Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVIII · 7:11pm Mar 19th, 2020
I find myself working from home by company mandate. Out of all the nonsense coming out of this pandemic, this is one thing I won’t complain about. It’s nice to have a job I can do from anywhere that has an internet connection. But y’know, I look around and see people walking outside, visiting, enjoying life, and I have to wonder how much of this “global panic” is real and how much of it is just over-successful media hype.
Of course, then I meet this lady at the store claiming the mysterious "They" are trying to destroy you and me because we were created in God's image, and she tells me that "They" will cut off the internet as the next big step in this destructive effort, which I assume is all somehow related to COVID-19 even though she doesn't expressly say so. Maybe she was referencing the Socialist/Communist/Non-White American Machine, I dunno. Either way, my faith in the ignorance of humanity has been restored.
Anyway, my desktop is still waiting on a new motherboard, so I’m stuck with my work laptop. I’ve learned there are a lot of strange contradictions about what we can and can’t do on these things. For example, I can use Google Docs to write and store my reviews, but I can’t go to websites for looking up song lyrics. Because somehow learning the right words to a song is more dangerous to the company than being able to upload sensitive business secrets to Google for mass distribution. I can visit YouTube and various video game-centric wikis, but GameFaqs is off limits. One must wonder.
One thing I really can’t do is load edited (read: resized) images to my preferred server for this blog. That stinks changeling do-do. Still, it’s not that big a deal. I’m simply replacing the images with story embeds. Not the best solution perhaps, but it’s the one that requires the least amount of struggle on my part without plastering images of wildly varying sizes across our screens. I can put up with it for one week. Hopefully my desktop will be back in working order by next Thursday and we can return to my usual formatting.
But for now? Reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Troubles Over Hot Chocolate by Regocomics
From One Unicorn to Another by Comet Burst
Under the Willow by Orbiting Kettle
Parting Ways by Lady Froey
Rain by Piece Bot
Full.Stop by LackLustre
I'm All Alone by FourShadow
Twilight vs. The Narrator by Snake Staff
Boot Hoot's by Doug Graves
The Edge of Madness by SaltyJustice
Total Word Count: 89,994
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 1
None: 1
3,656 Words
By Regocomics
It’s Sprinkle Medley’s turn to lead the weather teams today, but instead she’s sitting at home, drinking hot chocolate and feeling depressed. Her manager Rainbow Dash comes by to find out why she’s skipping work.
This is a pleasant story in which Rainbow Dash takes on the role of both manager and friend. It is an appraisal of the value and pleasures of rain. More than anything, it’s a reminder that being the only one with a particular problem doesn’t make that problem inconsequential. Rainbow really shines in this story.
I enjoyed this one. It’s nicely written, with a solid appreciation for setting the scene and generating mood without sacrificing the flow of the plotline. With strong writing, a nice lesson for the audience, and capable characterization, I have nothing to complain about. This easily qualifies as the best I’ve read by this author to date.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Peach is Worth a Thousand Problems — Pretty Good
Gloria Celestia — Worth It
Forbidden Melodies — Needs Work
3,694 Words
By Comet Burst
Am I the only one annoyed by the fact Clover the Clever is canonically male?
The Winter seems everlasting, and Princess Platinum is beginning to fear for her ponies. The earth ponies are unable to produce food and Commander Hurricane is getting desperate for a solution. With her nation starving and war a distinct possibility, Platinum goes to visit her most trusted advisor and friend, Clover the Clever, for his council.
This is a curious look at Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever in the days before the summit. I was particularly curious regarding how Platinum defaults to the worst assumptions of her peers, particularly that Hurricane wants a war when his envoy provides no indication of such. If anything, the envoy’s manner suggested the very opposite! There may be more going on in the background we are unaware of (Platinum does mention something relating to troop movements), but as things stand it’s an interesting angle.
Even so, there’s not much to the story as a whole. Platinum fears for her ponies, she discusses the situation with Clover, they decide to suggest a summit (which, incidentally, is practically what Hurricane’s envoy was suggesting in the first place), story over. It’s not a deep tale, and is little more than a window into a brief moment of the past. If you’re okay with that and have an interest in Equestrian history, then this will do you fine.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
1,730 Words
By Orbiting Kettle
An old Diamond Dog tries to get some rest and relaxation under a willow tree. This would be easier if three curious pony puppies weren’t asking him all sorts of questions.
