I think I'll just put the whole thing in spoilers this time, and be very careful with my post, as apparently comments are broken at the moment and can't be edited.

You've definitely improved on the emotional impact of the fifth chapter, though you did include the tail end of a rape scene in the process. Tastefully-enough handled, as far as the subject ever can be. You've brought that queasy feeling back to my stomach that I always had in Chapters 2-4, and with the return of that stress and Twilight's clear discomfort with how she finds relief, it overpowers the sense of hope that Luna's presence would otherwise provide. It's gone from a clear light at the end of the tunnel to simply emphasizing how broken Twilight is, while still foreshadowing that eventual conclusion.

It also now feels clear that Twilight loses herself because she wants to - she doesn't want to be the one that stands up and fights any more. She's too worn down. The progression of her loss of self is clearer now, in that. Though maybe that strong impression comes from me having only read Chapter One and Chapter Five this time, to see the edits. I think you have a clear trend or theme of exhaustion and surrender here, but you might lose track of it slightly in the interim. Or maybe you've fixed it now, and I'm being overly critical on that point. I'd have to re-read it fully to say for certain, and I'm not doing that until I either pare down my "read later" backlog a little, or finish a project or two of my own.

Two other quick notes. Nice, simple explanation of Twilight's safety measures failing in Chapter One. She still ought to have warded the passages to the caves, but that's a believable oversight if her concerns were Timber Wolves. It also clarifies that Twilight was taken by something inside the caves. Also, I notice that Two talks like a Diamond Dog. If he is, how does Twilight not notice and comment on it? I understand she was blindfolded, but she did spend part of the walk pressed up against him - though maybe she was just too worn out to think about it. Also, if I'm right about the Diamond Dog thing, I applaud you for making MLP's monsters monstrous. The trend seems to be to lighten them further and turn them into gags or sympathetic characters. And what's a fantasy setting without proper monsters?

Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers...

3820692
Thank you once again for your commentary. I did want to explain one thing...

"And remembers, the two of you takes care of each others when it's times," said the amethyst stallion

Two's not a Diamond Dog.

Now, to the rest, thank you for your thoughts, your feedback, your everything! I've really appreciated your posts. I'll have a re-examination of 2-4 just in case...

3821554 Ah. I overlooked that line, it seems.

I wonder if Twilight will ever escape (or get rescued) from these slave caves The prospect of being a broodmare for some brute savages for the rest of her days is definitely not a pleasant one. With her physical and mental condition already in shambles, the eventual recovery will certainly be anything but easy, or quick I only hope that there will be some light at the end of the tunnel

Also, why are those slavers living in caves where they can grow only fungi? Isn't the outside world vast enough for them to live? Or maybe they are the descendants of ponies from some perilous times long past (seeing as some of them are crystal ponies, perhaps from the age of slavery when Sombra reigned?) and simply don't know that the outside world is already safe (not to mention more civilized)? You better resolve this in the future chapters

You should consider submitting this for a review, along with some of your other fics.

3860178
That seems like a good idea. Feedback is nice.

Stand by for review

Congrats! Your story as been reviewed.

This awesome link right here!

Also, here is a Dirty Sapphire from the Gem Hunters! (You see what I did there?)
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/003/8/2/dirty_gems_by_shiranuishiningstar-d70oqab.jpg

Finally started reading this and it is fucked up.

I love it.

I want an update!

4244595
I want a cure for writer's block!

It's weird, I keep getting blocked with this and Salvation.

4244618 Go outside and start running like if Molestia herself targeted you as prey.

4244635
I don't understand why I should run from this.

4244638 Okay then... Replace 'Molestia' with 'Iron Will'.

4244645
Still not seeing the problem...

4244653 Oh, screw it. Replace 'Iron Will with 'a hydra. In heat. With four ***** and an oversized ******** with *******s that flap like ***** ****** when she ***** *** ****** in you.'

4244670
I'll exhaust myself running from that!

Teasing, of course.

4244677 I'd exhaust myself running towards that.

This track fits perfectly as this story's theme.

4540678

This one too.

4846170 I like this one. It really reminds me of 'The Legend of Edmund Fitzgerald' in terms of music.

Uhhh... Wow. You weren't kidding about this one. While it is well-written, if a bit rushed in the jump from the first chapter to Twilight waking up in the cage, this is officially the darkest thing of yours I've read. Poor Twi.

Have another upvote! (I'll have to read and hopefully fave something of yours that isn't too dark for me. )

Just wish I could know how you had planned to end this.

You know, this may sound weird but when I 1st saw the title I thought it was going to be a story where Twilight goes on vacation and finds a island with lesbian ponies. There she will learn to love and understand herself and discover that loving mares and maybe fillies as well isn't a bad thing. This was a sadder story instead, but I hope that one day you come back to it and complete it with Twilight escaping with her magic back, and her rescuing all the crystal ponies and slaves there that may be a remainder from when Sombra controlled the Crystal Empire.