Shellstrings

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Thrifty

One Week Later...

"Lyraaaaaaaaaa...?" Bon Bon called across the apartment. "Did you pack your toothbrush?"

A voice echoed from the hall. "For the eleventieth time! I did all of my packing days ago!"

Bon Bon squinted. "Are you sure you've packed it, though?"

"What?" Lyra hobbled into the foyer, carrying two bulging saddlebags. "You don't believe I'm capable of planning stuff ahead of time?"

"I just want to make sure that you've got everything, Lyra," Bon Bon said with a sigh. "You're going someplace to relax and be at ease. The least amount of hitches—the better. Don'tcha think?"

"Bon Bon, I think you're the one stressing unnecessarily," Lyra said with a smile. "I packed my toothbrush! It's alright!"

Bon Bon exhaled. She leaned back against a wall of the living room. "Okay. That's... uh... that's good."

Lyra's eyes narrowed. "Why are you so worked up anyways?"

"I guess I can't help it..."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "You think I'm gonna pull some stunt in Appleloosa and ditch Lemon Hearts and the rest of my gal pals, don't ya?"

"What? No!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs with a frown. "That's not what I'm thinking at all!"

Lyra giggled slightly. "You know, Bae..." She leaned in with a wink. "If you're so freaked out, I'm sure there's an extra seat or two on the train. You can come with."

Bon Bon blinked.

"That way, you'd have an eye on me," Lyra said. "You could enjoy the dry, desert air. Late at night... we'd go out into the field and tip over sleeping buffalo..."

"I... uh..." Bon Bon gulped. "I can't."

"Can't? Or won't?" Lyra smirked. "Because I wouldn't want to be hanging around a couple of changeling-rattled crackpots either."

Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "It's not that, Lyra. I've just... just..." She cleared her throat. "I've got business here in Ponyville."

"Ah. Of course." Lyra nodded. "That candy store is gonna run your life raw, isn't it?"

Guiltily, Bon Bon glanced to the side. She fidgeted. "Yeah... the candy store..."

"Hey." Lyra shrugged. "It beats your past life. You deserve to relax, girl. No more dangerous monster-hunting for you. Learn to embrace it."

"Uhm... uh huh..." Bon Bon fluffed her mane and not-so-stealthily changed the subject: "What about a canteen?"

"A what?"

"Y'know... for putting water in?"

"Is this part of the 'toothbrush' equation?"

"I'm serious, Lyra."

"When are you not?"

"It's a desert. You're gonna be parched." Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "Appleloosa is a town of almost zero humidity. It won't feel quite as hot as some other parts of Equestria, but—trust me—that's an illusion. You need to stay hydrated."

"Eh..." Lyra shrugged. "I'll hit a few Dr. Pony vending machines between here and there."

"Lyraaaaaaaa—"

"Yeesh, Bon Bon. A canteen? Who am I? Lyra of Saddle Arabia?"

"Brushing your teeth is one thing. Dying of dehydration is another."

"Alright. Fine. Sheesh." Lyra rolled her eyes. "I'll grab myself a canteen."

Bon Bon smiled with relief. "Uhm... I-I think you can find something small and portable over at Barnyard Bargains."

"Yeah. Uh. No thank you."

"Oh please..." Bon Bon stared at her with a bored expression. "Don't tell me you're still boycotting that place."

Lyra shrugged. "So sue me if I'd rather give money to the little guy."

"Like where did you have in mind?"

---

Ponyville – Local Thrift Store

Thump!

Derpy Hooves slapped a red metal cylinder onto the counter top at the far end of her store.

"Ta-daaaaa!" She smiled in opposite directions. "There you have it, Lauren! Your very own canteen!"

Lyra blinked. "Uhhhhhhh..." She shifted the weight of her saddlebags and pointed. "Miss Hooves? I think that's for putting out fires."

"Heehee! Silly pony! Of course you can do that with water if you want!"

"No. I mean seriously." Lyra rolled the heavy item around and pointed at its pressure gauge. "This is for storing flame retardant chemicals. If I drank from this, I'd become a sexy face in the classifieds ad the next day."

"Uhhhhhh..." Derpy blinked. "...why would you wanna drink from it?"

Lyra sighed. "It's just like I told you, Miss Hooves. I'm going to Appleloosa. Y'know... the desert?" She raised an eyebrow. "I need to keep myself well hydrated so I can live long enough to be guilt-tripped by my roommate into doing other redundant stuff."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh..." Derpy blinked. "That sounds like a complicated relationship!"