This is a pleasant little story in which the CMC find a Diamond Dog and, being the CMC, decide the best course of action is not to get help but to investigate. This leads to a brief discussion about Diamond Dog culture. It’s a nice, quiet slice-of-life piece with lots of creative worldbuilding thrown into the mix. The apparent lack of trust between ponies and dogs, as clarified at the beginning and end of the story, only sweetens the pot.
Possessing great descriptions, a constant laid back atmosphere, and plenty of imagination, this is a must for lovers of worldbuilding. It packs so much in so little. By all means, give it a read.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fermentation — Pretty Good
During the Everfree party, Sunset decides to spend some time alone. This would be easier if Twilight and Timber weren’t nearby having a romantic moment.
This is, essentially, about Sunset and Twilight trying to remain friends despite having gone through an unpleasant breakup. Which is fine on the surface of things, but also unoriginal, and as such the author will have to bring their A-game to make it work. Alas, Lady Froey does not do that. The first paragraph alone had me worried:
The sky over camp Everfree was lit by the moon that evening, the moonlight providing light to the forest below. Festive paper lanterns dotted the path like fireflies from the main camp to the mouth of the Crystal Cave deep within the woods, which glowed brightly from within. Sunset sat alone on a boulder outside of the entrance, watching the moonlit sky.
You’re seeing that right. Two of “sky”, at least four variants of “light”, three of “moon”, all in one paragraph. Not a good start, Froey. The dialogue doesn’t help matters, at times falling into cliché territory. The end result is a story we’ve all seen before, without any extra bells and whistles to differentiate it from the crowd.
Lady Froey could have made this concept work as-is, but to do that the writing quality would have to be top notch or there would need to be some original angle, and I’m sorry to say this has neither. It may work for the slice-of-life fans out there or maybe sadficcionados, and the common reader probably won’t have a problem with it. But for me, this just isn’t there.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Major and Minor — Pretty Good
Music to His Ears — Worth It
By Her Side — Needs Work
A thunderstorm is raging outside the Golden Oaks Library. Twilight couldn’t be happier.
This is a short, pleasant story about Twilight enjoying watching the rain and lightning. That’s all, really. I imagine it’ll be appealing to everyone who is of a similar mind. I’d consider myself one of those sorts.
The only catch is that the story is in desperate need of a proofreader. Take this, which is easily the worst moment in the story:
With a soft sigh, Twilight kept her shutters bedroom open slipped underneath the covers.while she would usually read until she felt the need for sleep, on this night, Twilight would watch the rain fall.
Yeeeeah. While most of the story isn’t this bad, similar problems do exist throughout.
A short, sweet story with no greater purpose than to be short and sweet. If not for the significant grammar issues, it might have made it into one of my higher bookshelves.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
I couldn’t help but hear Cecil Palmer reading this in my head.
In this nebulous piece, the world has apparently ended. How? Why? When? No way to know. All we know is that somepony – presumably Twilight, given the cover art – continues to exist in a barren wasteland, not sure if she’s witnessing the beginning or end of the world.
The author warns that this is scenery porn, and they meant it. The entire story is rich with imagery and atmosphere. In fact, it’s safe to say this is nothing but scenery and atmosphere, for there isn’t anything resembling a story to be found. It’s nothing but a long, gradual description of a barren, empty world.
If you’re looking for plot and drama and rising or falling action, turn away now.
If you’re looking for an exercise in atmosphere, description, and mood, jump in and indulge. Because that’s what this is: an indulgence. For some it will be a beautiful experiment. For others, it will be pointless.
I lean more towards the former.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Spell Bound — Worth It
Pinkie invites all her friends over for the 4th of July, and also invites all of her friends’ families. So when Rainbow Dash arrives all alone… well, people start to wonder why.
I was looking forward to this one, and I wish I could say I discovered a masterpiece of sadfic literature. Instead, I have to confess to disappointment.
