The Legend of the Sapphire Cave

By; somebadauthor

Reviewers tags: Dark (very!), rape, Mature

Holly smokes! That story... I read the first chapter and I was instantly sucked in! It's hard for me to find stories like that. Especially today. Let me just say that though the story is on Hiatus, it still leaves you with that feeling of "What! No! That can't be! NOOOOO!!!" That is one way to end a good/great Dark story. Beware: No Happy Endings Here!

Dear Princess Celestia,

Sometimes, I just want to be an ordinary pony with ordinary problems. I thought the time off we discussed, and maybe some independent research, would help me feel more like myself in the wake of all the danger and incredible circumstances I've been put through.

I've studied all the possibilities, and come to a conclusion: there is literally no way I could have been more wrong.

Have you ever been tired for your friends and family? Did you ever just want to get away and be on your own for a bit? Did you ever get more then what you have bargained for. even if you did not want it?

In this story, all those questions are answered "yes". somebadauthor proves her name. "bad" as in so good and terrible that you have to cringe and cry in despair.

In this story, Twilight goes off to find an accent cave; a cave that is fabled as myth. Just like the Mare in the Moon Mare's Tale. Good thing we know that all Mare's Tails are in fact true. Especially since all goes wrong when Twilight finds it, did I mention she is alone when she does?

A story that will break you in the core, especially if you love Twilight as best pony. You read this, and will wish death is and will be an answer. Slavery is recognized for the brutal and inhuman/pony practice it is.

Narrative: 10/10

In this story, there where some grammar errors that I found, mostly forgotten words and missing punctuation. I only found a couple though, and for sentence structure... It felt smooth. Here are the couple errors I found, at least they distracted from the story.

(Location: Chapter one: Second Paragraph after first break.

{but the more-or-less straight walls were close enough enough that only two ponies could walk in side-by-side.}

Error: Should be a comma between enough, enough.)

and

(Location: Chapter 3; Paragraph twelve.

{"Oops! I gotta go! Twelve's going to have my hide unless I'm too late!}

Error: Does not fit the situation or make sense. Like its missing a word)

These where the only two that caught my eye. When I found them it distracted me from the reading, and pulled me out of the smooth reader zone. Other then that, I was speed rolling through the story wanting more... still do to.
Grammar 8/10

Lets see, I'll bullet point the first part.

POV: 1st person.
Dark Type: Passive Despair

OK, now I'll talk on some more deep maters.

We have many characters, and they all play an important role. Don't feel to attached to them though, because you will get no background tho who they are. In this story, that is a good thing. The story is about the horror Twilight goes through, not the people she is with.

The description is rather vague, just enough to tell you what is going on; letting the reader use their own intelligence. In my opinion, there needs to be more stories like that in the world. He shows what is going on, and lets you read in between the lines.

If you want to feel like a smart person, read this story. If you want to feel like a terrible person, read this story. somebadauthor's style will get you.
Style: 8/10

Have a quote from something you read earlier.

We have many characters, and they all play an important role. Don't feel to attached to them though, because you will get no background tho who they are.

It's true. All you really need to know is Twilight Sparkle and her personality and thoughts. Some would say she is OOC in this story, but nope... she is not. The skill the writer had put in this work helps her develop into a new person completely, and in a way you will understand.

As for the other characters in the story, they are not empty. No never empty, for there are clues to there pasts... very minor, but there. Each character is written in a way that makes you feel that there is something more to them... yet it does not matter.

Development of character in this story is done rather well, and I can't think of ways to improve upon that.
Characters 9/10

Let me play out a rag bit here as in a list of what this story has that others do to, then a list of what this story has that others don't.

Common:
1. Twilight get abducted
2. Twilight gets raped
3. Twilight gets abused in so many ways its hard to count
4. Twilight can't use Magic

Less common:
1. Twilight is enslaved
2. Twilight has it with a foal (No, its not glorified!.. gall, its even shamed in story)

Uncommon
1. Twilight seeses to exist - Read story to find out why and how.

Now put all those in a combination theorem and you get a fairly common and amazing story. Yes you have read stories that similar things happen, but not quite like this! You would expect a Daring Do adventure with this story, not a crazy mind splitter story.

Originality 7/10

Narrative 10/10
Grammar 8/10
Style: 8/10
Characters 9/10
Originality 7/10

Total: 42

42!

3080496
Thank you for this review. Being my own editor is probably what led to missing the problems you pointed out.

And I am glad the story managed to earn a little praise, as well.