Lyra sighed. "It has its fuzzy ups and downs." A slight smile. "But I'm certainly not complaining."

"It must be nice having friends."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have friends, Miss Hooves?"

"I have muffins. But I can't easily make friends with them for long," the pegasus said cheerfully. "Friends don't let friends cannibalize on each other."

"Uhhhhhh..."

"Anywhinny, lemme find you a canteen!" Derpy plunged into a pile of second-hoof stock that she had piled up behind the counter. The dimly-lit shop echoed with the sounds of her rummaging through things. "A musician like you deserves to have her whistle wet at all times! Heehee!"

Lyra leaned against the counter with a sigh. While Derpy kept searching, she spoke: "You get a lot of business around here, Derpy?"

"Hmmm?" A muffled voice reverberated from behind the stacked detritus. "What was that, Lauren?"

"I asked if this store's doing well... if you don't mind me asking."

"Oh! Oh, that's fine! Heheh! Uhhhh... well..." Derpy's head poked out of the mountain of junk. "Lots of ponies show up to sell stuff. And... well... I-I don't always have the bits to pay them. Sooooooooo... I do lots and lots of stuff on the side to get the money to make it worth their while!"

"Wowsers. No rest for the bubbly, huh?"

"Nope! Heehee!"

"Guess that explains the deliveries you make from Canterlot," Lyra said. "But... like... is it all worth it? Just to keep this place afloat, I mean?"

"Oh... I don't mind!" Derpy rummaged and rummaged. "I get lots of exercise! I see lots of sights and sounds—and ponies! I lovvvvvvve ponies!"

"Heh." Lyra smirked. "Who doesn't?"

"Which is why I was inspired to start the Romantic Counseling Office upstairs!" A gray hoof pointed up through the mess. "Bringing ponies together means more littler ponies in the future! Heehee! If you know what I mean."

"Oh right. I think I remember you telling me about that." Lyra swallowed. "Soooooooo... how is that going?"

"Oh! Splendid! I've already had a bunch of clients!"

"Yeah?" Lyra leaned forward. "Have you been able to hook them up with a special somepony?"

"Well... I dunno... none of them have bothered to reschedule yet—"

Just as Derpy said this, the door opened with a rattling bell noise. Heavy hooves rumbled across the wooden floor.

Derpy stole a peek. "Oooh!" She sat up straight. "Speak of the dragonequus! There's my first returning client now!" She waved a hoof. "Hiyaaaaaaaa, Thunder In Paradise! Nuzzled any cheeks as of late? Heeheehee—"

"Can it, marble-eyes!" A stallion sneered, red in the face. "And it's Thunderlane! Thunderlane! Get that through your thick skull already!"

Lyra winced as Derpy stood up straight. "Errrrrr..." Derpy smiled nervously. "Is there a problem...?"

"Is there a problem?!? I'll tell you what's the problem!" Thunderlane shook an angry hoof. "Your crummy 'romance advice' nearly made me a laughing stock of this entire town!"

"What? No way!" Derpy pouted. "But Miss Flufflefuzz was such a good match for you!"

"Grrrrrrrrr..." Thunderlane gritted his teeth, hissing. "Miss Flufflefuzz is a six year old purse dog belonging to Matilda Doodle, you stupid gray pigeon!" He stomped his hooves. "And by the moment I found out, that lady's crazy donkey husband thought I was trying to hit on his spouse! I nearly got a rusted horseshoe shoved up my flank! All because I was coerced into hitting on a dog!"

"Well, all things considered, Thunderlane." Lyra winked. "Knowing you, that's a bit of an upgrade for you, don't ya think?"

"Gnngh—shut up!" Thunderlane huffed and puffed. "I'm serious!" He pointed a hoof across the counter. "Stay as far away from this mare as you can! She's got the romantic instincts of a damned tube worm!" His eyes narrowed. "If it didn't risk ruining my reputation, I'd make sure the whole town heard about your stupidity and stayed away from this place for good!"

With a flick of his tail, Thunderlane marched straight out the thrift store and slammed the door behind.

Lyra winced. "Criminy..." She brushed her bangs back. "Whelp... scratch off one background pony from the 'cool' list."

"Ohhhhhhh muffing crumbs." Derpy stared at the floor with a long face. "Did I mix up my notes again?" A sigh. "I could have sworn that Flufflefuzz was a shy, demure, elegant pegasus with a love for animals and long quiet walks by the river."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra cleared her throat. "...I think you did right by the dog, actually."

