Paul's Thursday Reviews XLIII · 10:31pm Aug 4th, 2016
Got a few announcements this time, folks!
First up, next week is one of my regularly scheduled 'break weeks,' which means there won't be a review blog. No big deal there, just giving myself less to read and more to write. Speaking of which...
I've hit something of a mental block with the latest OoS chapter. This is exceptionally strange, as the chapter I'm writing is the first in a new character's set, and I usually get really into those since I'm exploring a new area of the TvE world. Alas, while I've written on a daily basis, said writing is coming at an excruciatingly slow pace.
Going along with that, my parents have decided to hold my birthday celebration dinner a week early to coincide with when my mother will be off work. I don't mind, since it means great food and maybe a fishing trip, but it does more or less destroy any chance I had of getting the OoS chapter up this weekend when it was scheduled. Looks like another week-long delay of my stories, folks. Those of you reading No Heroes may rest at ease for now, though, a the Saturday chapter is all prepped and ready to go.
And in relation to that, there may not be a blog this weekend. I know I usually pull it off, but every time I go to see my parents it gets really iffy as to whther I'll be able to fire one off. We'll just have to wait and see.
And as a final note, I've got a lot of big stories coming down the turnpike for reading. These are going to take up large chunks of my reading time and are already threatening to bottleneck my overall reading process, although I intend to get a bit more flexible about my schedule in order to accommodate. Even so, I just want people to know that there may be a week somewhere down the line where I'm forced to skip reviews because I'm having trouble keeping up with the readings.
Alright, enough of that! Review time.
Stories for This Week:
It Doesn't Matter Now by Loganberry
Not Part of the Plan by TheVClaw (Recommended by Thought Prism)
Apple Boom by BlazzingInferno (Requested by BlazzingInferno)
To Equestria With Love by Surprise the Pegasus (Re-Read)
Tenebrae by Pearple Prose (Re-Read)
Dragonfire and Sympathy by alarajrogers (Sequel to Discord in Hell (Not Literally))
Total Word Count: 25,427
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 1
It Doesn't Matter Now
1,334 Words
By Loganberry
Well, that was different.
In Loganberry’s It Doesn’t Matter Now, the End Of All That Ever Was has come to the MLP universe. Unfortunately for the Spirit Pony responsible for this total destruction, Pinkie refuses to let the universe be destroyed until after she fulfills a certain Pinkie Promise. And, to Its frustration, she is perfectly capable of doing exactly what she claims.
This was witty, silly, and at times even a little thoughtful, provided you can find introspection in ridiculousness. Pinkie does her job quite well, and the Spirit Pony is about as effective a counterpoint as can be. I enjoyed the humor behind this one, for it possesses a certain legitimacy in its randomness.
I suppose the only issue I have with the story is how short it is. The concept – and, one could argue, the delivery – are nicely ambitious, and the story does exactly what it sets out to do. I just wish it did more.
Still, for what it is?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Not Part of the Plan
3,675 Words
By TheVClaw
Recommended by Thought Prism
After Ahuitzotl’s failure in the episode Daring Don’t, he hatches a new plan to finally defeat his arch nemesis: kidnap Rainbow Dash as a hostage. Upon finally getting there, however, he finds that Rainbow was expecting him… so to speak. This is one meeting that won’t go as either of them planned.
Two parts humor and one part total nonsense, this story depends on your willingness to accept highly unlikely circumstances. Then again, what comedy doesn’t? There’s not a lot to it, and it ends things before the joke grows stale. I’m still not sure whether to be as disturbed as Ahuizotl or shocked he didn’t take advantage of the situation. I suppose that, in the long run, he’s really not much of a villain after all.
A couple things of note. First off, the style of writing is unpleasantly telly, to the point that it repeats information already established by context. It’s gotten to the point that this kind of thing annoys me, so it greatly hindered my amusement. We are all well aware that Rainbow doesn’t know why the lights came on, there’s no need to tell us this information.
