Shellstrings

by shortskirtsandexplosions

It's High Nonsense

Appleloosa – Train Depot

Lyra squinted as she followed her friends through a gust of steam from the stalled locomotive engine. When the mists cleared, she, Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts stood on the lower ramp of the station. Before them stretched two rows of buildings with rustic wooden architecture. A main thoroughfare led through the heart of town with two-story hotels and saloons making up a dense hub to an otherwise threadbare settlement. Beyond the downtown district, a smattering of residential shacks and humble ranch homes dotted the arid landscape. At last, in the nearby valley, there was a thick cluster of apple trees—parted curiously down the middle—and then beyond that there loomed an epic assortment of jagged mountains, tall mesas, sharp buttes, and curvaceous rock formations that dwarfed the humble foreground.

Grinning, Minuette opened her muzzle wide to say something. She immediately coughed, eyes watering. "It's... erm..." A sniff. "A teensy bit dry... eh-heh..."

"And dusty," Twinkleshine added with a blink.

"And hot," Lyra droned. She squinted up at the hazy yellow sky, sniffing. "...does anypony else smell..." She grimaced. "...manure?"

The others looked at her.

"You... uh..." Lyra smiled awkwardly. "You know what they say about the quailty of a town where you can still smell manure in the air." She weathered a raspy chuckle. "I mean... what is this? Medieval times?"

"No... it's our vacation spot." Lemon Hearts tilted her nose up. "It might seem decrepit on the surface, but in its very core there beats a humble heart with the charisma we need to find our center and meditate with positively zero interruptions."

"Oh yeah?" Lyra blinked. "And who told you that?"

"Dr. Shrinkenfurter."

"Ah." Lyra's ears drooped. "Of course." She shrugged the weight of her saddlebags. "Is... uh... Yours Beardedly gonna be here for a personal session with us?"

"No. But he's hired a local expert to assist us with the lessons."

"You don't say..."

"First, though..." Lemon Hearts stepped forward. "We need to get situated."

"We're staying in a hotel," Twinkleshine said. A gulp. "R-right?"

"Well..."

Lyra's eyes hardened on Lemon Hearts.

"Let's just take things one hoof at a time," Lemon nervously said.

"Uhhhhh..." Twinkleshine glanced around. "Weren't we supposed to meet someone here or—?"

Ziiiiiiiip A golden figure suddenly rushed to a stop in front of them, making the mares gasp.

A green-eyed cowcolt grinned wide at them. Tilting his hat back, he reared his front hooves and crooned jubilantly into the air: "Welcome to A—" His eyes crossed, and he doubled over in a coughing fit. Several hacks and wheezes later, he clutched his throat and smiled with a loose tear or two. "S-sorry..." The voice from inside his lungs hissed. "...just came back from the Salt Bar."

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts smiled at him. "Braeburn, I presume?"

He cleared his throat one last time and swung a hoof. "Sure as sugar am!" He winked, then brushed his luscious bangs back under his hat. "The spice of the Apple Family! I'm the town's chosen tour guide, most dependable go-for, and all around rootin'-tootin' apple-buckin' representative! Yeeeeeeeee—" He froze in mid exhale, leaning towards the group while waving his hoof.

"... ... ..." The mares exchanged glances, then squinted at him. "...ha?"

"That's the spirit!" Braeburn pumped a hoof.

Twinkleshine giggled.

"So... I hear y'all are lookin' for a place to relax and get yer noggin's all square?"

"Erm... yes..." Lemon Hearts nodded. "We're here on the Canterlot Central Therapy Program—"

"Dayum skippy!" Braeburn's green eyes flashed. "Lemme guess! Doc Scamfarter sent ya?"

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Uhhh..." Lemon Hearts coughed. "Yes... although it's 'Doctor Shrinkenfurter'."

"Huh..." Braeburn lifted his hat and scratched his golden scalp. "Funny. T'ain't what the last group of folks called him when they left." He shrugged. "Ah well!"

Lyra raised the other eyebrow.

"Well, I reckon ya darlin' hens are mighty tuckered out from yer long train trip outta central Equestria!" He pivoted about with a chivalrous grin. "So how 'bout I lend a hoof by takin' the weight of them bags for ya?"

"Awwwww..." Twinkleshine smiled, hiding a blush as she hoofed him her things, followed by Minuette. "That's so sweet of ya!"

"You... erm..." Lemon Hearts blinked. "You're gonna take us to where we're staying?"

"Right you are!" Braeburn stiffened his legs as he took on the weight of the three bags across his flank. "But I figured a brief tour of downtown might be the right thang to get y'all situated all nice and proper!" He turned towards Lyra. "Ahem..." He pointed at the stack of bags. "You too, Missy. Just pile it on."

"Uhhhhhh..." Lyra cleared her throat. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"No-o-o-onsense!" Braeburn chuckled breathily. "If I can haul six bushels of apples to and from the barn, then I sure as Tart can handle a pretty unicorn's lady thangs!"

"Alrighty then..." Lyra shrugged and telekinetically tossed her saddlebags onto his spine. "Suit yourself."

Whump!

"Ooooof-siesss!" The stallion's green eyes bulged as he nearly collapsed on his chest. His legs buckled, quivered, then finally pushed straight. "Guhhhh... whew...!" Sweating, heaving, he squinted Lyra's way. "What do ya got in this thang? A piano?"

"Close. More like a harp." Lyra smirked. "But—hey! Nice to have a strong, strapping stallion like you to ease my uterus pains!"

Lemon Hearts tossed her a stealthy glare.

"Errrr..." Lyra gulped. "In other words, thanks. Very... uhhh... alpha of you?"

"Sure. Whatever." Wheezing, Braeburn caught his breath and marched towards the heart of town on bent legs. "Aa-aa-aanyways... let's see the sights! If y'all have any questions, then feel free to toss 'em my way! Just... guh... dun toss 'em too hard."

Minuette raised her hoof, smiling sweetly.

"Yes, sugar-child?"

Minuette lowered her hoof and chirped: "There's a Salt Bar?"

Comments

[IceKitsune]

Oh boy Braeburn is going to be sooo much fun!

If it wasn't before I think it's now completely obvious that Doctor Shrinkenfurter is in fact a complete fraud.

[Lightning Bearer]

"Lemme guess! Doc Scamfarter sent ya?"

That's one heck of a Fraudian slip.

[Razzy]

>Doctor Scamfarter

That does not bode well.

[Leftover of Saikano]

I'm sure no one expected Braeburn to make an appareance in the Appleloosa part of the book.

[The_K_Man]

"Close. More like a harp." Lyra smirked. "But—hey! Nice to have a strong, strapping stallion like you to ease my uterus pains!"

Most people don't know the difference between a harp and a lyre, and I doubt Lyra likes explaining this to every new stranger. Aside from the lyre, I wonder whose packed lightest out of the group.

[Scorch215]

Is a Lyra that heavey? I've never used one but they look rather small so I don't think they would weigh all that much (I could be wrong)

[Metal Aura]

Lyra raised the other eyebrow.

I thought that raising an eyebrow implied lowering the other one, no?

[Hap]

"Dayum skippy!" Braeburn's green eyes flashed.

I know I'm waaaaaaay behind the current story, but I'm guessing that Braeburn is a changeling.

I'll be wrong, of course.