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After staying away from her friends for years, Fluttershy is stunned to discover Rainbow Dash on her doorstep looking injured and asking for sanctuary in her escape from someone she won't name.
Full cast audio reading with special word from the author can be found on my YouTube channel here, starring TheLostNarrator, Illya Leonov and Starryflame.
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There have been a few stories I've read where the issue of abuse and dependence of the abused comes up - and it's always a wrench for me.
This story actually touches on one of the factors I think plays a key role in the abused party trying to brush off the abuse, or go back into that situation: they got there little by little, one step after another, until they're down in a hole that they can't see out of.
I've never gotten any closer to an abusive situation than reading or hearing about it in the news, and I think I'm kind of glad about that, because I would likely go after the abuser and do my level best to put them in a grave. I've a temper, you see.
And good on Fluttershy for standing firm and having that [REDACTED] thrown out like trash.
I've worked at a children's shelter and the behavior and feelings you showed are spot on. The crippling loss of self-esteem and dependence on the abuser is the hardest thing to work through. Great story.
I believe the fuck who abused Dash has a meeting scheduled with my 12-gauge...
God I love when people who don't understand sports culture take it, dial it up to eleven, and then try to use that and some character sock puppetry for some feels. I have to ask who any of these characters other than Fluttershy are, because, well, Rainbow acts like a caricature of her season 1 self, all the flashback mentions of their friends don't bother trying to go to her with the problem and help her through it, and the Wonderbolts go from "we're jocks who mouth off to one another" to "we're jocks who beat up on the rookie." Honestly, I started wondering if I'd wandered back over to ffn and was reading some Ron the Death Eater fic almost halfway through the first scene. Frankly, I gave up shortly after your Dashpuppet confessed the abuse, because I couldn't take any more of the forced dialogue.
So for that reason, downvote number four (unless someone beats me to it before I post this comment) is mine.
Edit: at the behest of another user who saw my comment and PM'd me, laughing, and told me to read through to the end, I did so. And having done so, I have to rescind my statement that Fluttershy is anything near in character and ask what the heck kind of team do you think the Wonderbolts are when you write them having guards on battlements making sure teammates can't go home as they're permitted to do when not busy with shows in-universe. And please don't try to pull "this is an alternate take" on me, because you did nothing to actually sell that alternate take throughout the story.
I want to say something..
I am a male, and I know what this is like. My ex-wife was, well a lot like the story above. It took me so long to see she had made my friends go, that she was controlling everything. She put me in the hospital twice, once stabbing me to "fix things". I spent so much time thinking it was MY fault, that I was the one that was at fault and causing her to get mad.
That was a long time ago, my true friends stuck by me, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a guy I met, for 19 years now. Took me a lot of time and counseling to get past her, and the series of bad relationships before her.
Thank you for writing this...it has earned a spot in my best story list.
I did not like this story.
Dash's dialogue is atrocious. She has a comment about slow things being boring, yet she says it amidst three blocks of paragraphed dialogue that just make the same point over and over again. Her word use and the overall tone is weak and the situation she found herself in is strange, to say the least.
It's true, newbies get beat up on in sports. Rookies tend to find their shoes missing or have to carry all the pads for the vets for a week, but any kind of action beyond that is handled swiftly because everyone is earning not just a paycheck, but pride, as well. So, just on the surface, it doesn't make any sense. Then, Rainbow's reaction seems a bit meh, considering she's allowed to leave and visit her friends and family when she wants as long as she's not traveling or in an event. And last time I checked, she doesn't put up with anyone's shit, much less physical abuse.
Fluttershy was a bit better. I liked her dialogue in this situation and you got her caring nature down pretty well, but she kinda slipped near the end. It just didn't feel authentic.
I don't know what else to say, but this story just felt weird.
8570137
8570131
8570098
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ishouldbewashingclothes.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/miss-the-point.png?w=300&h=300
8570153
I think the same could apply to you, sir, given that you missed the points of our posts. Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolts, Fluttershy... They were so off character it felt like I was reading through a bad parody of their characters. (I mean, really? Fluttershy going after the Bolts with an animal? That's hardly what I'd call a Fluttershy thing to do. Element of Kindness after all.) This is sockpuppetry, pure and simple, with Rainbow and Fluttershy as the author's mouthpieces for their hatred of the Wonderbolts, disguised as a story about abuse.
8570157
Except that this isn't at all a story trying to bash the Wonderbolts. Seriously, how did you even arrive at that conclusion?
8570153
If they missed the point, then what is the point?
8570160
Um, I believe this set of lines from Carapace sums it up.