The second thing is subjective, so make of it what you will. We know that Rainbow’s in an awkward position when Ahuizotl leaves. There was a moment that could have been great comedy-wise, particularly if Fluttershy had found her as she feared. The potential in such a scene is golden. Instead, we get a bunch of pseudo-hired goons? Weak. It comes down to whether you prefer Rainbow grasp the full scene or get a moment of total embarrassment with her friend. Personally, I think the latter would have been ten times as entertaining.
Okay, so the delivery is lackluster. It’s still amusing, and anyone entertained by Rainbow’s fangasming – in this case with touch of the literal – will probably enjoy it. I think the average reader will derive much more entertainment from it than I have.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Apple Boom
6,657 Words
By BlazzingInferno
Requested by BlazzingInferno
Once again, BlazzingInferno graces my blog. This time the focus is on the youngest Apple and a disaster in the making.
In Apple Boom, Apple Bloom and her sister discover a pair of week-old Zap Apple barrels in the cellar. Applejack warns her that zap apples of such an age are worthless, but Apple Bloom decides to try to make use of them anyway, specifically by creating a new invention: zap apple cider. The results are… well, just look at the title.
Perhaps the most unusual aspect of this story is the author’s choice of formatting. Every chapter is set in two parts, one before the disaster, and one after. The ones before simply detail the events leading up to detonation, whereas the ones after are used for comedic effect. This was a curious decision on BlazzingInferno’s part, but I think it worked well. Had the author stuck to keeping everything in chronological order, there’s no doubt that the story would have felt too slow and stale.
The style of comedy used here is more to my liking. As over-the-top as the results of Apple Bloom’s experiments are, it’s all depicted in a fashion that feels realistic and believable, at least within the bounds of MLP. I think the Cakes were the best part, but I liked Twilight’s segment too. Rarity’s was okay, but I felt it took too long to get to the point.
If I were obligated to single out any one thing in the story I feel warrants improvement, it’s the disaster itself. The first three chapters just keeps building and building on the hype of the event. Then we get to it and… it’s done. The entire event passes by in the course of a few sentences. I get that the eruption went by fairly quickly, but this could have been an opportunity for BlazzingInferno to stretch their descriptive chops, and they let it slip by. There are times when it’s okay to move on, and times when you really want to paint a vivid picture. This should have been the latter.
Apple Boom might not be as good as most of the other stories I’ve read by this author, but it’s by no means a bad one. Read it for a few chuckles, enjoy it for what it is.
Bookshelf: Worth It
To Equestria With Love
3,651 Words
By Surprise The Pegasus
Re-Read
Ah, one more story from the old Random Romance group. I had completely forgotten this one up until a new reader replied to one of my comments. It looks as though the writer left FIMFiction over a year ago, but that won’t stop me from reviewing their content.
For those of you unaware, the goal of the (now dead) Random Romance group was to hold a contest every month in which entrants would ship two characters. These characters’ names were literally pulled from hats. This sometimes led to some really unorthodox and unexpected combinations, and for this story, the combination was Sunset Shimmer and… Shining Armor.
Yeah. Just think about that for a moment.
Unfortunately, To Equestria With Love reveals how this concept can go horribly wrong. We start off with Sunset Shimmer returning to Equestria a year after the events of Equestria Girls and going back to being Celestia’s student. First sign that things are about to go wrong: the train conductor gives her a free ride without so much as thinking about it.
From this point on, the story gradually gets worse. Sunset loses all her characterization from the show and gains the mentality of a carefree fourteen-year-old, complete with mindless teenibopper longings for aimless love. Then she meets Shining Armor, whose characterization can be whittled down to ‘random gentleman hunk #1.’ They do a few typical winter date things almost immediately, without any thought given to Cadance (whom Sunset doesn’t know about because Shining doesn’t say anything), and Shining invites her to the Hearth’s Warming play.
Then he’s there. By her bed. When she wakes up the next morning. With a present.
Creepy move there, Shiny.
