Life in Ponyville, outside of the usual events like a parasprite invasion or a revenge-seeking, all powerful megalomaniac kicking out the town librarian, tends to be laid back and typical. Which Applejack doesn't mind. However, after the CMC cause more problems due to influence from a newcomer in town, Applejack gathers the girls to go fix what the CMC did.
But then a mysterious creature ends up attacking Applejack, and while she survives and seems fine, it isn't long before she starts acting strangely. It's up to the usual group of ponies to figure out what's going on before it's too late.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]
*Approved for Twilight's Library on 3/18/14*
Chapters (25)
![http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]](http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]){kind=link}
I imagine that she's going to turn into this:
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDIvMDYvMDBfMjRfMTBfOTg4XzIzNDY3OV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfYXBwbGVqYWNrX2FudGhyb193aW5vbmFfYXJ0aXN0X2tpdHRlaGthdGJhcl81MTExYTJhNTdmMTIzYjU4YzQwMDAzODgucG5nLnBuZyJdXQ/234679__safe_applejack_anthro_costume_nightmare-night_winona_timber-wolf_artist-kittehkatbar_5111a2a57f123b58c4000388.png.png
Pretty enjoyable, thus far. Keep going.
2308540 Das so creepy.
Kinda taking your sweet time with the reveal there.
That was pretty interesting, can't wait to found out what happens next.
I feel like you meandered around a bit too much with this chapter. You stopped to provide exposition on the book and Lyra when a single sentence would probably sufficed. "Brevity is the soul of wit." Shakespeare.
That and you've abused the commas a bit by stuffing too much detail into each sentence.
Still, interest is piqued. If you want to improve take a look at the /fic boards on mlpchan or ponychan.
Otherwise: Continue.
2309439
I know it's said some people think with internal body parts other than the brain, but I thought it was metaphorical and not literal. I also think you should have your head checked, having apples in your brain cavity might be a health hazard.
2310625
Well, you'll see why I'm writing it like that. There's a method to my madness
2311411
I felt the book and Lyra exposition is somewhat important as they'll obviously be more important later on, but I'll have some friends go over it and help me make some edits to cut them down. I'll also look into the comma thing to see where I can cut it down in places. Thanks for the feedback!
But seriously, this is a great story. I know that I will check in every day to see new chapters.
Also, just curious, what program did you use to make that cover picture?
2312542
Thanks!
The cover pic is also done by the amazing Shinzakura, who I attribute/partially blame for eventually inspiring me to start writing fanfiction when the right factors were present. I believe he used Adobe Photoshop Illustrator C5, but I'm not sure.
I'll agree with other commenters that your pacing is a little weird. What might benefit you is an clear break between scenes. For example, Lyra and Bon-Bon were talking, and suddenly we cut to Big Mac with no warning.
Also, how do you get permanent brain damage from blood loss? I would think that if you're losing blood fast enough, you'd die before oxygen deprivation to the brain became an issue.
2313526
Yeah, need to go back and edit in the scene breaks. They aren't copying over for some reason.
And the idea behind blood loss = brain damage is pretty much explained here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_hypoxia
Not bad. I look forward to more.
ooo, first to the comment box I see.
well, i like where this is going,and I would also like to see this curse with greater depth
I guess it oughtta have been wereponies, for that would make a slight more sense, but hey, you wrote it. I think this chapter is great, especially the fact that it leaves us on a cliffhanger.
First comment on chap 4, I see...
Scheeeeee.... oooooooooohhhhhh...... MAN. That is HARSH. But I liked the detail of the deathtrap. Nice touch.
Still.... ooooooooohhhh........
I think the word you want here is 'defuse', as in, to remove a fuse, not 'diffuse', as in, to allow something to disperse.
Other than that, it was an enjoyable chapter.
After these two, I lost track of all the references.
And I'm pretty sure I read the first one somewhere.
2339323
Right, will fix that shortly when I get the chance. Thanks for pointing that out!
2339843
That's a reference to "Life and Times of a Winning Pony" and pretty much is just a major conflict point between RD and CK as stated in the story IIRC
damn trollestia been playing ultima 8 and gotten inspiration lol
Woah. So intense.
