Rainbow Dash proposes to Applejack, but Pinkie reminds her that she needs to find a very special something, for her very special somepony.
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I definitely like the idea behind the marriage tradition; that's a fun bit of world building right there.
The pacing of this story, however, is way, way too lightning fast, hopping from one scene to the next in the blink of an eye. I was also left with a couple of questions by the end. Who officiated the marriage? Where were their friends? From a mechanical standpoint, your writing is good. The text flows nicely without feeling stiff and I don't think I noticed any typos either.
With enough practice, I'm sure you'll make a damn fine writer one day. :3
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Thank you, both for the compliment and the feedback.
Though, to answer your two questions, the ceremony was supposed to take place on the dawn of the wedding, so this isn't actually the wedding yet. If I had continued the story, the wedding would have occurred immediately after. And, their friends aren't there because the ceremony is only meant to be witnessed by the soon-to-be married couple.
This was good.
10418489
Thank you.
We’ve worked together on AzuraKeres’s latest story, so I thought I’d stop by and give your story a read
All in all, given this is your first story, I have to say it’s rather good, especially compared to the average first story on this site. I really like the lore, and AJ comparing RD to a zap apple was very nice as well. However, I agree with Fable that the pacing is too fast for the story to work properly—slowing down and describing more would allow you to build up a richer atmosphere and hook more readers.
Furthermore, I’d advise you against using italics for whole flashback scenes as it’s really unnecessary, and the tilt of the letters makes the text harder to read with the reader’s eyes slipping over large segments of italicised text. Lastly, I also noticed a lot of issues in direct speech punctuation and capitalisation of dialogue tags. I won’t go into detail here for the sake of keeping this comment moderately short, however, if you want, we can talk about it in PMs.
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I'd appreciate if you could tell me what I could have done better in PMs.
10536409
All right, I’ll PM you about it shortly.