Then the play ends, Cadance finds out and (both ironically and metaphorically) turns into a raging she-demon complete with foul language, domineering mannerisms and general bitchiness. In other words, absolutely nothing like Cadance. Shining then announces, without fanfare, that his wife is a manipulative, bitchy control freak, tosses his wedding ring in her face, and goes to be with Sunset Shimmer. Queue happily ever after.
Honestly? The story could have been written as quickly as that summary and would have had exactly the same emotional and mental impact. Every character is OoC, there’s zero emotional logic in the entire story, and the characters make dramatic, life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat with zero regards for the consequences of their actions. The only thing going in this story’s favor is that it’s writing style is much better than I remembered.
But I think the absolute worst part about all of this is that the writer surrendered. Maybe it’s not that; maybe they simply got tired of FIMfiction. But given some of the self-directed criticisms and number of deleted comments I’m seeing, I can’t help but suspect that the author simply gave up. And that’s terrible on its own. I hate seeing authors succumbing to criticism.
That doesn’t change my rating for this story, though. Maybe I’ll read one of Surprise’s later stories, just to see if they improved any. But this one?
Bookshelf: None
Tenebrae
4,516 Words
By Pearple Prose
Re-Read
In one of the very few Pearple Prose stories I’ve indulged in, we are introduced to an entirely new MLP universe, a re-imagining of some of the most basic aspects of Equestria. In this world, Celestia and Luna are known as legitimate goddesses, but in a way, they aren’t known at all. Every year on the longest night, the most pious follower of the goddess Luna dances in a quiet ceremony, and all those in attendance beg for the Night Mare’s favor. For Archdruid Twilight Sparkle, she has only one wish: to meet with the goddess herself.
And after she dances on this particular night, a friendly voice whispers in her ear.
Without question, the thing that makes this story so intriguing is its complete re-defining of the world of Equestria. Townships and cities creating constellations, dual worship of sun and moon, a nation raised without the direct influence of the royal sisters, and they themselves watching from a literal Heaven. It is a truly impressive re-creation, made best by it’s complete and utter disassociation with anything we know about MLP.
The story is no slouch either. We get to watch a goddess, tired of her isolation and dominion, seeking to connect with her most loyal follower in a way that none before have been permitted, while Twilight comes to have a better understanding of the nature of her beloved goddess. It’s well-devised, well-written and well-displayed.
There are a couple hiccups, as with all stories. Sometimes, the author moves into a little more explanation than is needed. For example, when Trixie makes an unexpected cameo, Pearple Prose goes through the trouble of explaining her background. Why do we need to know this information? What pertinence does it have to the story? There is so much taken for granted in this story, but somehow it was deemed necessary for us to know all about Trixie, who has no further role beyond this initial appearance. I think the fact she cameos alone is good enough for her fans.
And then we have Twilight’s ability to form certain conclusions about Luna, which makes her go from devoted, loyal follower to ‘friend’ in a blink. I don’t think faith works that way. Granted, it was the right thing to do, but her manner of reaching the conclusion and making the vast shift in mental tone was just unbelievable. I think that, had Pearple Prose bothered to indicate that these things take time but Twilight was willing to try, I would have approved a bit more.
However, that may have also required a much longer story. Given the length of this one, I can grant that the author made the right choice in terms of keeping the length down. If that was the intention, I suppose the complaint isn’t as strong as it feels.
For providing an interesting story and a very interesting world reconstruction, I am pleased with this story overall. It’s well-written, hugely creative, and by virtue of its background differences allows a new look at the TwiLuna ship. Aside from those minor things already brought up, I think the only major issue I had was that the universe is painfully underutilized. Pearple Prose gave us the barest glimpse into something magical, and then closed the door.
I wouldn’t blame anyone for wanting to kick that door down.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Dragonfire and Sympathy
5,594 Words
alarajrogers provided no cover art.
Sequel to Discord in Hell (Not Literally)
The premise by the original story caught my attention, and while it and its other sequel (which has a ridiculously long name, just know it’s this one) were mediocre at best, the concept is still strong enough to keep me interested in seeing how things turn out. Enter Dragonfire and Sympathy, the second (perhaps concurrent?) sequel to Discord in Hell (Not Literally).