SO EPIC!!!!
Trollestia just used her final smash!!!
Also, nice chapter!
Just a question, how do you get things like bold and underline to work? On my computer it just replaces the words I highlighted.
2366650
Thanks!
As for getting the text to do bold and italics, key commands won't work here. You have to highlight the parts of the text and then click on the corresponding button on the toolbar at the top of the editing window, which if successful will bracket the section with something like {b} (text here) {/b} only replace the "{}" with actual brackets. You could also manually type in the brackets, but using the provided buttons is faster.
Iron Will vs Rambun in the hunting match of the century! Who will bag the elusive Werewolf and who won't live to tell the tale? Tune in next time to find out!
I'm honestly surprised that Rich's Barnyard Bargains would even sell something as inhumane as a Bear Trap. I know Ponies don't need them, but I would think Rich would draw the line at providing something so unethical to other species.
2368029
Filthy Rich struck me as invoking the stereotypical used car salesman, a normally well-meaning kind of guy who isn't afraid of overlooking some morals if it means a quick profit. Even if it means selling bear traps to minotaurs trying to catch a creature who allegedly only exists in ancient legends.
It’s a loooooooong story, ma’am, one that involves a pack of angry timberwolves, a needle gun, and wolf traps being operated by the most drunken goats who ever lived!”
best fucking piece of dialogue ever lol
2367915 Oooooooh.
*
testing. *will edit until it friggin works!!! cause I got this.
Edit: YUSH!!!
First Chapter: Holy shit dude, they built a CAR!
2332206
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/WarMachine.jpg
Ain't no kill like overkill!
2397614 Why u no pic load on my compute?!
jksaur.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/no-wai001.jpg
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/429/926/0e9.png
Real reason for parents death. Wereponies, nuff said.
Dare I say it?.. Sigh, very well. It seems we have a literal 'bitch in heat'
Edit:
called it!
2397825 Its basically Iron Man with 50 million guns on his back. Oh and his feet are tanks.
2403086 I am sad I missed that!
2399499
Saving that AJ pic for later
2405450
I have not read that series, basically what I'm doing off of here is my own general knowledge about werewolves. The whole "once a month is required, but it's otherwise voluntary" detail about lycanthropy in this story is really just a mechanic I introduced to explain why Applejack can turn into a wolf-like form at will generally at any time she chooses but prefers to do it at night when the urges are strongest and nobody would really notice. I'm sure that even more differences between how werewolves are handled between this story and that series will also appear in time once the plot gets to them. As for checking out the series, I'll keep that in mind, but I'll hold off until I'm done with this story so I don't unintentionally steal any ideas from somebody else's work.
2405516
Yes definitely, it took me all of 10 minuets and 3 different web searches to find that image. Which will grow exponentially seeing as this is the Internet.
And very good story so far.
Moustache for you
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/243/f/8/mustache_attack_applejack_by_triox404-d48gno3.png
Hazily, Iron Will replied “It’s a loooooooong story, ma’am, one that involves a pack of angry timberwolves, a needle gun, and wolf traps being operated by the most drunken goats who ever lived!”
Sandalwood. I see what you did there.
2408381
Glad you're enjoying the story!
2424825
You're actually the first person to realize that.
he also had a super-strength rope that could be used for repelling --> rappelling
stringer at the ready --> stinger
Striking another pose and flexing his big manticore muscles --> minotaur
Yes this should be interesting.
Am I the only one who noticed that the chapter is CMC why?
Murphy's law. Gotta love it.
I want some action or shenanigans next chapter! This chapter was sorta....slow I do hope it was for a buildup
2438823
I did notice the accidental acronym, but I thought it was cute enough to leave in.
2451570
Oh, you can expect shenanigans. If not in the next two chapters (another 2-parter), then in the immediate chapters after that.
Still laughing at the boatmurdered reference.
Good job on the fic. It has just the right amount of comedy to prevent the fic from becoming too dark.
.....I see what you did there
and I'm liking it.
Is this an unrelated chapter, to the main story? For the Cutie Mark Crusaders, I believe you last mentioned were going to join Iron Will in his quest. Not to mention the lack of Iron Will noticing...?