8570153 As someone who has been involved in competitive sports for 20 of his 25 years, I can pretty well tell you how shit like this gets handled in the locker room. First, we take the idiot abusing another teammate and throw him, and his gear, out into the hallway and make him dress out there until he can pull his head out of his ass. If it continues, we have him thrown off the team and make sure every organization in the area knows what sort of shithead he is—in short, we blacklist them because there is a brotherhood in team sports. We don't have time for the wanktacular shit that authors seem to think we do. We're busy working together to try to win games/competitions. But please, tell me more about how my own world works.
If the author wishes to portray abuse in sports, it is up to them to actually do the work to sell it as believable rather than milk it for some cheap feels, not to mention actually be true to the characters involved if you're going to write about existing ones. Especially when those characters have a history of going "gee, something is wrong with [insert Mane Six member here], let's go find her, talk to her about it, and see what we can do to help" but instead acknowledge that something is wrong and do a great big ball of nothing to help their friend, which is a rather blatant attempt to isolate her further because we have feels to milk.
But, hey, maybe you're right, maybe I did miss the point. What is the point?
8570162
Except it was just one individual member of the Wonderbolts and not the whole team that was doing this. Fluttershy even said Spitfire would have believed Dash if she told her. Seriously, since when is judging an entire group of people based on one bad member fair?
And about Fluttershy, if you ever found out one of your friends was in an abusive relationship of any kind, would you be ticked off at the person?
8570169
Yes, okay, I admit, it's just one pony, but to be honest, every character still felt like caricatures of themselves. Plus, in any world, I'm pretty sure setting an animal on anybody is against the law. Not even national heros like the Elements are above that.
8570169 This "it's one pony" defense doesn't work when the Dashpuppet states that the one character has openly kicked her to make her get back up in practice, stolen her mail and had it sent back, and then written letters back to Rainbow's friends designed to ruin relationships. At that point, we're talking dismissal worthy offenses from any organization with a manager in possession of more than two functioning brain cells. This fic working requires me to turn off mine so I don't ask questions regarding behavioral issues and, y'know, "where be the team camaraderie, yo?" Thus my complete and utter disdain for it and the manner with which it treats sports culture and team dynamics. This is also why I typically end up laughing at people who flail about the Bolts sticking a nickname on Rainbow, because not only is that part of the welcoming/bonding process, but I was literally called worse when I was fucking ten years old.
Edit: Also, this is stated in fic to have gone on for YEARS. That really doesn't work. At all.
8570168
What was the point? I can answer that. She wrote it for a friend. Yeah, she wrote it based on real life events. It was even originally just supposed to be something private. But, here we are.
She was in no way trying to insult sports teams. What you told me real life sports teams do to abusers is a good thing. Abusers are terrible people and deserve that. She was just trying to write a scenario that the show likely wouldn't touch upon and tried writing how the characters would act as best as she could.
Now, if you don't like this story, that's perfectly fine. I can't change your opinion. I just felt that the accusation that it was just meant to bash the Wonderbolts wasn't true or founded and I wanted to take this opportunity to point out what I thought. Ok? Ok.
8570180 And thus we circle back to the image in this comment: 8570137
Inspired by real-life events or not, ponies are not your mouthpiece. If the author wants to write something like this, far be it from me to stop them. But don't copy-paste some ponies' names on the characters to garner attention and cheap feels. And certainly don't do a half-assed job selling the entire thing and expect readers to just believe it. That's a perfect example of lazy writing.
8570186
Well, if that's what you think, again, I'm not going to try and change you. I think I'm just gonna go read something fun now. Have a good day sir.
That was the definition of tragically beautiful
The author clearly didn't join a sport at any point. This isn't even close to what happens, anyone that's reading.
Manufactured wangst/10
8570186
What's with "authors" using them as their mouthpieces anyway? You'd think these people would know about the blog function.
8570207 How else will I generate cheap feels and rake in sweet, sweet followers and likes with my wanking if I don't do it on the front page of fimfic?
8570208
True. It worked with Little Dashie (ugh).
Story got featured.
8570201
You're clearly basing your idea of how sports team work on very limited information, then. Sure, in countries with better mechanisms against abusers, this story is manufactured wangst, but for those in more screwy places, people sometimes put up with abuse silently. Furthermore, even if you were right, it's Equestria; things probably work very differently. I guess one could argue it is the analogue of the USA, where such abuse is not tolerated as much.
Nonetheless, I dislike this story not for sport culture reasons, but for sockpuppetry reasons overall.
8570249
By a popular author, panders to the base by using the Wonderbolts (Or at least one) as the villains, and has Fluttershy and Rainbow as the leads? Course it was going to get featured.
8570258
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy as leads with Wonderbolts as villains = instant feature? I thought the only way to get featured was if a story was widely accepted by the audience.