To catch you guys up, the Discord we know decided to visit a parallel dimension with the intention of having a little ‘fun’ without getting in trouble with his own Fluttershy. Unfortunately, he chose to go to a world where he’d been killed, under the idea that he’d rather not have to deal with himself in the process. He failed to take into account that whatever killed his parallel universe form could also stop him, and he is summarily captured by the AU’s Mane 6, who have all been thoroughly corrupted by that world’s Discord before his death. Ever since, Discord has been brutally tortured by the Mane 6 with Celestia’s nod of approval, with the ultimate aim of weaponizing his magic.
In this story, we learn that Spike, furious at the corruption of his friends, took a sledgehammer to the AU Discord’s statue – hence, Spike’s the one who killed him. But now a half-dead Discord, cursed by Twilight into being unable to lie, takes the opportunity to inform Spike of the reality of the situation, with the desperate hope that Spike will use his dragonfire to send a plea for help across dimensions (that being the letter comprising the first story).
I can safely declare that this is the best of alarajrogers’ stories for this series so far. This is probably because it’s not written as if it were a letter, a style that the author has struggled with significantly in the past. There are still some issues, such as excessive explanation and the dialogue being weak. Even so, they’re minor problems compared to what plagued previous stories.
One thing that is a bit of a mixed bag is alarajrogers’ use of punctuation in dialogue. Most notably – and consistently – are the ellipses used in Discord’s parts:
"Didn't... change... Elements." He closed his eyes again. "My universe... they beat... me. First time. Didn't... notice... Twilight... got them... free. Never... touched the... Elements. Just... the bearers... and they got... better."
Some people will find this terrible, if not downright unreadable. For me it’s not a big deal, especially since there is an underlying purpose. That said, I’d definitely call it overkill. There are times when it’s okay to just specify that he was speaking between huffing breaths or something similar. I get and even appreciate what the author was going for – frankly, I think a lot of writers should try stuff like it more often – but everything in moderation.
Otherwise? Decent characterization, a subtle sense of horror, not a bad execution by any means. It’s starting to look like my patience is going to be rewarded, and I am eager for alarajrogers to finish the major story so that I can add it to my Completion list. It may lack polish, but it made for a nice bridge.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews XL
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLI
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLII
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
I remember Tenebrae, I really liked that one. :D
So it's the grimdark mirror held up to that one story by the Descendant. :B
Oh, hey. More stories I completely forgot I recommended.
Thanks for the review and the excellent feedback!
Your complaint about the climax took me by surprise, which is good in a way. It's another blind spot for me to pay more attention to in the future... or the present. I might add a sentence or two to Apple Boom if I get a chance.
4133330
I've added it to my requests list, although I do hope it is completed before I get to it; I don't want to have to read it twice. At least it looks like it updates regularly.
(Apologies for the late response here. Main excuse: Olympics.)
Thanks very much!
I knew the rating from the earlier bookshelf addition, but I'm very pleased with the content of the actual review, too. It's a fair point re the shortness: that said, I'm not sure I would have made a longer version any better -- though in my place, some other writers might well have done. Still, I'll certainly take that assessment...
...especially since I now know what's coming later, and I'll be surprised if that story does quite so well! (But who knows?)
4148424
You're very welcome! I don't like writing reviews as short as that one, but for once I didn't see the need to add anymore. Which, I suppose, may have been how you felt about the story.
As for the other one I selected, don't worry; that review won't be coming for a very, very long time. My RiL's running at over 450 stories right now, I always read in the order I picked them, and at the moment I'm stuck doing only one RiL story per week. So... yeah, long wait.
4148442 Pretty much, yes. It was one of those rare stories that was pretty much done on the first evening. Even for fics that length, I usually struggle a bit more. Looking back, that was probably a good sign.
Ah, that's a relief! Though if I'm still around here in 2025, I may still get nervous! :P