Braeburned
Appleloosa – Vacation Retreat – Cabin Interior
Creaaak!
Dust rose and settled. Light scattered through the narrow, open doorway in yellow-gray beams. A thick wooden floorboard was covered sporadically with homely hoof-crafted rugs. Oak furniture lingered between a cobblestone fireplace and a series of twin-sized beds.
"Well... uhm..." Twinkleshine stepped in first, blinking into the dimness. "...it's certainly very... cute."
"Hehe! You're right!" Minuette stuck her head in, smiling wide. "A very old grandmare who loves to give out lemon candies kind of cute!" She gasped deeply. "Duaaah! Look at those adorable little beds! And the embroidery on the comforters!" She took a running start, leapt, and landed on a creaking bed with a bounce. "Heeeeeee! I love thick duvets!"
"Shhhh!" Twinkleshine winced. "Minny! Keep it to yourself!"
"Heehee!" Minuette rolled and curled up on the bed like a bright blue feline. "No!"
"Hmmmm..." Lemon Hearts stepped in, nodding lightly at the gradually illuminated walls and floorboards. "Quaint. Simple. To the point."
"Ya like it?" Braeburn stood behind her, smiling. "Once upon a time, these used to be the cabins for the early... early settlers. Keepin' a whole family here weren't exactly comfortable... but as a place to 'go away for a while' on a retreat?" He winked into the dust. "Reckoned it just screamed 'frontier adventure' and all that hooplah!" His teeth twinkled. "You like?"
"Yes!" Minuette said, sitting up on the bed. "We like it very much!"
"But Minuette..." Twinkleshine smiled tiredly. "You like everything."
"Nuh uh!" Minuette pouted. "I like some things more than others!" She cartwheeled off the bed, wrapped her forelimbs around Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts, then nuzzled them both. "And I love you twooooo!"
"Awwwwwww..." Twinkleshine playfully swapped Minuette's shoulder. "Minny! You silly sap!"
Lemon Hearts giggled. "Okay... okay, Minuette. Let's just have a look around and get situated. Once this place is cleaned up, we can relax and chat, alright?"
"Mmmmhmm!" Minuette skipped off and threw the window curtains open, one by one. "Whinny while you work!"
"Oh gosh, Minuette..."
Braeburn smirked. "I'll bring yer things in. How's that sound?"
"Thank you very much, Braeburn," Lemon Hearts said.
"Uhhhhh..." Lyra stood in the doorway. "How about I help?"
"Nah... s'all good!" Braeburn winked. "It's my pleasure to help out!"
"Really." Lyra glared at Lemon Hearts from afar. "I insist."
"Well, alrighty!" Braeburn shrugged, trotting to the wagon parked outside. "It's yer vacation after all."
Lyra's horn glowed as she levitated on bag, then another. "So... how long has this place been around, exactly?"
"Goin' on two and a half years!" Braeburn chirped cheerfully, diving his front body into the wagon. "Built it in the course of twelve months! Good, ol' fashion earth pony ingenuity!"
"Yeesh..." Lyra blinked, hoisting a third bag. "I sorta figured it was a whole lot older."
"I'll take that as a compliment!" Braeburn chuckled. "Truth is, most of the buildings were assembled from the pieces of other structures that used to stand back in Old Town."
"Old Town?"
"Er..." Braeburn blushed slightly. "My pardon. It's the name we Appleloosa folk give to Dodge Junction—to the northeast. It's where most of us ponies hail from... among other places."
"Ahh... a true blue pony pilgrim."
"More like golden! Golden delicious!" Braeburn stacked bags on his flank and smiled. "The bulk of us are apple-farmin' folks! Just like my Ma and Pa and their Mas and Pas before 'em!"
"Do... uh... your parents live with you here?"
"Nope! They're enjoyin' a calm, quiet, relaxin' life of carrier pigeon tamin' far off in upstate Neigh York! Got a lot of customers from Manehattan who pay 'em well. So they're just fine and dandy."
"Huh... fancy that."
"How about you?" Braeburn asked as the two trotted towards the wagon. "What are yer folks up to these days?"
"Eh... nothing much."
"Oh? Life of retirement turnin' out to be dull?" Braeburn asked.
"Nothing like that," Lyra droned, shaking her head. "My parents died in a fire when I was young."
