.
Certified Fimfiction classic
8524817
As DerpyLover125 said, it was a creepypasta. Specifically it was about a guy named Ted exploring a seemingly normal cave until he finds something he shouldn't have. https://www.angelfire.com/trek/caver/
Holy shit, the amount my heart twisted reading those words... Those are the words of someone that already knows the situation is FUBAR, and white lied one last time to spare her friend from a restless death.
Shit, amazing stuff, seriously. I got chills down my bones once everything starts picking up. I can FEEL the silent desperation on the last few paragraphs. Very well done.
9941948
Well, most likely, but the story leaving it ambiguous is perfect for the ending. We don't rightly know what happened, and it's all the more spookier that way.
I mean, would it be a better fate if they weren't caught? Scootaloo is stranded in the deep with a fatally injured Sweetie Belle, and dying Applebloom somewhere she can't even see. There's plenty of water, but no food, which means a worst case scenario of extremely slow death via starvation. She couldn't fly up, and even if she can, she wouldn't be able to navigate in the pitch black darkness. The only food she has would be... Sweetie Belle, and I don't think she can even digest her. Getting caught would be mercy at this point.
A literal cave?
Reading a fic about teenagers being dumb is so stressful. So much yelling and screaming! And you're the smallest, you silly, you have to get them out through the other hole. It's a miracle Scootaloo got out after so many mistakes!
That was also the point I realized that she couldn't go for help... without ruining the tone of the story. Narratively impossible, ergo physically impossible—though that sort of metagaming partially takes me out of the immersion.
For a bit there I thought we might get a tragic ending where Scoots gets help but they arrive too late and her friends are nowhere to be found. She would'a been distraught.
If anyone out there reads my comment before the story, you are now FOOLED!
I did genuinely half expect her to be forced to leave them behind, however. The other half of my expectation was death.
PS. Oh, also, I expected this to be some kind of friendship lesson around bickering. The plot kinda escalated after that. 10/10 would get lost in the dark again.
Oh god, I hate this ending
NO ENDING--
This was really well written with incredible atmosphere, but I feel like a lot of the tension was contrived. Between the weirdly hostile way they acted towards each other from start to finish, Scootaloo managing to knock herself out, hurt the others multiple times unintentionally, and just Scootaloo's utter incompetence made it feel like she was holding the worlds largest idiot ball. Especially when she found the exit only to turn and leave (did she think the wagon would fit under that space?
So overall I liked this. Really tense and atmospheric, but the characterization really brought things down in places.
This ia honestly one of the few fimfiction stories that actually scared me. I am usually a tough cookie, but something about this story...I dunno, it just scares me. It is so well written
this story was quite good! very many spooks, many horrific potentialities, and above all else the worst possible ending ever (for my emotional state).
my only criticisms are minor but repeated grammar issues, and a bit of confusion as to how much time is passing at times; realistically, it takes a few days for an infection to set, though apparently sepsis can kill within half a day... damn, that's harsh actually. but yeah, besides those issues, really good!