The fact that so many people on this site seem to think that this is a fic about hating on the Wonderbolts just shows how completely idiotic this community can be at times. So many seem to have completely missed the point- and that makes me very mad. My sister had to deal with someone like the bastard in this fic, and it took so much time to get her to see what was really going on- that she was being abused, and that he was using her for his own amusement, that she was a toy to him and nothing else.
Maybe if people went over to Scribbler’s YT channel and listened to the fic be read, and stayed around for her to do her little end blurb, they’d realize what the fic was really about: domestic violence. Sorry to burst your bubble, imbeciles, but to be fair, there are plenty of points in this story where you could’ve figured out what RD was actually going through- what was happening to her. But you chose to ignore it, because you already had a pre-conceived notion as to what the fic was about, and you couldn’t take the time out of your precious day to read between the lines and think for two seconds.
I can already hear the triggered screeching of people who have completely missed my point just like they missed the point of this fic, but what can you do? People will be people. So if you’ve got a problem with what I’ve said here, maybe you should look at what I’ve said instead of whining like the perpetually-triggered Tumblrina that you are.
With all due respect, people-whom-the-point-of-this-fic-and-this-post-has-gone-completely-over-the-head-of,
Wake the f*ck up. Quit being so dense. Re-read the fic. Read between the lines. Go to Scribbler’s video on this fic and skip to 1:45:12.
Sincerely,
Rivalkyrie.
8570272
And by using the methods I outlined, the story got widely accepted by the audience.
8570290 Or you could actually read our comments and see that the issue we take is predominantly with the blatant sockpuppetry of characters. At no point does this fic demonstrate anything relating to domestic violence. Rather, it takes on the form of abuse within the sports community, and falls flat. With that said, it falls flat in both regards.
Oh, and feel free to kiss my ass, you holier-than-thou twat.
Edit: P.S. Nothing makes me laugh harder than the guy trying to label others a bunch of trigger happy Trumblrinas getting salty that they dare criticize something they like. Hold this L.
8570272
Popular characters, by a popular author, using a fandom trope that is popular despite being, pardon my French, retarded. That's how you get accepted by the audience. I actually rather like ObabScribbler and Playing With My Heart was one of the first fics I read on this site, but this one is so cheap I was surprised it didn't end with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash adopting an orphaned Scootaloo, who is bullied because she can't fly (though maybe that'd make a story fare better, or at least with less controversy: using Wonderbolts as villains doesn't seem to give as much brownie points as Orphanloo, as far as tired fandom tropes go).
8570290
Well, then she ran straight into something called Death of the Author. I mean, that may have been her intention, but it hardly matters when readers make their own interpretations and no one's gonna sit through two hours of reading of a story they didn't like just to listen to the author providing the interpretation. And you're most definitely not helping with calling people imbeciles and generally failing at becoming a white knight.
8570292
According to the comments on this story, they sure didn't accept this...
8570294
Apologies if you took my attitude as being holier-than-thou, it was not my intent.
I simply take issue with the fact that everyone seems to be taking the fact that Dash’s abuser is a member of the Wonderbolts and is conflating that with being the same as Scribbler hating on the Wonderbolts. I agree that no author should “use ponies as their mouthpieces”, but at the end of the day, it’s still the author’s decision.
Scribbler wanted to write a fic about Rainbow Dash struggling to overcome an abuser- end of story. Did she come off as being preachy? Yes. Could she have made it a bit more clear as to what was going on? Absolutely. Do these things take away from the message that sometimes people in bad situations need help to realize that they’re in a bad situation (i.e. abuse victims dependent on their abuser), and that friends should be there to help them realize that? Not in my opinion, no.
Again, apologies if this came off as being holier-than-thou-ish, as I’m not trying to be preachy or shout you down. It comes to my attention that I should’ve expected such a response, looking at my previous post now. Again, I apologize for any offense I caused with my post’s tone; I was not trying to come off as though I were standing on a soap box in the street preaching my opinion like it was the gospel.
Still, at the end of the day, it’s a free country. People can say whatever they like- think whatever they like. If you think this story is about Scribbler expressing her hatred of the Wonderbolts, fine. My opinion is that this is a fic about someone in a bad situation who ran to get help from an old friend, only to be tracked down by their abuser and almost forced back into the bad situation, but was saved by the friend who stood up for them (with the help of a large bear).
I think that had Scribbler chosen to use a group of background ponies unaffiliated with the Wonderbolts, the outrage that people are having over this fic wouldn’t be nearly as uproarious as it has been thus far.
Again, not trying to come across as holier-than-thou, just making my own point known.