"Hah hah hah!" Braeburn laughed.
Lyra was deadpan.
Braeburn stared at her, smiling muzzle agape. "... ... ...yer kiddin', right?"
"Mmmm..." Lyra slowly shook her head. "Nope."
"Oh..." Braeburn's smile melted. "Oh shoot." His ears drooped. "Shoot." He gulped, shivering and fidgeting. "I just thought... from the way you've been quippin' and sassin'..." A grand wince broke through his jawline. "Awwwww shoot... shoot, I'm so sorry..."
Lyra shrugged. "It's okay. I mean... I'm over it and stuff."
"T'ain't somethin' that a normal pony can just 'get over,' I reckon."
"Eh..." Lyra waved a hoof from side to side. "I've only had my entire lifetime."
"Is that... erm..." Braeburn swallowed a lump down his throat. "...could that be why you and yer pretty filly friends are stayin' here in Appleloosa for?"
"Nah." Lyra shook her head. "We're all here because over a year ago three of us were brutally mindjacked by Queen Chrysalis and made to be her zombie bridesmaids while the rest of Canterlot collapsed into chaos around and on top of us."
"Oh..." Braeburn bit his lip hard as he lingered at the doorframe. "That... uhm..."
"Hey. You're just the tour guide," Lyra said with a shrug. "Just relax and be your normal self." Her nostrils flared as she glared at at yellow figure inside the cabin. "Not all of us can afford to do that."
"You... uh..." Braeburn cleared his throat. "...you've got my deepest sympathies, darlin'. The whole charmin' lot of ya."
"Smoothe," Lyra said with a smirk. "Just be careful how slick you are from now on. The blue-hair'd mare will likely eviscerate you if you go too far."
"I'm confused..."
"Now that's the spirit." Lyra trotted in with her bags. "Welcome to the club. 'Eyyyyyyyyy! Dust! My favorite kind of sediment!"
"Lyra!" Minuette cheered. "They've got an old fashion water pump in here!"
"No kidding? I knew I'd be cranking something on this vacation." Lyra dropped her bags against the wall. One particular wooden beam rattled. "Hmmmm... some parts of the cabin are loose."
"Oh, dun worry none!" Braeburn said cheerfully as he placed a few bags down in the opposite corner. "That just means it has character! These cabins can withstand a sandstorm or buffalo stampede—or both!" He winked at the others. "Reckon we haven't tested it against a rip roarin' Bingo Night!"
The other mares chuckled.
"I'll go get the last few bags! Y'all dun wage a family feud or nothing until I get back!"
"Seriously..." Lyra grimaced, scooting up to the loose beam. "I think a draft is coming through this thing." She tried lifting the thing telekinetically, but failed. So with struggling hooves, she grasped the wooden plank manually and pulled... tugged. "I think... the nails... h-have rusted brittle!"
Crkkkk! She pulled the plank loose, exposing the outer log beams. Instantly, her pupils shrank and her ears twitched to the supposed noise of cricket song.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
The plank—once removed—exposed a veritable colony of spiders, cockroaches, pill bugs, and beetles. They squirmed and skittered in every feasible direction within the wooden walls of the cabin.
"Lyraaaa?" Lemon Hearts called from the opposite side of the interior. "Could you help me move this bed a bit closer to the window?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra paled, struggling not to lose her lunch. She grew faint, teetering left and right... wheezing.
"Lyra?" Twinkleshine's voice echoed. "Is everything okay?"
Lyra took a deep... deep... deep breath...
...and slapped the wooden beam back in place, hiding the squirming horrors.
Twinkleshine trotted up behind her, craning her neck. "Lyra?"
"Ahem!" Lyra stood up, spun around with a smile, and slapped her fetlocks together. "Never better!" With a skip to her step, she trotted to Lemon Hearts and the bed. "Now let's get settled for this bodacious vacation! Woo! Yeah!"
Twinkleshine blinked, standing in place. "Huh... who uses the word 'bodacious' anymore?"
Minuette rolled over on the nearest bed. "Not even me!"
"Right." Twinkleshine gulped. "And that's scary."
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The Walls Have Feelers.
7470527
and legs. many many legs.
Ewww I wouldn't want to stay there anymore, but that is what happens when you reuse stuff like that a bunch.