First off, the entire story runs on the premise that Rainbow’s parents and sibling died a year prior and nobody knew it. The chances of Rainbow pulling that off are practically zero. We’re really expected to believe that one of their best friends’ families got wiped from the face of the earth overnight and nobody noticed? What about Celestia suddenly taking time out of her busy schedule to make sure Rainbow gets home safe? Or the funeral? Or the fact that someone somewhere made the highly unethical and possibly illegal decision to let an underage teen live all by herself with zero adult supervision?
Yeah, no. The entire premise of this story is beyond unbelievable.
I might have been willing to let that slide if the writing was solid. But…
On a starry summer night, over in the suburban part of Canterlot, Rainbow Dash and all of her friends came over to Pinkie Pie's for a party for a very special occasion. Tonight was special for it was the 4th of July, the birthday of their home country had came. Pinkie Pie's family invited all of her friends and their families for a very special celebration.
...it’s not. Frequent repetition, poor grammar, punctuation all over the place, and a style that takes Tell to its worst extremes. Calling the writing “amateur” is being generous.
I can’t fault someone for wanting to write something sad because they’re in a depressed mood, which is supposedly how this story came into being. But that doesn’t mean the story gets a pass, and it’s no excuse for a plot that makes no sense.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
4,125 Words
By Snake Staff
Out of the blue, a Narrator begins… well, narrating Twilight’s actions. This wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t a total asshole with godlike powers intent on making her every waking moment miserable.
I couldn’t stop smiling. I’m not usually one for crackfics, but this hit all the right notes. The Narrator’s constantly cruel actions while making sure to pit all Twilight’s friends against her (or conveniently getting them out of the way) never cease to be amusing. It’s at times vulgar and violent and ridiculous, but I am entertained all the same. It’s hard to believe that this is the same author who wrote The Djinni’s Tale.
A bunch of silly nonsense for silly nonsense’s sake, and almost all of it at Twilight’s expense to the point of cruelty. If that sounds like fun to you, have at it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Together Forever — WHYRTY?
The Djinni's Tale — Pretty Good
Three Goddesses, the Apple, and the Stallion — Pretty Good
Immortal Beginnings — Worth It
1,045 Words
By Doug Graves
Requested by Super Trampoline
Celestia visits a pet store to get a gift for Twilight.
This story, told entirely as a poem, has Celestia debating with the store owner over what to get Twilight as a pet. I’ve often said that I’m not a proper judge of poetry, but even so I thoroughly enjoyed this one. While it’s a feghoot, it’s loaded with clever rhymes and puns and little winks at the audience. It can be a little hard to follow at times, but I think that was more my lack of practice with such fast rhymes than anything.
A fun bit of silliness, and nothing more. Read it if that sounds up your alley.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Alternate Beginnings: Year One — Needs Work
67,630 Words
By SaltyJustice
Sequel to Shadows Watching
In Shadows Watching, we met a Princess Cadance whose background is significantly different from canon, although the adjustments match her canon personality surprisingly well. It’s been a year since the events of that story, and Cadance’s primary duty is to locate ‘shadows’, monsters born of corruption, and destroy them. These things often infect ponies and take them over, and Cadance has become adept at removing that corruption without harming the pony. When Celestia hears of a particularly serious case in Los Pegasus, Cadance decides to go undercover at the local flight school where the events are occurring.
This story felt like more of a mixed bag for me than its predecessor, which was heavy on worldbuilding and revealing Cadance’s background. Now that all of that has passed, this story focuses on Cadance’s life before the Crystal Empire, when Twilight was still just a little filly studying under Celestia. It mostly revolves around trying to solve the mystery of the infections that are happening around the school, although it occasionally jumps to Celestia and her own investigations.
One half slice-of-life and the other half mystery, the story tries to work in moments of horror and adventure when it can. These work to… some degree. They do their best work during the scenes intended to be frightening, but moments of action, loss, joy, etc. are all generally lost in the direct nature of the writing style.
Even so, I enjoyed the mystery and the overarching plotline. Cadance’s friends Squeaky and Minty are always entertaining, the scenes with Twilight are adorable, and we’re constantly at a loss for what’s going on in the background despite the author’s many hints that, in hindsight, I should have recognized as blatant giveaways. I’d like to call the villain a plus because I identified who it was the moment they walked in the room, but I can’t because it recalls vastly overdone stereotypes.