"I had everything together too." Derpy sighed into her hoof. "I just don't know what went—"

"Uh uh." Lyra shook a hoof. "Don't de-evolve into catch phrases, Miss Hooves." She smiled hopefully. "So you made a mistake. So what? Considering all the stuff you juggle, it's bound to happen once or twice. It's no reason for you to give up on the whole love advice biz."

Derpy looked up, eyes wobbling. "You think so?"

"Sure! Why not?" Lyra smiled. "All you're wanting to do is make ponies happy. So why quit now?"

"Hmmmm..." Derpy managed a slight smirk. "You're right, Lauren. I'm on a mission from Goddess!"

"That's the spirit!"

"After all, I just know that I hit it right with that client I had yesterday!" Derpy resumed rummaging through the bric-a-brac. "What a shy, soft-spoken mare she was, too. Good thing I hooked her up with a dashing, handsome earth pony named Stephen Magnet!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra squirmed. Her eyes wandered... wandered—then landed on a round container lying on a shelf above the shopkeeper. "Oh hey! Check it out!"

Derpy looked up. "Huh?"

"Right there!" Lyra pointed at the canteen in open view. "How many bits for that?"

Derpy squinted at it, then looked back at her customer. "You mean the fire extinguisher?"

"... ... ... yes." Lyra cleared her throat. "Gotta... keep Appleloosa from burning down." Her ears twitched. "Dang coyotes are pyromaniacs, y'know."

"Five bits!"

"Sold." Lyra slapped the coins down and gladly took the canteen from Derpy. "And if you want my advice, Miss Hooves... if you're doing what you love for a living? Don't ever stop."

"Heehee! Sure thing!" Derpy waved. "So long, Lauren! It's been a pleasure serving you!"

"Heh... pleasure..." Lyra pocketed the canteen and shuffled reluctantly towards the front door. "That's something I'm gonna really miss this week..."

Comments

[terrycloth]

She she works in a thrift store, the shipping industry, and also delivers packages.

[Derpmind]

No offense, but I am not a fan of this portrayal of Derpy. She's like a, ah, cartoon character. She's like a cartoon character, but in a bad way. She's less a character and more a bunch of not-believable quirks for the sake of comedy. Problem is, it's hard to find her funny when she seems so out-of-place. Every other character is meant to be a believable person, but the Derpy here is just implausible to the point where reading her constantly reminds me that I'm reading a joke character in a story.

[mastermenthe]

7436802

She she works in a thrift store, the shipping industry, and also delivers packages.

I smell a pun, but i can't find it.
What's the punchline?

[zaponator]

Now I just want Lyra to exclusively use her superpowers to make Derpy happy. It's just too dang adorable.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Lyra of Saddle Arabia?

Not like that would be a bad thing at all, to be honest.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Lightning Bearer]

I'm looking forward to seeing what Derpy's role in the superheroism to come is. Is she gonna be Lyra's Lucius Fox?

[IceKitsune]

Ok so Derpy is basically a combination of Fallout Equestria (runs a shop/thrift store),Shipping and Handling (she is a matchmaker) and her likely in show job (Delivery/Mailmare). That is kind of interesting, I'm really wondering (and hoping) if she will end up becoming something more than a joke character though.

[Razzy]

... Yeah, I'd say Derpy did well with Thunderlane.

[QueenMoriarty]

pointed at its pressure gaze.

gauge

[The_K_Man]

"I have muffins. But I can't easily make friends with them for long," the pegasus said cheerfully. "Friends don't let friends cannibalize on each other."

Eating your friends is the hardest.

[Xarchels]

"Lyraaaaaaaaaa...?" Bon Bon called across the apartment. "Did you pack your toothbrush?"

A voice echoed from the hall. "For the eleventieth time! I did all of my packing days ago!"

So you didn't brush your teeth for days ?!

[Scorch215]

Well did not expect a few meta jokes in the story what with the crack about a background pony not being cool and such.

7437491
That's what I am thinking as well, or at least supply clerk who has no clue she is supplying gear to a super hero as she seems to have a vast assortment of goods thanks to people always selling and never buying. She probably is a gold mine for useful items if you take the time to dig for them.

[Nostromo_Crew]

7436816
Well you might not like his portrayal of Sweetie Brick- er I meant Belle.

[Spiritus Arcane]

"Hmmmm..." Derpy managed a slight smirk. "You're right, Lauren. I'm on a mission from Goddess!"

Well, she certainly drives like a Blues Brother...