No. Just, no. Not even once. Smooth, Skirts.
Wait what? What does he have to do wi-
Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh
--Everyone who read this chapter
It'd be amusing if there was a changeling stuck in there.
Wow, Braeburn, new levels of awkward achieved.
At least Lyra will be sung to sleep by the soothing song of all those creepy crawlies.
Spiders. I suspect Lyra's gonna have trouble sleeping with all that NOPE in the air.
7470666 And mandibles, to boot.
7472356 because I can for the damn story that the description promised and the pony and changeling it promised to be about, not the story of a highly ineffective black ops unit and a back story that should be spread out and not dumped all at once in the beginning of the story when this appears to be going to be a long enough story that you don't need to set up every single important fauset of the story in the beginning.
None of this is the story I came here for, and I am so sorry that I am annoyed that the story I was promised has not shown up even slightly except for Applaloosa finally being mentioned at all.
I love back story and such but this is taking it way to far and telling totally different story then what the description has promised me I would be reasoning.
I can loo k past the origin story for the changelings, that was very interesting and had to do with a character that is going to be a main character of story, but then we follow Bon Bon who though is a major character is not the main character this story promised.
All I wan is SOMETHING of the story I was promised after 19 damn chapters.
This is like watching Indiana Jones and theTemple of Doom where the first hour of the movie follows Shortround before he ever met Indy and then the last 30 minutes actually following the title character around on the adventure to story promised.
Do the rest of the girls have Lyra's horrible fear of bugs?
7472494 I thank you for being polite about this, but even with that line the main aspect of the description states the story is about Lyra and her meeting chrysalis and then becoming a super hero, and it took many many more chapters to reach even one of the two main characters mentioned. And we have just barely even mentioned Appleoosa and seem to be quiet a distance from that trip. That means the main thong the description has promised thos story would be about has not happened and will not happen anytime soon.
That mean it has lied about what it is about for the most part.
The authors way of exacuting this story is a very poor way to exacute a story without putting some warning in the description and by placing it in his blog only it is clear he only cares about those who follow him who so fsr seem to be a bunch of yes men who think he can do no wrong by how they attack anyone who complains.
you are the first respond to a negative comment in this comment section that has not been insulting those who are not happy with this story and voice their opinions on it and have actually tryed to be helpful so for that I thank you sir)
Now that we have actually gotten to to one of the promised main characters the story has actually become enjoyable and far more interesting as it seems.to actullu be the story promised.
7472485 I hate to say it, but: don't like, don't read. 2000 (or 3000-4000, if you also read Austraeoh) words of reliable, entertaining, and occasionally beautiful fiction every day is a generous thing to offer for free. Skirts doesn't owe us anything.
Besides, fanfiction is a good way to experiment with weird deviations to the form. Standard story pacing is standard for a reason--it's undeniably effective--but I actually enjoy writing that bucks convention a bit. And by that I don't mean people who don't know how to pace a story, but authors who are aware of the rules they're breaking and consciously trying something new.
7472590
Can you ratchet back the animosity a tad? Ad hominem assumptions are actually not magic.
7474108 he posts a story that promises to focus on one thing and then posts a blog that only his followers would be aware of concerning the unique way he plans to write that story.
Seems my assumption is rather accurate.
All it would take is state in the description the story will take a while to actually get to what it promised but he posted a blog for his followers.
7473959 oh I love the parts concerning the one of the characters I was promised, and now that it has finally starting r to follow her around I don't mind the shift in POV.
O jad an issue with the fact a description that heavily implies most of the focused would be on Lura and Chrysalis and yet spent on not counter how many chapters,, without even a mention of them.
Heck the only issue I had with the opening origin story was that t was broken up into multiple chapters rather then be one single prolouge chapter so it made it seem like the story would start and come back to the origin story.
Huh....interesting....Lyra didn't go into a massive panic attack. She is getting better now that her life is getting on track with her having a music job and such so she's not so negative.
Still knowing those crawlers are in the walla will not do her any good.
7472494
Of imagine they would as well to some extent. I think one of them me tioned having issues with them in one of the scenes in the therapist office.
CRAWING IN MY SKIN
How hasn't someone made that joke yet?
Why do I feel like lemon hearts is going to double cross lyra?