I do not think The Edge of Madness is up to par with its predecessor. Maybe if the writing were cleaner – SaltyJustice has a punctuation problem – and provided stronger emotional attachment. There are also some curious irregularities in the plot. For example, in the previous story we were shown a Cadance who existed centuries ago and who essentially disappeared from the world until the last year. But somehow we’re expected to believe a pegasus who can’t be more than one hundred if we’re generous knew her in the past? How does that happen? And how is it that the mighty general who has been shown in the previous story to have fought thousands of enemies against overwhelming odds with confidence and focus is somehow rendered a fearful, self-doubting mess when one particularly large enemy shows up?
There are some highs and there are some lows. Overall, I think they balance one another out enough that I can give this my middle-of-the-ground rating. I shall continue reading this series, as I’m curious to see where it’s going with the third entry.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Effigy of Anarchy — Pretty Good
Shadows Watching — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Thirty Minutes Shy by Esle Ynopemos
Sleeping Habits by Redric Carrun
The Wealth of the World by very trustworthy rodent
Accidents by Dusk Melody
A Copper Cicada, Underground by WritingSpirit
Crusaders by chief maximus
A Flutter of Wings on a Cloudy Day by Scout Feather
Cross The Amazon by Chatoyance
Before Dark by Rambling Writer
Early in the Horn: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale by Venates
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Not in the least. :B
You have it easy with this. My mom and sister are massive conspiracy theorists who think some illuminati-esque world government created the coronavirus for population control, and that they put chemicals in our food and products to brainwash us. I absolutely love them (they're my family after all) but I just internally want to shoot myself whenever they start talking about this stuff. My strategy is just to nod and avoid the topic altogether.
The virus spreads extremely fast if there are no protective mesures taken. I think it would be better not to try your luck at this point.
Speaking from Europe... it's real. Very, very real.
Under the Willow is going on the RiL list. There's so little good fic (or indeed any fic) where Diamond Dogs play a significant role, so that one caught my attention the most.
The only one I've read is "Twilight vs. the Narrator," and I just did not care for it, though I do like other things by that author. I've read other things by a couple of the other authors as well, and these sound like very typical examples of their work.
5223833
10 stories a week, skipping every 7th as a 'break week'. And I write my own stories, too.
Twilight Sparkle levels of organization, my friend. She is my lighthouse.
5223955
Good to know I'm not alone.
5224084
Knowing you, I can kind of get why you wouldn't appreciate it. If you step back and really look at it, it's nonsense on a lot of levels.
Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked it.
As for the outbreak, talking from my home in Germany, it can become quite serious even discarding the immediate risks and the contagion and looking only at the systemic load on the healthcare system, which then carries along a ton of potentially lethal second and third-order effects.
5224359
It's not really the nonsense that bothered me. It's more that I just don't care for pointless torture, and I've gotten very tired of stories where "you" are an asshole anon stand-in, which is pretty close to the snarky narrator-as-character.
5224814
Huh. I've not read too many Anon-centric stories. Didn't know there was a set personality type. Which, thinking about it, seems to entirely defy the point of there being an 'anonymous' character.
5224817
There's a whole gamut of them, but a lot do seem to take the opportunity to be snark lords.
For the "Stories Next Week", is that for stories that you will read, or stories that you will review for that week?
I ask because I was trying to see where your review of Thirty Minutes Shy is.
5298252
Yes, as the name implies, "Stories for Next Week" means the next blog. I just made a mistake with this week's review map. Should be working now.
Sorry that this is REEEALLY late. I only recently came back to the site and saw that you had left a review for this contest entry fic from way back when. I am glad you enjoyed it! Nothing else to say aside from thank you for the kind words.
However, seeing how my best performing story is in the Needs Work category means I need to give that one another once-over since I am devoting pretty much all my writing time expanding that universe. The fact I wrote Forbidden Melodies and threw it on the site in basically 24 hours really shows having been away from the story for so long.
5584819
Welcome back! I had to re-read my own review, but it didn't take long to remember the details. TOHC is certainly one of your better pieces, IMO.
A rewrite, is it? Well, perhaps I shall review it when it's done. Good luck!
5584834
That'll probably be down the line if I get some writers block on Electro Swing, but I'll let you know. Thanks again for reading!