After returning from Camp Everfree, Sunset and her friends are in for yet another surprise when they learn of the human Sunset that is living in their world. Can Sunset learn to deal with the permanent effects she has caused to the human world?
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It's nice to see my trust in your abilities was well placed. On to the finale.
8800312
Yeah, I wanted people to also hear Sunset's side and remember that neither of these two girls are in the right. They both kind of meddle in each other lives without permission. So they have to accept this sort of give and take that comes with it.
I also made sure to listen to what people were saying when editing the chapter for final revisions. Wanted to make a point to address the criticisms and try to bring them into the story. The overall plot remained, but the delivery was tweaked a bit to recognize the criticisms.
This was nice, my only problem with this is that I feel like Sunset's relationship with her friends should have played at least a small factor in Sunset's decision making process but she doesn't even mention them.
8800339
Well she does say to Twilight that she was wrong to not include them or think about them.
8800497
No that was Shimmer I'm pretty sure.
8800527
Oh you mean in her decision to return? I think it was one of those "goes without saying" things.
8800540
I guess but she seemed pretty content about staying in Equestria. You'd think she'd talk about how she would miss them. Even just a brief throwaway line would have been fine.
8800551
I suppose I could add something in that makes that more evident.
Edit: and done! I added a few extra lines of dialogue in their exchange at the end that talks about Sunset's friends to make it more obvious that they were a factor in the decision.
it had better be huge....she has much to answer for!....also good work on this chapter. I was half expecting sunset to stay.
8800555
Well that's good, sorry to be such a bother about it but it felt like they were kind of being ignored which stuck out to me.
8800721
Not a bother at all!
8800627
The finale is going to be a big event. I intend every Act to end with a big bang.
I just want her to get punched once then I'd be happy but wish in one hand and all that still love the story and any frustrateshens are directed at the people in the world and not the writter because they have no control over the out come they just write what the see