8570326 Fair enough. And yeah, the fact that she chose to use Rainbow, Fluttershy, and some unnamed, undescribed Wonderbolt as the characters hurts this fic a lot. Furthermore, at no point in the fic is there anything to suggest that this is domestic abuse because the focus is so much on "since Rainbow became a Wonderbolt." It just comes off as the Bolts (or the Bolt in question) abusing her for years without consequence of any form, in the open. Frankly, none of the characters read in-character. One could remove their names and slap random OCs in place and the fic would not suffer any real loss. Therein lays the major problem of how this was done. So yes, to quite a few of us, this is some cheap sockpuppetry using our favorite characters to pass off a Really Big Important Message and get attention.
I can't speak for everyone who has left a negative comment, but I can tell you for certain that I most definitely do not appreciate that. Hell, I'm not even mad at what I read. I'm disappointed. Disappointed that someone would write something dealing with a very serious issue in such a lazy manner, and annoyed that I wasted my time reading through it when I could have been enjoying something else.
I'm all for serious stories, subtle writing/reading between the lines, and the topic of abuse being examined and handled seriously, but this story fails to do so.
The details of the abuse need to be elaborated on. Yes, the 'author is too subtle really just means the readers are stupid' is an argument that can work on stories, but not this one. The lack of any details on what kind of abuse Dash was facing basically throws everything for a loop and creates too much confusion. The writing is hindered because of it.
The characters are mostly okay, I guess. This story lacks a lot of strong points already, but it really felt off in the part where Dash gives us the only information we're provided with (which isn't enough) really doesn't go well. It needs to be split up with some action because paragraphs that are verbose like that really don't suit her. All the pauses and stuttering/hesitations don't work well on their own, and again, could be much better with body language interjections.
The time frame of years kills this story. No more than two years would this kind of situation play out well if Dash was as abrasive as she was about this, everything would have gone down much differently unless the remaining main cast were scattered to the corners of the world by the wind and couldn't get to her or somethin'. If you're going to write a character like one of the main six into an abusive situation, you need to consider their circumstances, reactions, and all related things. It can even change how they recover.
The identity of Dash's spouse needs a lot of explaining too, because no information supplied here is 'just enough'.
So... this really needs a lot of work. The gaps in the story are like holes someone burned into the pages of an ancient manuscript, they make what's been presented here almost appear unreadable as a result. No vote from me. This wasn't good enough, and it wasn't bad enough either.
8570314
Well, if you look at the Like VS Dislike ratio...
8570377
So every negative thing the comments are saying about this story are lies. Got it.
8570416
Wouldn't go that far, they're pretty much spot on. It's just what the author used in this story that got it to the feature box. Samey90 summed it up for you fairly well I think.
8570423
'Popular Characters', aka, main characters of the show. 'Popular Author', well I can't tell that, and looking through their other stories, some of them didn't get much attention at all. 'Fandom Trope', what trope?
The rest of that comment just sounded like a rant of personal experience.
8570437
Popular Author?
Look at how many followers Obab has.
Fandom trope?
Ron the Death Eater
8570251
Enlighten me then. With your more expansive experience and knowledge of team dynamics, it'll be an easy task.
8570066
Calm down edgelord.
8570297
I think this "story" is more cliche driven than trope.
8570442
Like I said, I can't judge if they're a popular author not. I don't know them. But from what I'm hearing, the events in this story is based off real-life events. And if that's true, I feel so much sympathy for them.
8570445
Hardly a difference. While most tropes are not cliches, cliches are usually tropes. Most specifically, the overused ones.
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8570131
After thinking about it, yeah, you all had some valid points. I apologise if I came across as a bit of a douche earlier, I just needed time to think things over.
What the heck is happening in this comment section?
8570098
Carapace, the tone of your comment is completely uncalled for. Nobody deserves to have their work ripped apart like that. For what exactly? Because you didn't like that it didn't match your worldview, your experiences and your expectations of the characters? I'm not a literary expert but even I can tell this story is not worth the vitrol you spewed at it.
The story may not be perfect but we should be capable of staying civil and have constructive feedback for the author.
I've made the same mistake on someone else's story, writing in outrage why exactly their fanfiction sucked. Several commenters including myself dogpiled onto the author focusing on some political aspect of the story when that was entirely not the point. The author tried to express their feelings through story and I ripped it to shreds. With some help of the author I was able understand my comment was uncalled, but the damage was already done and the author deleted the story.
I hope we can all appreciate the story for what it is and hey maybe it isn't written by a literary expert.
For what it's worth, I had feels and enjoyed it but I'm not a fan of ambigious endings, just tell me what happened dammit!
8570526 It handled a serious issue with little to no grace and turned canon characters into sock puppets. Forgive me if I voice much disdain for such practices, but when you post a fic on a public forum, you open up to have it utterly shredded by any random shmuck on the Internet.